It’s Saturday, I am waking up on the couch. Not the way I expect this morning to go. The Boy got sick yesterday at his birthday party! They had played video games, hopped in the hot tub (as they said) ate a snack and as I was making dinner the boy ran through the kitchen to the bathroom to throw up. They had been playing video games with The Hubs, after he puked he went back out to the family room where they were playing and continued. I thought maybe an allergy or from excitement, he had no fever but then threw up again (and twice more before his friends actually left) and I decided we had to call the parents and have them pick up their boys. The Boy was not even in the mood to party he didn’t even want to open presents, poor kid. . We cut the cake and let the other kids have some cake and opened presents and they left. I think he puked 10 or more times by midnight.
The Girl had a sleepover planned with her Best friend and we had to cancel. The two girls had talked about having their first sleepover the night of the Boys party (I usually let opposite kid invite one friend over during the other siblings birthday to give them something to do to not bother the other’s party). She was so disappointed, I think more than The Boy. Both of my kids are pretty good at going with the flow so The Girls reaction caught me off guard. Her and her Best friend haven’t had a chance to have a sleepover yet, they decided to miss another girls birthday party for the chance to spend the night alone. So when it was canceled she was stuck by herself. There was still the party both girls could have gone to but The Girl was so upset she hadn’t decided if she wanted to go until about 9pm. I told her that it was probably too late and wasn’t very nice to plan not to go to a party to spend time with someone else and then when it doesn’t work out decide to go all of a sudden. Maybe her other friend wouldn’t mind though…
Things don’t always go as planned. Having a back up plan is fine but I feel bad when it is a person who is the back up plan. I guess it would not have been bad to let the Girl go to her friends party but I just felt that wasn’t the best way to be friends. If you make other plans that don’t work out how does that other person feel being the “back up friend” maybe she would have just been thankful to have seen The Girl anyway… Everyone has plans that fall through. Sometimes you just have to deal with it and others it is fine to fall back on the back up plan. I guess it would have been fine for the girl to have gone as long as it is not the only time she spends with that friend.
In life you have to roll with the punches. Sometimes you just have to deal with disappointment you don’t always get the opportunity of a back up plan. It sucks to be the friend that everyone comes to hang out with when no one else is available, but at least you get to see the friends. I always leave invitations open. If you already have other plans when I invite I don’t take it personal but I always leave the door open, if things change give me call you are more than welcome to join. But if we had plans and then something else came up and you bail on me because something more exciting comes up I may feel like I am a back up friend but be honest! It is pretty chickenshit (couldn’t think of a better word) to say “oh I don’t have a babysitter” and then see photos of them hanging out with someone else on Facebook or hear it from another friend. Please just be honest no reason to lie I won’t take it personally and niether should you. Or the worst is when you tell Friend B that you already have plans (with Friend A) and can’t go to their party and then friend A,”doesn’t have a sitter” and bails on you for the Friend B party. If Friend A would have been honest all of you proabably could have spent the time together! Keep your word and be honest, that is what I am trying to teach my kids.
I am the type of person, we are the type of household where friends are always welcome. I don’t really get upset being the back up friend, I don’t take it personal I am just thankful to have friends to spend time with at my house or your house or Friend B’s house regardless of the original plans, usually, there are those instances I want to do what I want to do then I am on my own and we’ll see you next time. It kind of goes back to the whole don’t take things personal. But if I am the one you are calling when everyone else is busy but you don’t keep or ever make plans with me don’t expect me to be waiting for you all the time and then get mad when I am not.
Friends are important and are always welcome! Friends are the family you choose! Just know, there is a limit to what one person can do and be there for you. There is a quote that goes something like, “don’t cross oceans for someone who won’t cross the street for you” Which is a good lesson to learn. With that said, however, you cannot keep score or expect you friends to be there for you as much as you are for them if you wait for them to even out the give and take you
may will be disappointed. You should be the type of friend you want them to be and in the end it will may (or may not work out) but you can look into the mirror and say I am a good friend. Even when they are not there for you. One day you will need a friend and the one who is there may surprise you. Maybe you haven’t always been there for them and they will out of no where step up and help you out and you will be surprised and you will probably feel bad that you haven’t’ been there for them but just know in the end the score doesn’t matter. People and friends matter. Be the type of friend you want and you will have many friends to love and who love you.
Be the best type of friend to your spouse, don’t make them the back up friend! Spend time just the two of you going out but also spend time with other friends and couples. If you are best friends with your spouse you will never feel lonely and when those “back up friends” bail on you it won’t be so bad! It will give you more alone time and you know what that means with your spouse…bow chick a bow wow!