So I was getting ready to go out for a run, I really need a run! As I sat down on the toilet for my last pee before heading out, I opened up Facebook, yes I am guilty of Facebooking on the toilet, don’t judge me, you are too! Anyway, as I was scrolling through I came across an article about Fifty Shades of Grey and how it is bad for marriages. I disagree with this article and with anyone judging what is good for or not good for any marriage that is not theirs. My marriage is mine to manage and your marriage is yours to manage. I am trying to be careful not to offend anyone..aka not lose followers or readers… but we all know that I am slightly incapable of doing so, so I should just say what I feel. Which is what will happen anyway, I will try to leave the justification out of it and the attempt to make me feel like there is no way you can judge me negatively because of my view point and all my back up justifications about my opinion. Basically you may disagree and if so, know that it is OK with me for you to disagree. You don’t have to do things my way. You do you! Do what works for you and your marriage.
So, it was said that “Fifty Shades of Grey” or any erotica or pornography leads to sexual desire outside your marriage. I can see that if the person is doing this alone or with someone that is not their partner. However I believe the opposite when done together. The Hubs and I use porn at times to help our stimulate our sexual desire. It is not causing anything except the two of us getting excited for each other. Maybe I am completely off base and I just have the wool pulled over my face but reading sexual stories or looking at sexually charged images are not giving me a desire for the dude in the picture or anyone else for that matter. It is giving me ideas of what we can do for and with The Hubs who is right there with me. I think, if used properly a couple can stimulate their marriage and keep attraction to each other high by these tools. Does this make me an adulterer? I don’t think so.
I started to read the Fifty Shades book, I liked it. I got to the middle of the book right around the contract area for those who have read it and kind of lost interest actually, no, I got busy or something. I have ADD it is hard for me to finish any books, and I would rather spend the time reading stories with my husband and having our own romantic and sexual explorations with him than read it in a book. And for him it was too slow to read together. So for me Fifty Shades of Grey didn’t intercept my sexual attention or any of my attention from him anyway. For my single friend, one who read it and the rest of the trilogy, she loved them and couldn’t put them down, partly because she was alone most of the time because she didn’t have a husband to play with at night or during down times. But no one will ever convince me that erotica is bad for a marriage especially when the Hubs and I enjoy each other so much. As for my single friend I don’t think it affected her relationships except to give her some things she would like to try with her next BF or maybe one day a husband.
Life is tough! We have jobs, bills, rooms to clean, laundry to get done, dishes, someone has to make dinner, kids to get to practices, the Hubs coaches 2 out three of the Boy’s sports he is busy with work and he teaches classes in his trade and I am a mom do I need to say more…runny noses, kids being mean to my kids…the list goes on. By the time kids get to bed at 9 or so we are both tired. Porn or erotic stories spice up our lives and gives us that energy to put into each other sexually. Our sex life started out rocky. It kind of sucked! I think that growing up afraid of sex, which I don’t think was all bad, I didn’t end up a pregnant teen or with a man who doesn’t love me, but that made it hard for me to get into sex as a young adult. So, when the Hubs and I were together and become adults and start to have sex, I was afraid of it. I was taught sex was bad. You don’t have sex unless you are married but once you are married what do you do and how does it become good? A dilemma that will stick with me as I raise my children into adults. How to raise smart kids who don’t get pregnant but not make them afraid of sex…
I also know that not having experience prior to meeting and marrying my husband led to a little bit of awkwardness and not knowing how to get what I wanted or being able to tell the Hubs about it. Talking about sex was taboo, just as sex was taboo and when I made that transition into adulthood, no one gave me permission to be okay with sex so I really never was. Until one day, who knows what happened I don’t but I just was OK with it. (I think a quick talk to an older sister of a high school beau of mine helped that transition a bit) At first, sex hurt, I had sexual dysfunction as a 21 year old! Thankful for Berman and Berman two Doctor sisters who had done studies on Sexual dysfunction in women! I happen to watch them on Oprah and learned a lot of the mechanics of sex and sexual dysfunction but still had reservations. Sex finally got good after the birth of my second child when I finally got into it. I don’t know what shifted but that is when I finally got pleasure and wanted to have sex. I have always been told sex is good but I hadn’t really felt that until then. I don’t know what switched in me. I think it was me realizing I was an adult and it was okay to make up my own mind and believe what I felt was right not just what someone else told me to believe was right. I became of woman right then!
Sex is very intimate and emotional but there are also those times it is raw and emotion free and just feels good! I never understood the idea of friends with benefits or people who could just have one night stands but now I do. It took me long time for that. Not that I advocate cheating but I have heard men (and women too) say I just wanted sex, my wife won’t give it to me so I went to a brothel or people who claim “it was just sex”. Is that even real? Part of me says no not possible but I do know now that I think it is. I have learned with the Hubs that there are times I want to punch him because he makes me so mad and I hate him so much (the P!NK song True Love explains this to a T) but put me in the corner of the couch and I can forget that in just a few short seconds of his hands and his tongue and his manness on and in my body!
Yes sometimes we use porn to spice up our sexual game. Desire sometimes is hard when you have a crazy busy life. I know you mom’s have been in the act and heard the dryer go off and just wanted him to finish so you could get them before they have wrinkles on them and the clothes in the washer need to be switched over so you don’t forget and end up with that old laundry smell on your clothes. Or as your husband when your husband are in doing it doggy style and you are looking at his pile of clothes he throws on the floor next to your bed, “are those clean or dirty?” We have all been there, if you say no I bet you are lying! Porn helps get be in the moment. We’ll use the laptop laying in bed and talk about tattoos we see on people and “OMG can you believe that make up” and then “wow, that looks interesting…” and we have to try it, or sometimes it is just a little flick of the finger oooh that was nice and he and I are locked on each other and forget what is going on on the screen…. Don’t tell me this is bad for my marriage. We have great sex and yes sometimes we fantasize about things that are not politically correct but we are together every night we are not off searching out those fantasies or pleasuring by ourselves we share in it and enjoy every minute!
So take this however you like. Read Fifty Shades, watch porn, go to strip clubs or don’t. I believe it can be a good tool in a marriage to draw you close together, to get over the hump….hehe I said hump….of daily life and get back to the sex kittens you once were or maybe you never were or never lost that in each other. If Fifty Shades gets your wife hot and ready to go for you, wouldn’t you want her to read it? If it makes it so she is reading and spending all her time with B.O.B. then, I agree it would be bad in that situation and you need help. So, ladies let your man join in on the fun of Fifty Shades…apparently there are toys that are in the book available online, or go to Lovers Package or find some sexual enhancing products. Do whatever it takes to be hot for your lover! Never underestimate the power of good sex with your spouse! I don’t think there is anything that helps a couple’s relationship more than sex, Good Sex! However that has to happen, why question it? Isn’t this a big reason we get married, for a live in Fuck Buddy and Cuddle Partner all in one, who is there with you every night! My husband is my best friend so he is a Friend with benefits and boy do I take advantage of those benefits when I need to and I let him take advantage of mine!
And I still have time for a run!