(OMG I just went on this whole rant and forgot it is Wednesday which means Hump Day Challenge…oops. This week’s Hump Day Challenge will be tomorrow, my bad I have real work to do around my house and errands, tomorrow folks….it will be good I promise)
Happy Ash Wednessday! (do people say that I hope i am not offending anyone) Now, I am not Catholic but I am giving up white flour and sugary carbs and candy for lent! I have already kept myself from consuming an English muffin and Nutella this morning for lent. I am so out of control with my food issues that I need something to commit to and rules to follow to make good food choices. After Easter (which is when lent ends right?) I will make slow reintroduction and not over indulge in theses types of foods or use them to comfort and/or calm my emotions…that’s gonna take work for now I will just follow my lent rules. I could have promise to do laundry everyday…oh weight I already did that…LOL
A week and a half to two weeks from now I will be a part time working full time mom. The Hubs reminded me of that and I got this depressed feeling that over came me. I don’t know if I will ever like that Working mom or part time title nor will I ever get my house running like the well oil machine that I want. My Doc yesterday suggested I try taking sertraline an oral medication to help with what she calls my “overwhelm” and to see if helps me over the hump. I am scared to death to take depression drugs. My Doc says I have this overwhelm which leads to anxiety about what is not getting done which leads to depression. Ok, makes sense but is there really a magic pill? Do I have to take it?
I am scared it is going to cause me to have horrible thoughts of suicide which it says has happened in some users or that I am going to forget to take it and go on a crazy killing spree like in an article that I have read about. In said article the author referred to every mass killing suspect has been on some sort of mental health drug. Which is the reason I took myself off Ritalin for my ADD (I think on ly one was related to Ritalin). I hate the pharmaceutical option for every single ailment we have in this day and age! I want to wake up and be normal and do what I want because the human body is a miraculous thing and works so well or does it? I don’t want to have to take drugs or even supplements. I use Essential Oils which are great but once again I don’t want to have to take something every day! However I would like to feel “normal” and not need to use food or drink for comfort or argue with my self to get out and run and clean my house and do what I need to do….
I want to believe I can regulate my moods and everyone can fix there problems with diet, exercise, natural things from the earth like essential oils ect… Problem being you actually have to eat right, exercise. What about if your ailment is a problem in the actual get up and go, to do what is right then what the fuck is a person to do? And how about those of us who forget to take their meds? …Oh my gosh this whole writing might be convincing me that I do need to be on something to be normal! But how is “normal” taking drugs to regulate or alter your brains chemistry?! Can we adjust our lives, our expectations of people to accept them the way they are rather than force them to be “normal”? If we all could go with the flow and pick up the slack where the others leave and not get bitter about it….Fuck that will never happen, we do need medications so that we crazies don’t irritate the normals of the world. Or are the normals of the world the ones who need to be medicated or at least be less irritated?!
Tolerance is what we need. Regulation is what we need. Balance is what we need! Maybe some of us need outside help, in the form of correct nutrition, essential oils or supplements or even medication to achieve that balance. I am currently struggling with ego right now, I think! I hate the whole trial and error with meds. I just want an easy answer. I am encouraged to know many of my fellow “crazies” (please don’t take offense to that term it is very much a term of endearment) have used medication and have normalized their life and many have only had to use them to get over a hump, which if I do finally decide to try the meds this will be my intentional plan as well. To the normals of the world please understand, to us crazies you are the ones who are crazy. We can’t figure out how you are normal. We love you very much and we pray that we could be more like you everyday, but know that together we create balance. Let’s be nicer to each other and understand each others world as much as possible and then maybe just maybe, then we could lose the label of crazies and normals and just be humans. We all have challenges, lets love each other out of them, instead of medicating each other out of them!
All we need is love, ditch the ego. Fuck stress have more sex…(I have wanted to use that line for weeks it seemed to fit here) Have a great rest of the day lovely’s!