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So, today, I believe I became a censoring mother! I participated in censorship of my daughters outfit. This sounds much worse than what it is. My daughter came out in cute white leggings with a big coat and long shirt on. As a mom only through half cup of coffee I said…”lift up your shirt” ….”turn around” You could see her blue flowery undies through her pants. Not quite as easily as you could see my green polka dots when I was in Jr High when I tried to wear the same type of pants, but no, my daughter will not be wearing see through pants. I gave her a choice, change your pants or wear shorts or a skirt with them. She wore some super cute shorts over her white leggings. I have done this before, I ‘accidentally’ wore those white pants (actually I think they were shorts) because I thought I was being funny. I think I subconsciously wanted attention, and I didn’t really even know it. I was a goody two shoes looking to turn some heads just because it would be unexpected from me! I don’t really know why I wanted attention for wearing see through pants with green polka dot undies as a teenager. Probably the same reason I thought it was funny to wear a shirt that said “unbutton my fly” (for the record it was when Levi’s was doing their button fly jeans that were very popular). My mother was not home when I left for school which was why she did not intercept me wearing these things.childhood experience

So is the Girl searching for attention? Why would she? She is a dancer she is on stage a lot! Hmmmm… I probably shouldn’t be over thinking this. I did have to squint a bit to see the color in her undies through those white leggings. She may have really been innocently thinking they were fine. She is just 10. When I pulled my white pants trick I was in Jr High (Maybe even high school) I was thoroughly embarrassed by the end of the school day actually even before first period. My Friend, probably frenemy, the bully-ish type girl who noticed that you could see my underwear. No snickering behind my back flat-out “OH MY GOD RUBY, I CAN SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR!” “WHY WOULD YOU WEAR THAT, WITH THOSE UNDERWEAR?!” “HERE TAKE MY JACKET I AM MUCH TALLER THAN YOU, YOU CAN WEAR IT ALL DAY SO YOU AREN’T FLASHING YOUR UNDERWEAR TO EVERY ONE IN THE HALLS!” When I left the house and thought of wearing it, I thought people would look and snicker and probably not say anything just…. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking but that moment at the beginning of the school day with my ‘Miss Know-it-all’ always perfect ‘friend’ I wanted to DIE!

I was the type of kid who always was good. I got good grades. I wasn’t so perfect or amazing that I got noticed for it but I wasn’t bad enough to get extra attention from the teacher either! I was kind of lost in the crowd. I always tried hard to be great and do what is right and I wanted to be noticed because of it. I wanted my teachers parents and friends to notice me for me. I rarely raised my hand in excitement to get chosen. I was always kind of prim and proper. But the kids who raised there hands with excitement they couldn’t contain always got chosen before or instead of me. I was always doing what I was supposed to, rarely got in trouble or called out in school. I was hidden in the hallways under the mask of doing what was right all the time, not needing too much help and sometimes I would fabricate random questions just to be able to get a response from my teacher! I was always hoping for “Wow, what a great questions” but I usually got something like “well, that really is not relevant right now don’t worry about that at this time” So not only did I not get validation that I was a good thinker, I got shot down and my questions weren’t even answered. Probably their way to get me to stop asking questions.

When I was 16 I ran for the Royalty Court/Parade Float Princess and Queen in our small town. I was crown 2nd Princess. I was happy with that I just wanted a crown to ride on a float wearing a Tiara and pretty dress is every girls dream getting to wave to small children and them being excited to see a “Real Princess” was pretty cool too. That helped me with my ‘poise’ and my self-confidence and helped me to break out of the quiet wanting to be noticed self. I always enjoyed talking and being in front of people but never really had confidence to put myself out there. I would wait to be spoken to or asked to speak but as an adult I have learned I need to open my mouth to be noticed. You can’t get noticed unless you let people know you want to be. You have to say “I want to do it” instead of expecting someone to say “Hey, she’s good at this let’s have her do it” You have to put yourself out there! The people making decisions need to hear you say “I want to do that!” “I am good at this!” In a perfect world the people making important decisions would choose who is good and would do a great job, but really people go the easy route. If someone says “ooh ooh ooh pick me!” that often times is who they will pick because it is easy!

When I turned 30 is when I turned in to ‘Me’ I finally realized I didn’t need to impress anyone. And even if I did impress someone, that really matters not! When you impress someone, sometimes that translates into a job or opportunity but usually you have to put your name in. No one will say I think she would be good they will say “Who wants to?” And if you don’t say “ooh ooh ooh pick me!” Louder than someone else chances are you will be overlooked, again! So from about the time I hit 30 I have been more about, What do I want. Who I am and Do what I like. I have stopped caring what others think about me, for the most part. Now, at 35, if I want to wear white pants and green polka dot underwear, I will! (But still will not let my 10-year-old). And the girl who asks why I will either ignore she doesn’t deserve a response from me. I know who I am, I know what I like (for the most part) and Fuck it if no one else likes that or approves! I am a grown woman who is allowed to do what she wants.

I wish I had more confidence as a child/teen. My kids have the “ooh ooh ooh pick me!” excitement in them, sometimes. And then sometimes when it matters sometimes the girl steps back and is ‘just a girl’ in a room and I want her to show off her skills. (Mostly with dance) They Boy, sometimes, thinks a little too highly of himself, but honestly when I step back and reflect on my life I think a little of that may have been a positive thing that I could have used in my life. So with the Boy I should probably just let him be who he is, with both kids I should. Teach him and The Girl to love themselves and be proud of who they are and know what they are good at. But there is a fine line between arrogance and confidence and I want to teach that too!

Anyway as I ramble through this post I have learned that today I have had the opportunity to remind myself that I do know something about raising kids I have done that before (been a kid). That through my experience I can lead my children through life from experiences that I have had. I need to trust my gut sometimes. Sometimes it will lead my astray and lead me to be overprotective and over react, other times it will help save them from embarrassment of someone pointing out that everyone can see their underwear! I am feeling boosted in confidence as a mom today! A great way to start off this Monday!