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clean enough to be healthySo this morning as I write, I am hoping to keep up the good work on my house cleaning tasks and go to bed again tonight with a clean house and no laundry in limbo waiting to be dried or folded or put away… The house is a sore subject here lately. It got super clean last week. It stayed that way pretty much but it did take a lot of work. I still don’t have the “I am so awesome, my house is clean and I love it” feeling. Which kind of annoys the Hubs, I think because he thinks that if I don’t the house won’t stay clean and then we will die.

Don’t get me wrong I love a clean house. I love walking into a room to enjoy it rather than look at the mess and say “fuck! I forgot to put those away!” Then I end up taking those clothes or whatever it is into the room that they belong and finding something else in there not done. All that stuff being ‘done’ does not mean I have a feeling of satisfaction all I have is a feeling of anxiety to keep it that way. I am afraid to eat something because there will be dishes that will no longer be clean or there is garbage that will need to be thrown away or there is the possibility of crumbs falling on the ground and I don’t feel like sweeping again! Keeping a house clean is work! It is not 9-5 work it is round the clock work.

Then you have the people in the family who point out the crumb that someone else dropped or only want to clean upMom says her house after themselves not realizing that the meal that was just cooked by someone else was cooked and prepared for the whole family and that includes them as well. “Pick up after yourself” has been drilled into the heads of my children but somewhere they lost that doing dishes is also included in that so why do I have to fight with them to do it?

I clean my shit, I clean their shit, and I clean the Hub’s shit. He will leave a shirt on the floor I will put it in the laundry and it will be hung up before he even notices I picked it up. I don’t tell him or ask why is it there, I just do it because this it needs to be done and I was washing dark clothes at the time. But god forbid someone else do something without announcing “you fucked up do better next time!” (my kids don’t talk like that and the Hub’s hasn’t actually said that it is just what my brain hears) at picking up after yourself “I picked up the book you read to me so I should get a thank you for that!” No, my child, you should get smacked in the mouth for talking to me like that  thinking that because I touched it last it is my job to put away! (In real life they don’t do this because they might get smacked in the mouth, I have seen other peoples kids do this and the parents give in! But sometimes I think that is what they are saying in their head)! Because of this I hate the “pick up after yourself” phenomenon. With kids, sometimes it is taken a bit too literal, maybe it is just my smart witted kids who are super at making me feel guilty for not doing “my part” {WTF, Ruby, why?! …IDK}

My kids standing unspoken but spoken chore is folding laundry. They are supposed to fold any random laundry that is left out without being asked. Spoiler alert, they never do it without being asked, I always have to ask! So this weekend at the end of spring break I spent the time while the Hubs was outside getting the yard looking beautiful (his contribution to the house work and he loves to have time to do it) mowing, weeding, and fertilizing, I spent that time folding laundry, vacuuming, finishing dishes and washing windows. The children picked up a few sticks for daddy before he mowed (apparently there were quite a few missed) and then rode their bikes and went skating. Not once did I get a thank you for folding clothes or a “hey mom should we help?” or a “Thanks for doing our chore” just a “do I have to do it now?” When asked to put the already folded clothes of theirs away.

Then I made dinner for the family. I even bought clams for the shell-fish lovers. I think I got a thank you for dinner but no help with dishes (other than from Gram she always helps). The boy did help me put towels away the other day without asking. I think he heard my ranting one day. That was nice but that was also at the same time I told him to go to bed. Coincidental? Maybe. I love taking care of my family! I don’t even mind being responsible for cleaning up after the meal I prepare that gave me a big heart smile while they were enjoying it. I don’t like it when I hear “please keep this up, I don’t want the house to get messy again.”

This is probably my issue here because I took it negatively. However, my family not believing that I will continue to make the house cleaning a priority, bothers me and I feel discredits the change I am in the process of making. Especially when they still want to tell me that it is not their mess, they would rather call out their sibling, instead of just putting the dish in the sink that got forgotten while clearing the table? I do the best I can and I am trying to change. It is hard to change when you have little voices in your head and out side of your head telling you not to mess up! What about saying “The house looks great! What can we do to help you keep it this way?”  The “don’t let your hard work go to waste” did not motivate me. To me it said “I have no faith in you that is why I am telling you this because I don’t think you think it is important enough!” (Again, I know this is my head issue I am sorting it out and working on that just venting here on my little old blog…)

I know this was me incorrectly reading into the statement as I am sure it was meant to acknowledge my hard work in the first place. I try really hard to do it all. Clean house, encourage the kids and husband. Love on the husband physically and sexually. I know he likes the house clean and it helps him feel acknowledged and relaxed. I wish there was a way he could relax instead of stressing that it is not going to stay clean like it is now. I also am working at keeping up on it and being prepared for the times when I am busy for everything to be done and continue to have a nice clean house to come home to and to go to bed to and wake up to a clean house. I also realize we live here. Crumbs will get dropped on the floor and I refuse to eat with a vacuum or broom in my hand to pick it up immediately.

This is just my gripe today. I love the ability to be a homemaker. I am trying to do the best I can and show it with the house being clean and kids being happy and my husband being happy with clean house and fun times in the bedroom. One day I will get the hang of this Sex Love and Washing Clothes thing and everything all the time will be happy and smooth and crazy wild in a good way! In the mean time I will just go about cleaning and ranting on occasion in my blog. I am and this house is and and this family is a work in progress!

For the record, so far today, I have put dishes away from last night and started the rest (the last from the big Easter dinner) I am heading to the kitchen now to pull out appliances and do the monthly cleaning behind and beneath them! Then it is scrub the shower and sweep the bathroom floor day! Whoo hoo! Here’s to a clean house and to me enjoying that. (I will pretend I like it until I actually do.) Maybe once I get control of it all it won’t be quite as hard! Also I am limiting my blogging time as well. It takes up a lot of my time everyday. Some days I will allow more time today it has been about 40 minutes and I suspect about 15 more to proof read. (Yes I do proof read all of my blogs I just kind of suck at proof reading and miss some typos here and there apologies for that.)

Have a great week everyone! Go easier on yourself and help out with the others in your house. Say thank you to the one who cleans and thank you to the one who brings in the financial support and thank you to the ones who enjoy the fruits of your labor! Look at your kids playing and enjoy that innocence of being a kid. Also teach them responsibility so they will be successful adults and helpful partners!

Give your husband or wife a big kiss and a giantPenis hug hug and bigger smile when he or she walks through the door. Have you had your six second kiss yet today that might make your day better? I plan to also give my husband a big hug with my vagina for a lot longer than six seconds!