I am feeling a bit overwhelmed today, not necessarily in a bad way. I took some time this morning to reflect on this year so far. My Sex Love and Washing Clothes year! I started this blog for this year dedicated to being a good inspiring example of a stay at home mom who has ADD that can keep a house and do the stay home mom/homemaker thing. Then at some point realized that financially we need me to work. Not because my husband doesn’t provide well but because our kids are not getting any cheaper and we would like to get a new car and not have to give up going out to dinner or skip Seahawks games ect ect…
I am scared I will be judged pourly by the stay at home moms saying that I couldn’t hack it, or let them down because I wanted to inspire us to feel like more than “just a mom”. The working moms will say I am not working full time anyway so it doesn’t count as being a working mom, real working moms work full time… (Why do we feel we have to judge or compete with eachother?) I feel a bit hypocritical knowing that I set out to be this example of a great homemaker and now I have changed my mind and decided for more reasons than one to go back to work. And more than that I decided to take on more than one industry…
I really just can’t sit still! I am a mom first, a wife …actually I am not sure if wife or mom comes first it depends on the moment, then I am a Massage Therapist, Young Living Distributor, and soon to be bartender and a house keeper. (Notice which is last in the order, um, yeah, same reason Washing Clothes is last in the title!) Oh and let’s not forget blogger! Am I a bit indecisive to say the least? I can’t make up my mind… I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing. Does it have to be a good or bad thing?
It is what it is. I love my life! I love the idea that I am going to be able to help this family accomplish financial goals and help people too! I would love to be able to make enough money that the Hubs (if he wanted to) could consider Coaching Football at the Jr High or High School level. I think he would be great but he would need to take off time from his real job to do so. I don’t even know if he would want to do that or if he would consider it at all or if his current job would allow it! But it is in the back of my mind and to take pressure off of him would be amazing. He is a great provider and great at what he does. He is a great coach and I think the world needs more like him! I can’t even imagine what it would be like to see him doing what he loves so much with kids who really appreciate the sport and who can really understand his passion for the game. (Nothing against the Hub’s current team they are just 9 and 10 though.)
I also think it would be amazing to buy a house on the Lake or Waterfront. Maybe get a Sail Boat. If I dream big and do the work, it will happen. If I plan well enough I will still have time to be a wife, mom and homemaker too! There is part of me that is thinking that I am crazy thinking I can pull this all off. Not only just the work but the dreams being fulfilled too!
There is a big part of me that knows you can’t have it ALL! Something has always got to give but I am truly motivated right now! I think I have a plan that can work: massage during the school day, bartending after 9 at night only 2 days a week or so and extra Young Living business stuff a little bit each day. Mondays will be cleaning days. When I get more busy and start making some money I may hire a house cleaner.
I will continue sex everyday but I have noticed as I have gotten busier, my house has gotten cleaner I am less “in the mood” at the end of the day. Not because I am not “in the mood” but I am tired and stressed about getting it (especially the Washing Clothes part) all done perfectly. I tend to look at everything that is not done or mistakes made and not focus on what got accomplished in a day. Some days what got accomplished is a massage or a cake being made or volunteering at school and I believe that is just as valuable as the clothes getting folded and put away.
There is a lot on my mommy plate and there is soon to be a lot on my ‘Ruby’ plate as well, but I am determined to make a lot of what I want to happen happen! I want to help my family succeed. A big part of that is being there to be the cushion for them all to fall on and to hug and kiss and support by running lunches in when they forget or by meeting the Hubs on a random Friday for lunch and going on field trips. I am a mom and wife first but in my “spare” time I will be a successfull business woman too! I am loving where my crazy ADD multitasking brain is taking me, right now! I hope to keep the focus and be able to do the Homemaker and wife stuff and keep my family happy all the while too!