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So today I started the day with almost setting my office on fire. Yes I mean my massage office and yes I mean fire. I was heating a heat pack made of buckwheat. The heat pack is probably about 10 years old and I had kind of haphazardly put them in there for today, so between the old heat pack and/or microwave I had a  red ember in the microwave. I am glad that I had started it went out to get my client and brought them back to the room. That is when I discovered the smokey smell and stopped the heat pack from /burning. Smoke smell filled my massage room and we rescheduled said massage. Good thing I came back when I did and good thing my client wasn’t on the table while a fire was started! (I burned my house down when I was 15 it was a grease fire though. Me and fire don’t mix but today the building was safe!)

This was the first thing that happened today! Woohoo!!! Great start to my day right? So then I came home to call a company, that lacks follow through and customer service, about a mistaken medical bill. I have been getting these bills since January so this is my monthly call to tell them they need to submit correctly and apply the right discounts since they screwed up and please call me back with a status update when it is done. So that I don’t get another bill about it next month! That only took and hour on hold and on the phone with a rude customer service rep who doesn’t follow through or do her job! The Customer service at this company is horrible!

Then when the kids came home today they instantly fought over the last little bit of homemade lemonade the girl and her friend made the other day. The Boy swept in a poured himself the rest before the girl could get her glass out. Seriously I am so frustrated with the culture of selfishness in this house. I have taught the kids to ask for what they want be direct and speak up for themselves. I am a people pleaser and am shy to speak my mind sometimes and I don’t want this selfishness for my kids but I don’t want the opposite doormat or shyness either. I will not put up with this selfish behavior any longer. So what the fuck am I going to do about it? I have no fucking idea!

Do I force them to do chores? Do I act the same way they are acting and only do things for myself like making just my dinner cleaning up just my mess? The other day I heard that since the mess around the house was not ‘their’ mess they were not going to clean it up. Really? Since when is dishes from dinner and dirty towels that needed washed and floors needing vacuumed just “my mess”? I take offense to that! But how do I teach them differently?

My thoughts are that I need to give them chores and teach them responsibility that doesn’t just involve themselves. They need specific, measurable chores that have deadlines so they see that all the work is not just mine, especially now that I am working again! Follow through and consistency is key for this. Follow through is where I struggle. Sometimes it is just easier to do it myself. If the Hubs hears me yelling at the kids (and by yelling I mean explaining loudly or some redirecting them I don’t ‘yell’ I would never ‘yell’ yell! [cough cough, throat clear] It frustrates him and he is trying to have my back which I do appreciate but I hate that they may feel ganged up on. So I hate to say anything because then they get yelled at from me for not doing what they are told and then from him for not listening to me. This must be normal though right? However, the do need to learn right and wrong and when to listen and follow directions. I guess maybe we need to be better examples or I just need to realize that discipline even just the yelling or redirecting sometimes hurts us parents as much or more like your mom always said right before you got the belt.

I don’t know sometimes it feels like I am so out of touch and have so missed the mark. And failed as a mom and a wife and a person in general but usually right around that time The Hubs or my kids do something amazing that reminds me that I am doing a good job. Today I got a text from a friend who reads my blog and thanked me for writing it and for saying things she cannot say and  it made me remember why at least one reason why I write this blog. It made my heart smile and boosted my confidence at least there is one person relating to what I am writing that is feeling like they are not alone in this thing called mom life. I can post about sex one day and then mom topics about childrearing the next! I love this blog! Have a great day everyone!