So follow up to yesterday, I did schedule a meeting with my boss, the Doctor I work for. It is funny and interesting that he can always tell when I am stressed. Whether I am stressed aboutWhen I am stressed out he always asks, “are you doing okay?” I feel like I try hard to not show my stress but he always sees through it. Usually I don’t want to talk about it but I did appreciate today him walking up to me to give me a hug and check in with me. That is when I said “Can we meet up to chat through some things?” So tomorrow we are going to lunch.
I wrote out all my feelings and points I want to make to him in letter form. I am stressed and emotional and hope I can make it through this conversation and stand up for myself and hopefully have a better understanding of what my boss wants from me and he have a better understanding of where I am at as well. He said, at one point, that he wants to work with me until he is 80. I told him I don’t want to work when I am that old but he is a bit older than me. I want to feel at home when I am at work. Today felt better than Friday. It was crazy Friday! Too many unexpected moments and surprises that were not good surprises. The day was just a bad day on many levels. I am glad it’s over and I was glad to, today, come back and a lot of that negative energy be gone away.
It is going to be tough tomorrow to talk about some of these topics and to put myself out there in a way that I normally don’t. But I want to be in this office for a while and if I don’t get this out I will end up leaving angry. I feel like this is my first attempt to stay in a “grown up” job and actually stick it out and speak out about what I want and need. Maybe I will be brave enough to use the “Partner” word. In the office it has been me and the Doc for a while now and we work well together. Adding new people and providers is bound to add stress. We just have to communicate and be on the same page and we can make it through this. I am looking forward to see what the future has in store, for us, for me and for our office. Today I am much more positive than I felt yesterday or even this morning! I just need to be bold. Speak up and say what I feel and need.
No excuses just speak up. Stand up for yourself. Say what you need. Don’t make assumptions. Communicate and be honest. This is my passion I want it and I know I can do it! I will be happy and I will live my dream. I will not let fear stop me!