Ask for help, I love my husband, I shouldn't have to ask, If you see something that needs done, Just Do It, my mom said that, you have to ask for help
Today I feel like I am a bitter angry working mom. Last week I increased my massage schedule to take some evening appointments while still working my bar job Tuesday 6-close(2AM) and Friday (4-9P). I was at my massage office Friday at 8:45am, Sick on Thursday, Wednessday at the massage office 10am until almost 7pm, Tuesday had and appointment in a town 30 minutes away, and Monday at Massage office until almost 7pm again. I have also had to figure out when to cook dinner, when to clean up breakfast and lunch messes from the AM before we leave for school and work. Get the kids from school and to afternoon/evening activities and try to actually get groceries to make said meals I need to cook and clean up after. Oh yeah and by the way I am a wife too. My kids both have neck issues going on so most nights that we have time to sit and watch TV I am working on their necks or the husbands neck or his feet ect. I also need time to take a shower (which shamefully only happens about 3-4 times a week) and do do hair and make up, two days this week I went au natural.
Are you tired yet after reading that? Is it just me or am I doing way too much and have no time to clean house or vacuum or fold or put laundry away. Fast forward to this weekend. I make breakfast every morning for the fam Saturday the plan is to go right to batting practice for the boy, dance rehearsal for the girl, watch a movie after then go shopping for make up for the girl while the boy had to go to Fielding practice in the evening. Sunday it was make breakfast for the fam, take the boy to Little League try-outs because The Hubs was sick with a fever and by the time we got home the boy was also running a fever. After we got home the Girl and I took a run to the store for Gaterade and a few groceries to get us through the week. When I got back I clean up breakfast dishes, stove top and counter tops, made lunch (pasta) for the hungry family. Watch some of the NFL games on today (mostly through the mirror into the family room as I was cleaning the kitchen and cooking most of the day) and then Make dinner, boiled and BBQ brauts cleaned up the dishes and mess from that. All the while I was cleaning, folding laundry in between taking out trash ect, you know normal mom stuff. Now I am up blogging but waiting for laundry to get done so I can kill this left sock pile in the laundry basket. The Hubs went to bed early.
All the while getting more and more bitter that I have had to been busy working as well as taking care of my family duties and no one has even offered to help out with the normal everyday stuff like dishes! Today I washed dishes left over from this week. We hand wash all of our pots and pans and Knives so there was a few stacked up from yesterdays breakfast Fridays dinner and even some prior to that. I feel so annoyed that the Hubs feels the need to point out things I miss like dropping a grape on the floor when packing a lunch but can’t help with the one pot from a random Tuesday night dinner that I end up washing it Saturday afternoon! I am turning bitter about working and still being the sole homemaker! Not to throw him under the bus, I don’t really ask him for help I just wish he would offer. Or at least see it needs to be done and just do it. I know I am not alone feeling like this I hear many moms say the same thing about the husbands even the moms who don’t work outside the home.
I created this though. I don’t ask for help. I feel bad asking for help. I am scared that he is going to judge me and say I haven’t been pulling my weight so he doesn’t feel the need to do anything because he makes 4 times the money I do which earns him the ability to only work 8 hours a weekday and I have to do everything else. In his defense here he has said “if you ask me to do something I will do it.” Which about 75% of the time he does. Many times I ask for a hand at something and I end up doing it because he didn’t get to it by the time I wanted it done, and I never told him when I wanted it done I just went ahead and did it. However, there is a big part of me that feels so annoyed that I even have to ask! Today as I stood in the kitchen cleaning the dishes and preparing meals the kids got all comfy on the floor when I walked out the family room even if I had time to sit on the couch and watch TV with them there was no where for me to sit because the kids got all comfy on the floor with our couch cushions and the other chair is covered with mine and the Hubs’ clothes that need put away. I was going to say thanks for saving me a spot but I wanted to stay quiet and not freak out at everyone for taking me for granted. But it did kind of stew in me and ended up coming out in an explosions later.
If he works late I try to make sure there is dinner for him or I will offer to cook for him when he gets home. He doesn’t think of that when I work late, but he is not a homemaker I can’t expect that of him. If he has a rough day I listen to him, it seems he gets annoyed listening to my frustrations of a long day, or he tries to tell me what to do instead of just letting me vent. I try to do things his way so his life is easier, I fail most of the time! I have a rough time doing things the way he wants them because my brain works so differently. However I try to make it so he doesn’t have to do anything, he works hard at his job I want home to be his rest place. I don’t ask him to even take out the trash (only occasionally) but honestly with the trash, he usually does take care of getting the garbage cans to the road on Monday morning. I want to be the wife that keeps his home happy for him but I don’t want to be the wife that disappears behind mounds of dishes and loads of laundry. I don’t mind doing it (I hate it but don’t mind) I just don’t like not getting noticed for it or not getting appreciation. Don’t tell me I have been distant when it’s because I am in the kitchen cleaning up especially when I come out of the kitchen I only have gotten half of it done! I need him to notice me working hard at those things. Maybe notice me in the kitchen and come chat with me while I finish, avoid critiquing me about how I am clean just come and keep me company. I do that with him when he has outside projects or is working on the cars and things like that.
I am working hard at being a happy homemaker and a happy working mom but I do need help. I need to stop thinking that the family will just do it, or will offer to help out when they see the mess or me working on it. They will happily sit and watch a movie while I vacuum right around them. Ask and you shall receive! Ask before you get pissed that you aren’t getting help. If you can’t ask leave a nice little note that says “I hope you enjoy dinner please show your appreciation by kindly cleaning the dishes including the dishes that were dirtied to create this meal.” That would probably work better than blowing up at them after they have watched you clean all day on Sunday while they watch two football games and napped off a fever.
I really need to figure out how to ask for help and how to get it and how to not get pissey when asking! I am feeling bitter and angry and I hate that! I makes me more bitter and angry! So time to clear my head! Start with a clean slate and go through and edit this blog as it is much of a rant I should edit out the part that throws everyone under the bus and focus on the solution and that is asking for help, and being specific. “Can you please wash the dishes before you go to bed tonight?” I don’t think “assigning chores” will work I have to be specific everyday because we all have crazy schedules and we just can’t do it that way. We have made agreement before like you do this I do that and it never works out one person always feels like the other isn’t pulling their weight so the other gives up. It needs to be daily and adjust daily depending on schedules. Maybe a white board where mom writes what she needs help with each day and everyone has to do a certain number of tasks that day.
When I am working only one job this will be easier. But as with every change and in the process of change life gets harder. One more week like this, hopefully we will make it through the week! Something has got to give or the Hubs and I will not make it! We have to make it! It is not an option. This is only temporary!!!