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Monthly Archives: April 2016

A Peak into my Thoughts

29 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Poem, Self Care

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Anxiety, Can you feel me?, Depression, just whats in my head, never stop reaching out ad helping others when you can, Not directed to anyone specific, Say It Out Loud, Thoughts coming out in words like a song with no music

I have pain!
Pain in my hands from working them hard
Pain in my heart from not living up to my expectations.
Pain in my bank account from not making enough or spending too much
Pain in my soul for letting people down, and for not being good enough
Pain for making mistakes,  and not being perfect

You see, my pain is heavy
You might not think so all pain is heavy
There is so much more to pain than just pain
The words you used, the WAY you said them, was hurtful to me
Even when I know that you are just trying to help and not hurt me
I still get hurt deep down it always hurts, 
That pain is heavy

Yes, I know,
Don't take things personal
But my heart takes everything personal
That is how I can be so good at what I do.
Everything is personal. 
I do for others what I would want others to do for me.
Just that is heavy

What you say, you mean that right? Oh, you were just kind of meaning it?
When you say you can't do better, so I have to instead, 
Then I try to, because I want to please you,
I want to help you when you cannot help yourself
Again THAT is too heavy! A load I should not try to carry. No one should
But I try to and it is heavy.

I never want you to see me do anything wrong
I don't like messing up, I try hard to do it right
And more than right I try to do it your way 
so that you see that I tried
Deep in my soul I know I did it right, even when you don't think so
But I can't convince myself that I am okay when you tell me to do it differently
When you say I didn't get it right
That's what I take personal, that makes it heavy.

I know deep in my soul that I am amazing
But I cannot convince my head of that!
Because I am not perfect
And you remind me of that so often.
I know you say you do not expect perfection
You say you are just trying to better me
trying to help
All I hear is your correction and feel that I did it wrong 
So therefore I am wrong
Wrong is bad
My efforts have failed! 
Even when I look at the part that did not fail 
Overall I failed.
Because I let you down on that small detail 
but it obviously is not that small to you
I am either perfect or I am wrong
When I am wrong, I am a failure.

That is what your black and white world creates in me.
Failure!
Oh yes I try, I try so hard
I believe that I (everyone) can always be better 
and yes, we always need to strive for that, BUT,
I believe there is a balance and that most of the time we are all perfect!
I believe I am better than I think I am
I believe that you think I am better than what I think you think of me
But I can't get my head to think so

Is this anxiety?
Is this Fear?
Is this my ADD?
This is my reality EVERYDAY
I struggle with this everyday! 
Everytime I forget something
Everytime I don't do it right
Everytime I have pain and have to modify because of it
I struggle everyday
I am sensitive, But that is what makes me nice, kind and loving.
It is what makes me congratulate a good hit even when it was an out
Because it was a good effort.
It is what makes me give a hug on a High Silver and say it was beautiful
Because it was beautiful.
I just wish I could believe it in my own case in my own mind
I will be the one who is that voice for those who need it
Especially because I don't have that voice on the outside

I want those perfect things 
I want to be someone who can be perfect
I want to expect to win and actually win
I want my effort that is more than the girl next to me to win
But that is not my life
Life is real, it is not fair, and effort does not ALWAYS count
I wish it did.
One thing is for sure though, even if effort doesn't count
Effort is all you have, and all you can effect
You can't change your talent (at least not in the moment), 
you can't change the guy next to you or teams around you
You can work hard, try hard and accept that was your best
Even when it is not perfect
Even when it doesn't win

Maybe one day I will get those perfect rewards
Maybe one day I will believe I am perfect
Maybe one day someone else will too.
In the mean time I will work
On letting my soul tell my heart to convince my brain
That I am perfectly me,
When no one else says so

Because I am good enough and worthy of being loved by myself!

#Recommit2016

 

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XXX-Please Tease Me-XX

27 Wednesday Apr 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Hump Day Challenge, Sex, XXX

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Tags

Hump Day Challenge, Sex, Stripper Heels, Tease

Happy Hump Day! Todays Hump Day Challenge is a tease.

image

Tease your partner. You know the saying absence makes the heart grow fonder? In the same way teasing makes you want it more. (Disclosure, I hate teasing, just give it to me ready!) In all seriousness the tease is so much fun. It gets him more excited when he is more excited his dick gets harder. When she gets more excited she gets drippy. Take the time to tease give just enough for them to beg you for more.

Start off with the right outfit. Great shoes, especially you ladies, what better time than to break out the stripper heals (I’m wearing mine now) work that stripper walk! Slowly take off your clothes lick your lips with those sultry eyes (LL Cool J style) and wink while you open your legs and give him a peep….

I think you can take it from here! Just make sure you finish with that big O!

Go and get your attitude adjustment, Hump Day Style.

#FuckIn2016

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27 Wednesday Apr 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Hump Day Challenge, Sex, XXX

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Tags

Hump Day Challenge, Sex, Stripper Heels, Tease

Happy Hump Day! Todays Hump Day Challenge is a tease.

image

Tease your partner. You know the saying absence makes the heart grow fonder? In the same way teasing makes you want it more. (Disclosure, I hate teasing, just give it to me ready!) In all seriousness the tease is so much fun. It gets him more excited when he is more excited his dick gets harder. When she gets more excited she gets drippy. Take the time to tease give just enough for them to beg you for more.

Start off with the right outfit. Great shoes, especially you ladies, what better time than to break out the stripper heals (I’m wearing mine now) work that stripper walk! Slowly take off your clothes lick your lips with those sultry eyes (LL Cool J style) and wink while you open your legs and give him a peep….

I think you can take it from here! Just make sure you finish with that big O!

Go and get your attitude adjustment, Hump Day Style.

#FuckIn2016

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My Wish For You

26 Tuesday Apr 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be You, Love, Poem

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I want to help people in pain, Life Goals, Love

image

I wrote a peom, of sorts, the other day. I have been emotional and overwhelmed I hope this captured what I was trying to capture. Bit really, I hope it’s meaningful to you.

I want to help people who are in pain
I want to help those who feel insane
I am not always right in my head
But at least I am not dead
It is my wish for you that you are not blue
It is my wish for you that you know your value
Never hide or apologize for who you are
Be bold, be proud, and love you for you.
If you don’t, don’t despair
Because like I said, I care
I will do just that, for you
I wil be here to love you in your pain
Just the way you are.
I will love you for you

#Love2016

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Weight Goals…

24 Sunday Apr 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be You, Family, Self Care

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always strive to be better, Be Realistic, I am healthy and happy with me just the way I am, Love you, set goals, You are worth it!

image

It’s been a while since I have talked fitness/weight loss struggle lately. I am still, like I have been for what seems like my whole life, working on getting thinner and fit! Last week was a tough week in that arena. Last week I was dragging, I so tired. I woke up with a headache 4 days out of the week. I didn’t get up early to work out like I have been. I also didn’t really follow my eating plan  either. Why is it so hard for me to take care of me?

I know that I feel better when I work out and rat right. Eating well is tough when I don’t get to the grocery store. I am probably going to start doing shopping on the weekend DS or schedule it so I can actually get it done. It’s not that tough, it just takes time.

This week I. the Facebook Change group I am in we are challenge to write down our goal for the competition as well as wake up everyday and focus on a daily goal. Well my goal for the weight challenge is to loose 5 more pounds in the next 3 weeks. I will achieve this goal by drinking mor e water, I will be drinking 90 oz a day that is 4 1/2 fills of my water bottles! I will also be getting up and working out every morning. Getting up when my alarm goes off at 4:45! I will set daily goals day by day but it will be something attainable that I can focus on and that will be positive.

Last week was rough for me. I am hoping to have a more positive week. To be successful and to look at myself positively. And to be realistic! That is my hardest task to be realistic and to be positive! I am going to work on my self talk too. I am worthy of the time and dedication it takes to take care of me!

Are you up for that challenge? It positive self talk week! Join me?

#Recomitt2016

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RIP Prince

21 Thursday Apr 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be You, Do You, Do Your Thing, Uncategorized

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Tags

1999, Be Who You Are, Kiss, Prince, Purple Rain, RIP, Stand Up For What You Believe, The Artist Formerly Known As, When Doves Cry

PrinceToday we lost an entertainment icon, Prince. My first favorite song as a kid was his song “Purple Rain” My parents were never hip to Top 40 or popular music. I tribute that to them being older when I came along. When I heard the news today I got a little teary eyed. As I grew up  I went through every stage of Prince and The Artist Formerly Known As, the symbol, the Superbowl and the list goes on. I think his Superbowl performance in the rain at Superbowl 41 may have been the best ever!

From Little Red Corvette, Let’s Go Crazy, Kiss, Purple Rain, When Dove’s Cry….there are so many more! Prince has transended generations he was popular originally when I was younger than my children’s current ages but in Jr High we had a routine to his song “Kiss” in High School his song “When Dove’s Cry” resurfaced. Prince has been around my whole life. Let’s not forget his song 1999. Who doesn’t love to party like it’s 1999. A network asked him to sing at a Y2K New Years Celebration, he chose to promote one of his favorite bands TLC. Which, at the time,  I was bummed and didn’t get it, why not?! Prince marched to his own beat and really, in the Y2K phenomenon that was, it is a perfectly Prince move! I love that whichever network it was produced the TLC performance instead.

Prince was who I want to be. He was good at what he did. He didn’t go with the flow he knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to challenge the norm to get it! My issue and most people my age struggling right now is know what we want and know how to get it. For today sadly in his death Prince has helped me see that even when you go against the ‘norm’ you can get noticed, you can earn a living and you can become famous, even with out a name! On this day we remember Prince and all he did to bring us his music and other people’s music. He has co-wrote, and produced so many great songs and artists, look it up when you run out of Prince songs to listen to, I hope you have it on CD though or you may not find any of his songs, just one of his stands against the norm to help all artists get what they deserve in the modern music world.

Rest In Peace Prince, we will always think of you when we Party like it’s 1999!

#2016

 

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XXX-Role Play-XXX

20 Wednesday Apr 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Do Your Thing, Hump Day Challenge, Just Do It, Lock your door!, Sex, XXX

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image

Today’s Hump Day Challenge is inspired by my business dress that I wore to work today. It is a cute little knee length black and white dress. My hair pulled up in a structured messy bun. I wear glasses too so it’s a little librarian looking. So, today’s Hump Day Challenge is role play.

You be the sexy librarian and he can be the studious lawyer studying for the Bar exam. He wants your help but you play hard to get and make him trade you sexual favors. But the only help you give him is relieving the pressure in his pants!

Play up the roles! Relax and have fun but stay in character! Feel free to make up your own characters as well. Teacher student (naughty) or Boss and Assistant work better for you run with that! Use costumes and props and stay in character until your librarian self get swept away by that romantic swooning of that lawyer!

Enjoy, escape reality and have fun!!!

#Recommit2016

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Life is a Struggle

18 Monday Apr 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Uncategorized

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I don’t know if you have noticed but I have not been writing as much lately. I want to be authentic. I do want to write everyday I want to inspire mom’s to be amazing and to love their life even when doing the not so fun stuff like washing clothes. I want to write about crazy shit and make you laugh and sometimes get your horny for your mate. I also want to encourage you and let you know you are not alone in your struggles so I share with you my struggles. Lately when I have been pushing hard to get in writing everyday just to write it was lacking in quality. I am giving myself some grace on some days to not write. I may write  a few days in a row so check back everyday! I will not go more than one day with out blogging. I miss it when I don’t do it. I just have to figure out how to get paid to be a blogger that way I can schedule it in my day and sacrifice something else for it and get paid…

So today I have had a bit of a roughish day! I was tired and dragging all day! Work went well but after my morning when the Girl came home from school she was crying and said “I’M NOT GOING TO DANCE MY HEAD HURTS EVEN TO JUST TO WALK!” It made me so sad. I could see on the outside and hear in her voice exactly how I feel when I have a headache. I hurt me to see my daughter having the same pain that I have experienced so much in my life. I did call the Doctor today the headaches have been coming a lot lately and I decided it was time to see the Doctor that treated her with her concussion over a year ago. I am worried about her. We did the hot foot bath cold wash cloth on head trick and it worked like a charm for a while… I feel for her my heart hurts and I am beginning to get a headache myself from thinking about it. I wish I could fix it! Then I worry, maybe if I was home more and could do massage on her more regularly or if she ate healthier, has she had enough water. What did I do to cause this?

It was tough! She didn’t dance and she came home early today. She ate some food took some ibuprofen drank some water and then it was time to get ready for bed and the boy came out and said he had a headache. A few weeks ago he had a bad headache and I struggled with the same feelings for him. I hope he doesn’t have a head ache problem like I always have! Then tonight it was “Really?!” “how long have you had a headache?” Is this just to get the attention the Girl has been getting? He said he has had a head ache since before school but didn’t want to tell me thinking he wouldn’t be able to go to baseball practice… What am I going to do? How can I fix my kids????

I don’t know what to do. I will try to continue my way as I have been doing my best. It is a struggle moms! It is a struggle! We are all doing all best! Keep up the good work Moms! We are doing the best we can and our families deserve our best and so do we! We got this!

LIfe is a beautiful struggle

#Strugglesofmoms

 

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Sleepy Blogging Long Day

17 Sunday Apr 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Dance, Don't judge me, Mom Stuff, Uncategorized

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Falling asleep typing, mor blogging tomorrow., Time for sleep, typing words I am hearing while half asleep

It is so late on Saturday night of a Dance Competition weekend. Yesterday it was an early start with the Girl’s first competition dance, her solo performed at 1pm. Then there were classes at 7:15-9:15 then we drove home which takes about 40 minutes. We also stopped to get a blizzard so we got home pretty late. But the girl had fun learned some in a new class. Then today had to be up and out of the house by 6:30am. Convention started this morning at 7:45 for dancing that lasted 6 hours. Then a 2 hour break or so and competition started again at 5pm ish. Then final awards were at 11:00.

sleepy blogIt has been super busy these last few days. Today I was hanging with the moms and had a good time just hanging out and learning about each other. We have a nice relationship all the moms.  Even including the dance teachers. I think sometimes we are a bit too casual but the comraderie is nice. . We started out getting the kids to classes by 7:00 mom trip to Starbucks then  run errands for different moms and then we met the kiddos for dinner, then we went out to lunch, just the grown ups. Then back for competition. One mom and I went to watch a Baseball game and ran into our sons and my husband! The Girl was so happy that Daddy got to come watch at least one dance today!

I am so tired I am falling asleep writing this so I am going to turn in. Tonight the Girl and I have a room at the hotel the convention is being held. She is laying next to me and just drifted off to sleep. The TV is on and I keep finding myself writing the words I hear on TV. Anyway I am going to sleep, more on this tomorrow.

#Recommit2016

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Just Get It Done

15 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be Present, Do You, Just Do It, Planning, Working Mom

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Just get your shit done, Live In The Moment, plan you day, Sex everyday, stop making excuses, take time to enjoy it, Workout

I have had a rough go this week. I have gotten out of the habit of blogging everyday and I am struggling getting in my workouts and miss a day a week of sex everyday. As I looked for a quote or something to post for today and inspire me to write for 5 minutes this is what I came across! Fitting! Got to get back into the habit and make new ones so I can accomplish what I want to accomplish!

image

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#Recomitt2016

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