Monthly Archives: December 2016

Shitty 2016? Do You in 2017

30 Friday Dec 2016

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Do You, Love, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work

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Well, if you have been reading my blog this month you probably have been wanting more. You probably have figured out that I am having a rough month. To top it off, yesterday, actually the day before yesterday, after a full day at work my neck started bothering me. It is a C2 type feeling pain. I have regular chiropractic adjustments, C2 is my headache spot and it was feeling out of alignment. By yesterday morning I was in excruciating pain. I don’t normally cancel work or ask friends for favors but I had to do both. I canceled all 4 of my massages (which all happened to be PIP claims) and then I called my Chiropractor who is off this week and he had me come to his house to work on me. My massage therapist coworker (who is actually the boss lady at my office) offered to work on me as well she was going to add me to her already booked schedule. I am laid up today as well. I was trembling in pain last night. I went to bed at 8 and didn’t get up until 8 this morning. Since I have got out of bed is has gotten worse. That whole gravity thing is weighing down on me. I am frustrated that I have to take it easy. I am angry that the end of December and the end of 2017 ends on a negative note.

This has been a rough month. The Hubs and I have been through the wringer. A bad event happened the beginning of the month. We have been dealing with it ever since. I have struggle with the idea of sticking it out. I wanted to just leave my marriage my family and my life and go it alone. This life is too short to live unhappy. If shitty things are going to keep happening then why stay in this relationship. We fight like cats and dogs. There is yelling and threats and insults and all of this happens, sometimes, in front of the kids. They have been changed by the way they have seen their parents argue! It makes me sad and ashamed. I am ashamed of myself for putting up with it, for perpetuating it and not doing anything to change it, or at least not enough. But what can I do? Leave my husband? end the marriage? give my kids two addresses? One of which would be in poverty because I am too busy being a mom than to make money. Anyway I have decided to stick it out. I can’t bring my self to leave. There is a part of me that wants to and a part of me that wants the happily ever after with my high school sweetheart. I also am not ready to dismantle my family. I also took my “till death do us part” and “for better or worse” vows very seriously. I know there are a lot of people saying “there is a better way” but I don’t know if I want that way. Nor do I know if I am ready to move away from the good stuff that we do have.

2016 has been rough… actually December of 2016 has been rough. With all that has been going on in my life I have been comforting myself with food. Eating my feelings! I have been through a tragic event in my marriage, lost my only friend who I could talk to about it and now I have an injury that has sidelined me from work, exercise and life in general. I have had a shitty month. I have been eating my feelings. I have talked to some friends but don’t want to talk about it much. Especially since a lot the advice I have gotten has been “things can be better, you can do it all alone. Don’t worry about the money. You’re stillcircumstances-make-me young you have a lot of life in front of you.” I hate all of that advice. I am not as strong as those people think I am. Those people mostly have been divorced or never married or are single. Some are more happy than they were in their first marriage too… But, I can’t do it. I want my marriage to work I want to be happy. I don’t know if either is possible but I can’t not try. I start counseling again on Monday. I (we) have decided to work this relationship. I will John Gottman the shit out of this and make it work if it kills me…and it might. I also know I need to stop sulking and live my life and watch what I eat. I have eaten my feelings to the tone of 8.7 pounds since this started.

I started this  blog in 2015 (well end of 2014) to prove that sex, love and washing clothes can save a relationship. I am going to put this into practice in 2017. It is more than just the actions of having sex and cleaning house it takes that middle word, love. I honestly believe LOVE can change the world. Love is something you have to choose. It does not choose you. You choose love. I am choosing love, I am choosing to live this life that I have and love it. All the shitty circumstances are just that, Shitty!!! I refuse to let them slow me down and make me sad anymore. It sucks but you know what, you have shitty things you have lived with, don’t you? Well, maybe you haven’t. Maybe you have moved on and maybe you are happy to not have that in your face everyday. I have never chosen the easy path, I have chosen that hard path and right now honestly either path is not an easy path for me. Is there ever an easy path? I want my family to thrive. I see some counseling not only in my future but also in my families future. I know we are going to need professional help to get through this but we will come out stronger and better than ever. In a year we will be in a different place, I look forward to seeing what that means in my life!

There is a lot of work to be done here. Please don’t judge me or my family or anyone else. We all have our own battles to face and we will make some good choices and some that could have been better. Do you make the choices for you or for what people will say about you…do it for you! I am doing it for me! Do you in 2017 I am going to do ME!

#Future2016

 

23 Friday Dec 2016

Posted by in Friends, Live life

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I have had a rough few weeks. Last week I lost a friend, as a result of the circumstances that are fucked up. I know my friend was not ending our friendship because of anything that I did wrong but because it was what was the healthiest decision, probably for both of us. It is still sad to see a friend walk out of your life for no reason except the shitty things happening around you. Sometimes in lifewe have no control over the circumstances or things that happen to is we only have control over how we respond and live life after shiftiness happens. So for that reason my friend and I we had to say goodbye! At least for now. It was shitty. It still is shitty. Life is hard sometimes. Not every decision feels good and not every decision is a right and wrong some are deciding between shitty and more shitty, but as in this situation sometimes shitty is the healthy decision!

A Poem I memorized in Jr High school is in my brain from Langston Hughes 

“I loved my friend he went away from me. The poem ends soft as it began I loved my friend.”

I hope to one day reunite but for now we have to take care of ourselves. I promised my friend I would take care of me and I plan to keep the promise. It’s time to be positive and live life.

#Friends2016

XXX-Romance-XXX

14 Wednesday Dec 2016

Posted by in Hump Day Challenge, Sex, XXX

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Now for a Hump Day Challenge today, I am going to go a little what I think is girly. Take your lover out on a drive or go for a walk at sunset. Find a “lookout” spot and lean over and start making out. Get in some good kissing and petting and touching. Really KISS your lover, get the tongue involved. Touch his face grope her breasts. Keep the making out going but at some point you may want to get in a hiding spot or go home as you co time through this one.

As your make out session gets heated up. Then reach your hand under her shirt. Keep the kissing and make out going. Get into heavy petting and grab his dick, rub her pussy. Start to tear off each other’s clothes. Keep kissing as you do. Rub on each other, feel the sexiness of each other’s body against one another.

As your progress through your make out session to sex, kiss down one another’s body. Lick that pussy, suck that cock, take turns doing so. Really, take your time on each other. Fuck each other softly and slowly continue to kiss and make out as you fuck. Use your tongue, touch each other as you kiss, let yourself feel your partners body pressed against yours enjoy that feeling. Think of sex in a romance movie.

This is a great way to get some “attitude adjustment” kind of sex. One to make you feel close and loved. It’s my favorite romantic and loving sex.

Go get you some!

#Sex2016

How do you know?

13 Tuesday Dec 2016

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Uncategorized

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It feels great to be able to write two days in a row!!! Whoo hoo! Too bad it’s because the boy has been sick and I didn’t do any massage or anything else outside the house today. Actually I did dinner like a boss: I bought Papa Murphy’s pizza! Took the boy with me he was feeling alright and wanted to get out of the house but was quite faded and feeling crummy by the time we got our pizza.the-more-you-know

I mentioned yesterday a decision I have to make and that I am giving it time. It is hard for me to do this. The whole waiting it out or living in a way that might not change but deciding if a change needs to happen. I can’t do this very well. I need to be all in or all out! That’s why when I don’t like someone I have a hard time being around them or when my friends are being obnoxious I get irritated and cranky. However, it is possible for me to pretend like nothing happened and tell myself that everything will be okay to just let it go. I want to make the right decision how do I plan for things to be differently while staying in the midst of what I want to avoid? How do I know if and when the right time is? How is it that I can’t make decisions for myself with out constantly second guessing every single thing you are doing?

I over think everything!!!!!! If you read my blog a lot or have ever met me for 30 seconds you probably have figured this out. In every single big decision be it who to vote for in an election or what preschool I sent my kids too or what to wear out on date night I struggle. How do I know what is right. Then when I do decide everything anyone says that is the opposite I wonder then I think well yeah that makes sense I’ll go that way, and then when I am challenged by someone else I back down and think maybe they are right. I have such a hard time know what I want and what is right for me. Do I want to wear that dress because I fee pretty in it or do I want to wear it because someone told me I was pretty in it. Is it even possible for me to feel pretty if no one tells me I am pretty… Why can’t I make up my own mind?

Today friends I have no advice for you, or for me. Other than you just have to know yourself. I don’t know if I really know myself. How do you figure out who you are? I know I know who I am but why is it so hard for me to know? I want to know. Maybe I should be figuring this out instead of trying to write about something that I have no idea about.

#Figureitout2016

 

 

Give Yourself Time This Time

12 Monday Dec 2016

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Live in the Moment

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There are decisions we face daily that affect our lives in bigger ways than we know. Sometimes you make the best decision other times they are not so good. I am refraining away from saying right and wrong. We don’t always know what is right and what is wrong. I think more often than not there is no right and there is no wrong. There is always better or worse decisions or things you could have done. I guess there are somethings that are “right” and/or “wrong” but not everyone defines those things the same so it is up to interpretation in certain situations.

your-decisions-not-circumstancesHave you ever had a situation in your life that you feel like keeps repeating itself? When you realize it is about decisions you are making (or not making) in life, then what do you do? How do you respond differently to people and get them to believe you when you decide to go a different way this time? You have always been a certain way and now your friends are sitting there going “What the FUCK? She’s never meant that before!” How do you get them to believe you? What makes you make the decision to separate the old you and the new you? I have read about people recovering from addiction struggling with this. Their old friends want them to be the same way they always have been but a sober person is not always the same when you are used to a drunk or high person. Friends no longer know how to handle you and you no longer know how to handle them. It puts you in a little pickle. An uncomfortable spot that you don’t know how to act differently and the old you would just go grab a beer and move forward but you are now trying to not grab that beer. You miss your friends and your people you know you want to be different but how can you? How do you live one way and change midstream?

I do not have that answer! I wish I did because right now I am faced with a similar situation. My “addiction” however is the addiction to taking the path of least resistance. That is not always the right path or the best path! In reality it is usually much the opposite! I have in my life tried to do what is “right” or best in my life but I think, in some situations, I have chosen what was easy. Not all decisions and sometimes, most times I have come out on the other side to finally make the decision that was right after putting up with negativity, and bull shit for too long! I have self sacrificed my sanity and happiness sometimes in my work and my business and sometimes in my relationship and as a mom and volunteer. I have not always been the best at getting the best for myself. Well, that’s about to change, it needs to change. The hardest part of that is knowing what is the best. Separating what is best from what you really want or what is easy and convenient. How do you know if it’s what you SHOULD do or if it’s what you WANT to do? Some things are easy like you shouldn’t eat a whole chocolate cake when you feel bad about yourself, but others hard, like deciding weather to buy the perfect house in the wrong location or the perfect location with the wrong house. Neither is really wrong one is best in one category and the other is the best in the other category and only you can decide which category is most important!

This blog post is not about giving advice or an answer for this. NOPE! It takes you knowing yourself, truly knowing yourself. Being able to decipher the right decision takes you getting right with no one else but you! If you are anything like me that is the toughest thing you will do on this planet. I can have it all figured out in my head when I out on a run (that is when I solve world problems) or when I am by myself but then when faced with it in real life I choke. I struggle knowing the difference between what I want and/or need and what I think I am supposed to want and/or need. The beauty in most things in life is you can change your mind, you can always change your direction. It is hard, but Possible. I must also mention making life decisions when you are a parent is, it affects your kids not just you. My goal in life is to give my kids the best life has to offer. To grow them in a happy environment with little need for therapy when they become adults. I can change my mind and make my life better at any moment but does that harm them? That’s what muddies the water of making the best decision for me. I truly believe the best decision for you, is also the best decision for your children regardless.So really that shouldn’t (there I go should-ing again) affect your personal decision.

The best decision for you IS the best decision for you. Have faith in yourself (there I go giving advice, advice I don’t take very well myself) take time in making decisions but always know as hard as it is to make the decision there are not many that you can’t go back and change. However, I personally, would prefer to do it right the first time! Time heals all, right? Time is the piece I always forget when I am faced with decisions that are hard, it takes time. I will give myself time, this time. I will follow through and I will make the best decision based on everything, not just how I feel right now, five days ago, last night or tomorrow night but based on what I think after some time has passed and WHEN I KNOW it is the best/right decision for me. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I am usually forced to make decisions in the right now, how do we create change now?! Well, this time I am going to wait and try it and see what will happen before I decide. I’ve got this, I am sure if you are reading this it will resonate with you and you will do the same. So here is to us creating change in our lives by giving it time. Time to decide and having faith in ourselves, knowing what is right when we know what is right and then doing it. We will do what is right, not what is easy but what is hard. It is what is BEST!

#Change2016

 

 

Rough week

09 Friday Dec 2016

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Connection

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I’ve had a rough week. I miss my people and miss blogging. I am trying to fit it in my life more. However this week was rough. There is so much I want to write about and then I stop myself if I write about it it will be team and I am not ready for that! So I will leave you with this. I’m trying to be positive, there are so many negative places to go. I promised a friend I would take care of myself, I am. I promised myself this blog would be to help and reach out to others and that I wouldn’t miss too many days! So here’s a quote to think about and let’s raise our glasses to keep on keeping on. Don’t give up on yourself people. Love yourself respect yourself and love each other! 

XXX-it is Hump Day!-XXX

01 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by in Be You, Just Do It, Lock your door!, Love, Sex, Working Mom, XXX

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Hello Hump Day Challengers! Something occurred to me today and I don’t know what to think about it. Since I became a more busy working mom my prudishneas has came out more. When I started this blog I was more forward and unafraid to speak (blog) how I feel and just out it out there in thebficking world to see. Using foul language and coming up with sex challenges just flowed out of my brain and onto the page through my keyboard. Have I exhausted my sexual creativity? Am I destined to be a prude the way I was raised? Or am I a busy tired mom that I created this blog for to combat the tiredness and staleness in a relationship that tends to happen with busy couples? I might be thatast mom but I will not give in and I will note let that business win and ruin my relationship or blog. 

So here is my h ump day challenge. I received the above meme from a friend of mine. She captioned it with tonight is not THAT night for me. I responded with well, it is Hump Day!! 

With all of that in mind, here is my challenge to you. Fight that urge to be tired and stale. Turn off you device that you are reading this, turn off the TV go to bed. Or turn on a sexy movie or pull up some porn for inspiration with your lover and get it on. My plan is to publish this blog, take my clothes off and climb o top of my husband. You could cuddle next to you lover play with yourself under the blanket you are covered up with and put your fingers under his nose he will smell your pussy juices and probably suck your fingers for a taste. Or whisper sweet nothing’s like “let’s get away from the kids and fuck!” However you do it please turn down the noise of busy lives, kids, housework that needs to be done, and go fuck! Fuck untik you both come maybe one or both of you will twice! 

Stop letting”LIFE” get in the way of your sex life! Use today to fick each other! Happy Hump Day!

#Hump2016