It feels great to be able to write two days in a row!!! Whoo hoo! Too bad it’s because the boy has been sick and I didn’t do any massage or anything else outside the house today. Actually I did dinner like a boss: I bought Papa Murphy’s pizza! Took the boy with me he was feeling alright and wanted to get out of the house but was quite faded and feeling crummy by the time we got our pizza.
I mentioned yesterday a decision I have to make and that I am giving it time. It is hard for me to do this. The whole waiting it out or living in a way that might not change but deciding if a change needs to happen. I can’t do this very well. I need to be all in or all out! That’s why when I don’t like someone I have a hard time being around them or when my friends are being obnoxious I get irritated and cranky. However, it is possible for me to pretend like nothing happened and tell myself that everything will be okay to just let it go. I want to make the right decision how do I plan for things to be differently while staying in the midst of what I want to avoid? How do I know if and when the right time is? How is it that I can’t make decisions for myself with out constantly second guessing every single thing you are doing?
I over think everything!!!!!! If you read my blog a lot or have ever met me for 30 seconds you probably have figured this out. In every single big decision be it who to vote for in an election or what preschool I sent my kids too or what to wear out on date night I struggle. How do I know what is right. Then when I do decide everything anyone says that is the opposite I wonder then I think well yeah that makes sense I’ll go that way, and then when I am challenged by someone else I back down and think maybe they are right. I have such a hard time know what I want and what is right for me. Do I want to wear that dress because I fee pretty in it or do I want to wear it because someone told me I was pretty in it. Is it even possible for me to feel pretty if no one tells me I am pretty… Why can’t I make up my own mind?
Today friends I have no advice for you, or for me. Other than you just have to know yourself. I don’t know if I really know myself. How do you figure out who you are? I know I know who I am but why is it so hard for me to know? I want to know. Maybe I should be figuring this out instead of trying to write about something that I have no idea about.