The boy got a call home from school today. For talking loudly about blow jobs in class! Yes, my 12 year old was talking loudly in a group about blow jobs in class while he and everyone he was talking to we’re supposed to be working on their writing assessments… Which happens to be 80% of his grade! As a mom I am mortified! I am embarrassed! I am pissed that my son doesn’t even know how to hold this conversation in until lunch it keep it quiet! He has had problems with disrespect lately! He has always had a hard time knowing when things are appropriate but I would think by now he would have figured that out!
I have never talked sex with my son. The Hubs said he has been handling the birds and the bees talk… The teacher asked me to have a conversation with him so that he gets the information from a stable knowledgeable adult not another tween friend! OMG I am not ready for this! He was talking about blow jobs what the fuck am supposed to say to my 12 year old about blow jobs. My parents did not talk to me about sex at all. When I was the girls age I still didn’t know what a blow job was! They boy hasn’t even started puberty! I don’t know what the Hubs has said to him. So I am not sure what to do. Which is why I am writing now…to think it through.
My thought is I will have him read me the email that his teacher sent to me first. (The Hubs’ idea, he has great parenting instincts sometimes) That way he can’t skirt around the issue and then that would lead me down a path of honesty and “don’t lie to me” conversation and that will distract from the real issue. I will address the appropriateness of this conversation during class time and in public. I will address the volume of his voice and his cavalier attitude and flat out disrespect for the privacy of this subject.
Then I will open it up for questions that he may have. Then We will talk about sex what I think about sex and his age. How to respect women around the subject of sex. I was dumped by a boy that I would not have sex with when I was in 8th grade! I am too young to be a grandma and that will also come up in the conversation!
Lastly we will talk about respect in general. He is going to have to write me a paper about respect. What respect is. What respect means. What respect looks like. As a parent it is my goal to get my kids to respect me, authority figures, women, and rules. It is not my job to get him to like me. My goal is to teach him what respect is by showing him. He sees the Hubs and I argue a lot. We have made some mistakes in the way we are showing respect.
There are many ways to show respect. Respect your things by taking care of them. Respecting people by being nice, helping when help is needed without complaining etc… respect rules by following them. Respect women by not pushing your sexual self on them. Allowing women to have space and say in any sexual situation even if she changes her mind in the middle of it. Show respect by saying Thank you even when you are given something you didn’t want. Show respect by not talking back to someone. Using soft start ups when you bring up subjects that may be negative or complaints….
There is a lot to this tonight. I have just over an hour as he has a basket ball game tonight that I have to get him to. It needs to be address directly and respectfully. I want to go a little old school and say what my parents said “No sex until your married! DON’T GET AIDS!” Actually that’s what the church said I added the don’t get AIDS part in my head, I really had not guidance when it came to sex and now sex is awkward to me. It’s getting more awkward now that I have kids I have to talk about sex to! I want to cry! This is too much! God must really think I am a bad ass because he only gives you what you can handle right??? I’m not ready for this. Then I am reminded where I ended up with the way I was brought up and the way the Hubs ended up the way he was brought up. Neither one of our parents talked to us about sex except to say don’t do it. We both have issues on the opposite end of the spectrum me sort of negative and prudish and the Hubs sort of Free for all freakish in his appetite and desires and expectations. We are working to get our sex drives and lives to match up, if only we could talk about sex easier it would be better. Hey maybe this will open up my closed off prudish part of me with the Hubs too….
And just like that I go to OMG I write a blog about Sex Love and Washing Clothes I have not been the best model of what a healthy sex life is not that he can read this my blog is protect 18 and over, I better check that and no one knows my real name….. I did not cause this but if there is misinformation that my son has about sex and what is okay and what is not it’s because I have not taken the time to parent him enough. It’s time to step it up Ruby! Be Bold, be honest, be loving and open and talk with your boy!
p.s. I am considering giving up this blog until they greaduate high school it’s starting to feel weird and I”m wondering if I should censor myself. What happens if they know their mom has a sometimes xrated blog. I know this is judging and it’s separate but…what if….
I love reading your blog…. and it would scar them more in college….so just keep writing, can’t wait to find out how the talk went
A friend said:
Do you really decide to stop blogging?
Sex Love and Washing Clothes said:
I have not decided to stop, I have considered quitting. I have taken a break and am giving myself some grace. I am super judgemental on myself but I am trying to decide what to do and if I can keep going. I really want to be better at writing and put some organization into it but I miss it, I will be back, I think.