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sometimes

Today is Monday after our much needed and very relaxing vacation. Am I the only one who has a weird lull after vacation. I usually plan that Monday off to be able to regroup unpack, do laundry etc. during those days seem to be kind of depressing, the sad reality that you just don’t have that elated vacation feeling like you can do everything and fix all your problems just after one week off. You are met with the real life situation and now have to take action or you realize you thought it out and solved the problem but forgot your biggest road block is…reality. Or maybe you’re like me and decide you will be different. This time you will unpack right away keep the clutter gone and not let things pile up but then you realize you bring a pile with you back from vacation. And as much as the sun lured you into believing you were a changed woman who would relish at the opportunity to be proactive with laundry you come home to realize that it still doesn’t make your heart sing the way that sun on you cheeks and the warmth on your skin did. You realize you are still you…wait is that just me?

Then to top it off for me the Hubs left for a work trip today as well. I do want to admit that I know the reality that if I didn’t live with The Hubs I would either be on TLC’s Hoarders or My 600 Pound Life. The way I treat myself when he is gone is absolutely astounding and disgusting. I let myself eat crap, I let my kids eat crap. I count down the minutes until he leaves to have a donuts or eat a whole large pizza. Today after weighing in last night on my first day of my weight loss challenge I had a chocolate Easter Bunny for breakfast (I told this to my girlfriend and she laughed out loud at me because I said I ate a Easter Bunny for breakfast) She was probably confused because of my low carb diet she probably was laughing out of shear disgust that I may have eaten a real bunny like maybe roadkill cafe style or something. Then I fed the kids Taco Bell for dinner with a side of jelly beans and yes I had that too. I had a list of chores a mile long I got a couple started maybe one done but really it seems like I still have a list a mile and a half long.

I spent a lot of time on Facebook today. Am I bored? Do I need attention? Am I sad or lonely. Yes probably lonely the kids were at school the Hubs is away and I have spent the last week with two or more extra people in the same house with our family. It is quite a change. It’s like a crazy morning after or weird hangover. When the kids used to go to Grandma’s for the weekend when they were little they would come home with these crazy cranky attitudes. I always called it the Grandma Hangover. (One Grandma got pretty offended by that term) I seriously believe in this though and now I think I have the vacation hang over. Not puking from drinking although I had one of those the other day, it’s a weird crazy let down from Vacation!

How to combat this? Well two weeks ago in my therapist’s office I scheduled my next appointment for tomorrow. Thinking the Hubs will be gone it will be after vacation I might need time to process how it went how to proceed with the week (or it may have been her only opening for the next two weeks) but I feel like I kind of need it. When the Hubs is gone I get a lot of time to think. Which I don’t take often enough and that day after vacation I am always filled with thoughts so doing this all at the same time is different for me. One therapist told me one day to allow myself to be me give myself more of what I want and my response was “I don’t even know what I want” I am too busy being wife and mom and make them all happy I don’t think of me.

Dude, you would think I have some really messed up mental health state right? Schizophrenia or maybe BiPolar or even clinical or manic depression but no. I don’t, my message here is that I need a therapist to help me process, and I have no diagnosed condition. I know I a m not alone in this. If left alone I may create some horrible story about why I feel this way. What did my mother or father do to me in childhood that made me like this. What did the hubs say that made me so angry or what did he not say to make me so sad and lonely. That’s called blame and, folks the reality in my uneducated opinion is this is what real life is. You don’t have to be schizo or even clinically depressed or diagnosed with any psychosis to experience some mental health struggles. To get help or even need help with a counselor or a self help book or meditation trainer is not a sign of weakness or breaking down to the mental condition it is taking control and teaching yourself how to handle the mental condition associated with real life.

I am not saying there is no diagnosed psychosis or that a patient can just decide to snap out of it or fix it with out drugs or treatment, what I am suggesting is that this condition we call life sometimes does not need a diagnosis to need treatment. Get that treatment. Go to a counselor or talk to your pastor or a good friend. Don’t self medicate, and don’t beat yourself up internally with your words or worse by hurting yourself or anyone else for that matter! Find what works for you, if you don’t you may push away those you love by blaming them or by just being withdrawn. Go exercise what I didn’t do today. Eat right the brain needs fuel to process emotions in life. Take care of you. One step in self care is to take that vacation another is to get back to taking care of being healthy when you come back from vacation. Sometimes Self care involves mental health counselors, massage therapists to help with your pain or your stress or to just give you an hour of time away. It involves nutrition, exercise and brain work. Don’t be afraid to do it, figure out what it is that you need for your mental health and be your mental health advocate. Always do your best it is okay to take time to figure it out but figure it out, don’t give up!.

I don’t want this to turn political, which it kind of did for a minute we need to take care of our mental health because that is who is taking care of our families and kids. Whatever your role is, your kids need the best mom, dad, brother, sister, uncle, or grandparent that you can be your family deserves the best you! I tell mom’s all the time, don’t you want your family to have the healthiest mom they can have, don’t you think that mom will be better than the tired run down ill taken care of thing you are? Treat yourself the way you want your family to be treated! Take care of you, you owe it to them!

#Selfcare2018

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