Category Archives: Be Present

It’s Up To You

24 Tuesday Jul 2018

Posted by in #Everyday2015, Be Present, Be You, Connection, Live in the Moment, Reboot, Sex

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

Happiness is a choiceIt has been a while since I have written. There are many reasons, the obvious or easy answer is I have been busy. The real answer is I haven’t felt that I can be honest or real and that is tragic in this blog. I have not been what I would call happy. I have missed writing and I feel like getting away from writing has separated me from some of my feelings, honestly. It has bee hard in the Earl household lately. The Hubs and I have struggled. I believe we are getting back on the right track however. When I started this in 2015 I vowed to Sex Love and Washing Clothes everyday (#everyday2015). I was writing this blog to help teach women that being just a mom and wife was okay and to give purpose to myself, so I created Sex Love and Washing Clothes. It superficially helped my relationship back in 2015, gave the Hubs what he desired (more sex) and gave me purpose in my writing ans sharing my story with others like myself who needed to feel whole and were “just a mom.” Well, part way into that year I went back to work because I wanted to help our family afford a new car and help take pressure off the Hubs for the whole financial liability. So I went from being a stay at home mom to being a working mom and at one point I was working two jobs. To say the least the focus of my purpose got lost. It took a turn away from the original purpose and life got in the way…

I still did Sex Love and Washing Clothes everyday in 2015. In 2016 we kept it up pretty well and then I went into private practice and had many struggles to stay happy in our relationship. We spent 2017 trying to figure out how our family could survive with my being in private practice and decided I should work from home. So in 2018 I have been working my private practice from home and starting to feel settled and good together again. It has been rough. Many days I have thought about just giving up and writing a divorce blog. But we are stubborn and won’t give up that easily. Which brings me here today. Writing for me has been to justify my feelings and process my emotions. I just bought the book by Daniel Goleman called Emotional Intelligence. I am familiar with Emotional Intelligence and it is very important to understand that it comes from within.

In relationships understanding your emotions, where they come from and the fact that you are solely responsible for them is a valuable lesson. What you do with your emotions is on you. Being happy makes you more desirable and makes more people want to be with you. You have to own your happiness. Your partner can contribute to that happiness but they cannot provide that happiness, it’s a hard lesson sometimes to learn but once learned both people in a relationship can take their happiness to the next level. I am ready for the next level. Let’s do this and see what kind of sex comes out of it… I am ready to get back to writing about the crazy things in life and inspiring lovers to take it to the next level!

We are looking forward to changing our ways and living happy! Join us friends, it’s a choice come along with our journey!

#Change2018

Advertisements

Porn vs Plot

12 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Hump Day Challenge, Just Do It, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

couple watching porn

It’s late but we need a Hump Day Challenge. It’s tough because the Hubs is gone right now. I have struggled with Hump Day Challenges lately. Our lives have been busy and the relationship is tough when you feel overwhelmed and stressed and that makes sex tough. When I started this blog it was to capitalize on our great sex to ground our marriage in. But lately the great sex is not coming as easy, our kids are getting older, staying up later (our bedrooms are in a line) they are more interested in what we are doing and they are busy multiple sports competitions and involved in school projects etc. Makes a sex life tricky! So many excuses! So here we go Ruby it’s time to get help. I pulled out my drawer in my night stand and saw my superhotsex deck by Tracey Cox. It’s a deck of cards (flash card size) that have suggestions of sexual session topics. Very interesting and detailed! Use tools like this to spice up your sex life! Don’t be shy get open minded and let down those walls of judgement!

Today I drew randomly and pulled a “lust lessons and fantasies” card titled Porn Versus Plot. I have written a few Porn and Poking Hump Day Challenges so this is the direction we are going to go again. If you have your own pull those out and put them in the DVD or Blue Ray player or whatever device you use. Some people have a subscription to a magazine or website or others use free sites such as Worldsex.com. Pick one a motion picture version. Male fantasies tends to be more direct up close and getting it on very visual focused on the act of sex and the physicalness they usually don’t care what the people look like as long as they see dick and pussy or even up close girl on girl. Women on the other hand usually prefer at least a little bit of plot and romance and pretty people. They want to see a hot guy come up and be romantic watch him licking her pussy and other tantalizing pleasurable fore play actions, where as the men typically gravitate right to the sex.

My challenge to you is to grab your laptop or pull up your videos on the big screen if you prefer, and find your favorite scene. Scrolling through a website works well for this because you have the thumbnails to preview what your clicking on. Watch a few scenes feel free to click away if you land on one that you don’t like. (If your new to porn it will be when you both get warmed up and stop feeling weirded out by this exercise) Choose what you like. If the site you are on has a section for categories it may be easy to pick out one. Each of you pick your favorite category and possibly your favorite video. Note to the opposite partner the videos she/he chooses are what turns her/him on, so take notes on what you see and what you hear for future reference.

My suggestion is you both choose a video once you get enough of each others decide on one, maybe one of the same you chose or pick a new clip to watch and copy what you see or at least start to copy what you see. Maybe he starts going down on her and he goes down on you then you take off on your own sexcapade! The sexual energy you will feel from the movie and each other should be enough to take you through your whole sex session into a very fulfilling orgasm. You may not make it that far you might want to watch a few less warm up videos, use your judgement.

Remember to relax. If something comes up that makes you or your partner uncomfortable, turn it off because it’s not for you. Don’t ever pressure your partner to do or see things that make them uncomfortable! If you like it and your partner is cringing…still, turn it off! Talk about it later but tonight is for you and your partner to have fun and use the fantasy aspect of watching porn and figure out what you like. Maybe you will learn a new technique. Don’t be judgmental, if people in the movie are doing things you don’t like, don’t judge your partner for liking that, maybe they can teach you how to like it so be a little open minded but be honest with each other. Communication is important. Don’t get pissed at your man for getting turned on by two hot girls with one man. Just because he enjoys the fantasy on the screen does not me he is going to to act it out later, nor is she fellas! Trust is important porn can be used as a very good foreplay tool if you let it.

So go have some fun take your time and enjoy each other as you play voyeur and see what you like and play out some of those fantasies in real life!

Go fuck and be merry!

#HumpDayChallenge2018

Monday after Vacation

10 Tuesday Apr 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Relax, Self Care, Take the time to take care of yourself, Working Mom

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

sometimes

Today is Monday after our much needed and very relaxing vacation. Am I the only one who has a weird lull after vacation. I usually plan that Monday off to be able to regroup unpack, do laundry etc. during those days seem to be kind of depressing, the sad reality that you just don’t have that elated vacation feeling like you can do everything and fix all your problems just after one week off. You are met with the real life situation and now have to take action or you realize you thought it out and solved the problem but forgot your biggest road block is…reality. Or maybe you’re like me and decide you will be different. This time you will unpack right away keep the clutter gone and not let things pile up but then you realize you bring a pile with you back from vacation. And as much as the sun lured you into believing you were a changed woman who would relish at the opportunity to be proactive with laundry you come home to realize that it still doesn’t make your heart sing the way that sun on you cheeks and the warmth on your skin did. You realize you are still you…wait is that just me?

Then to top it off for me the Hubs left for a work trip today as well. I do want to admit that I know the reality that if I didn’t live with The Hubs I would either be on TLC’s Hoarders or My 600 Pound Life. The way I treat myself when he is gone is absolutely astounding and disgusting. I let myself eat crap, I let my kids eat crap. I count down the minutes until he leaves to have a donuts or eat a whole large pizza. Today after weighing in last night on my first day of my weight loss challenge I had a chocolate Easter Bunny for breakfast (I told this to my girlfriend and she laughed out loud at me because I said I ate a Easter Bunny for breakfast) She was probably confused because of my low carb diet she probably was laughing out of shear disgust that I may have eaten a real bunny like maybe roadkill cafe style or something. Then I fed the kids Taco Bell for dinner with a side of jelly beans and yes I had that too. I had a list of chores a mile long I got a couple started maybe one done but really it seems like I still have a list a mile and a half long.

I spent a lot of time on Facebook today. Am I bored? Do I need attention? Am I sad or lonely. Yes probably lonely the kids were at school the Hubs is away and I have spent the last week with two or more extra people in the same house with our family. It is quite a change. It’s like a crazy morning after or weird hangover. When the kids used to go to Grandma’s for the weekend when they were little they would come home with these crazy cranky attitudes. I always called it the Grandma Hangover. (One Grandma got pretty offended by that term) I seriously believe in this though and now I think I have the vacation hang over. Not puking from drinking although I had one of those the other day, it’s a weird crazy let down from Vacation!

How to combat this? Well two weeks ago in my therapist’s office I scheduled my next appointment for tomorrow. Thinking the Hubs will be gone it will be after vacation I might need time to process how it went how to proceed with the week (or it may have been her only opening for the next two weeks) but I feel like I kind of need it. When the Hubs is gone I get a lot of time to think. Which I don’t take often enough and that day after vacation I am always filled with thoughts so doing this all at the same time is different for me. One therapist told me one day to allow myself to be me give myself more of what I want and my response was “I don’t even know what I want” I am too busy being wife and mom and make them all happy I don’t think of me.

Dude, you would think I have some really messed up mental health state right? Schizophrenia or maybe BiPolar or even clinical or manic depression but no. I don’t, my message here is that I need a therapist to help me process, and I have no diagnosed condition. I know I a m not alone in this. If left alone I may create some horrible story about why I feel this way. What did my mother or father do to me in childhood that made me like this. What did the hubs say that made me so angry or what did he not say to make me so sad and lonely. That’s called blame and, folks the reality in my uneducated opinion is this is what real life is. You don’t have to be schizo or even clinically depressed or diagnosed with any psychosis to experience some mental health struggles. To get help or even need help with a counselor or a self help book or meditation trainer is not a sign of weakness or breaking down to the mental condition it is taking control and teaching yourself how to handle the mental condition associated with real life.

I am not saying there is no diagnosed psychosis or that a patient can just decide to snap out of it or fix it with out drugs or treatment, what I am suggesting is that this condition we call life sometimes does not need a diagnosis to need treatment. Get that treatment. Go to a counselor or talk to your pastor or a good friend. Don’t self medicate, and don’t beat yourself up internally with your words or worse by hurting yourself or anyone else for that matter! Find what works for you, if you don’t you may push away those you love by blaming them or by just being withdrawn. Go exercise what I didn’t do today. Eat right the brain needs fuel to process emotions in life. Take care of you. One step in self care is to take that vacation another is to get back to taking care of being healthy when you come back from vacation. Sometimes Self care involves mental health counselors, massage therapists to help with your pain or your stress or to just give you an hour of time away. It involves nutrition, exercise and brain work. Don’t be afraid to do it, figure out what it is that you need for your mental health and be your mental health advocate. Always do your best it is okay to take time to figure it out but figure it out, don’t give up!.

I don’t want this to turn political, which it kind of did for a minute we need to take care of our mental health because that is who is taking care of our families and kids. Whatever your role is, your kids need the best mom, dad, brother, sister, uncle, or grandparent that you can be your family deserves the best you! I tell mom’s all the time, don’t you want your family to have the healthiest mom they can have, don’t you think that mom will be better than the tired run down ill taken care of thing you are? Treat yourself the way you want your family to be treated! Take care of you, you owe it to them!

#Selfcare2018

Where’d You Go?

15 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Don't judge me, Reboot

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

I just received a question if I really decided to quit blogging. I have not. I have considered it. I miss blogging everyday and being free to write about anything I want. I still am free to write about anything but I have placed judgements on myself lately and that has made me censor myself. I don’t like that. I don’t want to censor myself. I love my writing to be open and honest and real. But lately I have censored myself and I hate that I need to relax and just fucking write my feelings, thoughts and encouragement.

To my readers who have been wanting to hear from me, apologies. I will be back. I want to be back better than ever! I am having self esteem issues. I am being super judgemental of my everything. My inner prude is coming out again with my conservative parenting. What happened to my “Fuck It” attitude?

Maybe now I just have too much to lose? Stop fucking judging yourself Ruby!

Maybe if I win the HGTV Dream house tomorrow and don’t need an income it will come back sooner. Maybe if I can learn how to make some money blogging or writing, then I can make it my second job and put in the energy I really should in order to have a successful blog!

Anyway that’s the update in my this here Ruby Earl! I am still here, I have not left you. Just needed some time to rethink and reset…

#SLWC2018

There is no wrong art

28 Sunday Jan 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Dance, Dance Like No One is Watching

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

find and lose yourselfToday is another day at convention with the Girl. Last night she performed her solo for the first time. The solo that she didn’t want me to see it was all a surprise. I loved it, I loved the costume (except would add some rhinestones to the straps but she wants nothing to do with that!) She got some really great critique from one of the instructors here at the convention. She did great if I critiqued it (which I have not, I am trying to let the professionals do it) I would say get more emotionally into the dance. However, in talking to her she said she messed up a couple parts and felt that she did terrible. I looked pretty good so I know she is a critic of herself so that kind of showed only because she was thinking through it and only I could tell because well, I am her mom. I am glad I made her perform it here to go once through it before she competes next week!
Right now, I am watching Tap. The girl is taking tap off since her injury was her gastric which is a calf muscle and tapping works the calf muscle a lot. They are dancing to a song called “This Is Me” from the Greatest Showman. I am loving this song. My favorite line is “I make no apologies, This is me” I want to live this in my life more. I want my kids to live this way. Live out loud and make no apologies!
That’s part of dance and art in general! One purpose of art is to express of feelings our emotions. Or at least for a place to put our emotions. We put ourselves in a dance we do what the choreographer tells us to. But in dance we bring our life out own emotions. The choreographer saw a picture or had a thought of what they want that dance to look like or feel like and the dancers takes it applies their own experience and transforms it into…. well, ART! This is why I love dance, the performer may bring one thing that the choreographer did not intend but in that moment both emotions are realized along with the emotion and interpretation of the audience! Whatever you feel when you see art is right even if it was not the intended emotions or experience. Nothing is wrong in the world of art…it’s heaven!
I love how you can watch a performance and be inspired to grow, express, love, move or just be loud. You can be the performer and go to the darkest place in your world and get it out and at the end someone saw it and thought it was beautiful even when for you, it came from your ugly place. That’s where the inspiration happens. Like a phoenix our of the ashes of loneliness comes the most beautiful love song. All it takes is getting to the core, you, dancing, from that place that no one sees. Yet even when you dance from that place, they see your most vulnerable piece of you coming out in the safety of dance but they may still not see you they see themselves…that is what makes art of dance so beautiful and gorgeous!
Here this is where transformation happens! Be you be real dance like no one is watching because no one really sees you, they see the deepest most personal and beautiful part of you. They see you for who you are, but they decide who you are and that is okay it doesn’t change you because you are, or your art is who or what they need you to be. That is okay, that is what makes it beautiful!!
#SLWC2018

Sleepy Blog

27 Saturday Jan 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Nothing Meaningful

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

birthday partyHappy Friday!!!! It really was nice to be back to a normal schedule today! I had 3 massages, then had to get the house and cake ready because today/tonight is The Boy’s birthday party! We have 8 boys here for a sleepover. They came over around 6 and will be here until 10am! In all actuality it has not been that bad. The Boy has some really good friends. Most of them have had The Hubs for a Coach and sometimes I think that helps in the respect factor but really these kids are just good kids with good parents who care so it shows in their kids.

Today I made a Basketball court Cake. It is nice but there are a few details that needed more attention. I have toyed with the idea of going pro with my cake biz but cakes like today tell me I am not goo enough to charge for my cakes. However, the entrepreneur in me says if I was pro I would take more time and the issue of being short supplied would not be one because I would make sure I had enough in every color and I would be making cakes more often so I would be able to make fondant for example, in bulk so that I don’t have to just make a whole batch just to have a small amount for one project I, in theory would have a regular amount of buttercream and fondant so that I could just decorate and not worrying about how the supply is.

I have a confession, I am super sleepy right now. The sleepover is going well. the Boys are watching Waterboy right now, The Girl and her friend (I always let the siblings invite a friend over when the other is having a party) are in The Girls room, The Hubs is playing Forza (a video game) and I am sitting in the corner of the couch falling asleep as I type. So just know today was a good day for me to reset I make a cute cake (far from perfect) had 3 great massages, even made it to Spin (RPM) class today, it was great.

Goodnight!

#SLWC2018

Own Your Vision

23 Tuesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Business, Massage Therapy, Planning, Raising Kids, Working Mom

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Awe man about the same time I realized I hadn’t written yet today, I also realized I hadn’t called in to see if I have to report for jury duty! Damn it, I have to report at 8am! I will do my Civic duty and go in tomorrow! Boo!

Today was a productive busy day of massage work, business networking and soul searching. Am I in the right place? I think I am and this is why, I met two great clients from a marketing gig I have done in the past year. They both seemed to be pleased with their appointment and one rebooked for two appointments for the following two months, the other didn’t have work schedule but said she’d call! It felt right like it was affirmation that I am in the right place and that I can build a home based practice.

I love working from home. I just want to stop getting “the look” from professionals when I talk about my home office. I feel judged when I tell networking partners that I work from home. As if I can’t be professional seeing clients in a home office. When I originally decided to be an LMT (Licensed Massage Therapist) I originally envisioned my work as a massage therapist, was me working from home. As a mom of Middle School Kids it is a perfect situation. “Own it Ruby! Stop letting others define and judge you.” Now if I could fill my books with paying clients that would be even better!

#SLWC2018

Change is Coming

14 Sunday Jan 2018

Posted by in #GoHawks, Be Present, Family, Football, Live in the Moment, Live life, Planning, Seahawks

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

Today we are sitting watching NFL football and reminiscing about our Football team, the Seahawks. It’s been a few years since we haven’t been at a playoff game or had a game to watch during the playoffs. It’s great to be a good team but it takes constant work and effort and dynamic adjustments on many levels. Football is the ultimate team sport. The team has to work together as whole in order to win games and even more work to stay on top.

Football is dynamic in the game and even in-between seasons. Our team, the Seahawks, have seen so many changes. We’ve seen a lot stay the same as well. But if things that are dynamic and things that are static don’t groove together, you struggle. That is what happened this season. This is also what happens over time with relationships and families as well.

So many things are static but yet so many things are dynamic in life. It’s great if your loving the things that don’t change but if you are one who wants to embrace the dynamics of change and live with one who does not it can cause difficulty and struggle. The key is balance in life and football. There will always be change and there will always be things that stay the same. You cannot always affect them, be it to change or keep them the way you want.

We must, in order to be happy, embrace it all. Look for the things you love in every situation. Savor the passing moment as you are not guaranteed to have it again as much as you wish or want to or even try to keep it you will never get it back. It’s always good to remember what works, but realize you may not be able to duplicate it and that is okay. Change is really the only constant in life and change is not constant.

Acceptance, love, appreciation for the good is what we need to focus regardless of it’s what we think we want or need. Search for the good focus on the good enhance the good and put in hard work to affect change in the way you want it to go. If you don’t get the results you want, change is coming so don’t let it get you down!

Here’s to a better you, a better family, and a better football season, in 2018. It will take to perseverance to sustain and faith to change what needs to change.

#GoHawks

#SLWC2018

Take Risks

12 Friday Jan 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Business, Family, Working Mom

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

10:49 and just now writing…ugh, I will get better at this! Today was busy BNI, then teeth cleaning, one to one with a colleague from BNI, the doctors appointment, run errands for the Girls dance competition, board meeting then home to cook dinner at 8:00…it was a busy but productive day.

Today on Facebook a friend of mine posted about taking risks. In my business I am about to make some changes and possibly take on a risk. It seems like a great business move if we can iron out a few details. I would work from home still part time but have an office to see clients from referring Chiropractor who needs someone to refer to. Will have to figure out details like rent etc…I love my work but the “business” side of things is always the stickler.

Because it’s so late I will leave you with this:

Keep reaching for your goals. If you have slipped up, reset and start over! My goals are still in tact, or have been reset. My Chinese herbs I take have been reset and I will be resetting my diet. Still dry January, I need a couple loads of laundry to catch up, but my sex number is still higher than the day of the year. I want to write more and make more time for it and exercise!

#SLWC2018

Getting Going Slow

09 Tuesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, New Year, Take the time to take care of yourself

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

this is the beginningOkay so here I am Monday evening just now blogging. I really need to work on scheduling writing in before the end of the day. Except today was different slightly here I was I got up took the 5:30 am spin class at the gym. As I was basking in my exercise high dreaming of taking a run after the kids go to school the Hubs texted me “check you court date” I have a court date for a speeding ticket that I got back in November. I contested it as the officer put the wrong license plate number on my ticket. You see I accidentally gave him the registration for our travel trailer instead of the truck. So on the ticket it said “I authorize that I was driving this vehicle license #……” well since I wasn’t driving that license plate number vehicle I could not in good conscious sign that ticket as committing that infraction. I had a whole argument ready about said technicality however I didn’t need it. Apparently when a ticket is contested officers have to file an affidavit stating their case and the proof of how they caught you speeding etc the officer did not file an affidavit so my case was dismissed before I even had to pull out my evidence.

So thanks to the Hubs I am one speeding ticket less on my record and my day to work on the house turned into a half day. My original plan was going to be spin class, writing the a 3 mile run and then cake cabinet organizing. But it turned into driving 2.5 hours and half day to organize and here I am at 11pm blogging. Oh well at least it’s done.

Yesterday the Hubs and Kids and I went to see Star Wars again then went to dinner at a hibachi style restaurant. While we were there we talked New Year’s Resolution. We all stated some of our goals for the year. Some of us are already a day later working on round two of trying again. I have already wrote about my goals but the kids added a fun one we have a plan for one just because” family day a month and they added one chore day a month to do things like washing windows or scrubbing bath tubs. The Girl is the one who picked that and the Boy agreed, The Hubs looked a little scared but was still down. It was nice to have a little family time to talk with all of our phones put away. I am looking forward to more of that in 2018.

I made my bed today (one of my resolutions that the kids laughed at) went to the gym. Am still one higher than the day of the year on sex so today I am at 9 and haven’t even had sex yet. Still have 0 miles running but am looking forward to getting started.

One of the best things about 2018 is The Hubs and I have not had on big fight. Even tonight we had a discussion that got heated but we stayed calm and focused and got through it with out a knock down drag out! He would say it’s because I’m not yelling or I have done something different like having sex every day but really he is getting more patient. He is being more patient and understanding and all he says is that it’s because I have changed…weird. Honestly, it doesn’t matter the fact that we are getting along better having the fun times we have together and not the shitty arguments that showed up in 2017 about once a week is a nice change regardless of why!

Anyway here’s to 2018 and getting moving on the Goals or Resolutions and actually starting the 2018 movement! I will work on my schedule and be here tomorrow!

#Everyday2018