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Category Archives: Be You

Monday after Vacation

10 Tuesday Apr 2018

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be Present, Be You, Relax, Self Care, Take the time to take care of yourself, Working Mom

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Family Vacation!, give yourself grace, hangovers are normal, Marriage takes work!, Self Care, Take the time to take care of yourself

sometimes

Today is Monday after our much needed and very relaxing vacation. Am I the only one who has a weird lull after vacation. I usually plan that Monday off to be able to regroup unpack, do laundry etc. during those days seem to be kind of depressing, the sad reality that you just don’t have that elated vacation feeling like you can do everything and fix all your problems just after one week off. You are met with the real life situation and now have to take action or you realize you thought it out and solved the problem but forgot your biggest road block is…reality. Or maybe you’re like me and decide you will be different. This time you will unpack right away keep the clutter gone and not let things pile up but then you realize you bring a pile with you back from vacation. And as much as the sun lured you into believing you were a changed woman who would relish at the opportunity to be proactive with laundry you come home to realize that it still doesn’t make your heart sing the way that sun on you cheeks and the warmth on your skin did. You realize you are still you…wait is that just me?

Then to top it off for me the Hubs left for a work trip today as well. I do want to admit that I know the reality that if I didn’t live with The Hubs I would either be on TLC’s Hoarders or My 600 Pound Life. The way I treat myself when he is gone is absolutely astounding and disgusting. I let myself eat crap, I let my kids eat crap. I count down the minutes until he leaves to have a donuts or eat a whole large pizza. Today after weighing in last night on my first day of my weight loss challenge I had a chocolate Easter Bunny for breakfast (I told this to my girlfriend and she laughed out loud at me because I said I ate a Easter Bunny for breakfast) She was probably confused because of my low carb diet she probably was laughing out of shear disgust that I may have eaten a real bunny like maybe roadkill cafe style or something. Then I fed the kids Taco Bell for dinner with a side of jelly beans and yes I had that too. I had a list of chores a mile long I got a couple started maybe one done but really it seems like I still have a list a mile and a half long.

I spent a lot of time on Facebook today. Am I bored? Do I need attention? Am I sad or lonely. Yes probably lonely the kids were at school the Hubs is away and I have spent the last week with two or more extra people in the same house with our family. It is quite a change. It’s like a crazy morning after or weird hangover. When the kids used to go to Grandma’s for the weekend when they were little they would come home with these crazy cranky attitudes. I always called it the Grandma Hangover. (One Grandma got pretty offended by that term) I seriously believe in this though and now I think I have the vacation hang over. Not puking from drinking although I had one of those the other day, it’s a weird crazy let down from Vacation!

How to combat this? Well two weeks ago in my therapist’s office I scheduled my next appointment for tomorrow. Thinking the Hubs will be gone it will be after vacation I might need time to process how it went how to proceed with the week (or it may have been her only opening for the next two weeks) but I feel like I kind of need it. When the Hubs is gone I get a lot of time to think. Which I don’t take often enough and that day after vacation I am always filled with thoughts so doing this all at the same time is different for me. One therapist told me one day to allow myself to be me give myself more of what I want and my response was “I don’t even know what I want” I am too busy being wife and mom and make them all happy I don’t think of me.

Dude, you would think I have some really messed up mental health state right? Schizophrenia or maybe BiPolar or even clinical or manic depression but no. I don’t, my message here is that I need a therapist to help me process, and I have no diagnosed condition. I know I a m not alone in this. If left alone I may create some horrible story about why I feel this way. What did my mother or father do to me in childhood that made me like this. What did the hubs say that made me so angry or what did he not say to make me so sad and lonely. That’s called blame and, folks the reality in my uneducated opinion is this is what real life is. You don’t have to be schizo or even clinically depressed or diagnosed with any psychosis to experience some mental health struggles. To get help or even need help with a counselor or a self help book or meditation trainer is not a sign of weakness or breaking down to the mental condition it is taking control and teaching yourself how to handle the mental condition associated with real life.

I am not saying there is no diagnosed psychosis or that a patient can just decide to snap out of it or fix it with out drugs or treatment, what I am suggesting is that this condition we call life sometimes does not need a diagnosis to need treatment. Get that treatment. Go to a counselor or talk to your pastor or a good friend. Don’t self medicate, and don’t beat yourself up internally with your words or worse by hurting yourself or anyone else for that matter! Find what works for you, if you don’t you may push away those you love by blaming them or by just being withdrawn. Go exercise what I didn’t do today. Eat right the brain needs fuel to process emotions in life. Take care of you. One step in self care is to take that vacation another is to get back to taking care of being healthy when you come back from vacation. Sometimes Self care involves mental health counselors, massage therapists to help with your pain or your stress or to just give you an hour of time away. It involves nutrition, exercise and brain work. Don’t be afraid to do it, figure out what it is that you need for your mental health and be your mental health advocate. Always do your best it is okay to take time to figure it out but figure it out, don’t give up!.

I don’t want this to turn political, which it kind of did for a minute we need to take care of our mental health because that is who is taking care of our families and kids. Whatever your role is, your kids need the best mom, dad, brother, sister, uncle, or grandparent that you can be your family deserves the best you! I tell mom’s all the time, don’t you want your family to have the healthiest mom they can have, don’t you think that mom will be better than the tired run down ill taken care of thing you are? Treat yourself the way you want your family to be treated! Take care of you, you owe it to them!

#Selfcare2018

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Where’d You Go?

15 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be Present, Be You, Don't judge me, Reboot

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Censorship, Grow Up, I love my life, Time to Think, What do I want to do with my life, What does it say about me, why can't I live bold

I just received a question if I really decided to quit blogging. I have not. I have considered it. I miss blogging everyday and being free to write about anything I want. I still am free to write about anything but I have placed judgements on myself lately and that has made me censor myself. I don’t like that. I don’t want to censor myself. I love my writing to be open and honest and real. But lately I have censored myself and I hate that I need to relax and just fucking write my feelings, thoughts and encouragement.

To my readers who have been wanting to hear from me, apologies. I will be back. I want to be back better than ever! I am having self esteem issues. I am being super judgemental of my everything. My inner prude is coming out again with my conservative parenting. What happened to my “Fuck It” attitude?

Maybe now I just have too much to lose? Stop fucking judging yourself Ruby!

Maybe if I win the HGTV Dream house tomorrow and don’t need an income it will come back sooner. Maybe if I can learn how to make some money blogging or writing, then I can make it my second job and put in the energy I really should in order to have a successful blog!

Anyway that’s the update in my this here Ruby Earl! I am still here, I have not left you. Just needed some time to rethink and reset…

#SLWC2018

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XXX-Sext Up Some Interest-XXX

31 Wednesday Jan 2018

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be You, Just Do It, Sex, Sexting, XXX

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Dont be shy it's your lover, embrace your lovers desire, Hump Day Challenge, it's not just for dating, Sex, Sexting

if you never did you shouldHappy Hump Day! Today the Hump Day Challenge is to get out of your comfort level. Well for some of you, anyway. Since it’s the beginning of the year I want to ease into things sort of and get you communicating differently. The Hubs and I struggle hard core on communication. Believe it or not he is more sexually driven than me. He likes to have dirty talk and like sexual innuendo and most of the time I am stuck and confused about how to answer. Many times I respond with LOL or send back and emoji but he really wants is for me to get involved with the conversation. So, the best advice I can give you is PRACTICE and just do it. Write something back until if feels normal. The hump day challenge this week is, we are going to sext each other.

Start off by sending a text that says something like “I can’t wait to see your naked body” or some partners may want (or even need) more. Point is: Know your audience. If your man likes the details of how long and where you will put his member when you get home by all means go for it. However, if your wife is a stay at home mom who sometimes lets your kids play with her phone while she is shopping give her a warning first. “Hey, babe. Little man is not looking right?” she responds with “no” Then go ahead  with “when he goes to bed tonight I’m going to lick your luscious pussy until you beg for my cock” then she can respond back with a pic of her pussy (after she escapes from Little Man of course)

Sexting is a fine art. You have to be careful what and when you send texts and if your partner has a work phone probably don’t want to send it there…or maybe you do for some extra danger (but don’t say I didn’t warn you if negative backlash comes). I love the idea of sexting my spouse. He loves it. There’s not a whole lot of anything that can’t be cheered up with a nice shot of my tits… Get my smile in there too then he is set for the day!

If sending photos don’t worry about how you look there are not too many sexual positions you are in that you will think are attractive, but he will. I know it’s usually the girls who have that self consciousness. Men, some ladies love a good dick pic, however many of us can live without. My preference is to not get them. However, I love a good six pack paired with  boxer briefs… I love my husbands smile and I love a guy in sunglasses. My point is that we women are a little harder to understand and please, so do your homework and find out what your gal likes before sending the dick pic.

Your hump day challenge today is to sext up your lover! Give them a story or just a short tease what ever you feel like and make sure you know it is something they are into. The point is to start a playful conversation that leads to foreplay that leads to sex that leads to two orgasms!

#SLWC2018

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There is no wrong art

28 Sunday Jan 2018

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be Present, Be You, Dance, Dance Like No One is Watching

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Dance is what you need it to be, Dance it out, Do your art loud and proud, Emotions, interpretation is in the eye of the beholder, What you need and what they need

find and lose yourselfToday is another day at convention with the Girl. Last night she performed her solo for the first time. The solo that she didn’t want me to see it was all a surprise. I loved it, I loved the costume (except would add some rhinestones to the straps but she wants nothing to do with that!) She got some really great critique from one of the instructors here at the convention. She did great if I critiqued it (which I have not, I am trying to let the professionals do it) I would say get more emotionally into the dance. However, in talking to her she said she messed up a couple parts and felt that she did terrible. I looked pretty good so I know she is a critic of herself so that kind of showed only because she was thinking through it and only I could tell because well, I am her mom. I am glad I made her perform it here to go once through it before she competes next week!
Right now, I am watching Tap. The girl is taking tap off since her injury was her gastric which is a calf muscle and tapping works the calf muscle a lot. They are dancing to a song called “This Is Me” from the Greatest Showman. I am loving this song. My favorite line is “I make no apologies, This is me” I want to live this in my life more. I want my kids to live this way. Live out loud and make no apologies!
That’s part of dance and art in general! One purpose of art is to express of feelings our emotions. Or at least for a place to put our emotions. We put ourselves in a dance we do what the choreographer tells us to. But in dance we bring our life out own emotions. The choreographer saw a picture or had a thought of what they want that dance to look like or feel like and the dancers takes it applies their own experience and transforms it into…. well, ART! This is why I love dance, the performer may bring one thing that the choreographer did not intend but in that moment both emotions are realized along with the emotion and interpretation of the audience! Whatever you feel when you see art is right even if it was not the intended emotions or experience. Nothing is wrong in the world of art…it’s heaven!
I love how you can watch a performance and be inspired to grow, express, love, move or just be loud. You can be the performer and go to the darkest place in your world and get it out and at the end someone saw it and thought it was beautiful even when for you, it came from your ugly place. That’s where the inspiration happens. Like a phoenix our of the ashes of loneliness comes the most beautiful love song. All it takes is getting to the core, you, dancing, from that place that no one sees. Yet even when you dance from that place, they see your most vulnerable piece of you coming out in the safety of dance but they may still not see you they see themselves…that is what makes art of dance so beautiful and gorgeous!
Here this is where transformation happens! Be you be real dance like no one is watching because no one really sees you, they see the deepest most personal and beautiful part of you. They see you for who you are, but they decide who you are and that is okay it doesn’t change you because you are, or your art is who or what they need you to be. That is okay, that is what makes it beautiful!!
#SLWC2018

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What Was I Thinking?

27 Saturday Jan 2018

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be You, Dance, Dance Like No One is Watching, Mom Stuff, Raising Kids

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Awareness, be respectful kid, Dance, I love watching her dance!, just another mom worry, Suicide is a real thing, Talk about it, Talk to your kids

don't forget you love danceI really don’t know what I was thinking when I thought that I would blog during a dance convention. The Girl is at her first convention of the season. She has been injured so she missed the convention part of the last one her team did. She has sat out 2 of the classes so far because of pain, but is now in the last class of the day which is Hip Hop. I love watching her dance and I love watching these instructors teach. I brought a book to read, my Surface to blog and of course there is always the social media distraction on my phone, and all my mom friends. I really don’t need any distraction! I would be quite content just watching!

I am enjoying watching the Girl dance and sad that she is still having some knee pain. I hope that she can overcome this and dance to her hearts content witout pain. I want her to enjoy  her hobby. Not to mention she is so good, I want the world to see her!

I am super excited that I get to watch her solo tonight. She has sheltered me from seeing any of it. She chose a song from the newest Linkin Park album. She was selecting songs and this was my favorite of the top three. She of course didn’t select it because of that, if she knew it was my fave, she probably would have probably taken it off her list. (She is so much a teenage girl right now, “don’t let mom see I am having fun and no way will I enjoy something she suggests.”) She is dancing to “Nobody Can Save Me” She was listening to it today and I almost started crying just listening to the words and everything that is that song; What happend with Chester, emotions and her dancing to it! OMG so powerful. That whole album is so emotional. It was the last one before Chester Bennington committed suicide he wrote at least part of it for Chris Cornell who also committed suicide. I have listened to that album different since Chester passed away and have thought, “it sounds like a really detailed and long suicide note.”

Then my crazy mom head goes…she’s not depressed or having suicidal thoughts is she? Am I there for her enough? Is this teenage girl attitude really normal or a warning sign? It is  normal, right? I think so. I am doing my best to let her be who she is. There is fine balance, I hope to continue to walk the tight rope, that she likes me enough to come to me in times she needs someone but hates me enough to be a normal teenager…I let her be who she is, I love that girl. She talks about her feelings but she holds a lot in too. I think dance helps her ‘express’ herself but sometimes she holds back especially when I am watching. I can’t wait to see her solo and I hope she is going to put her emotion into it and I think it will be phenomenal!

I am really enjoying watching her learn and get into the new moves she is learning and having to adjust to protect that injured knee but as I watch her I can tell she is loving it. In her movements she is happy. It is so refreshing to watch. What is fun about these routines is that they can learn them and just dance. They don’t have to worry about being judged or performing it, they get to just have fun with it! They need more time like this to just dance for the love of dance.

Anyway, I am going back to watching dance! This is what I pay for right?!

#SLWC2018

 

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Emotional Draining

25 Thursday Jan 2018

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be You, Don't judge me

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how do you determine credibility, I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't approve of my blog, Jury Duty, not that case, violent crime not for me, What do most people think?, who says you have to feel this way?

jury dutyToday was an emotional draining day. I was summoned for Jury duty this week. I had to report on Tuesday for the first part of it. They had summoned 120 jurors for this case, seriously? Don’t they only need 12?! They knew it was going to be tough to fill the jury, so they summoned a lot of folks. In the final day today of questioning for the jury they had already vetted out quite a few, down to around 50. It took a good 10-20 minutes at the beginning of the week to just read the charges for the defendant as there were a total of 45 charges and that is with the judge summarizing a lof of it. It was overwhelming and as soon as they started reading the charges of the violent crimes that the defendant is charged with, I went in my head “No! I wanted a case where I was going to find fault in a traffic violation or a wrongful termination or something” just not a violent crime. As much as I was willing, and have wanted to forever, to serve and curious to see the whole system work, I still wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the details of the case.

However today, was mentally draining. Questions to the potential jury about what predetermined biases that we may have. Do you think most people agree with you? Do you think it is right? Who would choose to have this kind of a lifestyle? Does a badge make a person more credible? What determines credibility? Will your answers affect your ability to be bias and impartial? Etc etc…. and it continued for a few hours bouncing back and forth prosecution back to the defense then back to the prosecution they went a few rounds at this. There were a few people who were really grilled about their opinion as if they were the ones on trial. At one point the prosecution challenged me. I said well can’t you generalize what “most” people think. I feel that everyone thinks differently and sometimes it’s dynamic, when in the presence of certain people with certain opinions or at least their stated opinions change depending on the situation or crown they are in. One person may feel one way but say differently because of the company they are around. She challenged me saying generally most people agree on this subject don’t you think. I said “well, I can’t speak for ‘most’ people and I just don’t do that, I am not a judgmental person”. But I am here to do just that, if chosen. However my point was, we are asked to judge the LAW impartially not to judge what most people think the law should be. What really matters is what does the law says, right? In that moment I thought, wow this is going to be a tough trial and bring up a lot of uncomfortable emotions and the worst part is, I can’t talk to anyone about it until it is all over!

In the end I was not selected. I was 5 people behind the next person up. So I am relieved to not have to sit through the gory details of the violent crimes that the accused was charged with. The way I feel right now is emotionally drained. I have actually considered cancelling my day tomorrow. I am a social person I like to be around people and right now I don’t really feel like being around people. I am so glad I don’t have to spend the next three weeks feeling like this! One thing I do know is true that the judicial system is working. At least in our community we have 100% show up rate for the jurors so that a defendant can get a fair trial by a truly impartial jury. Apparently that is not the case in other communities people just don’t show up. I think one thing that helps is there are a lot of employers in this community that will pay employees their regular wages while serving on jury duty so there is less people who have hardships so they can be selected and it can truly be a good diverse jury of peers not just those who don’t have jobs.

Tonight would be a night, with the way I feel, that I would eat a full box of Girl Scout Cookies and drink a whole bottle of Champagne or wine to drown my feelings and emotions. However, it is still “Dry January” and I am living the no carb life. So I have had to come to grips with the shitty feeling that there are some bad things that happen in the world and it is not always an easy judgement. (I avoid news stories and dramatic CSI type TV shows for a reason) but life still goes on. Tomorrow, I still have a birthday party, 3 massages and a slew of other things to do tomorrow. You must go on with life. You must get up and put your best foot forward with a smile on your face, well you don’t HAVE to smile I just think it helps! Good sex also helps, so tonight since there is no alcohol or chocolate option, sex is it! I may redo this weeks Hump Day Challenge….

Go forward, continue and livejust keep going life to the fullest everyday!

#SLWC2018

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Own Your Vision

23 Tuesday Jan 2018

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be Present, Be You, Business, Massage Therapy, Planning, Raising Kids, Working Mom

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Don't let others judge and define you, Home office, Home office and Professional can coexist, Jury Duty, love what you do, low overhead, Professional, Reschedule Everything

Awe man about the same time I realized I hadn’t written yet today, I also realized I hadn’t called in to see if I have to report for jury duty! Damn it, I have to report at 8am! I will do my Civic duty and go in tomorrow! Boo!

Today was a productive busy day of massage work, business networking and soul searching. Am I in the right place? I think I am and this is why, I met two great clients from a marketing gig I have done in the past year. They both seemed to be pleased with their appointment and one rebooked for two appointments for the following two months, the other didn’t have work schedule but said she’d call! It felt right like it was affirmation that I am in the right place and that I can build a home based practice.

I love working from home. I just want to stop getting “the look” from professionals when I talk about my home office. I feel judged when I tell networking partners that I work from home. As if I can’t be professional seeing clients in a home office. When I originally decided to be an LMT (Licensed Massage Therapist) I originally envisioned my work as a massage therapist, was me working from home. As a mom of Middle School Kids it is a perfect situation. “Own it Ruby! Stop letting others define and judge you.” Now if I could fill my books with paying clients that would be even better!

#SLWC2018

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Risk Taking Kind of 2018

18 Thursday Jan 2018

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be You, Business, Do Your Thing, Working Mom

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Believe in yourself, Building my brand!, Business, Business Woman, Do what you need, Going Back to Work, Put In The Work, referral partners

This is going to be quick. Today I had a great conversation with a friend of mine in business. He has always encouraged me to go big and dream big about my business. So tomorrow I am meeting with a potential work/referral partner. What I have to figure out now is what do I want and what are my work goals?

In my work I want to grow a business. I’d like to mentor other massage therapist and maybe even mom’s to being successful in private practice. But I have to be successful in private practice first! I am confident I can be, especially worth this potential referral partner. Now, I have to comitt to the work!

I am committed to making this work to show my kids you CAN make your own way. To help my family be financially successful and take a little pressure off the Hubs and to prove to me. 2018 is the year of Risk. Here goes taking a leap of faith and taking on this “risk” and committing to it for the WHOLE year. It may mean the kids having to walk themselves home and getting help getting the girl to dance and other logistical things. I need to prove to myself that I can. I am ready to take on this challenge! Here we go!

#SLWC2018

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Getting Going Slow

09 Tuesday Jan 2018

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be Present, Be You, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, New Year, Take the time to take care of yourself

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dismissed ticket, Focus, I was speeding, more tomorrow, Reminders save my life or at least my driving record, Slow start to 2018, Thankful for The Hubs

this is the beginningOkay so here I am Monday evening just now blogging. I really need to work on scheduling writing in before the end of the day. Except today was different slightly here I was I got up took the 5:30 am spin class at the gym. As I was basking in my exercise high dreaming of taking a run after the kids go to school the Hubs texted me “check you court date” I have a court date for a speeding ticket that I got back in November. I contested it as the officer put the wrong license plate number on my ticket. You see I accidentally gave him the registration for our travel trailer instead of the truck. So on the ticket it said “I authorize that I was driving this vehicle license #……” well since I wasn’t driving that license plate number vehicle I could not in good conscious sign that ticket as committing that infraction. I had a whole argument ready about said technicality however I didn’t need it. Apparently when a ticket is contested officers have to file an affidavit stating their case and the proof of how they caught you speeding etc the officer did not file an affidavit so my case was dismissed before I even had to pull out my evidence.

So thanks to the Hubs I am one speeding ticket less on my record and my day to work on the house turned into a half day. My original plan was going to be spin class, writing the a 3 mile run and then cake cabinet organizing. But it turned into driving 2.5 hours and half day to organize and here I am at 11pm blogging. Oh well at least it’s done.

Yesterday the Hubs and Kids and I went to see Star Wars again then went to dinner at a hibachi style restaurant. While we were there we talked New Year’s Resolution. We all stated some of our goals for the year. Some of us are already a day later working on round two of trying again. I have already wrote about my goals but the kids added a fun one we have a plan for one just because” family day a month and they added one chore day a month to do things like washing windows or scrubbing bath tubs. The Girl is the one who picked that and the Boy agreed, The Hubs looked a little scared but was still down. It was nice to have a little family time to talk with all of our phones put away. I am looking forward to more of that in 2018.

I made my bed today (one of my resolutions that the kids laughed at) went to the gym. Am still one higher than the day of the year on sex so today I am at 9 and haven’t even had sex yet. Still have 0 miles running but am looking forward to getting started.

One of the best things about 2018 is The Hubs and I have not had on big fight. Even tonight we had a discussion that got heated but we stayed calm and focused and got through it with out a knock down drag out! He would say it’s because I’m not yelling or I have done something different like having sex every day but really he is getting more patient. He is being more patient and understanding and all he says is that it’s because I have changed…weird. Honestly, it doesn’t matter the fact that we are getting along better having the fun times we have together and not the shitty arguments that showed up in 2017 about once a week is a nice change regardless of why!

Anyway here’s to 2018 and getting moving on the Goals or Resolutions and actually starting the 2018 movement! I will work on my schedule and be here tomorrow!

#Everyday2018

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Give Yourself Time to Adjust

05 Friday Jan 2018

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be You, Do You, New Year, Planning, Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

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Not Yet, Sex everyday, Starting everything Monday

Resolution writing everyday here I am writing at 10:06pm on my phone as the kids fill their bowls with ice cream. I had one massage and did a cake today. Did not have a shower…or wash my face but am still on the sex everyday track, and if I am correct I at at 6 even though today is only the 5th yes we’ve had one two a day! I have yet to log any miles running this year hopefully tomorrow will be my day. I have decided to start on all everything officially on Monday. I am being a little easy on myself this year. I will follow through I just am better if I start on a Monday! The family has our meeting for goals that will be the kick off! I sound so lazy! Oh well! Do the best you can with what you can. Tomorrow I will write more. The Fam is watching Truman Show.

I feel like this was a waisted blog post. Well, at least I wrote! Work in progress we all are!

#GiveYourselfGrace2018

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Sex Love and Washing Clothes

Sex Love and Washing Clothes
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