Category Archives: Don’t judge me

Vacation for Me talk Health

18 Monday May 2020

Posted by in Connection, Do You, Don't judge me, Live in the Moment, Live life

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

Happy Monday SLWC-ers! This post is coming to you from our rented Hertz Hendrick SS Camaro. The Hubs and I are road tripping to visit a friend today. We took our family on vacation to see their Grandparents and we have friends who live a few hours away. Everytime we come to the in-laws we always consider this road trip but have never done it. Since we’re all in quarantine and can’t do much anyway we figured this is the best trip to road trip it.

What I have noticed about this vacation so far is that I really needed it. It is no secret I have not been doing well with this whole quaratine thing! I am surrounded by people who I don’t feel really understand what I am lacking and why I am so off kilter. When you go from seeing and connecting with people everyday to only seeing your family it affects you, and for me it has been a negative affect. For some it has been super positive, they are living their best life and are dreading going back to “normal” that’s just not me. We are all trying to figure out how to manage I this new circumstance and in reality maybe they do understand and I don’t understand them? Or we don’t know how to communicate this right now. What I do know is that they love me and I love them and I am going to work to bridge this gap as I believe it exists in a lot of places I. Our world right now. The word is acceptance, of others and ourselves. As well as acceptance of not knowing or understanding and not being okay.

Moral of the story today is that I want to encourage you to live your best life. First, take a step back and figure out what you need. That is way easier said than done, but it is essential! I kind of needed this shut down in a way, I was burnt out and I needed a reset. I needed time to slow down and figure out what I needed. I need connection. For me I get connection from human contact and human touch. I kind of suck at text message or phone call relationships be it business or personal, it is hard for me to not see touch or feel a person’s presence. I need touch and eye contact. I feel whole with connection and that connection is not made without touch. I have seen friends and we do the nod, or wave and it pains me to not connect with a hug or hand shake. So I have learned I need touch.

Second, make sure the ones you love know what it is you need. If you need touch or eye contact, to hear their voice or be in the same place (6 feet apart of you have to) tell them! It took me over a month of the stay at home order to figure out why I was going so crazy. It hit me one day that I am so used to being so intimate and connected to people, even in the professional level of therapeutic massage, that my whole life relies on that. There have been multiple studies on this but if you work with inadamant objects like computers or refrigerators you may not understand half of what people who normal work with people are missing in life in the stay at home order. My point here in this paragraph started as tell those around about this so they understand where you are coming from.

Your people need to know that you know what you need. I want to tell you, it’s okay if it’s not what your partner or rest of your family needs and it makes communication even more important. I still struggle with this. I know I need human connection but how do I tell my family and how do I get that when we are in quaratine and social distancing orders? And when I say that and they look at me like I’m speaking Greek how do I explain more? The answer is, you don’t. Stop trying to justify yourself. So instead of explaining and justifying to those around you that you think don’t understand you, accept yourself. It’s okay if they do t understand,now they know what you need. Tell them what you need and leave it at that. I need human connection. I need hugs and hand shakes. I need face to face in person connection with people. I thrive at being the highlight of a person’s day, which is why I became a Massage Therapist. It feeds my sole to help someone get out of pain and be able to manage their life better with less pain. These are my why’s of doing my job. I have accepted that and it’s my job to be sure to make that happen in my life. That is part of me taking care of me. The tough part is for the last 8 weeks, I haven’t been able to do that.

Taking this vacation was so much needed for me. I needed to get out of my head where I was upset with myself for not feeling good enough for not being able to feel good. I have struggled, why isn’t this life good enough? Our family is blessed that The Hubs still has his job and we have been able to save money not going out that all our bills are paid and we have even put money away in savings during this time. We are blessed so many people are so much in a harder place. So why am I struggle so hard? Stop judging yourself! Human connection is a real need. I’m not getting as much as I was before and that’s the missing link. Taking this vacation I have been better able to stop judging myself and stop hating on myself. I’m not killing my side hustle sales business and the house is not spotless and I’m not a steller homeschooler, I don’t even know if my kids are really doing school some days. On vacation, here, I have been able to let that shit go! I have been able to look at my kids who are healthy and young who should be enjoying life as much as learning. They will never get this young age back again. They should be seeing their mom take care of herself in a way that she wants them to take care of themselves when they grow up. That’s my job right now. With this vacation I have been able to reset myself. Kind of hit the reboot for my brain. To look at what’s important and guess what ( sorry for saying this Hubs) chores being done, dinner on the perfectly set table, kids studiously learning and not fighting, everything in its place, is not really the most important. The most important thing is what’s going on in our heads. Do we love ourselves? Do we love what we have? Are we appreciating eachother? Are we taking care of what we need in our own lives? Are we allowing the ones around us to do the same? That is what is important!

So, forget the fucking dishes, go to bed early and fuck like bunnies. Teach the kids life lessons like how to change the oil in your car or change a tire when you can’t figure out how to help with math. Do something you all enjoy and enjoy each othermaybe take a walk.

Manage your me talk health. Exercise is the most underused medication for mental health. Mental health is just that how well are we mentally? Can we handle our emotions? Me talk health isn’t always being happy,it is handling life when we are sad or frustrated or not getting everything we want or need and knowing how to go about making it right. Talk about your feelings,good and bad they are all okay there are healthy ways to ha dle all of our emotions!

It’s the people that matter in life most of all the person who you are ultimately responsible is you. Make your self happy and you will see the world opens up! Take a vacation if you can it’s easier to see yourself.

#MentalHealth2020

Where’d You Go?

15 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Don't judge me, Reboot

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

I just received a question if I really decided to quit blogging. I have not. I have considered it. I miss blogging everyday and being free to write about anything I want. I still am free to write about anything but I have placed judgements on myself lately and that has made me censor myself. I don’t like that. I don’t want to censor myself. I love my writing to be open and honest and real. But lately I have censored myself and I hate that I need to relax and just fucking write my feelings, thoughts and encouragement.

To my readers who have been wanting to hear from me, apologies. I will be back. I want to be back better than ever! I am having self esteem issues. I am being super judgemental of my everything. My inner prude is coming out again with my conservative parenting. What happened to my “Fuck It” attitude?

Maybe now I just have too much to lose? Stop fucking judging yourself Ruby!

Maybe if I win the HGTV Dream house tomorrow and don’t need an income it will come back sooner. Maybe if I can learn how to make some money blogging or writing, then I can make it my second job and put in the energy I really should in order to have a successful blog!

Anyway that’s the update in my this here Ruby Earl! I am still here, I have not left you. Just needed some time to rethink and reset…

#SLWC2018

Call Your Friends

01 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by in Connection, Dance, Do Your Thing, Don't judge me, Family, Friends, Raising Kids, Relax, Self Care, wrestling

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

Why people are sad

Happy Thursday!!! So, there has been no alcohol consumed on this First day of February but for some reason the mood in here is light and airy, unlike it has been for the last month of Dry January. It is a good day here in the Earl household! The boy is well into his first year of Middle School Wrestling and doing great. He has had 2 matches on Varsity as a 6th grader, 2 wins, 1 with a pin and one by points. Today was the points match. It was intense the kid he wrestled was good but the Boy was better. He kept focus was strong and held him off and managed to score more points even when the ref was screwed up in his scoring (he had to score a couple Take-downs before he even got points). I love watching him wrestle he is doing great!

The girl is gearing up for her first full convention and competition this weekend. She will be on her own deciding what she can do per her knee pain. She has taken today and tomorrow’s classes off to give a rest before the big weekend. I hope she can hold up with minimal set backs but sometimes when you rehab from injury and reintroduce sports and workload, that happens. This is the competition that she won their title award a few years ago. I love seeing her win awards and get scholarships but I try not to attach to much emotion to that, but it’s hard! I just love watching her dance!

Today I had a girlfriend come over for coffee. OMG was that refreshing and so enjoyable! I really needed that and I think the two of us need to do that more often! It is refreshing for the soul. Women need supportive women friends to support each other. I am so happy to have reconnected. I met this friend through my daughter. The Girl and this friends daughter have been friends since 2 grade or so. The daughter is a great friend to the Girl and the mom to me. I am just so thankful and grateful for her. We had a great visit talking about everything under the sun even gossiping about our kids and their drama with their friends. We made a “we won’t tell anyone what we talked about today” pact. I love that! I love my friend!

You need people! We all need people especially us ladies. We thrive on each other we process emotions by talking to each other and it helps us to not kill our husbands and children and for ourselves. Men need that sense of community to but they process things differently sorry guys but I don’t know how to tell you to do it, but grab a guy friend go shoot hoops or play golf, boys don’t seem to need to talk as much as ladies they need to move, work on cars together or play sports. Bottom line we all need community and friends. Ladies tend to compete with each other and get petty and find faults we need to stop that! I am thankful that this mom friend has never made me feel like we are competing, Nor has she judged me, she’s a good friend! Not to mention she has been available to take my kids to and from school and even take the boy at times and she doesn’t have boys. She is really a great gal pal and I love her and we all need more of them.

Go be with your community! Be friends with your spouse and Have a friend group to hang with and confide in together but also separate from your spouse. Being loved and being social is one thing that helps us thrive. We need connection sometimes we need to ask our friends over for coffee and stop waiting for them to call us!

#SLWC2018

Emotional Draining

25 Thursday Jan 2018

Posted by in Be You, Don't judge me

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

jury dutyToday was an emotional draining day. I was summoned for Jury duty this week. I had to report on Tuesday for the first part of it. They had summoned 120 jurors for this case, seriously? Don’t they only need 12?! They knew it was going to be tough to fill the jury, so they summoned a lot of folks. In the final day today of questioning for the jury they had already vetted out quite a few, down to around 50. It took a good 10-20 minutes at the beginning of the week to just read the charges for the defendant as there were a total of 45 charges and that is with the judge summarizing a lof of it. It was overwhelming and as soon as they started reading the charges of the violent crimes that the defendant is charged with, I went in my head “No! I wanted a case where I was going to find fault in a traffic violation or a wrongful termination or something” just not a violent crime. As much as I was willing, and have wanted to forever, to serve and curious to see the whole system work, I still wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the details of the case.

However today, was mentally draining. Questions to the potential jury about what predetermined biases that we may have. Do you think most people agree with you? Do you think it is right? Who would choose to have this kind of a lifestyle? Does a badge make a person more credible? What determines credibility? Will your answers affect your ability to be bias and impartial? Etc etc…. and it continued for a few hours bouncing back and forth prosecution back to the defense then back to the prosecution they went a few rounds at this. There were a few people who were really grilled about their opinion as if they were the ones on trial. At one point the prosecution challenged me. I said well can’t you generalize what “most” people think. I feel that everyone thinks differently and sometimes it’s dynamic, when in the presence of certain people with certain opinions or at least their stated opinions change depending on the situation or crown they are in. One person may feel one way but say differently because of the company they are around. She challenged me saying generally most people agree on this subject don’t you think. I said “well, I can’t speak for ‘most’ people and I just don’t do that, I am not a judgmental person”. But I am here to do just that, if chosen. However my point was, we are asked to judge the LAW impartially not to judge what most people think the law should be. What really matters is what does the law says, right? In that moment I thought, wow this is going to be a tough trial and bring up a lot of uncomfortable emotions and the worst part is, I can’t talk to anyone about it until it is all over!

In the end I was not selected. I was 5 people behind the next person up. So I am relieved to not have to sit through the gory details of the violent crimes that the accused was charged with. The way I feel right now is emotionally drained. I have actually considered cancelling my day tomorrow. I am a social person I like to be around people and right now I don’t really feel like being around people. I am so glad I don’t have to spend the next three weeks feeling like this! One thing I do know is true that the judicial system is working. At least in our community we have 100% show up rate for the jurors so that a defendant can get a fair trial by a truly impartial jury. Apparently that is not the case in other communities people just don’t show up. I think one thing that helps is there are a lot of employers in this community that will pay employees their regular wages while serving on jury duty so there is less people who have hardships so they can be selected and it can truly be a good diverse jury of peers not just those who don’t have jobs.

Tonight would be a night, with the way I feel, that I would eat a full box of Girl Scout Cookies and drink a whole bottle of Champagne or wine to drown my feelings and emotions. However, it is still “Dry January” and I am living the no carb life. So I have had to come to grips with the shitty feeling that there are some bad things that happen in the world and it is not always an easy judgement. (I avoid news stories and dramatic CSI type TV shows for a reason) but life still goes on. Tomorrow, I still have a birthday party, 3 massages and a slew of other things to do tomorrow. You must go on with life. You must get up and put your best foot forward with a smile on your face, well you don’t HAVE to smile I just think it helps! Good sex also helps, so tonight since there is no alcohol or chocolate option, sex is it! I may redo this weeks Hump Day Challenge….

Go forward, continue and livejust keep going life to the fullest everyday!

#SLWC2018

To drug or not to drug….

11 Sunday Jun 2017

Posted by in Be You, Do You, Don't judge me, Kids, Live in the Moment, Mom Stuff, Parenting, Working Mom

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

This video (click to view link) hits home for me! So much shame in my life not as a child but as an adult, I was diagnosed as an adult with ADD! I  feel, I made it through as a child because I am a people pleaser so being a good student and approval from teachers when I did well is what drove me and made me succeed. Thank goodness I am pretty smart and Thank goodness I had great teachers and parents who gave me that approval!!

ADDSince being diagnosed, I have not found a medication that works for me. I kind of have something against taking medication. I don’t really know what, but I just don’t want to admit to myself and everyone else that I have to take medication to be normal! I also think I don’t want to admit there is a normal and that I’m not normal! I kind of hate that word “normal” it is what most “normal” people think is normal and if you have ADD, it is not “normal” for your brain to function as a “normal” person’s brain functions. Your brain does not decipher a hierarchy of things that are important or stay focused on the task at hand or manage time well. A person with ADD has to remind their mind what the task at hand is. We, ADD folks are great at living in the moment! I am a great forgiver! I forgive a lot of times when I probably shouldn’t. I think of something that would be a great idea and I jump on it! If I have time (or if I perceive I have time or if it is really important or interesting or something that I perceive as pressing) I get on it right away, I don’t want to forget about it. Forgetfulness is a big part of ADD. A lot of people see it as a kid who can’t sit still or walk, they always run….it is so much more than that! Do I want my brain to function like “normal”? Won’t that change me? As much as I “hate” myself and they way my brain works, I don’t want “me” to change. See my dilemma?…

I have self medicated with food and sometimes alcohol and thank goodness I have stayed away from illegal drugs, credit to the DARE program for that! But taking the stigma off of “drugs” proven to help ADHD’ers would definitely change my world of shame… So much shame in my life. My son is just like me, forgetful, figgidity, and impulsive….. Not driven as much by people pleasing but then again his dad and I are tough on him so he doesn’t get the praise as much as I did, and he is just like his dad, he is confident almost a little arrogant. He is more solid in what he likes and who he is. It’s not as important to him to impress people the way it was (and still is) to me. I worry about my son turning into me or worse than me. I have a husband who keeps me straight. He pays the bills, I would struggle remembering those things. Will my son be able to do those things that are important. Will my son remember to turn in his homework?… does he need medication? Do I? Will it help? How can I tell? I should get my shit together first before diagnosing or assuming anything about him. ADD is genetic as much as the color of your eyes, of course one of the kids has it but what to do???

So many questions all I know is that, this video hit home. Lot’s of things in my life right now are up in the air and there are a lot of questions in my not so distant future. Lot’s of decisions that can alter my life’s direction. ADD is a big deal to me, it is a big frustration in our lives. Actually our lives are complicated, every parents life is complicated, ADD makes it more difficult. Medication is not for everyone, acceptance is. I have neither for myself and here I am without a mom to drive me to a psychologist like the girl in the video I am an adult now trying to navigate and wanting so badly a mommy to tell me what the right direction is and take me there! I was not diagnosed as having ADD as a 6 year old but right now I feel like it has reduced me to a 6 year old, in that I don’t know what to do, and I can’t function but please don’t treat me like a child!!!

If this is a little disjointed, think of it as a taste of how an ADD brain works…very disjointed distracted and impulsive…..lacking direction sometimes…..wanting so badly to get noticed and get my point across and be understood but lacking the brain function and organization to do so…. and add to that, trying to do it in a short amount of time because of course I didn’t give myself enough time, it was an impulsive moment that I had something to say!

#ADDbrain

Live Stop Worrying

27 Monday Mar 2017

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Do You, Don't judge me, Family, Love, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

worryingHello followers, let me start by saying. I am struggling.  Acutely today I have so much on my mind, so much that has happened, so much I want to accomplish and so much to write and share (because I haven’t written much lately)  and also some to keep private and not write about (we all know that is hard for me not to over share) and since I haven’t been blogging much this may be a little disjointed, I mean, more than normal. I was asked the other day to remove my filter…they obviously don’t read my blog or maybe they do because they know it’s possible for me to do so. But yes, in real life I have this filter. Call it a mask of sometime professionalism, sometimes shyness, just a filter that I don’t say everything I am afraid to be judged or I want to make sure I am being appropriate…I don’t really know why. So hear goes sans filter Ruby is going to spill and hopefully today organize my thoughts and life and get back on track where I want to be. And for you I hope you can be inspired by my thoughts either by realizing you are not as messed as me or by realizing you are not alone out there.

Why the fuck is it so hard to just live? I want to do so much but for some reason I am so tired. I get going and then my energy fizzles out. Today I wanted to get in a run, do some admin business stuff, some billing and returning phone calls, also wanted to clean and organize at the house catch up with laundry. This morning was a great breakfast. I was able to get the kids lunches made, then I made them breakfast. I made eggs, English muffin toast, strawberries and smoothies for the kids. The boy we struggle with eating and he ate his whole breakfast today. I was on a roll. Then they both got to school and I got home and had to do some computer stuff. Then it was almost 10:00 and I had to decide what to do…go for a run, or get ready and get to a business networking thing at 11:30 or do something else like clean or write in my blog…

Why the fuck can’t I just make the right choice for myself? Why don’t I do what I want to do to get me closer to where I want to be. I want to be a great mom that takes care of her family by cooking and cleaning and having a relaxed calm home environment. I also want to have a successful business and sometimes that means making sacrifices at home but I hate choosing which has to sacrifice. Balance is just not always an option!! But it has to be! We need balance to be healthy! Everyone does! Sometimes I feel like I am getting it and then the next day shit hits the fan and I am feeling fucked and not in a good way! I just want to figure life out why this fuck is it so hard?!

And why is it that when I feel like I have things under control the bottom drops out? So even when things are good, really things are pretty goo right now. Business is doing alright, life is good the Hubs and I are getting along and happy but this is how I felt in December when my life got turned upside down! I was getting in the groove of working the business, The Hubs and I were happy. I had some great (I thought) friends in my life all was well. Then the bottom dropped out. I am kind of waiting for that to happen right now. Life has really felt like it has slowed down. You know the way that commentators talk about the game slowing down for rookies in the NFL. Nothing changes they just get used to seeing the speed of the NFL vs College etc. Life has really felt like it’s slowed down and we are in the midst of competition and tournament season! What horrible thing is about to happen or has already happened that I am about to find out? Why the fuck do I have to think this way? Why can’t I relax and enjoy life? Why can’t I remove the filter? What am I afraid of?

PLAN: Here is my plan what I want anyway. I want to write more, exercise more, enjoy the moments I have with my family and have moments with myself and one on one time with the Hubs, and be successful in business so I can help my family do everything and have everything we want. Just that sentence brings tears to my eyes because it feels like so much and I am sad I have to say it out loud, how did I let myself get here away from these things? I should plan time for everything. Time for writing and exercising in my schedule and push myself to follow it. Get my house cleaned up and organized and then take time to keep it that way and having the business I may need to hire a housecleaner to help keep up on the house thing. I need a better plan and more than just giving myself grace I need to trust myself when I am feeling like things are slowing down. The game really is slowing down for me! I need to accept that. It’s time to pass the ball to my trusted teammates and manage this game in a way that will most benefit the team! I need to be MVP in my life so my team can win and winning is when we are all happy and healthy and enjoying life! That is balance!

What the fuck did I just say?! I really need to stay focused and push myself to get where I want to be and I need to pass the ball to those who can advance our life when needed. I need to stop worrying about the lineman who is going to hit me from the blindside and focus on the play and execute! I have a team to support me and need to use that. But it’s my job to manage this game I can and I will rock this. I need to allow myself to live and enjoy and celebrate the good times and stop worrying!

#Live2017

What The Fuck Is Wrong With Me?

14 Sunday Aug 2016

Posted by in Don't judge me, Family, Love, Love your body, Mom Stuff

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

We just finished gigantic very yummy amazing homemade ice cream sundaes. They were served up in these beautiful hand painted sundae bowls that are big enough to fit 3 scoops of ice cream and lots of toppings and still have room for more! The sundaes were great. They probably were 1000 calories each. As I have struggled with my weight issues my whole life I can’t help myself to think that I am teaching my daughter to continue to carry on my weight issues like a family tradition. I stop myself from correcting her or telling her she doesn’t “need to eat that” because I heard that all the time from my mom. I would ask to have a cookie (we never ate anything without asking) she would answer with something like “you don’t need that” or “do you want to look like me when you grow up?” Those words were engrained subconsciously in my brain. I feel it damaged me in a way. But, I don’t know how I can talk to her and tell her she is eating (sometimes) out of boredom or because of something other than the need to fuel her body.

mother-daughter-quotes

I don’t want to damage her soft little soul or self esteem. I don’t want her to think or believe the way I did that I was fat in 7th grade. I don’t now think I was fat in 7th grade but when I was in 7th grade I thought I was. I would skip lunch or not sit down at a table to eat my lunch. I would by a bag of two cookies and eat just that instead of real food and balanced nutrition because I was on a “diet”. At one point in Junior high I was a vegetarian. I would not eat meat, but I would eat cookies, French fries, bread and the occasional McDonald’s hamburger. I have no idea why I thought meat was what was making me not “skinny” I was far from fat. Kids theses days are much bigger than I was I was a size 3 in 7th grade a 5 in 8th grade and then a 7 for most of the rest of my high school career. That is not fat in my 37 year old brain! But in my 12 year old brain I was fat.

I was not active. I did drill team but probably could not run a mile. I had no grasp at all on nutrition. I didn’t know what a protein, carb or fat even was or the significance of any of those things. My daughter knows to eat a protein and carb at every meal. She also knows to try to have more fruits and veggies at every meal. The Girl exercises regularly by default she is a dancer and dances 4 days a week for 3 hours on her light day! So that helps combat those extra calories, but I don’t want to be that mom that nags her daughter on weight. I want my daughter to love her curves that are developing and enjoy the womanly shape she is gaining.

Then there is the part of me that wants her to stay petite and skinny her whole life. I know kids grow and get thicker and then taller but I worry about her thinking the same way I did when I was young. How to I change that? How can I affect her to be healthy about her body image and not worry about her weight and her size. And then when she is confidently eating a gigantic bowl of ice cream I can’t help but think in my head “I don’t want her to get bigger like me” What the fuck is wrong with me???? This is body image problems at their worst!

Give her credit. Give her love and acceptance and teach her by modeling good habits! but I don’t have good eating habits, I don’t have good body image, I have self esteem problems I am always judging everything about myself and looking at the negative. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? Please someone help me figure this out before I damage my daughter and she carries on the family tradition of bad body image and being overweight and loving herself with food the way I have….

All I have ever wanted was to teach her to be better than me. I want her to love me and look up to me. How can I do that with out her hating me for it and with out her turning into me?????

#Rethink2016

XXX-Ride Him-XXX

10 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Don't judge me, Hump Day Challenge, Just Do It, Sex, XXX

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , ,

So today’s Hump Day Challenge is brought to you by what I want to do but can’t do to a sleepover. I don’t know where it came from but knowing that I have an extra kid in the house is like having a sprained ankle and wanting to go for a run. How many days did you sleep in and say you will go later and when you get an injury all you want to do is go for that run.

Reverse CowgirlI would love to feel my husband’s dick inside my pussy as I am on his lap in reverse cowgirl position. We have this chaise as part of our sectional sofa and he is sitting there now. I keep imagining myself on his lap, we could even continue watching T.V. You see I have been super distracted with my business move and getting the football season started and have spent many evenings falling asleep before anything sexy happens. Some nights the Hubs has been able to arouse me and get me going and some nights he is just too tired to put in the effort, and now, tonight the boy has a buddy over and all I want to do is jump his bones and ride him reverse cowgirl! Why the fuck do things happen like that.

So today’s Hump Day Challenge is to take a ride ladies! Ride him reverse cowgirl. Let him hold your hips and rock them up and down and back and forth. Then turn and let him see your boobies bouncing as you ride him cowgirl and face him. Let him touch you, let him twiddle you nipples and enjoy the attention! I must say I love nipple play when we fuck!

So today may have been another on of those TMI posts but I needed some inspirational juices to get flowing and riding my husband reverse cowgirl was what was inspiring me! So go ride your man ladies!

#SEX2016

Don’t Be Afraid

16 Monday May 2016

Posted by in Be You, Business, Do You, Don't judge me, Live in the Moment, Live life, Marriage is work, Mom Stuff, Raising Kids, Running, Schedule, Self Care, Take the time to take care of yourself, Volunteering, Working Mom

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , ,

I have gotten away from posting and/or writing everyday. I miss it! I want to write more but I am so busy, and other things get in the way. I want to take care of myself better too and the same things get in the way! It is my time! I am Ruby, I am a Mom, I am a Wife, I am a Massage Therapist and many other things. I am a woman who deserves the best from herself and I have not been giving myself the best. It is scary to leave what works and go to the unknown. I know I am better than this, I know I deserve better. I even think I know how to get it. But I am scared and as with every part of my life so far I sabotage and make excuses! STOP IT RUBY! JUST, STOP IT!

Don't be afraidI am a dreamer I believe we all deserve the best and we all are worthy but for some reason I accept less, always. Especially when it is me that is responsible for making it happen. It is so easy to stay in the now especially when things are good enough and maybe even better than most. I still sit here wanting the best, wanting more am I really capable? How can I do it? Will it really work? If not then what? Will I lose everything I have worked for so far? Probably not, but possibly. That is always possible. Am I making the best effort all the time? am I always doing my best? Am I always expecting the best or am I always accepting less? I am always accepting less, for me, I can sacrifice. As long as everyone else is happy. My best happiness does not always matter to me. I want everyone else to be happy I want them to have it easy, I will do the harder work to make you happy and hope that you will do the same for me…guess what, they don’t!

So here is my charge to myself, it is time to make the best decision for me. It is time for me to go be great! I know what I have to do. I almost know how to do it. I don’t know how I am going to but I am going to do it! I will be great. My life will be great and I will get what I deserve. I will not shy away from work to get there!

Do you need to do the same? Let’s support each other!

#DoYou2016

Not Enough Time

03 Tuesday May 2016

Posted by in Dance, Don't judge me, Running, Self Care

≈ Leave a comment

Too mcuh workI am sitting here outside of the convention center in the sun. The Girl is doing her class auditions for scholarships right now. They always kick the parents out for that. I am sitting in a courtyard of sorts downtown along a marathon course so there are a few runners going by. I love running. I love race day! I usually do a 10k mid May at the Portland Rock and Roll, however they are not doing it this year. No #RocknRollPDX. It is sad. What is more sad is that I have not been running at all. I can’t figure out my schedule to fit in time to run! I have way too much going on, work, house work, grocery shopping hat is not getting done, dance for the girl, baseball for the boy…the list is endless but those are all Excuses!

I love that feeling when running a race as you run by and onlookers cheer and encourage you. The signs that encourage you to be Kenyan or the promise of beer at the end. That sweat looks sexy on you… if you have never ran a long distance race half marathon or so you have no idea but if you have you know exactly what I am talking about. I love the energy of race day! I love training runs especially the long runs along the beach in the sun on days like today! Today is beautiful! It is mid to upper 70s the sun is shining with a nice breeze.

I need to get my work shit figured out. I work too much and don’t make enough. If I can figure out a better contract I can do this. I feel my contract is good for starting out but for me it is not enough. I need to be able to live on less appointments a week. I cannot do more massage I am spent. My body is falling apart. I want time to train and to clean my house and to grocery shop. Don’t normal people have that? Some one please correct me if I am wrong I need to be corrected if I am wrong because right now I am feeling over worked and stressed and can’t do everything! I know there are people who do do it all, so someone please tell me how!!!

#Dontjudgeme2016