It has been a while since I have written. There are many reasons, the obvious or easy answer is I have been busy. The real answer is I haven’t felt that I can be honest or real and that is tragic in this blog. I have not been what I would call happy. I have missed writing and I feel like getting away from writing has separated me from some of my feelings, honestly. It has bee hard in the Earl household lately. The Hubs and I have struggled. I believe we are getting back on the right track however. When I started this in 2015 I vowed to Sex Love and Washing Clothes everyday (#everyday2015). I was writing this blog to help teach women that being just a mom and wife was okay and to give purpose to myself, so I created Sex Love and Washing Clothes. It superficially helped my relationship back in 2015, gave the Hubs what he desired (more sex) and gave me purpose in my writing ans sharing my story with others like myself who needed to feel whole and were “just a mom.” Well, part way into that year I went back to work because I wanted to help our family afford a new car and help take pressure off the Hubs for the whole financial liability. So I went from being a stay at home mom to being a working mom and at one point I was working two jobs. To say the least the focus of my purpose got lost. It took a turn away from the original purpose and life got in the way…
I still did Sex Love and Washing Clothes everyday in 2015. In 2016 we kept it up pretty well and then I went into private practice and had many struggles to stay happy in our relationship. We spent 2017 trying to figure out how our family could survive with my being in private practice and decided I should work from home. So in 2018 I have been working my private practice from home and starting to feel settled and good together again. It has been rough. Many days I have thought about just giving up and writing a divorce blog. But we are stubborn and won’t give up that easily. Which brings me here today. Writing for me has been to justify my feelings and process my emotions. I just bought the book by Daniel Goleman called Emotional Intelligence. I am familiar with Emotional Intelligence and it is very important to understand that it comes from within.
In relationships understanding your emotions, where they come from and the fact that you are solely responsible for them is a valuable lesson. What you do with your emotions is on you. Being happy makes you more desirable and makes more people want to be with you. You have to own your happiness. Your partner can contribute to that happiness but they cannot provide that happiness, it’s a hard lesson sometimes to learn but once learned both people in a relationship can take their happiness to the next level. I am ready for the next level. Let’s do this and see what kind of sex comes out of it… I am ready to get back to writing about the crazy things in life and inspiring lovers to take it to the next level!
We are looking forward to changing our ways and living happy! Join us friends, it’s a choice come along with our journey!
#Change2018
Today was a stressful day. I had a stressful mommy morning. The boy has been having issues getting going in the mornings. Today, he even got up when his alarm want off, two hours before we leave for school! He struggles with time management and he likes to doddle. I got home from the gym (I go at 5:30am before they are awake) only to find him watching TV when I got home, which is against the rules unless your ready for school you’re not allowed to watch TV. What is it about my son that makes it so he can’t stay on task without someone (me) checking up on him and reminding him we are checking up on him. He got up with his alarm had more than 2 hours then blamed me because I had to sign something for school (a behavior reflection sheet) for him. He did not think about it until the last minute. Then he comes out with his knee pads for wrestling in his hands and not in his back pack. I kind of lost my shit especially after I had been asking him is his backpack ready to go is everything else ready to go? He even had lied earlier when I first came home from the gym about if he had a shower. I was reminding him almost all morning the time we needed to leave and what still needed to be done. To top off the frustration when we got to the school and he got out of the car he didn’t give me the normal hug and kiss he usually does. He just stared me down. I had just yell/lectured at him for the whole drive (which is only about 2 minutes long). It was not a proud moment and I wanted get out of the car and grab him and force him to hug and kiss me and apologize but I just let him go. What do I do to teach him responsibility and respect. Here is my plan:Ok, so here’s my plan 1. I’m going to set a time to leave the house. If he is not ready he does not get a ride to school if he is late to school he won’t get a ride sports to practices after school. 2. In order to get in the car or to leave to go to school he must have a healthy lunch packed and checked by me that it is a balanced complete meal 3. and must take a shower otherwise he will not be considered ready to go 4. No Xbox or TV before school ever….and for the next 2 weeks at all until he is caught up at school (I got notice from his teacher he is behind in his reading) 5. He is being pulled from extra sports. (He will go to his school sport because of eligibility and he needs to run everyday) but Basketball and Baseball privileges are revoked until caught up at school and I get notice from his teacher that it is so. 5. I will not help with morning routine unless asked and if I have time. He needs to don’t all until he learns respect and appreciation 6. We will have a heart to heart to pair down what is really going on worth him and figure out what he wants and how he plans to accomplish all he needs to do 7. Nightly checks that his bedroom is kept organized and that his school bag is ready before he goes to bed at night. 8. Please, thank you, and proper manners including things like holding the door for others, and allowing others to go ahead in line, getting up for elders to give chairs etc will be practiced. This is my plan for now. I need to be more consistent. I feel guilty for part of this maybe I should have been more direct this morning and other mornings because this happens a lot. He is new to the whole Middle School thing so I should be understanding of the transition and realize puberty and hormones may be playing into this. However, I want to teach him to be a responsible, reliable adult. Someone who can stay on task and get themselves ready. He shouldn’t need me as his mom or anyone to help him. If he has help he needs to realize how big it is and be appreciative for that help. He’s learning and so am I! The Girl did all this on her own and it was easy for her. She helps keep me on time for things. I do also feel guilty because he is so much like me! The poor boy has no hope worth me being his mom, but I have learned to deal and he needs to as well! Stay strong Momma’s, we need to instill discipline and respect, reliability responsibility and kindness in kids these days and that is not always the feel good easy thing to do. Fight the good fight this one is important! #SLWC2018
Since being diagnosed, I have not found a medication that works for me. I kind of have something against taking medication. I don’t really know what, but I just don’t want to admit to myself and everyone else that I have to take medication to be normal! I also think I don’t want to admit there is a normal and that I’m not normal! I kind of hate that word “normal” it is what most “normal” people think is normal and if you have ADD, it is not “normal” for your brain to function as a “normal” person’s brain functions. Your brain does not decipher a hierarchy of things that are important or stay focused on the task at hand or manage time well. A person with ADD has to remind their mind what the task at hand is. We, ADD folks are great at living in the moment! I am a great forgiver! I forgive a lot of times when I probably shouldn’t. I think of something that would be a great idea and I jump on it! If I have time (or if I perceive I have time or if it is really important or interesting or something that I perceive as pressing) I get on it right away, I don’t want to forget about it. Forgetfulness is a big part of ADD. A lot of people see it as a kid who can’t sit still or walk, they always run….it is so much more than that! Do I want my brain to function like “normal”? Won’t that change me? As much as I “hate” myself and they way my brain works, I don’t want “me” to change. See my dilemma?…
In my life in the last week I have had some clarity of mind to realize I need to focus on me. Not in a selfish way where you are “more important” than your family, that you are charged with taking care of, but in a way to be the healthiest you so your family can have a healthy mom, healthy wife and your clients can have a healthy provider coming from a place of love and caring. I have been so bogged down with stress in life that I am complaining a lot, offended easily and my brain gets flooded and I get angry easily. So much so that I don’t really recognize myself and then when the hubs and I get into “special moments” I feel like I turn into some monster that is not me! Then it spirals out of control! So I am taking control of me. Part of that is me getting back into blogging here. I want to encourage people who are or have been in my spot. Also it helps me to get my feelings out and helps me to help guide myself in a positive way, not just my readers. Plus entertaining readers with my Hump Day Challenges is a passion of mine that I have missed the last few weeks.
Have you ever had a situation in your life that you feel like keeps repeating itself? When you realize it is about decisions you are making (or not making) in life, then what do you do? How do you respond differently to people and get them to believe you when you decide to go a different way this time? You have always been a certain way and now your friends are sitting there going “What the FUCK? She’s never meant that before!” How do you get them to believe you? What makes you make the decision to separate the old you and the new you? I have read about people recovering from addiction struggling with this. Their old friends want them to be the same way they always have been but a sober person is not always the same when you are used to a drunk or high person. Friends no longer know how to handle you and you no longer know how to handle them. It puts you in a little pickle. An uncomfortable spot that you don’t know how to act differently and the old you would just go grab a beer and move forward but you are now trying to not grab that beer. You miss your friends and your people you know you want to be different but how can you? How do you live one way and change midstream?