Category Archives: Live in the Moment

New Start, Old Beginning

02 Saturday Mar 2019

Posted by in Be Present, Business, Everyday, Family, Live in the Moment, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, Mom Stuff, Organization, Raising Kids, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes, Take the time to take care of yourself, Washing Clothes, Working Mom

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I titled today’s entry before I started to write. Normally I write and then pick a title. Today I have decided to start new, but it is an old beginning. I have had this beginning a lot. The I’m tired of fucking it up and want to get back on track. It has been a while since I have sat down to write. I have been busy doing what feels like spinning my wheels. I started blogging back in 2015 as a stay at home mom who was trying to encourage tried and weiry moms that it’s okay to “just be a mom” but shortly into 2015 I went back to work because well, our family needed the financial help and because I wanted to be more than “just a mom”. Sort of felt and still feels a little hypocritical. Old beginning because well, I have been here so many times before.Don't be afraid

I had a mission with this blog to help moms and dads stay in their marriage. At the time the Hubs and I had great sex but a rocky relationship. There were many times we kept our relationship together with just great sex. There was a lot left to be desired in our lives. We had communication issues that we were working on, as many busy parents with busy children have. We were and still are today stretched very thin! Sex was the one thing we could do that we both enjoyed without having to have much discussion and when I decided to have sex everyday in 2015 the Hubs was thrilled at the thought of not having to wonder when the next time he was going to get it. For the most part 2015 worked really well. The first part of 2016 was pretty good to but towards the end of that year it was a struggle. I had decided to move into private practice with my massage career and spent a lot of time working on my business which caused a lot of strain between the Hubs and I. That year ended really badly. I try not to say things are bad but at that time things were bad. I had felt like a fraud like I had wrote this blog all of 2015 and most of 2016 oh how to keep things together and make my marriage work and my plan had failed.  We were falling apart, it was almost the end of us. We decided to stay together, to work through our stuff and then another new old beginning.

Then 2017 went on rebuilding I decided to move my private practice home. The best of both worlds right? Well towards the end of 2017 another event happened that strained our relationship. Different but just as much of a strain and then that was almost the demise of us all of the struggles of 2016 came back in flashbacks and sorrow and just plain struggle. All the while we still maintained weekly date nights and tried to do the best we could with nightly sex and connecting but there were parts of both of us that were just unconnected, bitter and angry. We were also both remorseful for our roles in the fallout. We were sorry we were sad and missed each other like we had been on two separate continents! So decided to put it all behind us and onto another new but old beginning.

Then the start of 2018 we decided once again, we are here for the long haul. There is something to be said for two stubborn people being married and valuing their commitment made to each other! We have stayed our course through many very, oh so bumpy stretch of road the last few years. Maybe it’s maturity and maybe we are finally starting to “get” each other and fully commit to respect and love and cherish each other, it finally feels like we are moving on and getting over some of the same struggles we kept coming back to. Now, here in 2019 we can go weeks without fights. We even can have a spat and let it go with out dragging it on for hours or days and not resulting in the using the “D” word. We don’t have sex everyday but when we do it is good for both of us! I am considering a new #everyday challenge but I don’t want it to become a job again. In 2015 it was good, 2016 it was feeling more like a job and 2017 was just bad and 2018 the theme was “what happened to 2015?” But here in 2019 we are enjoying each other more, respecting each other more, loving each other more and having sex with each other more. Yes 2019 is still young and fresh and new but we are getting back to us! It has taken a while but we are doing well!

So that’s where the New Start, Old Beginning is, maybe it’s not such an old beginning, maybe this one is new it just gets old starting over again. Still the same: I am still working on my weight issues, still trying to decide what to do with my practice. Agonizing everyday if I am making the right parenting decisions and trying to convince the Hubs to get a dog and go house shopping or renovate ours. We have a lot to be happy about there is a lot going on here! As I sit back and look at things, I think why didn’t we just keep going with 2015? We got busy. Life gets crazy. Maybe we even got lazy or went on auto pilot. You can’t just sit back and let life take you where you want to go. Because unless you are driving the car it has a mind of it’s own and this girl wants to drive the direction I want to. The direction that will take my family in the right direction. For me, For the Hubs and for the kids. I am not a fan of this Old Beginning lets have a new beginning, start over on a new path!

One big thing I have struggled with is deciding what makes me tick. What do I want? I have spent so many years taking care of my family as a mom that I don’t even know what I want. I know I was insanely happy in the stroller days of my kids. Being able to load them in the stroller and go for a run. We would go pick up groceries in the stroller my house was not clean and my kids were very giddy and happy all the time. I can’t have those days back but I want that happiness back. Do I need to run more? Not worry about cleaning as much? I have started the Marie Kondu method but I just did my closets but now I’ve got to do my whole house.

So this year I want to find my passion. I love massage but it gives me stress billing and being a business owner, so can that really be my passion? I love to workout and exercise especially running and doing races but that doesn’t make me money to help with finances. I love and miss dancing but finances and time? I love to sing! I have spent more time singing karaoke and not missing the chance to sing than anything, how can I do that more? I miss writing here in my blog! I miss the words flowing really easily (can you tell?)

I told the boy yesterday that he had to decide to work hard when he is in a game. It is a conscious choice you have to make. Get up and grind and work hard but for me I struggle with that. So many different hats that I wear I struggle deciding where to put that effort. Not to mention I have ADD which does not help. This is my goal, this is my passion for this year, to find my passion and live it to the fullest! Doing it all while loving, taking care of and protecting my family. Balancing work life: growing a business, family life: getting everyone where they need to be when they need to be there, feeding them healthy meals and communicating all of that to the Hubs to get help from him and then not forgetting to cultivate our relationship in communication as well as sexualization. I want us to be happy these last few years before the kids leave us and give our kids a happy healthy place to live.

Is it doable? I believe so I will take you along on this journey this year and I will keep writing as this helps me process my thoughts and helps me stay positive. And gives me accountability! There may be things I have to let go of being in control of and getting my way but come with me this year on this journey and watch me win! One way or another!

Oh and by the way I turn 40 this year so there is a sense of urgency to show up and be me and know who “Me” is but not lose my family in the process. This will be no old beginning this is a fresh start to new beginnings, hard work and grind yes but love and laughter and passion to be found in this new beginning. In the process I will not let the hard work wear me down. I will not take the easy way out like I have in all the old beginnings. It’s hard, I won’t stop until I am where I want to be!

#ThisisRuby

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It’s Up To You

24 Tuesday Jul 2018

Posted by in #Everyday2015, Be Present, Be You, Connection, Live in the Moment, Reboot, Sex

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Happiness is a choiceIt has been a while since I have written. There are many reasons, the obvious or easy answer is I have been busy. The real answer is I haven’t felt that I can be honest or real and that is tragic in this blog. I have not been what I would call happy. I have missed writing and I feel like getting away from writing has separated me from some of my feelings, honestly. It has bee hard in the Earl household lately. The Hubs and I have struggled. I believe we are getting back on the right track however. When I started this in 2015 I vowed to Sex Love and Washing Clothes everyday (#everyday2015). I was writing this blog to help teach women that being just a mom and wife was okay and to give purpose to myself, so I created Sex Love and Washing Clothes. It superficially helped my relationship back in 2015, gave the Hubs what he desired (more sex) and gave me purpose in my writing ans sharing my story with others like myself who needed to feel whole and were “just a mom.” Well, part way into that year I went back to work because I wanted to help our family afford a new car and help take pressure off the Hubs for the whole financial liability. So I went from being a stay at home mom to being a working mom and at one point I was working two jobs. To say the least the focus of my purpose got lost. It took a turn away from the original purpose and life got in the way…

I still did Sex Love and Washing Clothes everyday in 2015. In 2016 we kept it up pretty well and then I went into private practice and had many struggles to stay happy in our relationship. We spent 2017 trying to figure out how our family could survive with my being in private practice and decided I should work from home. So in 2018 I have been working my private practice from home and starting to feel settled and good together again. It has been rough. Many days I have thought about just giving up and writing a divorce blog. But we are stubborn and won’t give up that easily. Which brings me here today. Writing for me has been to justify my feelings and process my emotions. I just bought the book by Daniel Goleman called Emotional Intelligence. I am familiar with Emotional Intelligence and it is very important to understand that it comes from within.

In relationships understanding your emotions, where they come from and the fact that you are solely responsible for them is a valuable lesson. What you do with your emotions is on you. Being happy makes you more desirable and makes more people want to be with you. You have to own your happiness. Your partner can contribute to that happiness but they cannot provide that happiness, it’s a hard lesson sometimes to learn but once learned both people in a relationship can take their happiness to the next level. I am ready for the next level. Let’s do this and see what kind of sex comes out of it… I am ready to get back to writing about the crazy things in life and inspiring lovers to take it to the next level!

We are looking forward to changing our ways and living happy! Join us friends, it’s a choice come along with our journey!

#Change2018

Dance Stress

04 Sunday Feb 2018

Posted by in Dance, Dance Like No One is Watching, Do You, Kids, Live in the Moment, Love, Nothing Meaningful, Parenting, Schedule

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It is mid dance convention weekend. There has been some stress, but the Girl has danced her heart out and done amazing as have her teammates! The kids are doing an amazing job! I love watching her dance! We we’re there at 7am until 10:30pm I’m spent. I had a great day and will talk about my day more as the week goes on and when I am not so exhausted!

#SLWC2018

Kid Stress

24 Wednesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Connection, Live in the Moment, Love Your Kids, Parenting, Planning, Respect, Working Mom

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Today was a stressful day. I had a stressful mommy morning. The boy has been having issues getting going in the mornings. Today, he even got up when his alarm want off, two hours before we leave for school! He struggles with time management and he likes to doddle. I got home from the gym (I go at 5:30am before they are awake) only to find him watching TV when I got home, which is against the rules unless your ready for school you’re not allowed to watch TV. What is it about my son that makes it so he can’t stay on task without someone (me) checking up on him and reminding him we are checking up on him. He got up with his alarm had more than 2 hours then blamed me because I had to sign something for school (a behavior reflection sheet) for him. He did not think about it until the last minute. Then he comes out with his knee pads for wrestling in his hands and not in his back pack. I kind of lost my shit especially after I had been asking him is his backpack ready to go is everything else ready to go? He even had lied earlier when I first came home from the gym about if he had a shower. I was reminding him almost all morning the time we needed to leave and what still needed to be done. To top off the frustration when we got to the school and he got out of the car he didn’t give me the normal hug and kiss he usually does. He just stared me down. I had just yell/lectured at him for the whole drive (which is only about 2 minutes long). It was not a proud moment and I wanted get out of the car and grab him and force him to hug and kiss me and apologize but I just let him go. What do I do to teach him responsibility and respect. Here is my plan:Ok, so here’s my plan 1. I’m going to set a time to leave the house. If he is not ready he does not get a ride to school if he is late to school he won’t get a ride sports to practices after school. 2. In order to get in the car or to leave to go to school he must have a healthy lunch packed and checked by me that it is a balanced complete meal 3. and must take a shower otherwise he will not be considered ready to go 4. No Xbox or TV before school ever….and for the next 2 weeks at all until he is caught up at school (I got notice from his teacher he is behind in his reading) 5. He is being pulled from extra sports. (He will go to his school sport because of eligibility and he needs to run everyday) but Basketball and Baseball privileges are revoked until caught up at school and I get notice from his teacher that it is so. 5. I will not help with morning routine unless asked and if I have time. He needs to don’t all until he learns respect and appreciation 6. We will have a heart to heart to pair down what is really going on worth him and figure out what he wants and how he plans to accomplish all he needs to do 7. Nightly checks that his bedroom is kept organized and that his school bag is ready before he goes to bed at night. 8. Please, thank you, and proper manners including things like holding the door for others, and allowing others to go ahead in line, getting up for elders to give chairs etc will be practiced. This is my plan for now. I need to be more consistent. I feel guilty for part of this maybe I should have been more direct this morning and other mornings because this happens a lot. He is new to the whole Middle School thing so I should be understanding of the transition and realize puberty and hormones may be playing into this. However, I want to teach him to be a responsible, reliable adult. Someone who can stay on task and get themselves ready. He shouldn’t need me as his mom or anyone to help him. If he has help he needs to realize how big it is and be appreciative for that help. He’s learning and so am I! The Girl did all this on her own and it was easy for her. She helps keep me on time for things. I do also feel guilty because he is so much like me! The poor boy has no hope worth me being his mom, but I have learned to deal and he needs to as well! Stay strong Momma’s, we need to instill discipline and respect, reliability responsibility and kindness in kids these days and that is not always the feel good easy thing to do. Fight the good fight this one is important! #SLWC2018

Change is Coming

14 Sunday Jan 2018

Posted by in #GoHawks, Be Present, Family, Football, Live in the Moment, Live life, Planning, Seahawks

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Today we are sitting watching NFL football and reminiscing about our Football team, the Seahawks. It’s been a few years since we haven’t been at a playoff game or had a game to watch during the playoffs. It’s great to be a good team but it takes constant work and effort and dynamic adjustments on many levels. Football is the ultimate team sport. The team has to work together as whole in order to win games and even more work to stay on top.

Football is dynamic in the game and even in-between seasons. Our team, the Seahawks, have seen so many changes. We’ve seen a lot stay the same as well. But if things that are dynamic and things that are static don’t groove together, you struggle. That is what happened this season. This is also what happens over time with relationships and families as well.

So many things are static but yet so many things are dynamic in life. It’s great if your loving the things that don’t change but if you are one who wants to embrace the dynamics of change and live with one who does not it can cause difficulty and struggle. The key is balance in life and football. There will always be change and there will always be things that stay the same. You cannot always affect them, be it to change or keep them the way you want.

We must, in order to be happy, embrace it all. Look for the things you love in every situation. Savor the passing moment as you are not guaranteed to have it again as much as you wish or want to or even try to keep it you will never get it back. It’s always good to remember what works, but realize you may not be able to duplicate it and that is okay. Change is really the only constant in life and change is not constant.

Acceptance, love, appreciation for the good is what we need to focus regardless of it’s what we think we want or need. Search for the good focus on the good enhance the good and put in hard work to affect change in the way you want it to go. If you don’t get the results you want, change is coming so don’t let it get you down!

Here’s to a better you, a better family, and a better football season, in 2018. It will take to perseverance to sustain and faith to change what needs to change.

#GoHawks

#SLWC2018

Christmas Eve

25 Monday Dec 2017

Posted by in Family, Live in the Moment, Love, Love Your Kids, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Parenting, Raising Kids, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

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The kids are in bed, presents all wrapped and set up for them to find in the morning. The Hubs is sleeping next to me after a long fun filled day of Seahawks away game party and the Christmas Eve gathering we have at our house. Today was a beautiful day. Our team won! Go Hawks! We had some of our best friends with us for dinner, drinks, cookie decorating, and spending quality time together.

Growing up Christmas Eve in my house was very similar. My Dad’s tradition was to set up the Christmas Tree on Christmas Eve. We would have an open house friends would come by and out an ornament on the tree and eat food and spend time with us. It was at that event on this night in 1996 that The Hubs and shared our first kiss. Who knew we would end up here 21 years later. I would not change it for the world.

We have had many bumps and turns in the road of our life. This last year has been a really rough year and I fear some roughness in our future, but at the end of the day, I look at this man and all we have created together and count my blessings and remember why I am here. I love this man who is snoring next to me. He is, sometimes, really hard to live with and sometimes, I want to ring his neck but he is my soulmate. We clash in many things but those are the things that balance us. We a have busy chaotic life that adds stress but one day the kids will be grown and we will slow down and we will cherish these years the most.

My goal for 2018 is living in the moment more and really enjoying our kids. We spend a lot of money and a lot of time on them. Sometimes that distracts us from enjoying them. They are fun to watch don’t here thing. The girl is an amazing dancer. I want to appreciate her dance more especially since she is talking about not dancing after this year. The Boy plays 4 sports now. He added Basketball once Christmas break is over wrestling will start and booked ending those are Football and baseball. He is a good athlete he has a good attitude and really enjoys what he does. I want him to know it’s about playing hard and doing well but mostly it’s about having fun while you do it. Same worth The Girl it’s not about winning scholarships at competition it’s about having fun, putting yourself into the dance and let it move you.

Today I sit here in appreciation of my family. The Hubs takes really good care of this family with his work and providing for us. We are able this year to help my mom out and got her a car that should last her a while. It is a nicer car than she has and most of all SAFE! I feel pretty thankful that my husband will also take care of my mom like that. I like to be able to play Santa to my mom, I know she will appreciate it and I am thankful she will have a safe car to use when she is transporting my children around town. She does that a lot! It’s a way of paying her back for that.

I am just in awe of my family right now. The Hubs and I have had a really rough year but right now in this moment I feel joy and love and appreciation. I want to hold that feeling close to my heart and focus on that in 2018.

#LoveAlways2017

This Growing up Thing is Hard on Me

05 Wednesday Jul 2017

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Dance, Dance Like No One is Watching, Do You, Live in the Moment, Parenting

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Well, it has been a while since I have written. I can’t even remember when…to my loyal readers apologies. Today I am writing from Nationals. The Girl is competing in a Nationals Dance Competition. She is in 5 group numbers and a solo. Have I said how much I love to watch her dance? If you have read my blog you have read that a few times! This year the Girl turned 13, she is starting to become her own person. Not that she hasn’t always been her own person but she is just starting to grow up. She definitely wants her own identity. It used to be cute that everyone loved her mom and loved her mom being around but now it’s just not. Not to her anyway. The older dancers are still super sweet to me and seem to understand my pain when I am shunned by my daughter but the Girl just wants to grow her wings. I need to get out of her way and let her make a name for her.

This dance year I have decided it is my job to support her. Many things I hear my Coach Husband say is that parents just need to get out of their kids way. I need to learn that lesson it has been my mom work this year. There is a dance instructor for Liz Imperio who teaches a class called Raising Successful Children that I started but got too busy to finish the webinar (which has been a theme in my life this year) and it’s focus was to guide us parents in how to get out of our children’s way. I love watching her grow, I love watching her dance! There is a part of me that is struggling letting go of that mommy role that needs to be there to protect and guide my child. She is growing up I have taught her to think for herself and stand up for what is right and to advocate for herself. She doesn’t need me to do that because I taught her to be strong in herself! I taught her to not define herself in what other people think of her. And she does not. She changes for no one. She is who she is, she likes what she likes and for the most part doesn’t care or waiver for anything. Not even for me! Sometimes I wish she would for me but I should be proud that she doesn’t. Sometimes she does waiver to fit in with her friends. I feel for her in those moments because I have spent my life doing that and that is not what I want for her! I want her to be her, even if it hurts my feelings.

How did I teach her to do that when I am not strong in myself? How can I be that strong human I am teaching her to be when I am not that strong human myself? I am proud that she is independent. I love who she is. Sometimes I wish there was less Diva but other times I am so proud of that diva because that Dive protects her when mean girls are mean. And that Diva protects the girl who is getting picked on in a group by my child being the one to stand up to the mean one in the place of the child who is getting picked on or feeling bad when that child is too weak. I am proud of that diva! I pray that when I stifle the diva for my feelings that I don’t stifle the good out of her diva! How was I able to teach her these things? I have no idea how, but I am proud she has learned them!

I am going through yet another identity crisis in parenting, and I don’t even know what it is. I am obviously still her mom and she needs me and I know deep down she wants me around, but she wants me to keep my distance and not over shadow who she is or what she does. I get it! I was there, I may still be there with my mom. When she needs me I will be there. I have seen this happen recently. She does talk to me like a friend sometimes and I to her but she also knows that she must do what she is told and what is expected of her. I don’t really believe in being your child’s best friend until they are adults anyway but sometimes she is mine. She is the only one who can’t leave me and would never think of it, I think… Anyway, I want her to continue to grow in success and keep that diva spunk that will take her far and I just have to get over myself!

Now I have to go watch her solo I am so excited to see her dance! I love watching her on stage and in her element. It is her happy place I am so glad she has dance for that, lord knows she needs a place of her own to just BE. I love her!

#Dance2017dance parent

To drug or not to drug….

11 Sunday Jun 2017

Posted by in Be You, Do You, Don't judge me, Kids, Live in the Moment, Mom Stuff, Parenting, Working Mom

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This video (click to view link) hits home for me! So much shame in my life not as a child but as an adult, I was diagnosed as an adult with ADD! I  feel, I made it through as a child because I am a people pleaser so being a good student and approval from teachers when I did well is what drove me and made me succeed. Thank goodness I am pretty smart and Thank goodness I had great teachers and parents who gave me that approval!!

ADDSince being diagnosed, I have not found a medication that works for me. I kind of have something against taking medication. I don’t really know what, but I just don’t want to admit to myself and everyone else that I have to take medication to be normal! I also think I don’t want to admit there is a normal and that I’m not normal! I kind of hate that word “normal” it is what most “normal” people think is normal and if you have ADD, it is not “normal” for your brain to function as a “normal” person’s brain functions. Your brain does not decipher a hierarchy of things that are important or stay focused on the task at hand or manage time well. A person with ADD has to remind their mind what the task at hand is. We, ADD folks are great at living in the moment! I am a great forgiver! I forgive a lot of times when I probably shouldn’t. I think of something that would be a great idea and I jump on it! If I have time (or if I perceive I have time or if it is really important or interesting or something that I perceive as pressing) I get on it right away, I don’t want to forget about it. Forgetfulness is a big part of ADD. A lot of people see it as a kid who can’t sit still or walk, they always run….it is so much more than that! Do I want my brain to function like “normal”? Won’t that change me? As much as I “hate” myself and they way my brain works, I don’t want “me” to change. See my dilemma?…

I have self medicated with food and sometimes alcohol and thank goodness I have stayed away from illegal drugs, credit to the DARE program for that! But taking the stigma off of “drugs” proven to help ADHD’ers would definitely change my world of shame… So much shame in my life. My son is just like me, forgetful, figgidity, and impulsive….. Not driven as much by people pleasing but then again his dad and I are tough on him so he doesn’t get the praise as much as I did, and he is just like his dad, he is confident almost a little arrogant. He is more solid in what he likes and who he is. It’s not as important to him to impress people the way it was (and still is) to me. I worry about my son turning into me or worse than me. I have a husband who keeps me straight. He pays the bills, I would struggle remembering those things. Will my son be able to do those things that are important. Will my son remember to turn in his homework?… does he need medication? Do I? Will it help? How can I tell? I should get my shit together first before diagnosing or assuming anything about him. ADD is genetic as much as the color of your eyes, of course one of the kids has it but what to do???

So many questions all I know is that, this video hit home. Lot’s of things in my life right now are up in the air and there are a lot of questions in my not so distant future. Lot’s of decisions that can alter my life’s direction. ADD is a big deal to me, it is a big frustration in our lives. Actually our lives are complicated, every parents life is complicated, ADD makes it more difficult. Medication is not for everyone, acceptance is. I have neither for myself and here I am without a mom to drive me to a psychologist like the girl in the video I am an adult now trying to navigate and wanting so badly a mommy to tell me what the right direction is and take me there! I was not diagnosed as having ADD as a 6 year old but right now I feel like it has reduced me to a 6 year old, in that I don’t know what to do, and I can’t function but please don’t treat me like a child!!!

If this is a little disjointed, think of it as a taste of how an ADD brain works…very disjointed distracted and impulsive…..lacking direction sometimes…..wanting so badly to get noticed and get my point across and be understood but lacking the brain function and organization to do so…. and add to that, trying to do it in a short amount of time because of course I didn’t give myself enough time, it was an impulsive moment that I had something to say!

#ADDbrain

Women Are Artists of Balance

08 Wednesday Mar 2017

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Family, Live in the Moment, Love, Working Mom

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I struggle sometimes with the happiness of each moment that is shrouded with sacrifice in another arena of life but that is what being a woman means to me: You can do anything you want, you can even do everything but you can’t do it all, at the same time, physics and laws of the universe like gravity limit you! That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t relish in your joy of work even when your missing you kids basketball game. And when you’ve blocked yourself out from work to catch a game trust that it will be there for you when you return. 

Surrounded yourself with good support be it a great friend or aunty who can take photos so you don’t miss a shot when you Aube to work. Also, have great employees or coworkers or referral partners that can hold down the fort so you can catch the kids basketball games and such! It is balance my friends and we as women are artists of balance! 

Let’s stop beating ourselves up because of gravity! We can balance the weight of the world on our shoulders, practice your son’s curve ball and nail the new dance hairstyle and have dinner on the table (even if it’s pizza on a paper plate) and still hold the eye of our husbands because fuck him like crazy when it’s time, because we are women who are artists of balance and we do it with a smile! 

Allow yourself to feel the same smile, give yourself grace. You put it on for everyone else because you are an artist, you are a woman! You know what matters, your love, your family, your work, your husband and your house matters, but everything has its time. It’s okay to pick and choose and give yourself grace. It’s okay to give your children a few chores and it’s okay to have dishes in the sink! Be you, love you! Always do your best you know what matters each moment that so focus on that everything else will have its time.

#Art2017

#WomensDay2017

Plan Focus Give Grace

26 Sunday Feb 2017

Posted by in Be Present, Cleaning, Connection, Family, Friends, Homemaker, Live in the Moment, Marriage is work, Organization, Parenting, Planning, Raising Kids, Schedule, Working Mom

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Hello Readers,

I have to confess, I have had a rough go lately. The Hubs and I have been struggling. It’s hard for me to write encouraging posts when I don’t feel so positive it is hard for me to write positive without feeling like a fake. So, with that said, I am feeling more positive, I know that I may be having some sort of depression or anxiety and need to pay attention and not get lost in it. I am going to be going back to counseling on my own and I will be checking in with my GP about some tummy issues I’ve been having, to keep my health a priority and take care of me. As a person, as a mom, as a wife and a health care provider it is hard to serve in your roll if you feel down and ineffective. Like they say it is impossible to serve from an empty vessel.

empty-vesselIn my life in the last week I have had some clarity of mind to realize I need to focus on me. Not in a selfish way where you are “more important” than your family, that you are charged with taking care of, but in a way to be the healthiest you so your family can have a healthy mom, healthy wife and your clients can have a healthy provider coming from a place of love and caring. I have been so bogged down with stress in life that I am complaining a lot, offended easily and my brain gets flooded and I get angry easily. So much so that I don’t really recognize myself and then when the hubs and I get into “special moments” I feel like I turn into some monster that is not me! Then it spirals out of control! So I am taking control of me. Part of that is me getting back into blogging here. I want to encourage people who are or have been in my spot. Also it helps me to get my feelings out and helps me to help guide myself in a positive way, not just my readers. Plus entertaining readers with my Hump Day Challenges is a passion of mine that I have missed the last few weeks.

Another part is getting back to my life. I have been working a lot and losing site of what really matters. My work matters but there is a balance that needs to be heeded. A balance of working in my business (doing massage) as well as working on my business (admin stuff like billing and marketing). I love networking for marketing and I have a lot of friends that I network with but that networking time needs to be just that and sometimes the balance of networking and socializing line blurs and loses potency.

So to deter the blurred lines of friend time and networking time I plan to be more active in my life with friends. We all struggle balance with work and fun but it is important to stay in touch with your “people”. You know, the ones who can figure out your drunk text typos and actually answer or support you in those moments! So one part of this gaining balance and getting back to me is scheduling girlfriend time as well as date nights and family nights! All three is important as important as work time.

Another part is planning house work time. This is harder for me because really, who wants to do the bull shit tasks of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping? Especially after work and taxiing around the kids after a full day of work? But if you ignore it or don’t plan it you end up with those “special moments” with the Hubs that no one really wants! So this next sentence is very important, You must plan with your family! Everyone in the family has a responsibility  for how the house runs! The Hubs and I have had some conversations on this and although we haven’t really planned it all out, we have made huge gains in this area. The Hubs has started helping with dishes and putting laundry away. There is much to be said about a person who actually steps up to handle the things that they hate not being done versus just complaining about it! So: MAKE A FAMILY PLAN ABOUT HOW YOUR HOUSE WILL BE RAN AND EVERYONE CONTRIBUTE! Talk about it and follow through.

So to sum up this long post:

  1. Take care of you if that means going to the doctor, counselor, journaling, exercising, What ever it is, make time!! My plan get back to counseling, exercise everyday (at least cardio), get to doctor about tummy issues, have grace with myself when I am overwhelmed!
  2. Schedule and stick to it you work and admin time in your business! My plan just get it admin and massage time on the books and don’t waiver regardless of the client and their schedule, make my schedule and family time as important as theirs. Balance!
  3. Schedule Date nights, family nights and time with “your people” My plan: Schedule girlfriend time once a month, Date nights weekly and actually go, Family nights or outings weekly
  4. Schedule House work and responsibilities! Everyone has a responsibility to participate it is not all on mom regardless if mom is a working mom stay at home. We need to teach our kids they have to contribute as well as the husbands. Talk about it and make a plan! My Plan: schedule family menu planning meetings, utilize Clicklist with preplanned menus. Give kids chores and follow through with them to do it on schedule before practices and dance.
  5. GIVE GRACE! Let everyone have a little grace with heavy stress load times of homework, busy work days and heavily scheduled tournaments or competitions. Everyone is trying hard to motivate through life! We all want what’s best for our family and ourselves and sometimes we need to take a nap instead of vacuum! As long as we are all doing our best when our family needs help lets lend a helping hand they will do the same for you when you need! Help each other out to get to the goal and enjoy the good moments like the tournament wins and realize sometimes those things come when the house is messy, but when those moments are over and we have down time we can catch up when we need to! As long as there is not mold growing on the dishes and the house isn’t burning down and there is a dance to watch or a game going on…take it in! Enjoy these busy crazy moments building a lives, growing children into adults, growing a business and creating a life! Make it happy!!!

Live the life you’ve imagined because remember in your dreams you saw the results not the work that it takes to get there! FOCUS on what is important. Family, friends, lives, and moments are important! Money and dishes and laundry will go away savor moments with your people!!!

#Live2017