Category Archives: Marriage is hard

Getting Going Slow

09 Tuesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, New Year, Take the time to take care of yourself

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

this is the beginningOkay so here I am Monday evening just now blogging. I really need to work on scheduling writing in before the end of the day. Except today was different slightly here I was I got up took the 5:30 am spin class at the gym. As I was basking in my exercise high dreaming of taking a run after the kids go to school the Hubs texted me “check you court date” I have a court date for a speeding ticket that I got back in November. I contested it as the officer put the wrong license plate number on my ticket. You see I accidentally gave him the registration for our travel trailer instead of the truck. So on the ticket it said “I authorize that I was driving this vehicle license #……” well since I wasn’t driving that license plate number vehicle I could not in good conscious sign that ticket as committing that infraction. I had a whole argument ready about said technicality however I didn’t need it. Apparently when a ticket is contested officers have to file an affidavit stating their case and the proof of how they caught you speeding etc the officer did not file an affidavit so my case was dismissed before I even had to pull out my evidence.

So thanks to the Hubs I am one speeding ticket less on my record and my day to work on the house turned into a half day. My original plan was going to be spin class, writing the a 3 mile run and then cake cabinet organizing. But it turned into driving 2.5 hours and half day to organize and here I am at 11pm blogging. Oh well at least it’s done.

Yesterday the Hubs and Kids and I went to see Star Wars again then went to dinner at a hibachi style restaurant. While we were there we talked New Year’s Resolution. We all stated some of our goals for the year. Some of us are already a day later working on round two of trying again. I have already wrote about my goals but the kids added a fun one we have a plan for one just because” family day a month and they added one chore day a month to do things like washing windows or scrubbing bath tubs. The Girl is the one who picked that and the Boy agreed, The Hubs looked a little scared but was still down. It was nice to have a little family time to talk with all of our phones put away. I am looking forward to more of that in 2018.

I made my bed today (one of my resolutions that the kids laughed at) went to the gym. Am still one higher than the day of the year on sex so today I am at 9 and haven’t even had sex yet. Still have 0 miles running but am looking forward to getting started.

One of the best things about 2018 is The Hubs and I have not had on big fight. Even tonight we had a discussion that got heated but we stayed calm and focused and got through it with out a knock down drag out! He would say it’s because I’m not yelling or I have done something different like having sex every day but really he is getting more patient. He is being more patient and understanding and all he says is that it’s because I have changed…weird. Honestly, it doesn’t matter the fact that we are getting along better having the fun times we have together and not the shitty arguments that showed up in 2017 about once a week is a nice change regardless of why!

Anyway here’s to 2018 and getting moving on the Goals or Resolutions and actually starting the 2018 movement! I will work on my schedule and be here tomorrow!

#Everyday2018

Advertisements

Christmas Eve

25 Monday Dec 2017

Posted by in Family, Live in the Moment, Love, Love Your Kids, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Parenting, Raising Kids, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

The kids are in bed, presents all wrapped and set up for them to find in the morning. The Hubs is sleeping next to me after a long fun filled day of Seahawks away game party and the Christmas Eve gathering we have at our house. Today was a beautiful day. Our team won! Go Hawks! We had some of our best friends with us for dinner, drinks, cookie decorating, and spending quality time together.

Growing up Christmas Eve in my house was very similar. My Dad’s tradition was to set up the Christmas Tree on Christmas Eve. We would have an open house friends would come by and out an ornament on the tree and eat food and spend time with us. It was at that event on this night in 1996 that The Hubs and shared our first kiss. Who knew we would end up here 21 years later. I would not change it for the world.

We have had many bumps and turns in the road of our life. This last year has been a really rough year and I fear some roughness in our future, but at the end of the day, I look at this man and all we have created together and count my blessings and remember why I am here. I love this man who is snoring next to me. He is, sometimes, really hard to live with and sometimes, I want to ring his neck but he is my soulmate. We clash in many things but those are the things that balance us. We a have busy chaotic life that adds stress but one day the kids will be grown and we will slow down and we will cherish these years the most.

My goal for 2018 is living in the moment more and really enjoying our kids. We spend a lot of money and a lot of time on them. Sometimes that distracts us from enjoying them. They are fun to watch don’t here thing. The girl is an amazing dancer. I want to appreciate her dance more especially since she is talking about not dancing after this year. The Boy plays 4 sports now. He added Basketball once Christmas break is over wrestling will start and booked ending those are Football and baseball. He is a good athlete he has a good attitude and really enjoys what he does. I want him to know it’s about playing hard and doing well but mostly it’s about having fun while you do it. Same worth The Girl it’s not about winning scholarships at competition it’s about having fun, putting yourself into the dance and let it move you.

Today I sit here in appreciation of my family. The Hubs takes really good care of this family with his work and providing for us. We are able this year to help my mom out and got her a car that should last her a while. It is a nicer car than she has and most of all SAFE! I feel pretty thankful that my husband will also take care of my mom like that. I like to be able to play Santa to my mom, I know she will appreciate it and I am thankful she will have a safe car to use when she is transporting my children around town. She does that a lot! It’s a way of paying her back for that.

I am just in awe of my family right now. The Hubs and I have had a really rough year but right now in this moment I feel joy and love and appreciation. I want to hold that feeling close to my heart and focus on that in 2018.

#LoveAlways2017

Wedding flowers

26 Thursday Oct 2017

Posted by in Love, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , ,

These are my wedding flowers. I walked down the isle 17 years ago holding these flower proudly in my hands looking at my best friend at the end of the isle. These flowers are significant. I have saved them in this vase that I received as a wedding gift.

17 years later, they look tired and old and dead but there is something about them. I don’t want to toss them. When I look any them I reminisce about that day about the planning that lead up to that day. About all the flowers the Hubs had got me in Corsages before that day and since then the flowers he brings me home, which is why I chose the color I chose. Those flowers represent the day we chose to be together for better or worse. Through the years these flowers have seen better but even in there old tired (some may say dead) state there is a beauty that I just can’t throw away!

I don’t want to be tired old or dead in my relationship. I know I’m tired but on bad days maybe when the Hubs and I aren’t in the “for better” moments I look at their ugliness and think just throw it away! I have grabbed them in anger and frustration, probably trying to clean up clutter that we were arguing about, and thought “why even save these they are dead!” But I can’t bring myself to throw them away!

In that moment, like today, I look at the ugly dead flowers and remember the beauty they once were They inspire me to see past sadness of how they look and cherish the beauty they represent.

Maybe I should make this vase the fresh flowers vase that I keep fresh flowers in, it takes maintenance to keep beautiful fresh flowers and cycling out the old but these flowers aren’t going anywhere. Just like my marriage I did not say “I do” to just the beauty. I said “I do” to all of it. That includes the ugly the sad and tired. I am happily married because of that decision and those words that day. Not everyday is happy, today has not been a happy day. That doesn’t mean I’m not happy.

These flowers are beautiful in there way and I am happy to have them. It is a reminder that things need maintenance and marriages need maintenance to stay beautiful but there is always beauty in love. These flowers should probably go, according to some clutter expert but for now they will stay. I will hold on to this reminder that even in ugly stages love conquers and may the best shine through. May you be loved.

#Loveconquers

Shitty 2016? Do You in 2017

30 Friday Dec 2016

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Do You, Love, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

Well, if you have been reading my blog this month you probably have been wanting more. You probably have figured out that I am having a rough month. To top it off, yesterday, actually the day before yesterday, after a full day at work my neck started bothering me. It is a C2 type feeling pain. I have regular chiropractic adjustments, C2 is my headache spot and it was feeling out of alignment. By yesterday morning I was in excruciating pain. I don’t normally cancel work or ask friends for favors but I had to do both. I canceled all 4 of my massages (which all happened to be PIP claims) and then I called my Chiropractor who is off this week and he had me come to his house to work on me. My massage therapist coworker (who is actually the boss lady at my office) offered to work on me as well she was going to add me to her already booked schedule. I am laid up today as well. I was trembling in pain last night. I went to bed at 8 and didn’t get up until 8 this morning. Since I have got out of bed is has gotten worse. That whole gravity thing is weighing down on me. I am frustrated that I have to take it easy. I am angry that the end of December and the end of 2017 ends on a negative note.

This has been a rough month. The Hubs and I have been through the wringer. A bad event happened the beginning of the month. We have been dealing with it ever since. I have struggle with the idea of sticking it out. I wanted to just leave my marriage my family and my life and go it alone. This life is too short to live unhappy. If shitty things are going to keep happening then why stay in this relationship. We fight like cats and dogs. There is yelling and threats and insults and all of this happens, sometimes, in front of the kids. They have been changed by the way they have seen their parents argue! It makes me sad and ashamed. I am ashamed of myself for putting up with it, for perpetuating it and not doing anything to change it, or at least not enough. But what can I do? Leave my husband? end the marriage? give my kids two addresses? One of which would be in poverty because I am too busy being a mom than to make money. Anyway I have decided to stick it out. I can’t bring my self to leave. There is a part of me that wants to and a part of me that wants the happily ever after with my high school sweetheart. I also am not ready to dismantle my family. I also took my “till death do us part” and “for better or worse” vows very seriously. I know there are a lot of people saying “there is a better way” but I don’t know if I want that way. Nor do I know if I am ready to move away from the good stuff that we do have.

2016 has been rough… actually December of 2016 has been rough. With all that has been going on in my life I have been comforting myself with food. Eating my feelings! I have been through a tragic event in my marriage, lost my only friend who I could talk to about it and now I have an injury that has sidelined me from work, exercise and life in general. I have had a shitty month. I have been eating my feelings. I have talked to some friends but don’t want to talk about it much. Especially since a lot the advice I have gotten has been “things can be better, you can do it all alone. Don’t worry about the money. You’re stillcircumstances-make-me young you have a lot of life in front of you.” I hate all of that advice. I am not as strong as those people think I am. Those people mostly have been divorced or never married or are single. Some are more happy than they were in their first marriage too… But, I can’t do it. I want my marriage to work I want to be happy. I don’t know if either is possible but I can’t not try. I start counseling again on Monday. I (we) have decided to work this relationship. I will John Gottman the shit out of this and make it work if it kills me…and it might. I also know I need to stop sulking and live my life and watch what I eat. I have eaten my feelings to the tone of 8.7 pounds since this started.

I started this  blog in 2015 (well end of 2014) to prove that sex, love and washing clothes can save a relationship. I am going to put this into practice in 2017. It is more than just the actions of having sex and cleaning house it takes that middle word, love. I honestly believe LOVE can change the world. Love is something you have to choose. It does not choose you. You choose love. I am choosing love, I am choosing to live this life that I have and love it. All the shitty circumstances are just that, Shitty!!! I refuse to let them slow me down and make me sad anymore. It sucks but you know what, you have shitty things you have lived with, don’t you? Well, maybe you haven’t. Maybe you have moved on and maybe you are happy to not have that in your face everyday. I have never chosen the easy path, I have chosen that hard path and right now honestly either path is not an easy path for me. Is there ever an easy path? I want my family to thrive. I see some counseling not only in my future but also in my families future. I know we are going to need professional help to get through this but we will come out stronger and better than ever. In a year we will be in a different place, I look forward to seeing what that means in my life!

There is a lot of work to be done here. Please don’t judge me or my family or anyone else. We all have our own battles to face and we will make some good choices and some that could have been better. Do you make the choices for you or for what people will say about you…do it for you! I am doing it for me! Do you in 2017 I am going to do ME!

#Future2016

 

XXX-Fantacize Role Play-XXX

10 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Do Your Thing, Hump Day Challenge, Marriage is hard, Sex, XXX

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,


Todays Hump Day Challenge is to be adventurous in a story. Do you have or does your partner have a fantasy that you just can’t bring yourself to do. My challenge for you today is to talk about the story of your fantasy not in a way to actually make it happen, just to dream about it and get turned on and make it a sexy time with your lover. If you have always fantacized about having a night with LL Cool J (who hasn’t, the way he licks his lips and he so hot!) After you two have decided to participate in this Hump Day Challenge when you are ready to get started, tell your lover a detailed story what LL would do to you. Maybe it’s your man who is telling you the story of what LL would be doing to you as he acts out the story. This may be a good way to explore that threesome fantasy without actually having to have the threesome. Your mate may actually like the idea and realize that it might not be so bad after the acting out and hearing the role they would play in it and how it would make you feel. However, the intention of this challenge is not to get your way or convince your partner to have said fantasy, it’s to give you the chance to vicariously live it and enjoy that fantasy. 

Does you man dream of a threesome with you and a hot super model? As you tell him the story act out as much as you can and let him just close his eyes and imagine he is there with you and her. Maybe it’s you wanting to fuck Captain America, get him the costume and play dirty with him. Stay open mined and relax. Don’t read too much into how much he enjoys the idea of you being someone else or having another lady to pleasure him. The same way he is not judging you when you are not so secretly fantasizing about Captain America.

Let it open your mind and his. Relax and don’t judge. If you get uncomfortable subtly veer the conversation or story to a place that your comfortable. Only go to where you both are comfortable! Don’t push and don’t ask to do it in real life this is for fantasizing. I believe it can be a real valuable tool to help with low libido and lack of interest. Sometimes sex gets hard to accomplish in the rat race of life, use these ideas to spice up your sex life. 

Just relax and have sex! The physical act of sex releases happy chemicals and hormones in you brain that combat stress and frustration. Endorphins can even affect pain levels so all of these are good reasons to have sex, and enjoy sex and put in the work for your partner to be satisfied during sex. Visualization and fantasy can be valuable but make it clear where the fantasy line begins and reality line ends. Be honest and clear with your boundaries and respect your partner’s! Now, go get that sexual release and enjoy the destress benefits! And enjoy the fantasy!

#Sex2016

Dance Rescues Life

27 Tuesday Sep 2016

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Dance Like No One is Watching, Do Your Thing, Live in the Moment, Live life, Love, Marriage is hard

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

​***writers note I started this yesterday, Monday edited and completed Tuesday**

What a great three day weekend (we played hookie today so we all had a three day weekend) To be honest, it was a rough start to our weekend. The Hubs and I had a long “Special Moment” (aka big fight) to start off Saturday then a loss for our PeeWee team made it just a bad day but then was recovered with great friends who are more like family Saturday night. Then it was Seahawks Sunday then we ran into more good friends after the game and then we met up at Great Wolf Lodge Monday with the kids and In-laws. However, I feel shafted because the power went out and we didn’t get that much time in the water park, and then home to a crazy mess of a house. Then, I realized the meat in the fridge that needed to be cooked or thrown away, only $130+ so I had to throw it on the Traeger to salvage it dinners are pre-prepped for the week …I guess. Then it was time for my Adult Modern Dance Class. I was tired and unmotivated, but I knew it would lift me up and rescue the day (not that it was bad, but I was tired). 

In Modern, We are working on improving and “feeling” the music without “holding back” or judging our moves. Take up the space, use the floor and dance from within….I SO NEEDED that!!!! I need that in my whole life. Dance overflows totally into life, Thanks Ms X! Dance once again rescued my day and actually without getting to in depth dance really has rescued my life more than once! And then today, flowers from the Hubs to seal the weekend. And better yet we go back to work/school for Tuesday, it won’t be a Monday! 

So, Love life! Embrace the positive, ditch the negative. Dance from within. I think dance is the only time in my life maybe the only time I allow myself to be uncensored (when I close my eyes, yes I dance improv with my eyes closed so I don’t judge myself). I am thankful for dance and a class to go to and a teacher who draws out my soul out to put it in my dance. I may one day find if it is ever possible, I may find the real me, with the help of dance probably on stage when I don’t even expect it! I love dance! Dance mimics life and I love dance, my life is a dance. I love my life!

#Dance2016

Productive Weekend

06 Tuesday Sep 2016

Posted by in Connection, Just Do It, Lock your door!, Love, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, Nappping, Reboot, Self Care, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , ,

Happy Monday, wait, it’s Tuesday! Happy Tuesday! This was Labor Day Weekend. Did you get in some end of summer R&R? Or were you uber productive and finished cleaning out the closets before the kids go back to school? We had a very chill weekend. The kids went to Gma’s one last time before they leave for AZ for a few weeks and the Hubs and I just relaxed. He had worked Thursday night all night. He went back to work Thursday evening at 10pm and then came home at 11:45 Friday morning. We had originally planned to go away one last weekend camping at the ocean but being up all night working has a way of altering those kind of weekend plans.

dream hungry demonsSo instead, Gma and Gpa came to get the kids so they could “steal” them for the weekend. I was quite thankful because  I needed an adult only weekend kind of a break. Gma and Gpa picked up the kids around 11am then the Hubs and I went back to bed when they left. We slept, fucked, watched football, fucked some more, then got out of bed had dinner and did it all again. We met up with friends we haven’t seen in a while Sunday evening and then Monday we went shooting.

We had a very productive weekend. Not in a sense of getting things accomplished but we made some really good connection, with each other. No doors to lock, didn’t have to be quiet and didn’t have to be anywhere! It was a relaxing chill weekend. No washing clothes, no schedule, no demands except the way we felt about each other. We had lots of sex this weekend. I did get a few ideas for Hump Day Challenges but do you think I wrote them down or remember my ideas at all? Not currently, I will get better at writing things down one day! We had a great reboot this weekend.

The Hubs and I really needed a reboot kind of weekend. Not really because things have been bad (although it has not been smooth sailing) but because we are busy. It’s hard to stay connected when you are going in so many different directions and have schedules and other people that take priority just because of the demands of the schedule of life. When this happens we all need to get grounded and focus on priorities and give each other a little grace. The Hubs and I talked this morning about not letting the busy-ness and demands of kids, school, work, jobs, coaching duties get in the way of knowing that we love each other and staying connected. We all get tired but we all need to take the time to nourish our relationships.

One day there will be no kids to take to practice and work will slow down and we may even retire, we need to make sure that we still know and love our partner, when life slows down, that’s when life will get really good. I am not saying mine is a model relationship, we have our problems and struggles. We still have more good than bad and nurturing our relationship is important to us. We do that by taking weekends like this one. I would love to do it once a month but that is just not realistic, but when I start to see and feel that lack of connection, arguing over washing clothes and just that bluh feeling about my relationship that is the time to look at the calendar, contact one of the Grandparents or some really great friends to take the kids so we can have adult time. Sometimes we go away and sometimes we send the kids with Gma but we get alone time!

We also take a date night, every week. Right now we are on Tuesday, it is our weeknight date night. We usually also do get in a Weekend date night as well. I know there are many people who judge us and how much we go out and take date nights and weekends sans kids. But, I really think it is important for every marriage or partnership to have that time. When the kids are grown and gone we need to still know and love the one we met and had those said kids with.

It is important to take the time to nourish the relationship with your lover and almost as important to teach your children how to do that. Children see us fighting, I know studies show we shouldn’t fight around our kids, we try not to, but let’s be honest they see it, they need to see us make up and they need to see us loving each other as well. It is important to take care of ourselves individually as well. I want to inspire you to take the time to take care of your relationship with your lover. One of the easiest ways to do that is to have more sex! If you can’t get away or have no one to take care of the kids, lock your bedroom door turn up some music and enjoy the naked physical love of your partner. I promise it is well worth it even when you are tired!

Go make connection with your mate, have more sex! Of course being nice, helping each other cook and clean and keep up with the tedious tasks of a busy life helps too, but there is nothing like having a great relationship with you spouse and having great sex with them as well!

#Havesex2016

7 Day Challenge

23 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by in Do You, Everyday, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

image

Happy Thursday. Today I had a one to one meeting with someone in my BNI group. I try to meet with someone in my group at least once a week. I am trying to get to know everyone in my group. This week during this one to one I realized we had more in common in our person life journeys that have got us where we are in life and business. A few years ago right around when I turned 30 I went through a shift in my thinking. You have all read the shift in my thinking that I am speaking of. You see I grew up very prudish, very sheltered and not know how to make decisions for myself. I grew up in a church that taught me what was right and wrong according to their interpretation of the bible. I still struggle with the ideas of what is right and what is wrong. It is hard for me to figure it out sometimes. This person I met with has recently gone through a change in the same way. He and I compared stories of what we were thinking and what lead us to this change. I read a book called “Dance of the Dissident Daughter” by Sue Monk Kidd and that lead me to start exploring my religion and spirituality.

I believe that we all need to focus on what is right in our lives. You live your life not your parents or teachers or leaders of your chosen groups. No teacher, church, race or religion of any kind have the authority over you. You can decide what you believe and what is right. You are a grown ass woman or man and you don’t have to please anyone. When I was younger I was always trying to be a people pleaser. Always wanted to do what is right and checking from one self help book to another only to find out that they all contradict each other. By the time I turned 30 my new life moto became: Fuck It! I have nothing to prove to no one except myself! MYSELF! The same is true for you! You have no one except yourself to make happy and be content with. Hopefully your spouse is already happy with you, hopefully they won’t require you to be someone you are not! But my point is do what is right for you! If you do what is right and you treat other people the way you want to be treated then you will be fine. You just have to keep in mind that if you go from being a people pleaser to being a healthy strong person, others around you may start to get a little uneasy, if they were controlling you….

My favorite subject from our talks today was sex, I know very business like but, don’t judge! Many people have a predetermined set of rules in regards to sex. Most of us who were raised in a church tend to shy away from or and are scared of sex. Many religions teach that sex is “good” but only at certain times and certain ways. Sex has liberated my marriage. Sex is the reason my husband and I are still married. God made our bodies the way they are and I believe he wants us to feel pleasure, and sexual pleasure should not be excluded. You all know that I have said that there are no rules. If it feels good to you and your partner by all means do that as much as you two want to. If everything is consensual and all parties are on the same page why the hell not?!

The Hubs and I have had a rough few days. We have been arguing about petty stuff, we are really overwhelmed. Today I wrote him a text that said “let’s start over. Let’s start with having sex everyday for the next 7 days.” He responded with “that’s a good start” Having sex everyday bonds two people together in a connection when you do it with the intention. It’s a powerful connection! I do believe that you can have sex that is not about connection as well. I don’t think that is bad I just believe that sex between two committed loving people is so powerful for a relationship. Sex for just the physical aspect of sex can be really refreshing and good for your individual soul as well. Regardless, sex is good and I am a strong advocate of it!

So this is what I am saying. If you are in a committed relationship, use sex to strengthen it! I do not believe you can build a relationship on sex but I do believe you can keep one together with sex! (But who knows, maybe you can, just see what happens.) I say that because good sex is the only reason mine is still together and we are still strong in our marriage because of good sex. It takes work to be married. It takes connection and what better way to get connected. So go and save your relationship start with my mini challenge of sex everyday for the next 7 days!! And forget the judgmental words from people from past lives and prudish individuals or social standards. You have control in this life of yours. Do what’s right for you. It may be different than what is right for me or someone else. Just do YOU!

#Recomitt2016

 

Date Night Always Makes it Better

07 Tuesday Jun 2016

Posted by in Baseball, Be You, Do You, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

Well recently emotionally I have been in a funk! I don’t know what it is but I have been sensitive lately. I cried for two hours yesterday. Maybe my psyche is just getting adjusted to my new lifestyle of working out regularly. Maybe I am missing the extra time in bed with the Hubs. Maybe I am just fucking crazy! I am leaning towards the latter.

I have been feeling lonely and under appreciated by the Hubs, but he has been sick. So I should give him a little slack and not take it so personal when he is tired and crashes right when we go to bed, before we have sex. He has been home mostly resting for the better part of the last week. I am just being a bit sensitive. I feel irritated with myself by that, but I do like to tell him how I feel. When I do we chat about it. Usually starts with a little yelling match and then ends with a solid conversation of him saying he does love me and want to be with me and me saying sorry for being so stupid and over sensitive! But the food thing is that we are not arguing forever like we would have a couple years ago. I still would like him to be able to be a little more understanding or empathetic but we are making progress.

image

Today was a better day. I didn’t have time for crazy head today. I had a busy day and then watched the boy in a scrimmage with his tournament baseball team. He pitched today, which is new for him. He did pretty well. He struck out two batters, buy his team behind him could get outs. The Boy there two innings, face 29 batters only walked 2, but 3 better got hit by pitch, so many errors they score like 20 runs on him. But he threw strikes! It was a good start!

Now the Hubs and I are headed out to date night. It would be nice if we could start a but earlier. We are committed to date night so we always go, we just wish we do something other than just eat and drink. We thought of going for a ferry ride but there is no ferry until 11:30 or so. For today our creativity is taking us to the next town over for some food and drinks. I love date night…gotta go participate!

#Recommit2016

Expectations, Anxiety and

02 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by in Connection, Marriage is hard, Self Care, Take the time to take care of yourself

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

It is the day after my birthday, the hubs came down sick yesterday on my birthday and even stayed home sick today. I hate to admit it and feel bad but this time I got super irritated about it. I mean can’t I just have a special day. I know he didn’t do it on purpose and I normally don’t respond like that.

I feel and I know I sound super selfish. My birthday is never made a big deal about by the Hubs. I learned at 22 that if I want to have a party I have to plan it myself or have a girlfriend do it. At 22 I said to the Hubs, “I don’t care what we do. I want to hang out with our friends and I don’t want to plan it.” The day before, I believe my birthday that year was even on a Friday, he finally called everyone and invited them to get together and hang out. Everyone was busy already so no birthday party for me. So, since then I decided well, I will make the plans myself. Which I have done.

Normally, because of that experience that year, I plan some time for myself to just do me on my birthday. But this year is different. I am a full time working mom . I had 6 appointments at the office The Girl had dance, the Boy had a baseball game, I had my dance class that I take. There was no time, I hadn’t made dinner plans nor had I been to the grocery store in a while so there wasn’t much to even cook at home. When I asked what the plan was for dinner he answered with “well do you want to run through a drive through or something?” I was appalled on my birthday he hasn’t even considered what to do for dinner so I didn’t have to worry about it?! I know I was being unfair. I did not really know how sick he was feeling he seemed fine. Then at home he basically sat down on the couch and crashed. I cleaned, vacuumed the house (so glad I did) did laundry. The Kids helped by making grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. I was sitting on the couch lonely onme of picking a fight but quickly backed down. He never quickly backs down. I was feeling sad, lonely, anxious. He was feeling sick. He has some digestive  my birthday writing the Hump Day Challenge alone.

Tonight has been similar but it is not my birthday. My husband does not get sick much and it usually takes a lot to get him to not go to work and not want to spend time with me or not want to even have sex. So then I go into crazy head mode. Why doesn’t he want me. Why isn’t he thinking of me? Why doesn’t he understand that all he had to do was not make me make the dinner plan on my birthday. It only takes something small to impress me but it takes something. Is he talking to someone else? Does he not want me anymore? Am I too high maintenance because I want some special treatment or consideration when it’s my birthday?

99%All of those things are my anxiety and what I call Crazy Head Ruby. I am pretty sure I have written about it before. These are the things that women (I am sure men do it too but I would guess many don’t admit it) think when they don’t know what is going on and there is someone acting different. (I do this with my friends too it is not exclusive to the Hubs). It’s anxiety. I wish I could shake it. I tried breathing but I cried over it this morning. We got in a little argument but settled pretty quickly. Is the Hubs learning to get me better and sooner or is he just not caring about me enough to fight? He did accuse stuff going on it comes in waves so he feels fine and then all of a sudden gets the sweats and has to run to the bathroom. Which is why it is so hard for me to know that he was sick.

Bottom line, self care and communication. He should communicate better with me how he is feeling. I want more of a connection with him, like when he decides to stay late after practice with the Boy throwing the ball around vs having to call to make sure they didn’t crash in a ditch somewhere. I want him to understand me I am needy. It sucks sometimes how needy I am, it is what it is! Finally I need to take care of me. I know I am needy. In the future maybe I should just block out my schedule on my birthday so I can do something for myself. A long run, pedicure of get my own massage. That way when the Hubs forgets to even get a card, cake or flowers or make a dinner plan, I can be satisfied that I did have a good birthday, not just another normal day and not affected as much.

I hate crazy head days. One of these days I will figure out how to conquer them. As for now, I will go try to enjoy this alone time by going to bed early-ish. I have a date with my running shoes in the morning (did I mention my running buddy is also sick, yeah, she is so hence the loneliness). Good night all. Take care of you. Make your plans for you and don’t expect others to read your mind. The majority of this frustration is my expectations of the Hubs that are unrealistic and frankly unfair so I have to do better at taking care of me.

#Recomitt2016