Category Archives: Marriage is work

New Start, Old Beginning

02 Saturday Mar 2019

Posted by in Be Present, Business, Everyday, Family, Live in the Moment, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, Mom Stuff, Organization, Raising Kids, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes, Take the time to take care of yourself, Washing Clothes, Working Mom

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I titled today’s entry before I started to write. Normally I write and then pick a title. Today I have decided to start new, but it is an old beginning. I have had this beginning a lot. The I’m tired of fucking it up and want to get back on track. It has been a while since I have sat down to write. I have been busy doing what feels like spinning my wheels. I started blogging back in 2015 as a stay at home mom who was trying to encourage tried and weiry moms that it’s okay to “just be a mom” but shortly into 2015 I went back to work because well, our family needed the financial help and because I wanted to be more than “just a mom”. Sort of felt and still feels a little hypocritical. Old beginning because well, I have been here so many times before.Don't be afraid

I had a mission with this blog to help moms and dads stay in their marriage. At the time the Hubs and I had great sex but a rocky relationship. There were many times we kept our relationship together with just great sex. There was a lot left to be desired in our lives. We had communication issues that we were working on, as many busy parents with busy children have. We were and still are today stretched very thin! Sex was the one thing we could do that we both enjoyed without having to have much discussion and when I decided to have sex everyday in 2015 the Hubs was thrilled at the thought of not having to wonder when the next time he was going to get it. For the most part 2015 worked really well. The first part of 2016 was pretty good to but towards the end of that year it was a struggle. I had decided to move into private practice with my massage career and spent a lot of time working on my business which caused a lot of strain between the Hubs and I. That year ended really badly. I try not to say things are bad but at that time things were bad. I had felt like a fraud like I had wrote this blog all of 2015 and most of 2016 oh how to keep things together and make my marriage work and my plan had failed.  We were falling apart, it was almost the end of us. We decided to stay together, to work through our stuff and then another new old beginning.

Then 2017 went on rebuilding I decided to move my private practice home. The best of both worlds right? Well towards the end of 2017 another event happened that strained our relationship. Different but just as much of a strain and then that was almost the demise of us all of the struggles of 2016 came back in flashbacks and sorrow and just plain struggle. All the while we still maintained weekly date nights and tried to do the best we could with nightly sex and connecting but there were parts of both of us that were just unconnected, bitter and angry. We were also both remorseful for our roles in the fallout. We were sorry we were sad and missed each other like we had been on two separate continents! So decided to put it all behind us and onto another new but old beginning.

Then the start of 2018 we decided once again, we are here for the long haul. There is something to be said for two stubborn people being married and valuing their commitment made to each other! We have stayed our course through many very, oh so bumpy stretch of road the last few years. Maybe it’s maturity and maybe we are finally starting to “get” each other and fully commit to respect and love and cherish each other, it finally feels like we are moving on and getting over some of the same struggles we kept coming back to. Now, here in 2019 we can go weeks without fights. We even can have a spat and let it go with out dragging it on for hours or days and not resulting in the using the “D” word. We don’t have sex everyday but when we do it is good for both of us! I am considering a new #everyday challenge but I don’t want it to become a job again. In 2015 it was good, 2016 it was feeling more like a job and 2017 was just bad and 2018 the theme was “what happened to 2015?” But here in 2019 we are enjoying each other more, respecting each other more, loving each other more and having sex with each other more. Yes 2019 is still young and fresh and new but we are getting back to us! It has taken a while but we are doing well!

So that’s where the New Start, Old Beginning is, maybe it’s not such an old beginning, maybe this one is new it just gets old starting over again. Still the same: I am still working on my weight issues, still trying to decide what to do with my practice. Agonizing everyday if I am making the right parenting decisions and trying to convince the Hubs to get a dog and go house shopping or renovate ours. We have a lot to be happy about there is a lot going on here! As I sit back and look at things, I think why didn’t we just keep going with 2015? We got busy. Life gets crazy. Maybe we even got lazy or went on auto pilot. You can’t just sit back and let life take you where you want to go. Because unless you are driving the car it has a mind of it’s own and this girl wants to drive the direction I want to. The direction that will take my family in the right direction. For me, For the Hubs and for the kids. I am not a fan of this Old Beginning lets have a new beginning, start over on a new path!

One big thing I have struggled with is deciding what makes me tick. What do I want? I have spent so many years taking care of my family as a mom that I don’t even know what I want. I know I was insanely happy in the stroller days of my kids. Being able to load them in the stroller and go for a run. We would go pick up groceries in the stroller my house was not clean and my kids were very giddy and happy all the time. I can’t have those days back but I want that happiness back. Do I need to run more? Not worry about cleaning as much? I have started the Marie Kondu method but I just did my closets but now I’ve got to do my whole house.

So this year I want to find my passion. I love massage but it gives me stress billing and being a business owner, so can that really be my passion? I love to workout and exercise especially running and doing races but that doesn’t make me money to help with finances. I love and miss dancing but finances and time? I love to sing! I have spent more time singing karaoke and not missing the chance to sing than anything, how can I do that more? I miss writing here in my blog! I miss the words flowing really easily (can you tell?)

I told the boy yesterday that he had to decide to work hard when he is in a game. It is a conscious choice you have to make. Get up and grind and work hard but for me I struggle with that. So many different hats that I wear I struggle deciding where to put that effort. Not to mention I have ADD which does not help. This is my goal, this is my passion for this year, to find my passion and live it to the fullest! Doing it all while loving, taking care of and protecting my family. Balancing work life: growing a business, family life: getting everyone where they need to be when they need to be there, feeding them healthy meals and communicating all of that to the Hubs to get help from him and then not forgetting to cultivate our relationship in communication as well as sexualization. I want us to be happy these last few years before the kids leave us and give our kids a happy healthy place to live.

Is it doable? I believe so I will take you along on this journey this year and I will keep writing as this helps me process my thoughts and helps me stay positive. And gives me accountability! There may be things I have to let go of being in control of and getting my way but come with me this year on this journey and watch me win! One way or another!

Oh and by the way I turn 40 this year so there is a sense of urgency to show up and be me and know who “Me” is but not lose my family in the process. This will be no old beginning this is a fresh start to new beginnings, hard work and grind yes but love and laughter and passion to be found in this new beginning. In the process I will not let the hard work wear me down. I will not take the easy way out like I have in all the old beginnings. It’s hard, I won’t stop until I am where I want to be!

#ThisisRuby

Date Night Fun

30 Tuesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Connection, Marriage, Marriage is work, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

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Happy Tuesday Date Night!!! I have missed date nights. Since being on Dry January the Hubs has not wanted to do date night because our date nights usually consist of going to a bar. He is not into going to a bar and not drinking. So tonight we planned a sober date night! We only have 2 more Dry January days but, still…

We are off to Castles Megastore for more Lube to start off the night. They are open until 10pm so we can make it there after practices.

Then we are going to see Greatest Showman. Some go out for dinner and a movie, we go get lube and a movie…Trial reviews coming, we bought 3 different lubes to try and some other sample thingy. It was some sort of stimulation cream, ‘Plump’ for him and something you put on your G-Spot for me. More details in a review to come later…

Back to date night, no more phones tonight!

#SLWC2018

Getting Going Slow

09 Tuesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, New Year, Take the time to take care of yourself

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this is the beginningOkay so here I am Monday evening just now blogging. I really need to work on scheduling writing in before the end of the day. Except today was different slightly here I was I got up took the 5:30 am spin class at the gym. As I was basking in my exercise high dreaming of taking a run after the kids go to school the Hubs texted me “check you court date” I have a court date for a speeding ticket that I got back in November. I contested it as the officer put the wrong license plate number on my ticket. You see I accidentally gave him the registration for our travel trailer instead of the truck. So on the ticket it said “I authorize that I was driving this vehicle license #……” well since I wasn’t driving that license plate number vehicle I could not in good conscious sign that ticket as committing that infraction. I had a whole argument ready about said technicality however I didn’t need it. Apparently when a ticket is contested officers have to file an affidavit stating their case and the proof of how they caught you speeding etc the officer did not file an affidavit so my case was dismissed before I even had to pull out my evidence.

So thanks to the Hubs I am one speeding ticket less on my record and my day to work on the house turned into a half day. My original plan was going to be spin class, writing the a 3 mile run and then cake cabinet organizing. But it turned into driving 2.5 hours and half day to organize and here I am at 11pm blogging. Oh well at least it’s done.

Yesterday the Hubs and Kids and I went to see Star Wars again then went to dinner at a hibachi style restaurant. While we were there we talked New Year’s Resolution. We all stated some of our goals for the year. Some of us are already a day later working on round two of trying again. I have already wrote about my goals but the kids added a fun one we have a plan for one just because” family day a month and they added one chore day a month to do things like washing windows or scrubbing bath tubs. The Girl is the one who picked that and the Boy agreed, The Hubs looked a little scared but was still down. It was nice to have a little family time to talk with all of our phones put away. I am looking forward to more of that in 2018.

I made my bed today (one of my resolutions that the kids laughed at) went to the gym. Am still one higher than the day of the year on sex so today I am at 9 and haven’t even had sex yet. Still have 0 miles running but am looking forward to getting started.

One of the best things about 2018 is The Hubs and I have not had on big fight. Even tonight we had a discussion that got heated but we stayed calm and focused and got through it with out a knock down drag out! He would say it’s because I’m not yelling or I have done something different like having sex every day but really he is getting more patient. He is being more patient and understanding and all he says is that it’s because I have changed…weird. Honestly, it doesn’t matter the fact that we are getting along better having the fun times we have together and not the shitty arguments that showed up in 2017 about once a week is a nice change regardless of why!

Anyway here’s to 2018 and getting moving on the Goals or Resolutions and actually starting the 2018 movement! I will work on my schedule and be here tomorrow!

#Everyday2018

Wedding flowers

26 Thursday Oct 2017

Posted by in Love, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work

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These are my wedding flowers. I walked down the isle 17 years ago holding these flower proudly in my hands looking at my best friend at the end of the isle. These flowers are significant. I have saved them in this vase that I received as a wedding gift.

17 years later, they look tired and old and dead but there is something about them. I don’t want to toss them. When I look any them I reminisce about that day about the planning that lead up to that day. About all the flowers the Hubs had got me in Corsages before that day and since then the flowers he brings me home, which is why I chose the color I chose. Those flowers represent the day we chose to be together for better or worse. Through the years these flowers have seen better but even in there old tired (some may say dead) state there is a beauty that I just can’t throw away!

I don’t want to be tired old or dead in my relationship. I know I’m tired but on bad days maybe when the Hubs and I aren’t in the “for better” moments I look at their ugliness and think just throw it away! I have grabbed them in anger and frustration, probably trying to clean up clutter that we were arguing about, and thought “why even save these they are dead!” But I can’t bring myself to throw them away!

In that moment, like today, I look at the ugly dead flowers and remember the beauty they once were They inspire me to see past sadness of how they look and cherish the beauty they represent.

Maybe I should make this vase the fresh flowers vase that I keep fresh flowers in, it takes maintenance to keep beautiful fresh flowers and cycling out the old but these flowers aren’t going anywhere. Just like my marriage I did not say “I do” to just the beauty. I said “I do” to all of it. That includes the ugly the sad and tired. I am happily married because of that decision and those words that day. Not everyday is happy, today has not been a happy day. That doesn’t mean I’m not happy.

These flowers are beautiful in there way and I am happy to have them. It is a reminder that things need maintenance and marriages need maintenance to stay beautiful but there is always beauty in love. These flowers should probably go, according to some clutter expert but for now they will stay. I will hold on to this reminder that even in ugly stages love conquers and may the best shine through. May you be loved.

#Loveconquers

40 Days to A Better Connection

07 Tuesday Mar 2017

Posted by in Connection, Hump Day Challenge, Just Do It, Love, Marriage is work, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes, Washing Clothes

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40-day-challengeSo this post was supposed to happen Wednessday! This previous Wedness was Ash Wednessday. Every year Catholics and some others of Christian faith participate in giving something up for Lent. Lent is the time that Jesus spent away praying before he was crucified. (I never “celebrated” Lent my family did not participate so this is all I gather from the outsiders point of view.) So now in the time of Facebook and social media I see posts every year of friends who are giving up social media or chocolate or French fries or some who vow to do something good for themselves. Every year for the last few years I have toyed with the idea to do “Lent” but have never followed through. So this year since I remembered it on a Wednessday I am making it a bit of a hump day challenge! Lent is 40 days Jesus spent 40 days and 40 night praying. It’s about 6 weeks until Easter. 6 weeks is a very biblical time frame if you haven’t figured it out there is more than science around why so many programs to better yourself are 6 weeks long.

So here goes let’s do Lent Sex Love and Washing Clothes style! We are going to break it down here:

Sex: Fuck as much as you can. Everyday if possible but realisticly most of us won’t. So, Do every Hump Day Challenge and have sex as much on the off days as you can! But EVERY DAY sext your lover! Especially if you can’t fuck! Send a dirty picture, maybe it’s your boobs maybe it’s a sexy story you tell or a full on play by play text/sext story! It can be a shot of your naked boobs, your naked pussy or a sexy shot of your cleavage. You go to the bathroom how many times a day? Take your phone at least once and grab an opportunity to take a naked or partially naked picture.

Love: Say “I love you” EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Kiss goodnight, go to bed at the same time, go on dates and/or write love notes! Love notes via text or hand written…BOTH! For some of you this is easy, if it’s not easy I bet you can remember a time when it was. Do you know what will make it easier again? PRACTICE!!! So get to showing love ladies and gents!!! This should be easy it just takes effort and time it really is not hard to say I love you or to write a love note! Take time and write a few when you have a little time and use them under your partners pillow or in their lunch box. When you don’t have time to write on paper…write a text telling them you favorite thing about them!!

Washing Clothes:  This is the tough one! Make a commitment to wash clothes everyday. If this is easy but you and the spouse fight about dishes then make a commitment to do the dishes. Remember when I started this I said “washing clothes” is a metaphor for all the house work and homemaking tasks that need done. If you really need to vacuum everyday do that but make it the same thing everyday! My kids do the dishes and The Hubs really wants the laundry to not get out of control and yes two years after starting Sex Love and Washing Clothes I still need to work on the actual washing of the clothes, so that is my task. I will be starting a load of laundry in the morning (FUCK I already forgot today) then in the afternoon transferring it to the dryer and in the evening the kids will be able to fold and then I will put my clothes away… Or some way or another I will wash clothes and get them put away. No more laundry piles regardless of clean or dirty until after Easter…

So there your have it for Lent you are doing Sex Love and Washing Clothes! …We are doing Sex Love and Washing Clothes! I need a boost in my relationship I think this will help. It is a focus on eachother what better way to reconnect than to Sex Love and Washing Clothes. Everyone in the relationship is working at bettering it! It a relationship focus not a me or you focus! Let’s do this and by Easter let’s check in and see how it helped!

Good luck Challengers here we go!

#Lent2017

Plan Focus Give Grace

26 Sunday Feb 2017

Posted by in Be Present, Cleaning, Connection, Family, Friends, Homemaker, Live in the Moment, Marriage is work, Organization, Parenting, Planning, Raising Kids, Schedule, Working Mom

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Hello Readers,

I have to confess, I have had a rough go lately. The Hubs and I have been struggling. It’s hard for me to write encouraging posts when I don’t feel so positive it is hard for me to write positive without feeling like a fake. So, with that said, I am feeling more positive, I know that I may be having some sort of depression or anxiety and need to pay attention and not get lost in it. I am going to be going back to counseling on my own and I will be checking in with my GP about some tummy issues I’ve been having, to keep my health a priority and take care of me. As a person, as a mom, as a wife and a health care provider it is hard to serve in your roll if you feel down and ineffective. Like they say it is impossible to serve from an empty vessel.

empty-vesselIn my life in the last week I have had some clarity of mind to realize I need to focus on me. Not in a selfish way where you are “more important” than your family, that you are charged with taking care of, but in a way to be the healthiest you so your family can have a healthy mom, healthy wife and your clients can have a healthy provider coming from a place of love and caring. I have been so bogged down with stress in life that I am complaining a lot, offended easily and my brain gets flooded and I get angry easily. So much so that I don’t really recognize myself and then when the hubs and I get into “special moments” I feel like I turn into some monster that is not me! Then it spirals out of control! So I am taking control of me. Part of that is me getting back into blogging here. I want to encourage people who are or have been in my spot. Also it helps me to get my feelings out and helps me to help guide myself in a positive way, not just my readers. Plus entertaining readers with my Hump Day Challenges is a passion of mine that I have missed the last few weeks.

Another part is getting back to my life. I have been working a lot and losing site of what really matters. My work matters but there is a balance that needs to be heeded. A balance of working in my business (doing massage) as well as working on my business (admin stuff like billing and marketing). I love networking for marketing and I have a lot of friends that I network with but that networking time needs to be just that and sometimes the balance of networking and socializing line blurs and loses potency.

So to deter the blurred lines of friend time and networking time I plan to be more active in my life with friends. We all struggle balance with work and fun but it is important to stay in touch with your “people”. You know, the ones who can figure out your drunk text typos and actually answer or support you in those moments! So one part of this gaining balance and getting back to me is scheduling girlfriend time as well as date nights and family nights! All three is important as important as work time.

Another part is planning house work time. This is harder for me because really, who wants to do the bull shit tasks of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping? Especially after work and taxiing around the kids after a full day of work? But if you ignore it or don’t plan it you end up with those “special moments” with the Hubs that no one really wants! So this next sentence is very important, You must plan with your family! Everyone in the family has a responsibility  for how the house runs! The Hubs and I have had some conversations on this and although we haven’t really planned it all out, we have made huge gains in this area. The Hubs has started helping with dishes and putting laundry away. There is much to be said about a person who actually steps up to handle the things that they hate not being done versus just complaining about it! So: MAKE A FAMILY PLAN ABOUT HOW YOUR HOUSE WILL BE RAN AND EVERYONE CONTRIBUTE! Talk about it and follow through.

So to sum up this long post:

  1. Take care of you if that means going to the doctor, counselor, journaling, exercising, What ever it is, make time!! My plan get back to counseling, exercise everyday (at least cardio), get to doctor about tummy issues, have grace with myself when I am overwhelmed!
  2. Schedule and stick to it you work and admin time in your business! My plan just get it admin and massage time on the books and don’t waiver regardless of the client and their schedule, make my schedule and family time as important as theirs. Balance!
  3. Schedule Date nights, family nights and time with “your people” My plan: Schedule girlfriend time once a month, Date nights weekly and actually go, Family nights or outings weekly
  4. Schedule House work and responsibilities! Everyone has a responsibility to participate it is not all on mom regardless if mom is a working mom stay at home. We need to teach our kids they have to contribute as well as the husbands. Talk about it and make a plan! My Plan: schedule family menu planning meetings, utilize Clicklist with preplanned menus. Give kids chores and follow through with them to do it on schedule before practices and dance.
  5. GIVE GRACE! Let everyone have a little grace with heavy stress load times of homework, busy work days and heavily scheduled tournaments or competitions. Everyone is trying hard to motivate through life! We all want what’s best for our family and ourselves and sometimes we need to take a nap instead of vacuum! As long as we are all doing our best when our family needs help lets lend a helping hand they will do the same for you when you need! Help each other out to get to the goal and enjoy the good moments like the tournament wins and realize sometimes those things come when the house is messy, but when those moments are over and we have down time we can catch up when we need to! As long as there is not mold growing on the dishes and the house isn’t burning down and there is a dance to watch or a game going on…take it in! Enjoy these busy crazy moments building a lives, growing children into adults, growing a business and creating a life! Make it happy!!!

Live the life you’ve imagined because remember in your dreams you saw the results not the work that it takes to get there! FOCUS on what is important. Family, friends, lives, and moments are important! Money and dishes and laundry will go away savor moments with your people!!!

#Live2017

 

Shitty 2016? Do You in 2017

30 Friday Dec 2016

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Do You, Love, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work

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Well, if you have been reading my blog this month you probably have been wanting more. You probably have figured out that I am having a rough month. To top it off, yesterday, actually the day before yesterday, after a full day at work my neck started bothering me. It is a C2 type feeling pain. I have regular chiropractic adjustments, C2 is my headache spot and it was feeling out of alignment. By yesterday morning I was in excruciating pain. I don’t normally cancel work or ask friends for favors but I had to do both. I canceled all 4 of my massages (which all happened to be PIP claims) and then I called my Chiropractor who is off this week and he had me come to his house to work on me. My massage therapist coworker (who is actually the boss lady at my office) offered to work on me as well she was going to add me to her already booked schedule. I am laid up today as well. I was trembling in pain last night. I went to bed at 8 and didn’t get up until 8 this morning. Since I have got out of bed is has gotten worse. That whole gravity thing is weighing down on me. I am frustrated that I have to take it easy. I am angry that the end of December and the end of 2017 ends on a negative note.

This has been a rough month. The Hubs and I have been through the wringer. A bad event happened the beginning of the month. We have been dealing with it ever since. I have struggle with the idea of sticking it out. I wanted to just leave my marriage my family and my life and go it alone. This life is too short to live unhappy. If shitty things are going to keep happening then why stay in this relationship. We fight like cats and dogs. There is yelling and threats and insults and all of this happens, sometimes, in front of the kids. They have been changed by the way they have seen their parents argue! It makes me sad and ashamed. I am ashamed of myself for putting up with it, for perpetuating it and not doing anything to change it, or at least not enough. But what can I do? Leave my husband? end the marriage? give my kids two addresses? One of which would be in poverty because I am too busy being a mom than to make money. Anyway I have decided to stick it out. I can’t bring my self to leave. There is a part of me that wants to and a part of me that wants the happily ever after with my high school sweetheart. I also am not ready to dismantle my family. I also took my “till death do us part” and “for better or worse” vows very seriously. I know there are a lot of people saying “there is a better way” but I don’t know if I want that way. Nor do I know if I am ready to move away from the good stuff that we do have.

2016 has been rough… actually December of 2016 has been rough. With all that has been going on in my life I have been comforting myself with food. Eating my feelings! I have been through a tragic event in my marriage, lost my only friend who I could talk to about it and now I have an injury that has sidelined me from work, exercise and life in general. I have had a shitty month. I have been eating my feelings. I have talked to some friends but don’t want to talk about it much. Especially since a lot the advice I have gotten has been “things can be better, you can do it all alone. Don’t worry about the money. You’re stillcircumstances-make-me young you have a lot of life in front of you.” I hate all of that advice. I am not as strong as those people think I am. Those people mostly have been divorced or never married or are single. Some are more happy than they were in their first marriage too… But, I can’t do it. I want my marriage to work I want to be happy. I don’t know if either is possible but I can’t not try. I start counseling again on Monday. I (we) have decided to work this relationship. I will John Gottman the shit out of this and make it work if it kills me…and it might. I also know I need to stop sulking and live my life and watch what I eat. I have eaten my feelings to the tone of 8.7 pounds since this started.

I started this  blog in 2015 (well end of 2014) to prove that sex, love and washing clothes can save a relationship. I am going to put this into practice in 2017. It is more than just the actions of having sex and cleaning house it takes that middle word, love. I honestly believe LOVE can change the world. Love is something you have to choose. It does not choose you. You choose love. I am choosing love, I am choosing to live this life that I have and love it. All the shitty circumstances are just that, Shitty!!! I refuse to let them slow me down and make me sad anymore. It sucks but you know what, you have shitty things you have lived with, don’t you? Well, maybe you haven’t. Maybe you have moved on and maybe you are happy to not have that in your face everyday. I have never chosen the easy path, I have chosen that hard path and right now honestly either path is not an easy path for me. Is there ever an easy path? I want my family to thrive. I see some counseling not only in my future but also in my families future. I know we are going to need professional help to get through this but we will come out stronger and better than ever. In a year we will be in a different place, I look forward to seeing what that means in my life!

There is a lot of work to be done here. Please don’t judge me or my family or anyone else. We all have our own battles to face and we will make some good choices and some that could have been better. Do you make the choices for you or for what people will say about you…do it for you! I am doing it for me! Do you in 2017 I am going to do ME!

#Future2016

 

Rise Above the Negative

21 Monday Nov 2016

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Family, Live life, Marriage is work, Mom Stuff, Raising Kids, Self Care, Working Mom

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Hello friends! Last week was rough for me! I am rising above the negativity and coming out of those ashes! I know that we mom’s expect much more out of ourselves than we should. Many times, we expect even more from ourselves than our worst critic. Sadly, sometimes, that critic lives with us and is one that we love most and the one we don’t want to let down. Which is why we are so hard on ourselves. Little does that critic know he or she, his criticism, is what not only drives us and motivates us to do better but also and more likely is what drives us to fall into dark places, kills us on the inside and shakes our confidence. 

So this quick post is to say to you, rise above you mom or sister or whoever is hard on you, magnifying you minor faults, most of all rise above that voice in your head shouting out your major faults! It’s time to realize, we are all worthy of the crown we wear! Yes we all wear a crown! We are all queens of our own universe and we are our best ally! So stop cutting youself short, stop focusing on the negative don’t letting them in your head! Don’t believe everything you think! You are not that bad you are the queen

Try to find a way to shake off their words and negativity and find positive. Call your friend who supports you. Go chat with you brother or dad instead of your unapproving mother. Have girlfriend time (or guy time if your a dude reading this post). Distract yourself away from the negative. Whoever that critical family member is trying to help you be better. But you can’t hear that it’s best to get away to distract yourself away from the negative situation. Read mom blogs like this one to remind yourself that you are normal! We are all normal and we are all queens! Our crowns do t always have jewels sometimes the have gray hair or as a friend of mine states Sparkly hair and sometimes it’s a ponytail thrown up.in a baseball cap! Wear it proud. 

This critical loved one, they have a dark story and tjays where their negativity is coming from there. They probably need support and positivity in their life as well but you focus on you. They are not ready to focus on themselves maybe they don’t know how. Let them be. Share only love that is the only way to break the cycle, get yourself the loving support that you need and love your loved ones back. Break the cycle of negativity and Rise above!

You don’t have an alien living in your house, you doing just fine! You are the queen, keep it up! 

#Rise2016

Productive Weekend

06 Tuesday Sep 2016

Posted by in Connection, Just Do It, Lock your door!, Love, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, Nappping, Reboot, Self Care, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

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Happy Monday, wait, it’s Tuesday! Happy Tuesday! This was Labor Day Weekend. Did you get in some end of summer R&R? Or were you uber productive and finished cleaning out the closets before the kids go back to school? We had a very chill weekend. The kids went to Gma’s one last time before they leave for AZ for a few weeks and the Hubs and I just relaxed. He had worked Thursday night all night. He went back to work Thursday evening at 10pm and then came home at 11:45 Friday morning. We had originally planned to go away one last weekend camping at the ocean but being up all night working has a way of altering those kind of weekend plans.

dream hungry demonsSo instead, Gma and Gpa came to get the kids so they could “steal” them for the weekend. I was quite thankful because  I needed an adult only weekend kind of a break. Gma and Gpa picked up the kids around 11am then the Hubs and I went back to bed when they left. We slept, fucked, watched football, fucked some more, then got out of bed had dinner and did it all again. We met up with friends we haven’t seen in a while Sunday evening and then Monday we went shooting.

We had a very productive weekend. Not in a sense of getting things accomplished but we made some really good connection, with each other. No doors to lock, didn’t have to be quiet and didn’t have to be anywhere! It was a relaxing chill weekend. No washing clothes, no schedule, no demands except the way we felt about each other. We had lots of sex this weekend. I did get a few ideas for Hump Day Challenges but do you think I wrote them down or remember my ideas at all? Not currently, I will get better at writing things down one day! We had a great reboot this weekend.

The Hubs and I really needed a reboot kind of weekend. Not really because things have been bad (although it has not been smooth sailing) but because we are busy. It’s hard to stay connected when you are going in so many different directions and have schedules and other people that take priority just because of the demands of the schedule of life. When this happens we all need to get grounded and focus on priorities and give each other a little grace. The Hubs and I talked this morning about not letting the busy-ness and demands of kids, school, work, jobs, coaching duties get in the way of knowing that we love each other and staying connected. We all get tired but we all need to take the time to nourish our relationships.

One day there will be no kids to take to practice and work will slow down and we may even retire, we need to make sure that we still know and love our partner, when life slows down, that’s when life will get really good. I am not saying mine is a model relationship, we have our problems and struggles. We still have more good than bad and nurturing our relationship is important to us. We do that by taking weekends like this one. I would love to do it once a month but that is just not realistic, but when I start to see and feel that lack of connection, arguing over washing clothes and just that bluh feeling about my relationship that is the time to look at the calendar, contact one of the Grandparents or some really great friends to take the kids so we can have adult time. Sometimes we go away and sometimes we send the kids with Gma but we get alone time!

We also take a date night, every week. Right now we are on Tuesday, it is our weeknight date night. We usually also do get in a Weekend date night as well. I know there are many people who judge us and how much we go out and take date nights and weekends sans kids. But, I really think it is important for every marriage or partnership to have that time. When the kids are grown and gone we need to still know and love the one we met and had those said kids with.

It is important to take the time to nourish the relationship with your lover and almost as important to teach your children how to do that. Children see us fighting, I know studies show we shouldn’t fight around our kids, we try not to, but let’s be honest they see it, they need to see us make up and they need to see us loving each other as well. It is important to take care of ourselves individually as well. I want to inspire you to take the time to take care of your relationship with your lover. One of the easiest ways to do that is to have more sex! If you can’t get away or have no one to take care of the kids, lock your bedroom door turn up some music and enjoy the naked physical love of your partner. I promise it is well worth it even when you are tired!

Go make connection with your mate, have more sex! Of course being nice, helping each other cook and clean and keep up with the tedious tasks of a busy life helps too, but there is nothing like having a great relationship with you spouse and having great sex with them as well!

#Havesex2016

7 Day Challenge

23 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by in Do You, Everyday, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

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Happy Thursday. Today I had a one to one meeting with someone in my BNI group. I try to meet with someone in my group at least once a week. I am trying to get to know everyone in my group. This week during this one to one I realized we had more in common in our person life journeys that have got us where we are in life and business. A few years ago right around when I turned 30 I went through a shift in my thinking. You have all read the shift in my thinking that I am speaking of. You see I grew up very prudish, very sheltered and not know how to make decisions for myself. I grew up in a church that taught me what was right and wrong according to their interpretation of the bible. I still struggle with the ideas of what is right and what is wrong. It is hard for me to figure it out sometimes. This person I met with has recently gone through a change in the same way. He and I compared stories of what we were thinking and what lead us to this change. I read a book called “Dance of the Dissident Daughter” by Sue Monk Kidd and that lead me to start exploring my religion and spirituality.

I believe that we all need to focus on what is right in our lives. You live your life not your parents or teachers or leaders of your chosen groups. No teacher, church, race or religion of any kind have the authority over you. You can decide what you believe and what is right. You are a grown ass woman or man and you don’t have to please anyone. When I was younger I was always trying to be a people pleaser. Always wanted to do what is right and checking from one self help book to another only to find out that they all contradict each other. By the time I turned 30 my new life moto became: Fuck It! I have nothing to prove to no one except myself! MYSELF! The same is true for you! You have no one except yourself to make happy and be content with. Hopefully your spouse is already happy with you, hopefully they won’t require you to be someone you are not! But my point is do what is right for you! If you do what is right and you treat other people the way you want to be treated then you will be fine. You just have to keep in mind that if you go from being a people pleaser to being a healthy strong person, others around you may start to get a little uneasy, if they were controlling you….

My favorite subject from our talks today was sex, I know very business like but, don’t judge! Many people have a predetermined set of rules in regards to sex. Most of us who were raised in a church tend to shy away from or and are scared of sex. Many religions teach that sex is “good” but only at certain times and certain ways. Sex has liberated my marriage. Sex is the reason my husband and I are still married. God made our bodies the way they are and I believe he wants us to feel pleasure, and sexual pleasure should not be excluded. You all know that I have said that there are no rules. If it feels good to you and your partner by all means do that as much as you two want to. If everything is consensual and all parties are on the same page why the hell not?!

The Hubs and I have had a rough few days. We have been arguing about petty stuff, we are really overwhelmed. Today I wrote him a text that said “let’s start over. Let’s start with having sex everyday for the next 7 days.” He responded with “that’s a good start” Having sex everyday bonds two people together in a connection when you do it with the intention. It’s a powerful connection! I do believe that you can have sex that is not about connection as well. I don’t think that is bad I just believe that sex between two committed loving people is so powerful for a relationship. Sex for just the physical aspect of sex can be really refreshing and good for your individual soul as well. Regardless, sex is good and I am a strong advocate of it!

So this is what I am saying. If you are in a committed relationship, use sex to strengthen it! I do not believe you can build a relationship on sex but I do believe you can keep one together with sex! (But who knows, maybe you can, just see what happens.) I say that because good sex is the only reason mine is still together and we are still strong in our marriage because of good sex. It takes work to be married. It takes connection and what better way to get connected. So go and save your relationship start with my mini challenge of sex everyday for the next 7 days!! And forget the judgmental words from people from past lives and prudish individuals or social standards. You have control in this life of yours. Do what’s right for you. It may be different than what is right for me or someone else. Just do YOU!

#Recomitt2016