Category Archives: Mom Stuff

To drug or not to drug….

11 Sunday Jun 2017

Posted by in Be You, Do You, Don't judge me, Kids, Live in the Moment, Mom Stuff, Parenting, Working Mom

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This video (click to view link) hits home for me! So much shame in my life not as a child but as an adult, I was diagnosed as an adult with ADD! I  feel, I made it through as a child because I am a people pleaser so being a good student and approval from teachers when I did well is what drove me and made me succeed. Thank goodness I am pretty smart and Thank goodness I had great teachers and parents who gave me that approval!!

ADDSince being diagnosed, I have not found a medication that works for me. I kind of have something against taking medication. I don’t really know what, but I just don’t want to admit to myself and everyone else that I have to take medication to be normal! I also think I don’t want to admit there is a normal and that I’m not normal! I kind of hate that word “normal” it is what most “normal” people think is normal and if you have ADD, it is not “normal” for your brain to function as a “normal” person’s brain functions. Your brain does not decipher a hierarchy of things that are important or stay focused on the task at hand or manage time well. A person with ADD has to remind their mind what the task at hand is. We, ADD folks are great at living in the moment! I am a great forgiver! I forgive a lot of times when I probably shouldn’t. I think of something that would be a great idea and I jump on it! If I have time (or if I perceive I have time or if it is really important or interesting or something that I perceive as pressing) I get on it right away, I don’t want to forget about it. Forgetfulness is a big part of ADD. A lot of people see it as a kid who can’t sit still or walk, they always run….it is so much more than that! Do I want my brain to function like “normal”? Won’t that change me? As much as I “hate” myself and they way my brain works, I don’t want “me” to change. See my dilemma?…

I have self medicated with food and sometimes alcohol and thank goodness I have stayed away from illegal drugs, credit to the DARE program for that! But taking the stigma off of “drugs” proven to help ADHD’ers would definitely change my world of shame… So much shame in my life. My son is just like me, forgetful, figgidity, and impulsive….. Not driven as much by people pleasing but then again his dad and I are tough on him so he doesn’t get the praise as much as I did, and he is just like his dad, he is confident almost a little arrogant. He is more solid in what he likes and who he is. It’s not as important to him to impress people the way it was (and still is) to me. I worry about my son turning into me or worse than me. I have a husband who keeps me straight. He pays the bills, I would struggle remembering those things. Will my son be able to do those things that are important. Will my son remember to turn in his homework?… does he need medication? Do I? Will it help? How can I tell? I should get my shit together first before diagnosing or assuming anything about him. ADD is genetic as much as the color of your eyes, of course one of the kids has it but what to do???

So many questions all I know is that, this video hit home. Lot’s of things in my life right now are up in the air and there are a lot of questions in my not so distant future. Lot’s of decisions that can alter my life’s direction. ADD is a big deal to me, it is a big frustration in our lives. Actually our lives are complicated, every parents life is complicated, ADD makes it more difficult. Medication is not for everyone, acceptance is. I have neither for myself and here I am without a mom to drive me to a psychologist like the girl in the video I am an adult now trying to navigate and wanting so badly a mommy to tell me what the right direction is and take me there! I was not diagnosed as having ADD as a 6 year old but right now I feel like it has reduced me to a 6 year old, in that I don’t know what to do, and I can’t function but please don’t treat me like a child!!!

If this is a little disjointed, think of it as a taste of how an ADD brain works…very disjointed distracted and impulsive…..lacking direction sometimes…..wanting so badly to get noticed and get my point across and be understood but lacking the brain function and organization to do so…. and add to that, trying to do it in a short amount of time because of course I didn’t give myself enough time, it was an impulsive moment that I had something to say!

#ADDbrain

Rise Above the Negative

21 Monday Nov 2016

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Family, Live life, Marriage is work, Mom Stuff, Raising Kids, Self Care, Working Mom

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Hello friends! Last week was rough for me! I am rising above the negativity and coming out of those ashes! I know that we mom’s expect much more out of ourselves than we should. Many times, we expect even more from ourselves than our worst critic. Sadly, sometimes, that critic lives with us and is one that we love most and the one we don’t want to let down. Which is why we are so hard on ourselves. Little does that critic know he or she, his criticism, is what not only drives us and motivates us to do better but also and more likely is what drives us to fall into dark places, kills us on the inside and shakes our confidence. 

So this quick post is to say to you, rise above you mom or sister or whoever is hard on you, magnifying you minor faults, most of all rise above that voice in your head shouting out your major faults! It’s time to realize, we are all worthy of the crown we wear! Yes we all wear a crown! We are all queens of our own universe and we are our best ally! So stop cutting youself short, stop focusing on the negative don’t letting them in your head! Don’t believe everything you think! You are not that bad you are the queen

Try to find a way to shake off their words and negativity and find positive. Call your friend who supports you. Go chat with you brother or dad instead of your unapproving mother. Have girlfriend time (or guy time if your a dude reading this post). Distract yourself away from the negative. Whoever that critical family member is trying to help you be better. But you can’t hear that it’s best to get away to distract yourself away from the negative situation. Read mom blogs like this one to remind yourself that you are normal! We are all normal and we are all queens! Our crowns do t always have jewels sometimes the have gray hair or as a friend of mine states Sparkly hair and sometimes it’s a ponytail thrown up.in a baseball cap! Wear it proud. 

This critical loved one, they have a dark story and tjays where their negativity is coming from there. They probably need support and positivity in their life as well but you focus on you. They are not ready to focus on themselves maybe they don’t know how. Let them be. Share only love that is the only way to break the cycle, get yourself the loving support that you need and love your loved ones back. Break the cycle of negativity and Rise above!

You don’t have an alien living in your house, you doing just fine! You are the queen, keep it up! 

#Rise2016

What The Fuck Is Wrong With Me?

14 Sunday Aug 2016

Posted by in Don't judge me, Family, Love, Love your body, Mom Stuff

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We just finished gigantic very yummy amazing homemade ice cream sundaes. They were served up in these beautiful hand painted sundae bowls that are big enough to fit 3 scoops of ice cream and lots of toppings and still have room for more! The sundaes were great. They probably were 1000 calories each. As I have struggled with my weight issues my whole life I can’t help myself to think that I am teaching my daughter to continue to carry on my weight issues like a family tradition. I stop myself from correcting her or telling her she doesn’t “need to eat that” because I heard that all the time from my mom. I would ask to have a cookie (we never ate anything without asking) she would answer with something like “you don’t need that” or “do you want to look like me when you grow up?” Those words were engrained subconsciously in my brain. I feel it damaged me in a way. But, I don’t know how I can talk to her and tell her she is eating (sometimes) out of boredom or because of something other than the need to fuel her body.

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I don’t want to damage her soft little soul or self esteem. I don’t want her to think or believe the way I did that I was fat in 7th grade. I don’t now think I was fat in 7th grade but when I was in 7th grade I thought I was. I would skip lunch or not sit down at a table to eat my lunch. I would by a bag of two cookies and eat just that instead of real food and balanced nutrition because I was on a “diet”. At one point in Junior high I was a vegetarian. I would not eat meat, but I would eat cookies, French fries, bread and the occasional McDonald’s hamburger. I have no idea why I thought meat was what was making me not “skinny” I was far from fat. Kids theses days are much bigger than I was I was a size 3 in 7th grade a 5 in 8th grade and then a 7 for most of the rest of my high school career. That is not fat in my 37 year old brain! But in my 12 year old brain I was fat.

I was not active. I did drill team but probably could not run a mile. I had no grasp at all on nutrition. I didn’t know what a protein, carb or fat even was or the significance of any of those things. My daughter knows to eat a protein and carb at every meal. She also knows to try to have more fruits and veggies at every meal. The Girl exercises regularly by default she is a dancer and dances 4 days a week for 3 hours on her light day! So that helps combat those extra calories, but I don’t want to be that mom that nags her daughter on weight. I want my daughter to love her curves that are developing and enjoy the womanly shape she is gaining.

Then there is the part of me that wants her to stay petite and skinny her whole life. I know kids grow and get thicker and then taller but I worry about her thinking the same way I did when I was young. How to I change that? How can I affect her to be healthy about her body image and not worry about her weight and her size. And then when she is confidently eating a gigantic bowl of ice cream I can’t help but think in my head “I don’t want her to get bigger like me” What the fuck is wrong with me???? This is body image problems at their worst!

Give her credit. Give her love and acceptance and teach her by modeling good habits! but I don’t have good eating habits, I don’t have good body image, I have self esteem problems I am always judging everything about myself and looking at the negative. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? Please someone help me figure this out before I damage my daughter and she carries on the family tradition of bad body image and being overweight and loving herself with food the way I have….

All I have ever wanted was to teach her to be better than me. I want her to love me and look up to me. How can I do that with out her hating me for it and with out her turning into me?????

#Rethink2016

Moving On Up

17 Friday Jun 2016

Posted by in Be Present, Family, Kids, Mom Stuff, Parenting, Raising Kids, Volunteering, Working Mom

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Well, this week has been an emotional week! It was the last week of school. The Girl finished her 6th grade year. Here, 6th grade is the mast year of elementary school. Next year they are shifting to a middle school system so I will be doing the whole move up process next year with the boy. I am not sad but I have ahead tears this week. I am happy for her she has done an amazing job so far in school, socially and academically. She has made it through a bad teachers friends and acquaintances being mean and rude to her, tough standardized testing, dance in the side increasing requirements leaving less time for free time and homework but has finished receiving a Presidential Award and straight As!

I have been super involved moat her school career. I was a stay at home mom for a lot of it and got to volunteer in the classroom so much that the teachers always gave me the “tough kids” in field trip groups because they k e w they could trust me and I could handle it. Some even left me in charge of their classrooms when they had to get stuff done. I have created a very close relationship with the copy machine for the teachers math assignments, one year I got to teach Art once a week because the teacher was so not artistic and they want art, I have read essays and helped correct math assignments. Also I got to read with so many when they were younger in a program called Dynamite Reading. When I was helping in Kindergarten I had to learn how to decipher the writing g that looked similar to a foreign language to figure out who’s paper was who. Now they are all moving up to Jr High. So much change and growth.

Luckily the Girl ended up with some very special friends and they are really graet kids. Low drama, loyal, loving and responsible kids they all are. I hope they stay that way! I hope the Girl continues to find friends like she has now.

I plan to sit down with her this summer and prepare her brain for all things Jr High. All things my mother never did for me. Talk about periods, boys, friend drama, the fact that teenage girls are the meanest thing in the planet and that teenage boys are the horniest and all they probably want is sex…(nit that that ever changes). I want her to be prepared for what is going to happen. I want her to be prepared to come to me as I will always be her friend and confidant when she needs one even when her BFF is unavailable and even though I make her do chores and hold her accountable.i want her to know I am there for her. But that won’t mean that I won’t expect her to be responsible and make good choices. I just want the communication lines open. I am still her parents I will protect her and parent her. Too many parents try to hard to be friends with their kids. I will be there like a friend but she will still get grounded for not doing homework!

This is a big step for our family. I am a very proud momma today. The boy will be in 5th grade next year and will be the first 5th grade class to move up to the Jr High. I can’t believe how fast this time has gone. I know I have a lot to learn as a parent but I would say I am doing pretty good. Both the Girl and the Boy are good kids and I feel like I know what I’m doing. OH SHIT, what did I just say?! Shit is about to hit the fan. Everytime I think I know what I’m doing something changes and throws a hitch in my plan and flow. But oh well, I will be on my toes and I will be ready! The only thing I would change is to take more of it in and not worry so much. So from here in our I am going to try to do just that. Take it all in, it won’t last forever! Teaching moments will happen. I just hope we can get through the rest of these parenting years without ruining our children’s spirit!

I just want them to be happy!
Class of 2022 and 2024!!

#2016

My Little Dancer is not So Little Anymore

10 Friday Jun 2016

Posted by in Be You, Dance, Dance Like No One is Watching, Do You, Love, Mom Stuff

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Today is Dress rehearsal day! The Girl has one dance her ballet dance that they dance with scarves. Her first ever dance onstage was 10 years ago and they danced with scarves it was really reminiscent. I love watching her dance. I thought I saw something special in her that day on stage, but every parent sees something special in their kids on stage at that age!

All I wanted for her was to enjoy it and let it be her fun and her outlet and let her enjoy it! All I wanted was to find what made her heart smile! I think it does, she loves to dance but sometimes dance gets overwhelming and filled with drama and she gets a diva attitude! But onstage she release that energy that captivates me! That captivates her. She is a star! She is my shining star! I don’t know if there really is something special about her, more than being my daughter and a good dancer but I don’t care. There is something special about her. I love to see it I love to watch her dance!

I can’t wait to see where she goes in life she will go far! Maybe on a stage maybe in a classroom but I am thankful for dance giving her the confidence to be great and know when she is great. And for giving her the outlet that she needs to express herself, release frustrations of the drama of being a girl and a great dancer in a pool of good dancers.

I just love watching her dance. I hate seeing some of the logistical things hold her back. I want her to unleash her passion for dance (or whatever outlet she chooses) I want to see when that girl opens up and stops caring what people think about her, I want to see that how amazing will that be. She is one judgemental insecure friend away from that! I wish she could shut to voices out of her brain. She is amazing come watch her dance and you will see. I could not be more proud of who she is and what she can achieve. I just pray for road blocks to be removed from her journey to greatness and that she overcomes the struggle!

I love my Girl!

#Recommit2016

Don’t Be Afraid

16 Monday May 2016

Posted by in Be You, Business, Do You, Don't judge me, Live in the Moment, Live life, Marriage is work, Mom Stuff, Raising Kids, Running, Schedule, Self Care, Take the time to take care of yourself, Volunteering, Working Mom

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I have gotten away from posting and/or writing everyday. I miss it! I want to write more but I am so busy, and other things get in the way. I want to take care of myself better too and the same things get in the way! It is my time! I am Ruby, I am a Mom, I am a Wife, I am a Massage Therapist and many other things. I am a woman who deserves the best from herself and I have not been giving myself the best. It is scary to leave what works and go to the unknown. I know I am better than this, I know I deserve better. I even think I know how to get it. But I am scared and as with every part of my life so far I sabotage and make excuses! STOP IT RUBY! JUST, STOP IT!

Don't be afraidI am a dreamer I believe we all deserve the best and we all are worthy but for some reason I accept less, always. Especially when it is me that is responsible for making it happen. It is so easy to stay in the now especially when things are good enough and maybe even better than most. I still sit here wanting the best, wanting more am I really capable? How can I do it? Will it really work? If not then what? Will I lose everything I have worked for so far? Probably not, but possibly. That is always possible. Am I making the best effort all the time? am I always doing my best? Am I always expecting the best or am I always accepting less? I am always accepting less, for me, I can sacrifice. As long as everyone else is happy. My best happiness does not always matter to me. I want everyone else to be happy I want them to have it easy, I will do the harder work to make you happy and hope that you will do the same for me…guess what, they don’t!

So here is my charge to myself, it is time to make the best decision for me. It is time for me to go be great! I know what I have to do. I almost know how to do it. I don’t know how I am going to but I am going to do it! I will be great. My life will be great and I will get what I deserve. I will not shy away from work to get there!

Do you need to do the same? Let’s support each other!

#DoYou2016

Missed Posting HMD!

09 Monday May 2016

Posted by in #Everyday2015, Baseball, Dance, Do Your Thing, Family, Mom Stuff, Running, Working Mom

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I haven’t posted since Wednesday I don’t think! I have thought about topics many times but haven’t had the time or taken the time to sit down and do it. I had a busy kid weekend baseball tournament and Dance competition and I also had time to run as well! I just got back from a run this morning too! What a great way to start a Monday and week off in a positive way!

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Yesterday was Mother’s Day we usually do something like a dinner with extended family but we had a baseball game in the morning and the Inlaws have purchased a new piece of property and we working on their new home. So we headed out there after the game and hung out in the quietness of their woodsy new place. So for now I have to get ready for the week and my Monday at work. Hope you all have a great day and a great week!

Go forth, exercise everyday, eat right and have sex everyday! Let’s focus on taking care of ourselves, being positive and healthy! Love yourself this week!

#comitt2016

Sleepy Blogging Long Day

17 Sunday Apr 2016

Posted by in Dance, Don't judge me, Mom Stuff, Uncategorized

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It is so late on Saturday night of a Dance Competition weekend. Yesterday it was an early start with the Girl’s first competition dance, her solo performed at 1pm. Then there were classes at 7:15-9:15 then we drove home which takes about 40 minutes. We also stopped to get a blizzard so we got home pretty late. But the girl had fun learned some in a new class. Then today had to be up and out of the house by 6:30am. Convention started this morning at 7:45 for dancing that lasted 6 hours. Then a 2 hour break or so and competition started again at 5pm ish. Then final awards were at 11:00.

sleepy blogIt has been super busy these last few days. Today I was hanging with the moms and had a good time just hanging out and learning about each other. We have a nice relationship all the moms.  Even including the dance teachers. I think sometimes we are a bit too casual but the comraderie is nice. . We started out getting the kids to classes by 7:00 mom trip to Starbucks then  run errands for different moms and then we met the kiddos for dinner, then we went out to lunch, just the grown ups. Then back for competition. One mom and I went to watch a Baseball game and ran into our sons and my husband! The Girl was so happy that Daddy got to come watch at least one dance today!

I am so tired I am falling asleep writing this so I am going to turn in. Tonight the Girl and I have a room at the hotel the convention is being held. She is laying next to me and just drifted off to sleep. The TV is on and I keep finding myself writing the words I hear on TV. Anyway I am going to sleep, more on this tomorrow.

#Recommit2016

Happy Friday Dance

01 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by in Be You, Connection, Friends, Love, Mom Stuff, Self Care

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I miss my ladies that I used to hang with in Fridays. We used to sing and dance and talk while our husband’s played pool and watched. It was my woman tribe! I miss them! Need to find some new peeps and start a new tribe!

In the mean time I am not going to met the Hubs just crash on the couch! Going to wake him up before we go to sleep…if you know what I mean *Wink wink*

Happy Friday folks!

#Recommit2016

Baseball Practice Watching Zen!

28 Monday Mar 2016

Posted by in Baseball, Family, Mom Stuff, Working Mom

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I don’t get to do this very often any more but I am sitting watching baseball practice, and blogging. I love watching my son and his team play and even practice! I love this “chore” I miss doing it all the time. Now that I work I only take time off for the games, but today I got to come watch. I love this part of being a mom!!! Back to practice now!

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When I am not at work I am cooking dinners, cleaning house and running kids around! Today, I got to enjoy the running them around by stopping to watch, when I didn’t have to be there to keep score or to do anything except watch! Now I get to go dance then go home and clean and then Monday night sext time with the Hubs!

Today is a good Monday, oh and the Sun is shining! It is a good day! What are you doing for you today? I am dancing. At least try to take a moment and breath just for you and your soul!

#Recommit2016