I miss having time! When my kids were young I had all the time in the world and rushed everything. Now they are teenagers the Girl is a Freshman, just had her first Homecoming the Boy is 12 in Middle School and is going from School baseball to football practice 3 days a week. The days we don’t have a schedule we are running around filling in the stuff we don’t have time for and still don’t have time to get groceries or cook real food.
The organizations my kids are involved in are all volunteer and it seems the spirit of volunteerism is gone. It seems I am the one who sees that and the one who will do what needs to be done. It’s frustrating to be the only one who care about the organization and then more than that the only one who will actually do the work that needs done. At the sacrifice of my family. I am working for the organization to succeed and thrive and while I am doing that my family struggles. Why? Because I refuse to do a bad job at the work that is done but I feel like the work that is getting done isn’t really the best and get judged by those around (who aren’t doing as much work) that it is disorganized and incomplete. I can’t do it all. Why doesn’t anyone want to help? Why am I the one who has to stay late every night finishing. Why am I the only one who cares? It is so frustrating. Why am I putting this much effort into something my son will only be involved in for one more year? What do I get out of it?
Nothing the answer is nothing. The others in the organization that are not focused on the big picture all they want to do it what is fun and here I am grinding out the hard stuff. I said I would never do this job. It’s too labor intensive it takes me away from my family. The Hubs helps but complains all the way and then we end up exhausted at the end of Saturday instead of celebrating a win and a great game for our son we colapse at 11pm once we finally get home! I am frustrated.
I miss time for me. I miss jumping up in the morning ready to go to the gym. Now I wake up thinking, I should wash the dishes and do laundry before I go. Then I secretly want he grocery store open at 5 am so I can do groceries then and have food in the house and not have to interrupt my schedule of work, volunteering, work and more volunteering. I have cleaning and organizing to do for volunteering job today that didn’t get done at 10:30 pm Saturday when we finished up. My plan was to put a plan in place and have helpers be able to do it without me there. But there is no one willing to do that work. My gut is about to quit and say obviously no one cares so why should I?
It’s about the kids but is it really? I am going to have to do some sole searching on this right now. With the lack of help from the others in the organization to do the tough stuff not just the sit behind a keyboard or text message thread making decisions of who get that kid or the other… All I want is to make sure the kids are safe with gear and supplies I don’t want to loose my family running the business for the club and that is about how I feel this is going to end. Why is the spirit of volunteerism dead? And why do people pick and choose what they want to do and leave the hard stuff to people like me who actually care about it and will do the work….
#feelingdefeated
Hello! Happy Hump Day!!! It is 11:45pm on this hump day! It has been a crazy busy week. I have been moving my massage practice and starting my own private practice so that entails a lot of paperwork, filings, fees, phone calls and faxes just a lot of work! Then this Saturday is gear check out for peewee football. It is my big day as the equipment manger and there is a lot to get ready and to make ready for that before Saturday. All in all I feel like I have done an okay job balancing all of my different tasks that I need to get done and things I need to do so far. But it has left little room for my write a hump day challenge!
Volunteering as Equipment Manager is a big task. I really enjoy it and have a passion for making sure the kids are equipped properly and safely. The job has not been getting enough attention and this year I kind of dropped the ball on a few things. Not that they won’t get done and nothing that is too late to do but working full time has really changed the amount of time I can dedicate to the Equipment Manager roll and needs to be more organized, which I will work on this year so that next year goes smoother than this off season. I will get through it there may be some late nights and long summer days spent in the equipment room instead of outside chilling but it is what it is.
I am a dreamer I believe we all deserve the best and we all are worthy but for some reason I accept less, always. Especially when it is me that is responsible for making it happen. It is so easy to stay in the now especially when things are good enough and maybe even better than most. I still sit here wanting the best, wanting more am I really capable? How can I do it? Will it really work? If not then what? Will I lose everything I have worked for so far? Probably not, but possibly. That is always possible. Am I making the best effort all the time? am I always doing my best? Am I always expecting the best or am I always accepting less? I am always accepting less, for me, I can sacrifice. As long as everyone else is happy. My best happiness does not always matter to me. I want everyone else to be happy I want them to have it easy, I will do the harder work to make you happy and hope that you will do the same for me…guess what, they don’t!
Today has been a busy day. Between work, school, kids activities, dinner making and Pee Wee volunteerism I have been on the go! I have a lot of things in the works. Takes a lot of time and it is hard for me to keep everything straight! Lots of notes and details that I keep hoping not to forget.
It has been a rough season. I have spent a lot of hours trying to get everyone all that they need in regards for gear and it has been a struggle since I took on two jobs this year vs no jobs last year. I am so happy and cannot express how excited and accomplished I feel. I know it is just gear but it is shoulder pads, helmets, practice pants, game pants, knee pads, belts girdles….. for 250 or so players! It is not exactly and easy task! Yay me! Great job SKPW! Also, the equipment is more organized than ever! I am so thankful for my husband’s help. I tell him, I want this organized or this year I want you on helmets. We had some coaches, some parents, not too many people but very quality people and I was so happy that they were all there! (I am pretty sure none of them read my blog but I want to give them credit, they were awesome!)