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New Start, Old Beginning

02 Saturday Mar 2019

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be Present, Business, Everyday, Family, Live in the Moment, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, Mom Stuff, Organization, Raising Kids, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes, Take the time to take care of yourself, Washing Clothes, Working Mom

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Blogging, Love, Love yourself, New Beginnings, Writing

I titled today’s entry before I started to write. Normally I write and then pick a title. Today I have decided to start new, but it is an old beginning. I have had this beginning a lot. The I’m tired of fucking it up and want to get back on track. It has been a while since I have sat down to write. I have been busy doing what feels like spinning my wheels. I started blogging back in 2015 as a stay at home mom who was trying to encourage tried and weiry moms that it’s okay to “just be a mom” but shortly into 2015 I went back to work because well, our family needed the financial help and because I wanted to be more than “just a mom”. Sort of felt and still feels a little hypocritical. Old beginning because well, I have been here so many times before.Don't be afraid

I had a mission with this blog to help moms and dads stay in their marriage. At the time the Hubs and I had great sex but a rocky relationship. There were many times we kept our relationship together with just great sex. There was a lot left to be desired in our lives. We had communication issues that we were working on, as many busy parents with busy children have. We were and still are today stretched very thin! Sex was the one thing we could do that we both enjoyed without having to have much discussion and when I decided to have sex everyday in 2015 the Hubs was thrilled at the thought of not having to wonder when the next time he was going to get it. For the most part 2015 worked really well. The first part of 2016 was pretty good to but towards the end of that year it was a struggle. I had decided to move into private practice with my massage career and spent a lot of time working on my business which caused a lot of strain between the Hubs and I. That year ended really badly. I try not to say things are bad but at that time things were bad. I had felt like a fraud like I had wrote this blog all of 2015 and most of 2016 oh how to keep things together and make my marriage work and my plan had failed.  We were falling apart, it was almost the end of us. We decided to stay together, to work through our stuff and then another new old beginning.

Then 2017 went on rebuilding I decided to move my private practice home. The best of both worlds right? Well towards the end of 2017 another event happened that strained our relationship. Different but just as much of a strain and then that was almost the demise of us all of the struggles of 2016 came back in flashbacks and sorrow and just plain struggle. All the while we still maintained weekly date nights and tried to do the best we could with nightly sex and connecting but there were parts of both of us that were just unconnected, bitter and angry. We were also both remorseful for our roles in the fallout. We were sorry we were sad and missed each other like we had been on two separate continents! So decided to put it all behind us and onto another new but old beginning.

Then the start of 2018 we decided once again, we are here for the long haul. There is something to be said for two stubborn people being married and valuing their commitment made to each other! We have stayed our course through many very, oh so bumpy stretch of road the last few years. Maybe it’s maturity and maybe we are finally starting to “get” each other and fully commit to respect and love and cherish each other, it finally feels like we are moving on and getting over some of the same struggles we kept coming back to. Now, here in 2019 we can go weeks without fights. We even can have a spat and let it go with out dragging it on for hours or days and not resulting in the using the “D” word. We don’t have sex everyday but when we do it is good for both of us! I am considering a new #everyday challenge but I don’t want it to become a job again. In 2015 it was good, 2016 it was feeling more like a job and 2017 was just bad and 2018 the theme was “what happened to 2015?” But here in 2019 we are enjoying each other more, respecting each other more, loving each other more and having sex with each other more. Yes 2019 is still young and fresh and new but we are getting back to us! It has taken a while but we are doing well!

So that’s where the New Start, Old Beginning is, maybe it’s not such an old beginning, maybe this one is new it just gets old starting over again. Still the same: I am still working on my weight issues, still trying to decide what to do with my practice. Agonizing everyday if I am making the right parenting decisions and trying to convince the Hubs to get a dog and go house shopping or renovate ours. We have a lot to be happy about there is a lot going on here! As I sit back and look at things, I think why didn’t we just keep going with 2015? We got busy. Life gets crazy. Maybe we even got lazy or went on auto pilot. You can’t just sit back and let life take you where you want to go. Because unless you are driving the car it has a mind of it’s own and this girl wants to drive the direction I want to. The direction that will take my family in the right direction. For me, For the Hubs and for the kids. I am not a fan of this Old Beginning lets have a new beginning, start over on a new path!

One big thing I have struggled with is deciding what makes me tick. What do I want? I have spent so many years taking care of my family as a mom that I don’t even know what I want. I know I was insanely happy in the stroller days of my kids. Being able to load them in the stroller and go for a run. We would go pick up groceries in the stroller my house was not clean and my kids were very giddy and happy all the time. I can’t have those days back but I want that happiness back. Do I need to run more? Not worry about cleaning as much? I have started the Marie Kondu method but I just did my closets but now I’ve got to do my whole house.

So this year I want to find my passion. I love massage but it gives me stress billing and being a business owner, so can that really be my passion? I love to workout and exercise especially running and doing races but that doesn’t make me money to help with finances. I love and miss dancing but finances and time? I love to sing! I have spent more time singing karaoke and not missing the chance to sing than anything, how can I do that more? I miss writing here in my blog! I miss the words flowing really easily (can you tell?)

I told the boy yesterday that he had to decide to work hard when he is in a game. It is a conscious choice you have to make. Get up and grind and work hard but for me I struggle with that. So many different hats that I wear I struggle deciding where to put that effort. Not to mention I have ADD which does not help. This is my goal, this is my passion for this year, to find my passion and live it to the fullest! Doing it all while loving, taking care of and protecting my family. Balancing work life: growing a business, family life: getting everyone where they need to be when they need to be there, feeding them healthy meals and communicating all of that to the Hubs to get help from him and then not forgetting to cultivate our relationship in communication as well as sexualization. I want us to be happy these last few years before the kids leave us and give our kids a happy healthy place to live.

Is it doable? I believe so I will take you along on this journey this year and I will keep writing as this helps me process my thoughts and helps me stay positive. And gives me accountability! There may be things I have to let go of being in control of and getting my way but come with me this year on this journey and watch me win! One way or another!

Oh and by the way I turn 40 this year so there is a sense of urgency to show up and be me and know who “Me” is but not lose my family in the process. This will be no old beginning this is a fresh start to new beginnings, hard work and grind yes but love and laughter and passion to be found in this new beginning. In the process I will not let the hard work wear me down. I will not take the easy way out like I have in all the old beginnings. It’s hard, I won’t stop until I am where I want to be!

#ThisisRuby

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40 Days to A Better Connection

07 Tuesday Mar 2017

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Connection, Hump Day Challenge, Just Do It, Love, Marriage is work, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes, Washing Clothes

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Challenge, commitment, Connection, Love, Not just sex, Sex

40-day-challengeSo this post was supposed to happen Wednessday! This previous Wedness was Ash Wednessday. Every year Catholics and some others of Christian faith participate in giving something up for Lent. Lent is the time that Jesus spent away praying before he was crucified. (I never “celebrated” Lent my family did not participate so this is all I gather from the outsiders point of view.) So now in the time of Facebook and social media I see posts every year of friends who are giving up social media or chocolate or French fries or some who vow to do something good for themselves. Every year for the last few years I have toyed with the idea to do “Lent” but have never followed through. So this year since I remembered it on a Wednessday I am making it a bit of a hump day challenge! Lent is 40 days Jesus spent 40 days and 40 night praying. It’s about 6 weeks until Easter. 6 weeks is a very biblical time frame if you haven’t figured it out there is more than science around why so many programs to better yourself are 6 weeks long.

So here goes let’s do Lent Sex Love and Washing Clothes style! We are going to break it down here:

Sex: Fuck as much as you can. Everyday if possible but realisticly most of us won’t. So, Do every Hump Day Challenge and have sex as much on the off days as you can! But EVERY DAY sext your lover! Especially if you can’t fuck! Send a dirty picture, maybe it’s your boobs maybe it’s a sexy story you tell or a full on play by play text/sext story! It can be a shot of your naked boobs, your naked pussy or a sexy shot of your cleavage. You go to the bathroom how many times a day? Take your phone at least once and grab an opportunity to take a naked or partially naked picture.

Love: Say “I love you” EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Kiss goodnight, go to bed at the same time, go on dates and/or write love notes! Love notes via text or hand written…BOTH! For some of you this is easy, if it’s not easy I bet you can remember a time when it was. Do you know what will make it easier again? PRACTICE!!! So get to showing love ladies and gents!!! This should be easy it just takes effort and time it really is not hard to say I love you or to write a love note! Take time and write a few when you have a little time and use them under your partners pillow or in their lunch box. When you don’t have time to write on paper…write a text telling them you favorite thing about them!!

Washing Clothes:  This is the tough one! Make a commitment to wash clothes everyday. If this is easy but you and the spouse fight about dishes then make a commitment to do the dishes. Remember when I started this I said “washing clothes” is a metaphor for all the house work and homemaking tasks that need done. If you really need to vacuum everyday do that but make it the same thing everyday! My kids do the dishes and The Hubs really wants the laundry to not get out of control and yes two years after starting Sex Love and Washing Clothes I still need to work on the actual washing of the clothes, so that is my task. I will be starting a load of laundry in the morning (FUCK I already forgot today) then in the afternoon transferring it to the dryer and in the evening the kids will be able to fold and then I will put my clothes away… Or some way or another I will wash clothes and get them put away. No more laundry piles regardless of clean or dirty until after Easter…

So there your have it for Lent you are doing Sex Love and Washing Clothes! …We are doing Sex Love and Washing Clothes! I need a boost in my relationship I think this will help. It is a focus on eachother what better way to reconnect than to Sex Love and Washing Clothes. Everyone in the relationship is working at bettering it! It a relationship focus not a me or you focus! Let’s do this and by Easter let’s check in and see how it helped!

Good luck Challengers here we go!

#Lent2017

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Ruby’s New Focus Tool

06 Sunday Nov 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be You, Cleaning, Lock your door!, Organization, Washing Clothes

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Clean your room, Have sex before cleaning, Have sex before working with your spouse!

Today we spent the day cleaning. I love when my husband helps to get the house cleaned and organized, but I also hate it when he does too. Most of the time, the Hubs and I clash on so many levels. He doesn’t understand why I can’t focus and I can’t understand what the heck he is doing and how the fuck I am supposed to do it his way!!! Today was a little different. We had a good day and little stress and no blow fight! Which is very surprising because we are oil and water when it comes to cleaning and organizing, but I am not complaining. I even got to watch my husband vacuum at the end of it! My bathroom that we have been remodeling is done and my bedroom is clean! We pulled everything out of drawers and reorganized everything. The Hubs even went through the gun safe and under the bed. I handled the stuff that got takend out of the medicine cabinet and the drawers of the new vanity. So everything is back in the bathroom area.

I also went through my night stand. It has two drawers in those drawers I found everything from old receipts from 1999 to sex toys. I also found index cards from Kinesiology class in massage school and yoga flash cards. There were a lot of books on a lot of subjects from sex to yoga to old Bible studies I did when my kids were babies. There was also a baby shoe and burp rag from the baby years. I loved going through all of it. There was also some costumes (If you can call the small pieces of fabric that) old creams and flavored lotions. Basically my whole sexual history in a nutshell was right there in front of me. Was pretty entertaining remembering where I came from. I was a very sheltered and prudish when The Hubs and I first got together. I have bought books about giving blow jobs, to anal sex and lotion products to go with it, and now here I am writing a blog about sex and relationship.

The Hubs and I have been through some rough spots but where we are now has really reassured me that we are doing at least some things right. We spend a lot of time together. Today we even cleaned together! We love having sex together. Maybe today we worked so well together because we started the day by having sex before we started cleaning! I don’t know if that was it or not that made the Hubs more patient with me than normal or maybe I was more focused than normal or we have been able to figure out jobs for me to do that I can do that works with my brain beter than we usually do. I think it was the sex. Maybe that’s a new ADD treatment that I need! Regardless, it worked.

Maybe what worked was one of my tasks was to go through my night stand and here is a sample of what I found in this pic! Maybe one reason I could focus was because this stuff is so interesting and fun to go through! 

#Washingclothes2016

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This Does Not Happen Often

05 Sunday Jun 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Connection, Love, Running, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes, Washing Clothes

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getting back in the groove, He folded clothes, he's too sick, I'm horny he's sick, Sadness, that turned me on, workout partner

I haven’t wrote since Thursday! It’s Sunday night! I was having crazy head anxiety Thursday. Friday, the Hubs and I had a talk. A talk that started off and sound very similar to fight! But things settled down and we actually had a good talk where we cleared the air and made progress instead of fighting in circles like we used to! (What the fuck changed that? I think we are maturing in our old age.) Anyway it was good to get on the same page and not have lingering issues that didn’t get resolved.

image

The Hubs was sick last week. He is still not 100%.  I am a bit worried about him. He doesn’t get sick often and it doesn’t normally last. This is stomach stuff. I’ve been feeling frisky and he is feeling too sick to want to even have sex! This is a man who does nothing but think about sex with me. He still is making comments about how he loves my sexy body but climbs into bed lays down and closed his eyes. Sadness. Not only for me and not getting my sexual energy out but for him that he is feeling that bad.

This weekend was a fun chill weekend. We had two baseball games time with friends at their lake house and some family time outside this evening. It’s been a great weekend. My running buddy feels better so she and I finally got together this morning, after almost a week, and got in 5 miles which felt amazing! We are meeting tomorrow AM at 5:30.

So there is a quick synopsis of my normal chill weekend. What did you all do? I hope yours involved more sex than mine but there was a whole lotta love here in the Earl household. And there was even some washing clothes, I caught up and we folded and out away the massive piles of laundry. My countertops are visible now and there is food here for dinners through Tuesday! It was a successful Love and Washing Clothes week, sex was there but not as much as I’d like and not as much as the Hubs would like but he just can’t get past this tummy issue. (I’m making him go to the Dr if it doesn’t clear up in the near future!)

I’m going to snuggle my naked body against his (as long as it’s not too sweaty) and try to sleep. Tame this sexual energy and get some rest for the work week!

#Recomitt2016

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Chill to be Productive

10 Sunday Apr 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Cleaning, Live in the Moment, Relax, Schedule, Sex, Washing Clothes

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Have more sex to chill, Love your life, Sex makes it easier, slowdown every now and then, Slower life

Happy end of the weekend. Oh sad!

less stress more sexThis weekend has been pretty calming and relaxing for the Hubs and I! The kids have been gone with Grandparents since Wednesday. I had a long day at work on Friday but since then it has been very relaxing. We had no schedule this weekend. We went to a detail shop where they had a car show, then drove the new car around to get help break in the engine. We took it easy yesterday. Then today we did some work around the house before the kids got home.

It’s amazing how not having a schedule is so affective on you sense of relaxation. It was very nice to get some stuff done around the house without having to finish in time for {fill in the _____}. The Hubs did some outside yardwork and I worked on some deep cleaning inside. It is nice to get stuff done on your own schedule. It sucks because it has to be done anyway but it is definitely nice to be able to go at my own pace for once. Which my cleaning pace it not very fast but it was nice to make progress! Then when the kids got home they folded clothes and got that task done too, YAY!

This weekend felt very productive, it was but really maybe I have such a positive feeling because the Hubs and I got in some pretty good sex too. We had morning sex both Saturday and Sunday. I know this may be TMI but that is not new for this blog. I know this weekend was productive but it’s not like we have been working and accomplishing a lot everyday just been on chill mode everyday. Maybe it is that euphoric and positive energy that is the byproduct of good sex. Who knows, does it matter? No. I think it is a little bit of both. Oh to have a calmer life and no schedule and be able to be in chill mode all the time…I guess that might be what retirement feels like!

Moral of the story:  Have more sex!

#Recommit2016

 

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XXX-Dirty Dishes-XXX

30 Wednesday Mar 2016

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Cleaning, Sex, Washing Clothes, XXX

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Dirty Dishes, Fore Play, Hump Day Challenge, Make out

Does your partner wash the dishes?

image

While she is doing dishes (even if its not dishes make and effort when she is washing her face at night or when she’s brushing her teeth, make a romantic moment out of a chore) walk up behind her, wrap your arms around her and caress her. Not too tight so she can still finish the dishes. Pull her shirt off and play with her tits. Still, don’t constrict her movement she may get upset and thwart your efforts if she has to finish them in the morning! As soon as she outs that last dish on the drain board turn her around and kiss her start a big male out session. Take the rest of her clothes off miss and lick her whole body. Take her to bed and give her a proper thank you for taking care of you dirty dishes….

Be dirty with her! Give her a big O, she deserves it! Always appreciated those who clean up your mess!

#Recommit2016

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Massage Therapist Must Be a Model Of Self Care

08 Tuesday Dec 2015

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Be Present, Be You, Self Care, Washing Clothes, Working Mom

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Balance, Enjoy life, Get what you need, Prepare, PTSD, Self Care, Take Care of Yourself, Working Mom

“A massage therapist who cannot budget adequate time for her own relaxation, rest, and fun may be a poor example for a client who struggles with over commitment and poor self-care. It is not enough to say, “Do as I say, not do as I do.” A massage therapist must be a model of healthy choices regarding self-care.”

I just read an article about massage and PTSD. This quote jumped out at me and reaffirms that I need to practice what I preach. Teaching Self Care has always been a big part of my massage practice. I would love to work with clients who have and are struggling with PTSD from former Military or formerly abused or traumatized by car accidents or work injuries. It has been passion on my heart recently. These patients need me to be 100% into their massage. I can’t go in tired of stressed about work, or home, or money, or anything that all has to stay outside. Which is why I need to be on top of my self care game. It is hard to serve from an empty vessel.

image

I am having a chat with my boss about getting a raise so the need for me to work two jobs will be decreased. My family and time with them is very important to me and working the bar job puts quite a hindrance on that. I went back to work to pay for a car that we need and the Hubs really wants. I am pretty sure even without the bar job we could cover that right now, however with the bar job we have a good cushion for extra expenditures and don’t really have to be as “careful” with our spending. But self care and family time is more important!

Also in this quote, it talks about having time for fun and relaxation as a part of self care. I miss having time to run or go to the gym. I use my running time for thinking and clearing my head and managing my ADD. I haven’t fit that in since I have been so busy… Well, kind of with my blog but even time for that has been interfered with since I started working. Then, there is sleep and quality family time. I need to only work one job. I may be able to squeeze in one late night shift that starts after bedtime at the bar…maybe….

Anyway…I have a lot to do on this Tuesday ‘no schedule’ day, house cleaning, some BNI stuff, meal planning and even Grocery shopping… I want to make today very productive and I am feeling motivated!

#Everyday2015

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You Can Always Be Better

28 Saturday Nov 2015

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Cleaning, Homemaker, Live life, Love, Schedule, Self Care, Washing Clothes

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Dance, Live the life you love, Love the life you live, Washing Clothes, Working Mom

Hello Saturday! We have almost nothing scheduled. The Hub’s and his buddies played their turkey bowl today. I normally like to go and watch and see the guys but I decided to be more responsible and stay home and clean. My house needed some time from me cleaning. It still needs more but my attention span is over it. I still have to put a ton of laundry away. Maybe I can get the hubs to help with that!

This is going to sound weird but it was actually nice to get some time to clean up my kitchen and my house. All I did was dishes wipe down counter tops and dinning room table ect. I have a couple piles of paperwork to go through but it was nice to be cleaning I enjoyed the homemaker feeling again. Then I got sad that I don’t have more time to do that stuff. I enjoy the extra money I make working my two jobs but I wish, schedule wise, I had more freedom or could figure out how to better to manage my time!

Being super busy does not help. Every weekend we have stuff to do. Today is abnormal that we have nothing planned. Next weekend is show weekend and also a banquet for football volunteers that I have been very involved in organizing and they are on the same night! Shit! How am going to be two places at once? I guess I will be late to the banquet and hopefully there will still be peopleAlways compete be better there that I want to see and that there will still be food there! The event runs 5-11 and the show starts at 6 and I think it is supposed to be an hour and a half. So I am thinking we could probably get to the banquet by 8:30 or 9:00. Then Saturday we have a bazaar fundraiser that I am supposed to be sewing some hand warmer covers to sell for fundraising for dance but I think this year we will skip it. Our fundraiser for dance is me working two jobs! But I like doing crafty things so it is sad that I don’t really have time for it right now.

Anyway I am enjoying this down time I have today. I love being busy but I also love being able to fill my time with cleaning when I want to or crafting when I’d like to. I miss making cakes for everyone’s birthdays too. But I have to say is I am happy to be able to help financially with the family maybe one day I will be an owner and can hire people to work for me and then maybe, work less and do more of what I want… that will probably retirement! I don’t want to sound like I am complaining, I am not! I love my life. I love my family. We all should be happy where we are and do our best to be where we want to be but in the meantime love the life we have. I love my work, I love being busy, I love being able to have my daughter in dance, my son active, have season tickets and nope have to worry if we can afford new shoes. I do still take the time for myself to dance and enjoy life (I, like most people, should probably take more time for self care). Life is good! That doesn’t mean I want some things to be different or better. It’s that ‘Always Compete’ motto in life there is always room for improvement, never settle but always work hard to be better!

#Everyday2015

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Cleaning Out the Closet

11 Wednesday Nov 2015

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Homemaker, Organization, Washing Clothes

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Being a Home Maker and Working Mom, Cleaning Out the Closets, Washing Clothes, Working Mom

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Today I organized my closet! I wish I took a Before pic but did not. The above is part of the after I feel like I was very productive today! I have a confession, I hired a professional organizer! We emptied and reorganized my closet in 3 hours. I was money well spent! I plan to keep it this way and springboard off to be a more organized working mom!

#Everyday2015

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It’s Only Weird If It Doesn’t Work

01 Sunday Nov 2015

Posted by Sex Love and Washing Clothes in Bartending, Family, Football, Seahawks, Sex, Washing Clothes

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Back Door, Done working, Goodnight, Ritual, Superstitious, Tired

I am tired! I had to work at the bartending job today for the Seahawks game. Boo! I hate working on weekends and especially hate working during the Seahawks game! The Seahawks won, YAY!

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The Hubs and I had our ceremonial pregame sex ritual and it obviously worked! So, from now on we will make that happen before every game. (It’s only weird if it doesn’t work!)

I’m tired, I just finished making dinner and just about fell asleep eating dinner while watching Sunday Night Football. The leftovers are put away but there are dishes that need to be done (even those from breakfast) and cleaning of countertops ect but I don’t want to do it! I have already kicked my ass working today and I made breakfast and dinner! They can wait until tomorrow (unless I get a random sport of energy) I am done “working ” today. So that means I am done writing too! So have a good night everyone!

Go Hawks!!!

#Everyday2015

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