Tag Archives: I love watching her dance!

What Was I Thinking?

27 Saturday Jan 2018

Posted by in Be You, Dance, Dance Like No One is Watching, Mom Stuff, Raising Kids

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don't forget you love danceI really don’t know what I was thinking when I thought that I would blog during a dance convention. The Girl is at her first convention of the season. She has been injured so she missed the convention part of the last one her team did. She has sat out 2 of the classes so far because of pain, but is now in the last class of the day which is Hip Hop. I love watching her dance and I love watching these instructors teach. I brought a book to read, my Surface to blog and of course there is always the social media distraction on my phone, and all my mom friends. I really don’t need any distraction! I would be quite content just watching!

I am enjoying watching the Girl dance and sad that she is still having some knee pain. I hope that she can overcome this and dance to her hearts content witout pain. I want her to enjoy  her hobby. Not to mention she is so good, I want the world to see her!

I am super excited that I get to watch her solo tonight. She has sheltered me from seeing any of it. She chose a song from the newest Linkin Park album. She was selecting songs and this was my favorite of the top three. She of course didn’t select it because of that, if she knew it was my fave, she probably would have probably taken it off her list. (She is so much a teenage girl right now, “don’t let mom see I am having fun and no way will I enjoy something she suggests.”) She is dancing to “Nobody Can Save Me” She was listening to it today and I almost started crying just listening to the words and everything that is that song; What happend with Chester, emotions and her dancing to it! OMG so powerful. That whole album is so emotional. It was the last one before Chester Bennington committed suicide he wrote at least part of it for Chris Cornell who also committed suicide. I have listened to that album different since Chester passed away and have thought, “it sounds like a really detailed and long suicide note.”

Then my crazy mom head goes…she’s not depressed or having suicidal thoughts is she? Am I there for her enough? Is this teenage girl attitude really normal or a warning sign? It is  normal, right? I think so. I am doing my best to let her be who she is. There is fine balance, I hope to continue to walk the tight rope, that she likes me enough to come to me in times she needs someone but hates me enough to be a normal teenager…I let her be who she is, I love that girl. She talks about her feelings but she holds a lot in too. I think dance helps her ‘express’ herself but sometimes she holds back especially when I am watching. I can’t wait to see her solo and I hope she is going to put her emotion into it and I think it will be phenomenal!

I am really enjoying watching her learn and get into the new moves she is learning and having to adjust to protect that injured knee but as I watch her I can tell she is loving it. In her movements she is happy. It is so refreshing to watch. What is fun about these routines is that they can learn them and just dance. They don’t have to worry about being judged or performing it, they get to just have fun with it! They need more time like this to just dance for the love of dance.

Anyway, I am going back to watching dance! This is what I pay for right?!

#SLWC2018

 

This Growing up Thing is Hard on Me

05 Wednesday Jul 2017

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Dance, Dance Like No One is Watching, Do You, Live in the Moment, Parenting

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Well, it has been a while since I have written. I can’t even remember when…to my loyal readers apologies. Today I am writing from Nationals. The Girl is competing in a Nationals Dance Competition. She is in 5 group numbers and a solo. Have I said how much I love to watch her dance? If you have read my blog you have read that a few times! This year the Girl turned 13, she is starting to become her own person. Not that she hasn’t always been her own person but she is just starting to grow up. She definitely wants her own identity. It used to be cute that everyone loved her mom and loved her mom being around but now it’s just not. Not to her anyway. The older dancers are still super sweet to me and seem to understand my pain when I am shunned by my daughter but the Girl just wants to grow her wings. I need to get out of her way and let her make a name for her.

This dance year I have decided it is my job to support her. Many things I hear my Coach Husband say is that parents just need to get out of their kids way. I need to learn that lesson it has been my mom work this year. There is a dance instructor for Liz Imperio who teaches a class called Raising Successful Children that I started but got too busy to finish the webinar (which has been a theme in my life this year) and it’s focus was to guide us parents in how to get out of our children’s way. I love watching her grow, I love watching her dance! There is a part of me that is struggling letting go of that mommy role that needs to be there to protect and guide my child. She is growing up I have taught her to think for herself and stand up for what is right and to advocate for herself. She doesn’t need me to do that because I taught her to be strong in herself! I taught her to not define herself in what other people think of her. And she does not. She changes for no one. She is who she is, she likes what she likes and for the most part doesn’t care or waiver for anything. Not even for me! Sometimes I wish she would for me but I should be proud that she doesn’t. Sometimes she does waiver to fit in with her friends. I feel for her in those moments because I have spent my life doing that and that is not what I want for her! I want her to be her, even if it hurts my feelings.

How did I teach her to do that when I am not strong in myself? How can I be that strong human I am teaching her to be when I am not that strong human myself? I am proud that she is independent. I love who she is. Sometimes I wish there was less Diva but other times I am so proud of that diva because that Dive protects her when mean girls are mean. And that Diva protects the girl who is getting picked on in a group by my child being the one to stand up to the mean one in the place of the child who is getting picked on or feeling bad when that child is too weak. I am proud of that diva! I pray that when I stifle the diva for my feelings that I don’t stifle the good out of her diva! How was I able to teach her these things? I have no idea how, but I am proud she has learned them!

I am going through yet another identity crisis in parenting, and I don’t even know what it is. I am obviously still her mom and she needs me and I know deep down she wants me around, but she wants me to keep my distance and not over shadow who she is or what she does. I get it! I was there, I may still be there with my mom. When she needs me I will be there. I have seen this happen recently. She does talk to me like a friend sometimes and I to her but she also knows that she must do what she is told and what is expected of her. I don’t really believe in being your child’s best friend until they are adults anyway but sometimes she is mine. She is the only one who can’t leave me and would never think of it, I think… Anyway, I want her to continue to grow in success and keep that diva spunk that will take her far and I just have to get over myself!

Now I have to go watch her solo I am so excited to see her dance! I love watching her on stage and in her element. It is her happy place I am so glad she has dance for that, lord knows she needs a place of her own to just BE. I love her!

#Dance2017dance parent

Leave it All On Stage

06 Saturday Feb 2016

Posted by in Dance, Dance Like No One is Watching, Love, Raising Kids

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This evening the girl had her first competition performance of the year! She did great! She was asked how she felt she did after she got off stage and she said she felt really good. She should have it was a great run! However the judges were tough. She got a Gold. Here is how the awards go. They are given are based on their score by percentage. 100-98 is a Titanium, 95-97.99 is Platinum, 90-94.99 is Gold, 80-89.99 is Silver and 79.99 and below is Bronze.

The Girl always tries for a Platinum which used to be the top rank at all competitions. Most Competitions that we attend go Platinum, High Gold, Gold, High Silver and Silver… When she here’s Gold she kind of gets deflated even knowing that at some competitions her Gold from tonight would have been a Platinum. I always try to give her just as many hugs and take as many pictures no matter what color the medal is. She was bummed. By the time I got to her after the awards ceremony she was already taking of her costume and was visibly upset. I told her she should be proud but she wasn’t having it! She did not understand that the scoring system is tough, she moved up in age group category as the judging is tough and there are A LOT of kids in her age group (11-13) all that being considered oh yeah by the way she has a tough dance. She had a couple turns that to an untrained eye looked perfect but to a judge she stepped out of and kind of fell out of a couple turns. Each time that happens judges knock off points and with only 5 points to get down to Gold… There is not a lot of room for error. She really did amazing. I hate this part of competition. She comes out of the awards defining herself by the color of the medal. And it is sad that she feels deflated with a Gold! Gold is pretty damn good!

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Last year she got Platinum and this year I am pretty sure she did better performance wise, technically and creatively. She wants to hear that word Platinum!!! It’s like I tell the boy in Wrestling the outcome doesn’t matter, it’s how you feel, how you did not how the other person did or what the judges think. You go out there do your best, leave it all on the mat. For the Girl it is leave it all on the stage. If you don’t ‘win’ you learn! Use that to fuel you to get those turns and for the Boy how to defend that next time.

Honestly the Girl has always usually comes out with her best or highest rank the first competition of the year and maybe she kind of rests on those Laurels so here she can use this to fuel her to prove something…to get those turns right and nail the performance and routine! She truly is amazing, I love watching her perform I want her to feel proud without needing thebjudges to say so. I would love for her to just be able to go out and hit her moves and just know when she has a great performance. To be proud and confident and not care about the score! She mentioned “I want tobget you what you paid for” …..Wait, Hold up! I paid fornyountonjoin perform in stage and be critiqued and to get you seen by other great dancers. I laid for a convention that teaches you how to audition and be confident… I did not pay for your award. I paid for the judges opinion but not for a first place or Platinum. You earn that! But to me today I got to watch my Girl dance to inspire to break through a barrier to teach and interpret a song into movement, to draw emotion and tears from onlookers eyes! She was beautiful, she was passionate and I loved her performance! That was worth my money times 10! How do I teach her THAT is what I pay for!That is why I lay for dance, that is why she dances and she accomplished what she set out for! I could not be more impressed, wait,I will be more impressed next time she goes to rehearsal and worms on this little mistakes and gets her turns and the next competition that she nails! She is beautiful and inspiring I can’t wait to see what the future has for her! Keep up the good work Girl.

To you parents with kids in dance or any activity, help them know we don’t do it for the win! We do not for them to develop passion, to inspire, to grow and to gain confidence!!! For them to learn to always put their beat out there. To leave it all on stage and dance like no one is watching!!! We need to tell our kids that we love watching them dance, that we are proud of their performance and bravery and courage and confidence. We love them as much when they get Platinum or Gold or Silver! Dancers rock inspire and I am proud to be raising one!

#Everday2016