Tag Archives: Love

New Start, Old Beginning

02 Saturday Mar 2019

Posted by in Be Present, Business, Everyday, Family, Live in the Moment, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work, Mom Stuff, Organization, Raising Kids, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes, Take the time to take care of yourself, Washing Clothes, Working Mom

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I titled today’s entry before I started to write. Normally I write and then pick a title. Today I have decided to start new, but it is an old beginning. I have had this beginning a lot. The I’m tired of fucking it up and want to get back on track. It has been a while since I have sat down to write. I have been busy doing what feels like spinning my wheels. I started blogging back in 2015 as a stay at home mom who was trying to encourage tried and weiry moms that it’s okay to “just be a mom” but shortly into 2015 I went back to work because well, our family needed the financial help and because I wanted to be more than “just a mom”. Sort of felt and still feels a little hypocritical. Old beginning because well, I have been here so many times before.Don't be afraid

I had a mission with this blog to help moms and dads stay in their marriage. At the time the Hubs and I had great sex but a rocky relationship. There were many times we kept our relationship together with just great sex. There was a lot left to be desired in our lives. We had communication issues that we were working on, as many busy parents with busy children have. We were and still are today stretched very thin! Sex was the one thing we could do that we both enjoyed without having to have much discussion and when I decided to have sex everyday in 2015 the Hubs was thrilled at the thought of not having to wonder when the next time he was going to get it. For the most part 2015 worked really well. The first part of 2016 was pretty good to but towards the end of that year it was a struggle. I had decided to move into private practice with my massage career and spent a lot of time working on my business which caused a lot of strain between the Hubs and I. That year ended really badly. I try not to say things are bad but at that time things were bad. I had felt like a fraud like I had wrote this blog all of 2015 and most of 2016 oh how to keep things together and make my marriage work and my plan had failed.  We were falling apart, it was almost the end of us. We decided to stay together, to work through our stuff and then another new old beginning.

Then 2017 went on rebuilding I decided to move my private practice home. The best of both worlds right? Well towards the end of 2017 another event happened that strained our relationship. Different but just as much of a strain and then that was almost the demise of us all of the struggles of 2016 came back in flashbacks and sorrow and just plain struggle. All the while we still maintained weekly date nights and tried to do the best we could with nightly sex and connecting but there were parts of both of us that were just unconnected, bitter and angry. We were also both remorseful for our roles in the fallout. We were sorry we were sad and missed each other like we had been on two separate continents! So decided to put it all behind us and onto another new but old beginning.

Then the start of 2018 we decided once again, we are here for the long haul. There is something to be said for two stubborn people being married and valuing their commitment made to each other! We have stayed our course through many very, oh so bumpy stretch of road the last few years. Maybe it’s maturity and maybe we are finally starting to “get” each other and fully commit to respect and love and cherish each other, it finally feels like we are moving on and getting over some of the same struggles we kept coming back to. Now, here in 2019 we can go weeks without fights. We even can have a spat and let it go with out dragging it on for hours or days and not resulting in the using the “D” word. We don’t have sex everyday but when we do it is good for both of us! I am considering a new #everyday challenge but I don’t want it to become a job again. In 2015 it was good, 2016 it was feeling more like a job and 2017 was just bad and 2018 the theme was “what happened to 2015?” But here in 2019 we are enjoying each other more, respecting each other more, loving each other more and having sex with each other more. Yes 2019 is still young and fresh and new but we are getting back to us! It has taken a while but we are doing well!

So that’s where the New Start, Old Beginning is, maybe it’s not such an old beginning, maybe this one is new it just gets old starting over again. Still the same: I am still working on my weight issues, still trying to decide what to do with my practice. Agonizing everyday if I am making the right parenting decisions and trying to convince the Hubs to get a dog and go house shopping or renovate ours. We have a lot to be happy about there is a lot going on here! As I sit back and look at things, I think why didn’t we just keep going with 2015? We got busy. Life gets crazy. Maybe we even got lazy or went on auto pilot. You can’t just sit back and let life take you where you want to go. Because unless you are driving the car it has a mind of it’s own and this girl wants to drive the direction I want to. The direction that will take my family in the right direction. For me, For the Hubs and for the kids. I am not a fan of this Old Beginning lets have a new beginning, start over on a new path!

One big thing I have struggled with is deciding what makes me tick. What do I want? I have spent so many years taking care of my family as a mom that I don’t even know what I want. I know I was insanely happy in the stroller days of my kids. Being able to load them in the stroller and go for a run. We would go pick up groceries in the stroller my house was not clean and my kids were very giddy and happy all the time. I can’t have those days back but I want that happiness back. Do I need to run more? Not worry about cleaning as much? I have started the Marie Kondu method but I just did my closets but now I’ve got to do my whole house.

So this year I want to find my passion. I love massage but it gives me stress billing and being a business owner, so can that really be my passion? I love to workout and exercise especially running and doing races but that doesn’t make me money to help with finances. I love and miss dancing but finances and time? I love to sing! I have spent more time singing karaoke and not missing the chance to sing than anything, how can I do that more? I miss writing here in my blog! I miss the words flowing really easily (can you tell?)

I told the boy yesterday that he had to decide to work hard when he is in a game. It is a conscious choice you have to make. Get up and grind and work hard but for me I struggle with that. So many different hats that I wear I struggle deciding where to put that effort. Not to mention I have ADD which does not help. This is my goal, this is my passion for this year, to find my passion and live it to the fullest! Doing it all while loving, taking care of and protecting my family. Balancing work life: growing a business, family life: getting everyone where they need to be when they need to be there, feeding them healthy meals and communicating all of that to the Hubs to get help from him and then not forgetting to cultivate our relationship in communication as well as sexualization. I want us to be happy these last few years before the kids leave us and give our kids a happy healthy place to live.

Is it doable? I believe so I will take you along on this journey this year and I will keep writing as this helps me process my thoughts and helps me stay positive. And gives me accountability! There may be things I have to let go of being in control of and getting my way but come with me this year on this journey and watch me win! One way or another!

Oh and by the way I turn 40 this year so there is a sense of urgency to show up and be me and know who “Me” is but not lose my family in the process. This will be no old beginning this is a fresh start to new beginnings, hard work and grind yes but love and laughter and passion to be found in this new beginning. In the process I will not let the hard work wear me down. I will not take the easy way out like I have in all the old beginnings. It’s hard, I won’t stop until I am where I want to be!

#ThisisRuby

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Wedding flowers

26 Thursday Oct 2017

Posted by in Love, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Marriage is work

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These are my wedding flowers. I walked down the isle 17 years ago holding these flower proudly in my hands looking at my best friend at the end of the isle. These flowers are significant. I have saved them in this vase that I received as a wedding gift.

17 years later, they look tired and old and dead but there is something about them. I don’t want to toss them. When I look any them I reminisce about that day about the planning that lead up to that day. About all the flowers the Hubs had got me in Corsages before that day and since then the flowers he brings me home, which is why I chose the color I chose. Those flowers represent the day we chose to be together for better or worse. Through the years these flowers have seen better but even in there old tired (some may say dead) state there is a beauty that I just can’t throw away!

I don’t want to be tired old or dead in my relationship. I know I’m tired but on bad days maybe when the Hubs and I aren’t in the “for better” moments I look at their ugliness and think just throw it away! I have grabbed them in anger and frustration, probably trying to clean up clutter that we were arguing about, and thought “why even save these they are dead!” But I can’t bring myself to throw them away!

In that moment, like today, I look at the ugly dead flowers and remember the beauty they once were They inspire me to see past sadness of how they look and cherish the beauty they represent.

Maybe I should make this vase the fresh flowers vase that I keep fresh flowers in, it takes maintenance to keep beautiful fresh flowers and cycling out the old but these flowers aren’t going anywhere. Just like my marriage I did not say “I do” to just the beauty. I said “I do” to all of it. That includes the ugly the sad and tired. I am happily married because of that decision and those words that day. Not everyday is happy, today has not been a happy day. That doesn’t mean I’m not happy.

These flowers are beautiful in there way and I am happy to have them. It is a reminder that things need maintenance and marriages need maintenance to stay beautiful but there is always beauty in love. These flowers should probably go, according to some clutter expert but for now they will stay. I will hold on to this reminder that even in ugly stages love conquers and may the best shine through. May you be loved.

#Loveconquers

This Growing up Thing is Hard on Me

05 Wednesday Jul 2017

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Dance, Dance Like No One is Watching, Do You, Live in the Moment, Parenting

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Well, it has been a while since I have written. I can’t even remember when…to my loyal readers apologies. Today I am writing from Nationals. The Girl is competing in a Nationals Dance Competition. She is in 5 group numbers and a solo. Have I said how much I love to watch her dance? If you have read my blog you have read that a few times! This year the Girl turned 13, she is starting to become her own person. Not that she hasn’t always been her own person but she is just starting to grow up. She definitely wants her own identity. It used to be cute that everyone loved her mom and loved her mom being around but now it’s just not. Not to her anyway. The older dancers are still super sweet to me and seem to understand my pain when I am shunned by my daughter but the Girl just wants to grow her wings. I need to get out of her way and let her make a name for her.

This dance year I have decided it is my job to support her. Many things I hear my Coach Husband say is that parents just need to get out of their kids way. I need to learn that lesson it has been my mom work this year. There is a dance instructor for Liz Imperio who teaches a class called Raising Successful Children that I started but got too busy to finish the webinar (which has been a theme in my life this year) and it’s focus was to guide us parents in how to get out of our children’s way. I love watching her grow, I love watching her dance! There is a part of me that is struggling letting go of that mommy role that needs to be there to protect and guide my child. She is growing up I have taught her to think for herself and stand up for what is right and to advocate for herself. She doesn’t need me to do that because I taught her to be strong in herself! I taught her to not define herself in what other people think of her. And she does not. She changes for no one. She is who she is, she likes what she likes and for the most part doesn’t care or waiver for anything. Not even for me! Sometimes I wish she would for me but I should be proud that she doesn’t. Sometimes she does waiver to fit in with her friends. I feel for her in those moments because I have spent my life doing that and that is not what I want for her! I want her to be her, even if it hurts my feelings.

How did I teach her to do that when I am not strong in myself? How can I be that strong human I am teaching her to be when I am not that strong human myself? I am proud that she is independent. I love who she is. Sometimes I wish there was less Diva but other times I am so proud of that diva because that Dive protects her when mean girls are mean. And that Diva protects the girl who is getting picked on in a group by my child being the one to stand up to the mean one in the place of the child who is getting picked on or feeling bad when that child is too weak. I am proud of that diva! I pray that when I stifle the diva for my feelings that I don’t stifle the good out of her diva! How was I able to teach her these things? I have no idea how, but I am proud she has learned them!

I am going through yet another identity crisis in parenting, and I don’t even know what it is. I am obviously still her mom and she needs me and I know deep down she wants me around, but she wants me to keep my distance and not over shadow who she is or what she does. I get it! I was there, I may still be there with my mom. When she needs me I will be there. I have seen this happen recently. She does talk to me like a friend sometimes and I to her but she also knows that she must do what she is told and what is expected of her. I don’t really believe in being your child’s best friend until they are adults anyway but sometimes she is mine. She is the only one who can’t leave me and would never think of it, I think… Anyway, I want her to continue to grow in success and keep that diva spunk that will take her far and I just have to get over myself!

Now I have to go watch her solo I am so excited to see her dance! I love watching her on stage and in her element. It is her happy place I am so glad she has dance for that, lord knows she needs a place of her own to just BE. I love her!

#Dance2017dance parent

Women Are Artists of Balance

08 Wednesday Mar 2017

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Family, Live in the Moment, Love, Working Mom

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I struggle sometimes with the happiness of each moment that is shrouded with sacrifice in another arena of life but that is what being a woman means to me: You can do anything you want, you can even do everything but you can’t do it all, at the same time, physics and laws of the universe like gravity limit you! That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t relish in your joy of work even when your missing you kids basketball game. And when you’ve blocked yourself out from work to catch a game trust that it will be there for you when you return. 

Surrounded yourself with good support be it a great friend or aunty who can take photos so you don’t miss a shot when you Aube to work. Also, have great employees or coworkers or referral partners that can hold down the fort so you can catch the kids basketball games and such! It is balance my friends and we as women are artists of balance! 

Let’s stop beating ourselves up because of gravity! We can balance the weight of the world on our shoulders, practice your son’s curve ball and nail the new dance hairstyle and have dinner on the table (even if it’s pizza on a paper plate) and still hold the eye of our husbands because fuck him like crazy when it’s time, because we are women who are artists of balance and we do it with a smile! 

Allow yourself to feel the same smile, give yourself grace. You put it on for everyone else because you are an artist, you are a woman! You know what matters, your love, your family, your work, your husband and your house matters, but everything has its time. It’s okay to pick and choose and give yourself grace. It’s okay to give your children a few chores and it’s okay to have dishes in the sink! Be you, love you! Always do your best you know what matters each moment that so focus on that everything else will have its time.

#Art2017

#WomensDay2017

40 Days to A Better Connection

07 Tuesday Mar 2017

Posted by in Connection, Hump Day Challenge, Just Do It, Love, Marriage is work, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes, Washing Clothes

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40-day-challengeSo this post was supposed to happen Wednessday! This previous Wedness was Ash Wednessday. Every year Catholics and some others of Christian faith participate in giving something up for Lent. Lent is the time that Jesus spent away praying before he was crucified. (I never “celebrated” Lent my family did not participate so this is all I gather from the outsiders point of view.) So now in the time of Facebook and social media I see posts every year of friends who are giving up social media or chocolate or French fries or some who vow to do something good for themselves. Every year for the last few years I have toyed with the idea to do “Lent” but have never followed through. So this year since I remembered it on a Wednessday I am making it a bit of a hump day challenge! Lent is 40 days Jesus spent 40 days and 40 night praying. It’s about 6 weeks until Easter. 6 weeks is a very biblical time frame if you haven’t figured it out there is more than science around why so many programs to better yourself are 6 weeks long.

So here goes let’s do Lent Sex Love and Washing Clothes style! We are going to break it down here:

Sex: Fuck as much as you can. Everyday if possible but realisticly most of us won’t. So, Do every Hump Day Challenge and have sex as much on the off days as you can! But EVERY DAY sext your lover! Especially if you can’t fuck! Send a dirty picture, maybe it’s your boobs maybe it’s a sexy story you tell or a full on play by play text/sext story! It can be a shot of your naked boobs, your naked pussy or a sexy shot of your cleavage. You go to the bathroom how many times a day? Take your phone at least once and grab an opportunity to take a naked or partially naked picture.

Love: Say “I love you” EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Kiss goodnight, go to bed at the same time, go on dates and/or write love notes! Love notes via text or hand written…BOTH! For some of you this is easy, if it’s not easy I bet you can remember a time when it was. Do you know what will make it easier again? PRACTICE!!! So get to showing love ladies and gents!!! This should be easy it just takes effort and time it really is not hard to say I love you or to write a love note! Take time and write a few when you have a little time and use them under your partners pillow or in their lunch box. When you don’t have time to write on paper…write a text telling them you favorite thing about them!!

Washing Clothes:  This is the tough one! Make a commitment to wash clothes everyday. If this is easy but you and the spouse fight about dishes then make a commitment to do the dishes. Remember when I started this I said “washing clothes” is a metaphor for all the house work and homemaking tasks that need done. If you really need to vacuum everyday do that but make it the same thing everyday! My kids do the dishes and The Hubs really wants the laundry to not get out of control and yes two years after starting Sex Love and Washing Clothes I still need to work on the actual washing of the clothes, so that is my task. I will be starting a load of laundry in the morning (FUCK I already forgot today) then in the afternoon transferring it to the dryer and in the evening the kids will be able to fold and then I will put my clothes away… Or some way or another I will wash clothes and get them put away. No more laundry piles regardless of clean or dirty until after Easter…

So there your have it for Lent you are doing Sex Love and Washing Clothes! …We are doing Sex Love and Washing Clothes! I need a boost in my relationship I think this will help. It is a focus on eachother what better way to reconnect than to Sex Love and Washing Clothes. Everyone in the relationship is working at bettering it! It a relationship focus not a me or you focus! Let’s do this and by Easter let’s check in and see how it helped!

Good luck Challengers here we go!

#Lent2017

Plan Focus Give Grace

26 Sunday Feb 2017

Posted by in Be Present, Cleaning, Connection, Family, Friends, Homemaker, Live in the Moment, Marriage is work, Organization, Parenting, Planning, Raising Kids, Schedule, Working Mom

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Hello Readers,

I have to confess, I have had a rough go lately. The Hubs and I have been struggling. It’s hard for me to write encouraging posts when I don’t feel so positive it is hard for me to write positive without feeling like a fake. So, with that said, I am feeling more positive, I know that I may be having some sort of depression or anxiety and need to pay attention and not get lost in it. I am going to be going back to counseling on my own and I will be checking in with my GP about some tummy issues I’ve been having, to keep my health a priority and take care of me. As a person, as a mom, as a wife and a health care provider it is hard to serve in your roll if you feel down and ineffective. Like they say it is impossible to serve from an empty vessel.

empty-vesselIn my life in the last week I have had some clarity of mind to realize I need to focus on me. Not in a selfish way where you are “more important” than your family, that you are charged with taking care of, but in a way to be the healthiest you so your family can have a healthy mom, healthy wife and your clients can have a healthy provider coming from a place of love and caring. I have been so bogged down with stress in life that I am complaining a lot, offended easily and my brain gets flooded and I get angry easily. So much so that I don’t really recognize myself and then when the hubs and I get into “special moments” I feel like I turn into some monster that is not me! Then it spirals out of control! So I am taking control of me. Part of that is me getting back into blogging here. I want to encourage people who are or have been in my spot. Also it helps me to get my feelings out and helps me to help guide myself in a positive way, not just my readers. Plus entertaining readers with my Hump Day Challenges is a passion of mine that I have missed the last few weeks.

Another part is getting back to my life. I have been working a lot and losing site of what really matters. My work matters but there is a balance that needs to be heeded. A balance of working in my business (doing massage) as well as working on my business (admin stuff like billing and marketing). I love networking for marketing and I have a lot of friends that I network with but that networking time needs to be just that and sometimes the balance of networking and socializing line blurs and loses potency.

So to deter the blurred lines of friend time and networking time I plan to be more active in my life with friends. We all struggle balance with work and fun but it is important to stay in touch with your “people”. You know, the ones who can figure out your drunk text typos and actually answer or support you in those moments! So one part of this gaining balance and getting back to me is scheduling girlfriend time as well as date nights and family nights! All three is important as important as work time.

Another part is planning house work time. This is harder for me because really, who wants to do the bull shit tasks of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping? Especially after work and taxiing around the kids after a full day of work? But if you ignore it or don’t plan it you end up with those “special moments” with the Hubs that no one really wants! So this next sentence is very important, You must plan with your family! Everyone in the family has a responsibility  for how the house runs! The Hubs and I have had some conversations on this and although we haven’t really planned it all out, we have made huge gains in this area. The Hubs has started helping with dishes and putting laundry away. There is much to be said about a person who actually steps up to handle the things that they hate not being done versus just complaining about it! So: MAKE A FAMILY PLAN ABOUT HOW YOUR HOUSE WILL BE RAN AND EVERYONE CONTRIBUTE! Talk about it and follow through.

So to sum up this long post:

  1. Take care of you if that means going to the doctor, counselor, journaling, exercising, What ever it is, make time!! My plan get back to counseling, exercise everyday (at least cardio), get to doctor about tummy issues, have grace with myself when I am overwhelmed!
  2. Schedule and stick to it you work and admin time in your business! My plan just get it admin and massage time on the books and don’t waiver regardless of the client and their schedule, make my schedule and family time as important as theirs. Balance!
  3. Schedule Date nights, family nights and time with “your people” My plan: Schedule girlfriend time once a month, Date nights weekly and actually go, Family nights or outings weekly
  4. Schedule House work and responsibilities! Everyone has a responsibility to participate it is not all on mom regardless if mom is a working mom stay at home. We need to teach our kids they have to contribute as well as the husbands. Talk about it and make a plan! My Plan: schedule family menu planning meetings, utilize Clicklist with preplanned menus. Give kids chores and follow through with them to do it on schedule before practices and dance.
  5. GIVE GRACE! Let everyone have a little grace with heavy stress load times of homework, busy work days and heavily scheduled tournaments or competitions. Everyone is trying hard to motivate through life! We all want what’s best for our family and ourselves and sometimes we need to take a nap instead of vacuum! As long as we are all doing our best when our family needs help lets lend a helping hand they will do the same for you when you need! Help each other out to get to the goal and enjoy the good moments like the tournament wins and realize sometimes those things come when the house is messy, but when those moments are over and we have down time we can catch up when we need to! As long as there is not mold growing on the dishes and the house isn’t burning down and there is a dance to watch or a game going on…take it in! Enjoy these busy crazy moments building a lives, growing children into adults, growing a business and creating a life! Make it happy!!!

Live the life you’ve imagined because remember in your dreams you saw the results not the work that it takes to get there! FOCUS on what is important. Family, friends, lives, and moments are important! Money and dishes and laundry will go away savor moments with your people!!!

#Live2017

 

XXX-Sexting 2017-xxx

02 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by in Hump Day Challenge, Sex, Sexting, XXX

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Shit! It’s Hump Day at 11:57 and I haven’t posted yet! I have e been thinking about the Hump Day Challenge all day and I think I settled with sexting! Last week we talked about con ection and (for me anyway) I feel connected and not so alone when I receive text messages from the hu a letting me know is what he is up to where he’s going etc. It makeses me feel like part of his life when I’m not with him. I like sending the random boob shot or a quick pussy shot after I get waxed. He likes that too, buy Sexting is not limited to dirty pictures, but who doesn’t like the boobie pics? Sexting can be story taking or forecasting what’s to come to tonight or just fantasy. 

So for this challenge start by sending your lover a flirty wordy text. Something like “I’m gonna lick your dick like a lollipop tonight.” Then add details, in the corner of the couch after the kids are sleeping or when you finishing up your work at you home office etc… Get as graphic as you like. Then after a couple “I’m going to ______” texts send a sexy picture. Then talk more about your sexy plans. Even if your lover can’t respond he/she will get to their phone at the end of the day and be pretty excited to see you. That wait from the time they get the texts to when the kids are finally in bed will be electric and filled with excitement and anticipation. 

It’s also fun to send sexy messages across the living room with the Disney channel on too (as long as the kids don’t intercept the messages).

Take time today to stop once an hour or so and sext your lover. He may want to get detailed and respond back with what he’s going to do to you. I like the texts that say how he’s going to “come in the door press me up against the wall kissing and making out with me, unbuttoning my shirt and tearing my clothes off while pulling my hair” then we go back and forth for a while and it’s exciting. Then we realize we have to play that out in real life after kids go to bed or when they are at Grandmas but it’s so sexy and exhilarating in the moment.

So spice up your lovers work day with sexting. You will encounter and encourage anticipation, foreplay, role play and some sexy selfies! Enjoy!

#sex2017

XXX-Romance-XXX

14 Wednesday Dec 2016

Posted by in Hump Day Challenge, Sex, XXX

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Now for a Hump Day Challenge today, I am going to go a little what I think is girly. Take your lover out on a drive or go for a walk at sunset. Find a “lookout” spot and lean over and start making out. Get in some good kissing and petting and touching. Really KISS your lover, get the tongue involved. Touch his face grope her breasts. Keep the making out going but at some point you may want to get in a hiding spot or go home as you co time through this one.

As your make out session gets heated up. Then reach your hand under her shirt. Keep the kissing and make out going. Get into heavy petting and grab his dick, rub her pussy. Start to tear off each other’s clothes. Keep kissing as you do. Rub on each other, feel the sexiness of each other’s body against one another.

As your progress through your make out session to sex, kiss down one another’s body. Lick that pussy, suck that cock, take turns doing so. Really, take your time on each other. Fuck each other softly and slowly continue to kiss and make out as you fuck. Use your tongue, touch each other as you kiss, let yourself feel your partners body pressed against yours enjoy that feeling. Think of sex in a romance movie.

This is a great way to get some “attitude adjustment” kind of sex. One to make you feel close and loved. It’s my favorite romantic and loving sex.

Go get you some!

#Sex2016

Put Energy In Things That Move You Closer To Your Goals

21 Sunday Aug 2016

Posted by in Be You, Business, Do Your Thing, Live in the Moment, Live life, Planning, Working Mom

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Stress-management-photoI really miss blogging everyday. I really hope to get back to it. However, I really want my blog to be quality. To be inspirational, educational, funny and have less typos. However, when I write many times I am distracted and have a lot going on. That’s what happens as a working mom. I lack good boundaries to set strict rules for myself and my family about when they can get my attention and when I put my attention into different things than just my blog. I have started a business and that has taken a lot more energy and effort and my time than I originally had planned for. I know it is going to be great but it needs a lot of energy and I have to make it a priority. I should make a priority to set a better schedule and get all of my tasks in. Sometimes, I just sit and do nothing or watch mindless TV shows to just relax. Everyone needs that, yes, everyone does!

I am working to help you my readers to be better at being present in your life. That is a goal I have to inspire you and encourage you and myself to be present. Whatever it is that you are trying to do do it big, do it well and do it with love! I am not the best example of how to do that, but I know you can do it. Do your best, love with all your heart. Have perspective and put your energy in the areas of your life that you want to flourish! A good place to start with that is to have a schedule, make lists, prioritize well and get help!

One big thing you need, this deserves it’s own paragraph is self awareness. Know what you want. Have a vision and be clear. Write it down if you need to. When you are feeling overwhelmed take a minute to step back and evaluate where you are and where you want to be. Are you on a path that is getting you closer to where you want to be or are you putting too much energy into things or places that don’t matter! Really be intentional in everything you do and you will get closer to where you want to go. Eliminate things that don’t help you get there. Those moments you say “yes” when you know you should say “no” take a minute and think, will this help me in the areas of my life I need to keep moving forward? Will this help accomplish my goals? If not then respectfully say “no”. There are sometimes we do have to sacrifice for our children or our spouse or family and do those things  but make it meaningful. If you cannot do it full out and with a good spirit say no anyway! Always do everything with your best energy and intention. You will be rewarded for that, in some way shape or form. I believe that to be so.

I will work on this as I muddle through this first month of owning my own business. I will work through getting myself organized, scheduling things in my life so I can not be buried in my business but also not make my business a charity and make money and pay myself with it. I will work on all of this. I will make lists, schedule groceries and cleaning. I already have put on my schedule my “business accounting/billing/office work” time for Tuesday mornings. Grocery shopping is after that and cleaning will need a time too. I will be working Monday and Friday evenings and probably Tuesdays as well, I haven’t got that nailed down as I have an onsite job that I do and I need to make sure that day is nailed down first. I will commit to continuing to write a Hump Day Challenge every week and I will try to include at least two more posts every week. So you should see at least three blog posts a week from me, sometimes more when I have a moment.

So there you have it. There is the start to my list and my commitment to you readers. I love this blog, I love writing. I love my family and husband and kids and my business. I have to give myself some realistic expectations of how to accomplish happiness and balance. Keep reading and feel free to comment and interact with me if you like. Continue to be positive and open minded and keep having sex as much as you can! Go forth and Sex, Love and Washing Clothes with me!

#Plan2016

What The Fuck Is Wrong With Me?

14 Sunday Aug 2016

Posted by in Don't judge me, Family, Love, Love your body, Mom Stuff

≈ 1 Comment

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We just finished gigantic very yummy amazing homemade ice cream sundaes. They were served up in these beautiful hand painted sundae bowls that are big enough to fit 3 scoops of ice cream and lots of toppings and still have room for more! The sundaes were great. They probably were 1000 calories each. As I have struggled with my weight issues my whole life I can’t help myself to think that I am teaching my daughter to continue to carry on my weight issues like a family tradition. I stop myself from correcting her or telling her she doesn’t “need to eat that” because I heard that all the time from my mom. I would ask to have a cookie (we never ate anything without asking) she would answer with something like “you don’t need that” or “do you want to look like me when you grow up?” Those words were engrained subconsciously in my brain. I feel it damaged me in a way. But, I don’t know how I can talk to her and tell her she is eating (sometimes) out of boredom or because of something other than the need to fuel her body.

mother-daughter-quotes

I don’t want to damage her soft little soul or self esteem. I don’t want her to think or believe the way I did that I was fat in 7th grade. I don’t now think I was fat in 7th grade but when I was in 7th grade I thought I was. I would skip lunch or not sit down at a table to eat my lunch. I would by a bag of two cookies and eat just that instead of real food and balanced nutrition because I was on a “diet”. At one point in Junior high I was a vegetarian. I would not eat meat, but I would eat cookies, French fries, bread and the occasional McDonald’s hamburger. I have no idea why I thought meat was what was making me not “skinny” I was far from fat. Kids theses days are much bigger than I was I was a size 3 in 7th grade a 5 in 8th grade and then a 7 for most of the rest of my high school career. That is not fat in my 37 year old brain! But in my 12 year old brain I was fat.

I was not active. I did drill team but probably could not run a mile. I had no grasp at all on nutrition. I didn’t know what a protein, carb or fat even was or the significance of any of those things. My daughter knows to eat a protein and carb at every meal. She also knows to try to have more fruits and veggies at every meal. The Girl exercises regularly by default she is a dancer and dances 4 days a week for 3 hours on her light day! So that helps combat those extra calories, but I don’t want to be that mom that nags her daughter on weight. I want my daughter to love her curves that are developing and enjoy the womanly shape she is gaining.

Then there is the part of me that wants her to stay petite and skinny her whole life. I know kids grow and get thicker and then taller but I worry about her thinking the same way I did when I was young. How to I change that? How can I affect her to be healthy about her body image and not worry about her weight and her size. And then when she is confidently eating a gigantic bowl of ice cream I can’t help but think in my head “I don’t want her to get bigger like me” What the fuck is wrong with me???? This is body image problems at their worst!

Give her credit. Give her love and acceptance and teach her by modeling good habits! but I don’t have good eating habits, I don’t have good body image, I have self esteem problems I am always judging everything about myself and looking at the negative. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? Please someone help me figure this out before I damage my daughter and she carries on the family tradition of bad body image and being overweight and loving herself with food the way I have….

All I have ever wanted was to teach her to be better than me. I want her to love me and look up to me. How can I do that with out her hating me for it and with out her turning into me?????

#Rethink2016