These are my wedding flowers. I walked down the isle 17 years ago holding these flower proudly in my hands looking at my best friend at the end of the isle. These flowers are significant. I have saved them in this vase that I received as a wedding gift.
17 years later, they look tired and old and dead but there is something about them. I don’t want to toss them. When I look any them I reminisce about that day about the planning that lead up to that day. About all the flowers the Hubs had got me in Corsages before that day and since then the flowers he brings me home, which is why I chose the color I chose. Those flowers represent the day we chose to be together for better or worse. Through the years these flowers have seen better but even in there old tired (some may say dead) state there is a beauty that I just can’t throw away!
I don’t want to be tired old or dead in my relationship. I know I’m tired but on bad days maybe when the Hubs and I aren’t in the “for better” moments I look at their ugliness and think just throw it away! I have grabbed them in anger and frustration, probably trying to clean up clutter that we were arguing about, and thought “why even save these they are dead!” But I can’t bring myself to throw them away!
In that moment, like today, I look at the ugly dead flowers and remember the beauty they once were They inspire me to see past sadness of how they look and cherish the beauty they represent.
Maybe I should make this vase the fresh flowers vase that I keep fresh flowers in, it takes maintenance to keep beautiful fresh flowers and cycling out the old but these flowers aren’t going anywhere. Just like my marriage I did not say “I do” to just the beauty. I said “I do” to all of it. That includes the ugly the sad and tired. I am happily married because of that decision and those words that day. Not everyday is happy, today has not been a happy day. That doesn’t mean I’m not happy.
These flowers are beautiful in there way and I am happy to have them. It is a reminder that things need maintenance and marriages need maintenance to stay beautiful but there is always beauty in love. These flowers should probably go, according to some clutter expert but for now they will stay. I will hold on to this reminder that even in ugly stages love conquers and may the best shine through. May you be loved.
#Loveconquers
So this post was supposed to happen Wednessday! This previous Wedness was Ash Wednessday. Every year Catholics and some others of Christian faith participate in giving something up for Lent. Lent is the time that Jesus spent away praying before he was crucified. (I never “celebrated” Lent my family did not participate so this is all I gather from the outsiders point of view.) So now in the time of Facebook and social media I see posts every year of friends who are giving up social media or chocolate or French fries or some who vow to do something good for themselves. Every year for the last few years I have toyed with the idea to do “Lent” but have never followed through. So this year since I remembered it on a Wednessday I am making it a bit of a hump day challenge! Lent is 40 days Jesus spent 40 days and 40 night praying. It’s about 6 weeks until Easter. 6 weeks is a very biblical time frame if you haven’t figured it out there is more than science around why so many programs to better yourself are 6 weeks long.
In my life in the last week I have had some clarity of mind to realize I need to focus on me. Not in a selfish way where you are “more important” than your family, that you are charged with taking care of, but in a way to be the healthiest you so your family can have a healthy mom, healthy wife and your clients can have a healthy provider coming from a place of love and caring. I have been so bogged down with stress in life that I am complaining a lot, offended easily and my brain gets flooded and I get angry easily. So much so that I don’t really recognize myself and then when the hubs and I get into “special moments” I feel like I turn into some monster that is not me! Then it spirals out of control! So I am taking control of me. Part of that is me getting back into blogging here. I want to encourage people who are or have been in my spot. Also it helps me to get my feelings out and helps me to help guide myself in a positive way, not just my readers. Plus entertaining readers with my Hump Day Challenges is a passion of mine that I have missed the last few weeks.
I really miss blogging everyday. I really hope to get back to it. However, I really want my blog to be quality. To be inspirational, educational, funny and have less typos. However, when I write many times I am distracted and have a lot going on. That’s what happens as a working mom. I lack good boundaries to set strict rules for myself and my family about when they can get my attention and when I put my attention into different things than just my blog. I have started a business and that has taken a lot more energy and effort and my time than I originally had planned for. I know it is going to be great but it needs a lot of energy and I have to make it a priority. I should make a priority to set a better schedule and get all of my tasks in. Sometimes, I just sit and do nothing or watch mindless TV shows to just relax. Everyone needs that, yes, everyone does!
So it has been a long week. I haven’t wrote since last Tuesday! Last week I spoke of things that happened that I didn’t want to talk about yet. Well then more things happened and happened so fast that I didn’t have time to stop and write. I have been overwhelmed this last week. the weekend previous to last Tuesday (the last time I blogged) I had looked at a new office to rent for my massage office. I have been contemplating private practice for a long time. I heard about this space available and decided to talk to the owner and then looked at it two weekends ago. I decided by Tuesday that I would talk to my boss and tell him I found a place. If he made an offer for me to rent the space I was in I would consider it but I was pretty sure I was done dealing with scheduling issues, done paying too much for rent on uncapped commissions and ready to have my own office.