Tag Archives: Marriage takes work!

Monday after Vacation

10 Tuesday Apr 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Relax, Self Care, Take the time to take care of yourself, Working Mom

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sometimes

Today is Monday after our much needed and very relaxing vacation. Am I the only one who has a weird lull after vacation. I usually plan that Monday off to be able to regroup unpack, do laundry etc. during those days seem to be kind of depressing, the sad reality that you just don’t have that elated vacation feeling like you can do everything and fix all your problems just after one week off. You are met with the real life situation and now have to take action or you realize you thought it out and solved the problem but forgot your biggest road block is…reality. Or maybe you’re like me and decide you will be different. This time you will unpack right away keep the clutter gone and not let things pile up but then you realize you bring a pile with you back from vacation. And as much as the sun lured you into believing you were a changed woman who would relish at the opportunity to be proactive with laundry you come home to realize that it still doesn’t make your heart sing the way that sun on you cheeks and the warmth on your skin did. You realize you are still you…wait is that just me?

Then to top it off for me the Hubs left for a work trip today as well. I do want to admit that I know the reality that if I didn’t live with The Hubs I would either be on TLC’s Hoarders or My 600 Pound Life. The way I treat myself when he is gone is absolutely astounding and disgusting. I let myself eat crap, I let my kids eat crap. I count down the minutes until he leaves to have a donuts or eat a whole large pizza. Today after weighing in last night on my first day of my weight loss challenge I had a chocolate Easter Bunny for breakfast (I told this to my girlfriend and she laughed out loud at me because I said I ate a Easter Bunny for breakfast) She was probably confused because of my low carb diet she probably was laughing out of shear disgust that I may have eaten a real bunny like maybe roadkill cafe style or something. Then I fed the kids Taco Bell for dinner with a side of jelly beans and yes I had that too. I had a list of chores a mile long I got a couple started maybe one done but really it seems like I still have a list a mile and a half long.

I spent a lot of time on Facebook today. Am I bored? Do I need attention? Am I sad or lonely. Yes probably lonely the kids were at school the Hubs is away and I have spent the last week with two or more extra people in the same house with our family. It is quite a change. It’s like a crazy morning after or weird hangover. When the kids used to go to Grandma’s for the weekend when they were little they would come home with these crazy cranky attitudes. I always called it the Grandma Hangover. (One Grandma got pretty offended by that term) I seriously believe in this though and now I think I have the vacation hang over. Not puking from drinking although I had one of those the other day, it’s a weird crazy let down from Vacation!

How to combat this? Well two weeks ago in my therapist’s office I scheduled my next appointment for tomorrow. Thinking the Hubs will be gone it will be after vacation I might need time to process how it went how to proceed with the week (or it may have been her only opening for the next two weeks) but I feel like I kind of need it. When the Hubs is gone I get a lot of time to think. Which I don’t take often enough and that day after vacation I am always filled with thoughts so doing this all at the same time is different for me. One therapist told me one day to allow myself to be me give myself more of what I want and my response was “I don’t even know what I want” I am too busy being wife and mom and make them all happy I don’t think of me.

Dude, you would think I have some really messed up mental health state right? Schizophrenia or maybe BiPolar or even clinical or manic depression but no. I don’t, my message here is that I need a therapist to help me process, and I have no diagnosed condition. I know I a m not alone in this. If left alone I may create some horrible story about why I feel this way. What did my mother or father do to me in childhood that made me like this. What did the hubs say that made me so angry or what did he not say to make me so sad and lonely. That’s called blame and, folks the reality in my uneducated opinion is this is what real life is. You don’t have to be schizo or even clinically depressed or diagnosed with any psychosis to experience some mental health struggles. To get help or even need help with a counselor or a self help book or meditation trainer is not a sign of weakness or breaking down to the mental condition it is taking control and teaching yourself how to handle the mental condition associated with real life.

I am not saying there is no diagnosed psychosis or that a patient can just decide to snap out of it or fix it with out drugs or treatment, what I am suggesting is that this condition we call life sometimes does not need a diagnosis to need treatment. Get that treatment. Go to a counselor or talk to your pastor or a good friend. Don’t self medicate, and don’t beat yourself up internally with your words or worse by hurting yourself or anyone else for that matter! Find what works for you, if you don’t you may push away those you love by blaming them or by just being withdrawn. Go exercise what I didn’t do today. Eat right the brain needs fuel to process emotions in life. Take care of you. One step in self care is to take that vacation another is to get back to taking care of being healthy when you come back from vacation. Sometimes Self care involves mental health counselors, massage therapists to help with your pain or your stress or to just give you an hour of time away. It involves nutrition, exercise and brain work. Don’t be afraid to do it, figure out what it is that you need for your mental health and be your mental health advocate. Always do your best it is okay to take time to figure it out but figure it out, don’t give up!.

I don’t want this to turn political, which it kind of did for a minute we need to take care of our mental health because that is who is taking care of our families and kids. Whatever your role is, your kids need the best mom, dad, brother, sister, uncle, or grandparent that you can be your family deserves the best you! I tell mom’s all the time, don’t you want your family to have the healthiest mom they can have, don’t you think that mom will be better than the tired run down ill taken care of thing you are? Treat yourself the way you want your family to be treated! Take care of you, you owe it to them!

#Selfcare2018

Christmas Eve

25 Monday Dec 2017

Posted by in Family, Live in the Moment, Love, Love Your Kids, Marriage, Marriage is hard, Parenting, Raising Kids, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

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The kids are in bed, presents all wrapped and set up for them to find in the morning. The Hubs is sleeping next to me after a long fun filled day of Seahawks away game party and the Christmas Eve gathering we have at our house. Today was a beautiful day. Our team won! Go Hawks! We had some of our best friends with us for dinner, drinks, cookie decorating, and spending quality time together.

Growing up Christmas Eve in my house was very similar. My Dad’s tradition was to set up the Christmas Tree on Christmas Eve. We would have an open house friends would come by and out an ornament on the tree and eat food and spend time with us. It was at that event on this night in 1996 that The Hubs and shared our first kiss. Who knew we would end up here 21 years later. I would not change it for the world.

We have had many bumps and turns in the road of our life. This last year has been a really rough year and I fear some roughness in our future, but at the end of the day, I look at this man and all we have created together and count my blessings and remember why I am here. I love this man who is snoring next to me. He is, sometimes, really hard to live with and sometimes, I want to ring his neck but he is my soulmate. We clash in many things but those are the things that balance us. We a have busy chaotic life that adds stress but one day the kids will be grown and we will slow down and we will cherish these years the most.

My goal for 2018 is living in the moment more and really enjoying our kids. We spend a lot of money and a lot of time on them. Sometimes that distracts us from enjoying them. They are fun to watch don’t here thing. The girl is an amazing dancer. I want to appreciate her dance more especially since she is talking about not dancing after this year. The Boy plays 4 sports now. He added Basketball once Christmas break is over wrestling will start and booked ending those are Football and baseball. He is a good athlete he has a good attitude and really enjoys what he does. I want him to know it’s about playing hard and doing well but mostly it’s about having fun while you do it. Same worth The Girl it’s not about winning scholarships at competition it’s about having fun, putting yourself into the dance and let it move you.

Today I sit here in appreciation of my family. The Hubs takes really good care of this family with his work and providing for us. We are able this year to help my mom out and got her a car that should last her a while. It is a nicer car than she has and most of all SAFE! I feel pretty thankful that my husband will also take care of my mom like that. I like to be able to play Santa to my mom, I know she will appreciate it and I am thankful she will have a safe car to use when she is transporting my children around town. She does that a lot! It’s a way of paying her back for that.

I am just in awe of my family right now. The Hubs and I have had a really rough year but right now in this moment I feel joy and love and appreciation. I want to hold that feeling close to my heart and focus on that in 2018.

#LoveAlways2017

He Gets Me!!! I Knew It!!!

23 Friday Oct 2015

Posted by in Connection, Love

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The Hubs gets me, and yesterday was a moment I realized it! I don’t think he knows how much it meant to me! So yesterday I got to cook for friends who came over to watch football! We had friends over for the football game. If you read daily you already know this. This morning as I cleaned the kitchen I couldn’t have been more happy. I love having people over. I don’t mind the extra work I love feeding my friends and sharing time together and chatting. I don’t even mind the mess after ward. I just love to entertain. The Hubs however, does not exactly share those feelings. But he gave me quite a gift yesterday. He invited people over. Coaches from football and their kids. He does not usually do that. Usually I take the lead first I make sure he is okay with it (which he usually is) and then I invite the guests. He invited people over all on his own and he even told me “I know how you like having people over.” He does not. He would rather watch not fuss, just watch the game if people are their cool but he just as happy just the two of us, not that he does not like having people over he just couldn’t care less one way or the other. But he knows how much I like it. And that is why he organized a little gathering.

you get meYou see folks my husband will be there for me no matter what, he usually needs me to tell him what I need. But he will do what ever it is I ask. If I tell him “I want you to ______” he will do that, but usually not if I don’t ask. He knows that for football I go all out. Last night I made wings and pigs in a blanket. Had a spread of cookies, skittles, chips and dip. For like 5 people, but I got to do it and I loved that! It made my heart happy! He knows what makes me happy and usually he sits back and lets me have the parties and do the entertaining but this time he took the lead. It just really meant a lot to me. Moments like those I like to notice him and tell him I notice him noticing me and know what I like and needed to make my night!

So tonight friends, think about what makes your heart happy! Are you doing it? Does your spouse know what it is? Are they supporting you in it? Are they making arrangements for you to do it? If not communicate. No one knows if you don’t tell them. I told the Hubs this morning how much I appreciated him for that last night! You have got to speak up. Reward your spouse with lots of thank yous and acknowledgements when they do something for you that shows you they really “get you” We all need happy hearts! Some people take a lot more communications than just subtle or not so subtle hints. I can really see my husband breaking out and making an effort to really support me and letting me have those happy heart moments. I love him for it. I try to do the same for him. His happy heart moments are different.

Usually we do for the other what we would want them to do for us. Which is fine, but it might not mean as much for them as it does for us so step out of your comfort Zone and check out what your spouse wants. If you are having a hard time try to remember when they did something for you that they thought was really special and you kind of just were like “Eh, it’s cool but…” that may be something that you can try to turn the tables and do something similar for them and they will be like “Wow! You made my day!”

Here’s to happy hearting your lover, and better understand him or her. It means a lot to finally feel like they “get you”. Good luck! Have a great night folks!

I LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!! And I miss him I am at a dance convention with the girl he is at home to be ready for football tomorrow. We will reunite and join one another there tomorrow, it’s just one night, I can manage…

#Everyday2015

5 Ways to Have More Sex and a Better Relationship

21 Tuesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Love, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

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Happy Tuesday! This morning has already been pretty productive for me. Must be because I started the day with a bit of morning sex with the Hubs!  Last night we were both ‘in the mood’ but it was late we stayed up watching Die Hard (a fave of ours) and I was working on his feet (doing massage) so both of us were sleepy. Morning sex better than coffeeIt just doesn’t feel right if we don’t have sex between him coming home from work and then going back to work the next day. I appreciated the wake up help! He actually sent me the featured image today! I am the coffee drinker (not that coffee really helps waking me up but I like coffee). However, the morning sex does help get me up and at ’em!

We both enjoy each other. We would rather be in bed cuddling than be on time for work! Not that we are irresponsible people we just like to be together. This may explain why we can recover from some of the ‘fights’ we have! We love being together. When we first met we spent every minute we could together! Walking to classes together and knowing it took 4 seconds to make it to class from that particular corner! We were always talking on the phone until we fell asleep and now almost 17 and a half years later we are the same. We go to bed at the same time, get up at the same time. Sometimes one of us will stay in bed but we wake up with each other and have a few moments together even if it is just a quick chat and I love you and off to work! We just like to be together.

I have read many articles about what successful couples do here are 5 things that make almost every list that the Hubs and I do and they all work at keep us close even in the bumpy times! 1. Go to bed at the same time. 2. Sleep Naked, 3. Have Date Nights, 4. Be Friends and 5. Don’t be afraid to have morning sex! Well those are the bullet points that I would like to share with my readers that you should start doing if you are not doing them yet!

1. Go to Bed at the same time. It is hard to be intimate or sexual if you go to bed at different times. One person is already asleep the other comes into bed and wakes up the sleeping partner for sex…yeah, how is that working for you? Or are you the one who stays up to avoid sex, intentionally? Not to be harsh but you are sabotaging your relationship. Going to bed at the same time gives you time to have pillow talk, and gets your schedules synced up, it is much easier to make good positive physical connection everyday if you are going to bed at the same time. There is no TV, Computers, Books or work allowed leave your phone alone too. You can’t sleep with all that anyway make your spouse and your relationship important and go to bed together sans TV, Computer, Books and Mobile devices. If you can’t sleep you can pull it out after sex and/or after your partner is asleep after you have had your pillow talk and cuddle time after sex. (If you work different schedules, I get it. You have to do what you have to do, but make an agreement to wake up for a while to have those intimate moments be it when one partner gets home or the other is getting up for work one way or another make time for each other to share moments of pillow talk and intimacy in bed.) Note: You may want to make your bed time earlier to accommodate your wake up schedule the Hubs and I usually take an hour or so for our ‘bedtime routine’ don’t rush it enjoy!

2. Sleep Naked. Why have to bother taking off clothes in bed? Not only does sleeping naked help make sex easier so you don’t have to take off clothes but skin to skin contact has been researched and proven to heighten health and feelings of connection. Moms and newborn babies are spending more time enjoying skin to skin contact due to such research, it is the same for the Moms and dads or just couples. It is a human thing, not just a baby thing, we can’t thrive without it! Don’t be ashamed of your sleepwearbody and hide it and don’t shame your partner if it is not perfect. Your partner needs to touch your skin with their skin. There are hormones released, and happy chemicals are being stimulated, pheromones are getting released! If you are afraid to be naked with your spouse or lover, get comfortable being naked! I bet your lover will love seeing all of you. Remember you are under the covers so it’s not like anyone actually sees you and the skin to skin contact can still happen while under covers. Just do it! Tell you lover you love them naked too!)

3. Have Date Nights: Go out get out of the space that needs cleaning, needs work or is just boring because you have been there all day. You date night can be to a local bar for one drink during happy hour or to a restaurant for dinner or just appetizers or desserts. Just get out of the 4 walls you spend everyday!

4. Be Friends: If you are friends you will want to be together. If you don’t, get to know each other! You should know who your spouses go to friends are. You should know their favorite food, favorite flower and favorite movie. You should also know their biggest fear, who they love and who they hate and who they just put up with to be with you… If you have not ever do a love map exercise you can purchase the Gottman book The Seven Principals for Making Marriage Work and Love Map Exercise (click on links) or I am sure you can search some questions. Just get to know each other and remember you were once friends that how you became lovers. If not, you need to be friends so you can stay lovers forever is a long time to spend with someone you don’t know.

5. Have Morning Sex. Or any kind of sex. Just have sex! Sex everyday may not be doable but more sex is doable I guarantee it! This is coming from a girl who has sex everyday! Sex is positive touch. More positive touch, even if it is not full blown intercourse, will height the quality of your relationship! Just do It more!

Ok, there are my 5 easy things to do to make your relationship and sex better. Start tonight with going to be at the same time and sleeping naked! You will never turn back, I promise! No excuses, if you get cold sans your flannel PJs go grab another blanket!

Go have a great day and we will see you for the Hump Day Challenge tomorrow!

#Everyday2015

We Get Through Shit…Real Life!

14 Tuesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Be Present, Connection, Family, Love, Marriage

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Relationships go through shitSo yesterday was a bad day! Obviously if you read my post. The Hubs and I were arguing. When I get angry I get what my counselor calls flooded. When I get flooded with anger I am so incapable of making sense of anything. If I don’t catch myself I end up yelling and screaming and saying shit I don’t mean and wish I could take back but as they say, “you can’t un-ring a bell” I am not proud of that it is what it is. The Hubs and I respond to being flooded differently. I get to a point where I need to pull away to ground myself. I need to get out of the fire, so to speak. When I do get away, I can close my eyes and breath and remind myself that it is not the end of the world. I cannot do that if I am still in the argument or having to be in the conversation. Which is where the Hubs and I differ. He needs closure and he needs reassurance that I am not going anywhere. When he hears me say I need to get away he thinks the worst, like I am never coming back! Maybe because sometimes me needing to “get away” is preceded by me saying something like I hate him and don’t want to live like this anymore.

You could say I am a bit of a drama queen when it comes to being angry. I go to the extremes, fast. I like to think of myself as pretty positive normally, but all bets are off when I get flooded. When I am in a confrontation and start to get flooded with anyone else I just withdraw. I usually defer to their opinion and back down from mine. However, I do not do that with the Hubs. I want him to respect me and my space and let me be right even when I am wrong. (Who doesn’t, right?)

Yesterday’s blog kind of sort of maybe called him out. It was completely one-sided, it was my side of how I was feeling. In no way did I intend to say it was all his fault and that he is to blame or that I had done nothing wrong. I did purposely write yesterday without censoring myself, I wanted to be real. Also, I had no capabilities of being positive or seeing the balanced side at the moment that I wrote it. I also wanted to shine the light of “hey, we are all human” and let everyone know that we all have shitty blow our fights sometimes that we can’t just get over it, just like you do! I wish we could get over it faster or not have them but we don’t. In the big picture we love each other more than we hate fighting with each other. As cliché as it is we really would rather be fighting with each other than laughing, kissing or fucking or doing anything else with anyone else!

So I have had an epiphany moment, I don’t think people change. Everyone says people change and then sometimes we move on. But I really think that people don’t change. We are who we are, that person you thought your spouse could be is not who they are! A lot of marriages don’t work out because sometimes when people get married they see the potential in someone. They are in love with what they think this person will become or should become or is trying to become. People don’t change and why would you want the person you fell in love with to change,anyway? What happens is situations change and people may change the way they handle situations. We gain responsibilities when we get married. Responsibilities to our spouse and our families we get older, we have kids, bills to pay finances to manage, a house to clean, yard to take care of vacations to plan and date nights. When you first met your spouse chances are you didn’t have all that. How do we deal with our changing lives and unchanging spouse?…we accept them! If we don’t we can never be happy. My husband has not changed but our lives have, a lot, and that is what I am working with understanding and accepting! He is the same guy, I am the same girl and we come from different areas of the world so to speak so we manage and handle things differently we need to continue to work to accept and love through all of it!

I believe people can stay together with the one they love even when their lives change around them. The Hubs and I, I am pretty sure of this, we are the same two kids we were in high school. I was the same selfish girl who wanted to be right even when she was wrong, you know the whole princess phenomenon. The Hubs is the same guy who would always rescue the princess. He would put his books down to catch hers! Problem being the princess’s problems/issues are more complex than the books not falling on the ground.

I still love my rescuing fixer guy! I often times don’t understand why he is so overprotective of me. He won’t let me go if he doesn’t think I am OK and when I tell him I need a break to ground myself he doesn’t want to let that princess down and in his head he probably is letting the princess down if he doesn’t fix her! He just wants to be noticed for that (who doesn’t) and I just want to be able to stand on my own and not need to be rescued, but, secretly, I still want and need to be rescued!

Does this make sense? What I want to get across today is that a fight (or even many) does not spell the end! I am a princess by all accounts but I really want everyone including my rescuing prince that I can manage even though there is a big part of me that doesn’t want to be apart from him either. We both have a very strong personality that most times balance each other out and we are, most of the time, getting pretty good at working that all out. However every once in a while (like yesterday) those two strong personalities clash but really, like yesterday, a big important piece that we miss is that we are both fighting for the same thing just saying it differently. Sometimes we have to just allow the other person their own space to be who they are. I am a nurturer (sometimes I need to just nurture myself when I am angry), he is a fixer and we need to work to accept that of each other.

More than accepting the other person we need to accept where our life is and how it has changed and we really are in a place that we really do love, it just comes with a lot of work and effort and there are times we both just want to check out (who doesn’t). Bottom line I would rather be fighting with my husband than doing anything else with anyone else. Fighting to get the good times, is really worth the fight! Make up sex is pretty rocking too! I love my husband and my life even the days like yesterday, well, not yesterday as much as today but you take the bad with the good. If we don’t have our bad, how do we know how good our good is?!

#Everyday2015

All Hail Plankton and Best Friend Time

11 Saturday Apr 2015

Posted by in #Everyday2015, Be Present, Connection, Family, Marriage

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all hail plankton

Marine Science Afloat is where we did our field trip. I highly recommend the trip!

Happy Saturday! I had so much fun and learned so much at the Girl’s field trip yesterday! I learned a lot about plankton! They got plankton samples and looked at them under a microscope. It is amazing how much life there is in just a small drop of water! I learned about a copepods and arrow worms, we also learned about phytoplankton and zooplankton. So much excitement around plankton! ALL HAIL PLANKTON! Also the one important word that they wanted the kids and us adults too, to learn was watershed. We live in the Puget Sound Watershed. Everything we do with water somehow ends up in the Puget Sound! So be mindful folks if you live near the water or not, everything that goes on the ground some how affects our environment and especially those of us that live in the Puget Sound area if you can see the water or not, be mindful of what you put in our water.

Today is Saturday. I made a ham scramble for the family to have a family breakfast around the dining table. We all sat and ate together then we all cleaned up together. The Hubs kept the cleaning energy going as he is currently cleaning out and organizing my utensil drawers in the kitchen. Since this kind of involves me sitting and saying yes I use that or no I don’t I decided to multitask my blog time! I actually enjoy these family moments. The girl is sitting on the counter with me and the boy is entertaining us while he tucks in his jersey and is just being goofy getting ready for his game in a couple of hours. The good part is for now there is no one is yelling we are what you would call “working together” I love these moments. The Hubs is a great organizer and I suck at it. We work well the way it is going right now.

Tonight we are going to a Keith Sweat concert. Keith Sweat is the artist who sings Twisted our ‘song’ the first song we dance to at a high school dance. Not our wedding song, that is From This Moment by Shania Twain. It was after a football game vs Mt Tohoma, of course the Wolves won! He was in a relationship so it was a dance, just as friends, we were best friends before anything romantic happened. It was high school we were kids and sometimes you just can’t control who you fall for especially at 17! We have had a bunch of ups and downs in the last 18+ years and some really low and obviously some really high moments. I am glad I met that super cute football player in Washington State History probably 6 months or so before our first dance. He was there to listen to me cry when I was stood up for the first time from a date and when my dad had a fire in the kitchen one day while I ws at school (a longer story about that exists not getting into it now) he was also there when my Grandpa and my Dad passed away. We are and have always been good friends. It is very cliché to say that you married your best friend these days but I think when we met and got romantic and got married it was not quite as common as it is today.Best Friend Sleep Over

I really did marry my best friend. In the midst of life and kids and work and bills we tend to forget that we even have a best friend let alone live with our best friend, but we do. I love my best friend. I am happy for the opportunity to be reminded of that night we had our first dance! That may very well be the most important dance of my whole life!

To everyone out there who may or may not be struggling in your relationship, remind yourself what got you together in the first place. Take moments to go back there every chance you get. As we get older we realize we don’t get those opportunities very often. Life really does get in the way but we need to peel away time to get those moments in and sadly for them, the kids may need to have a boring night at grammas in order for us to make that time… guess what, they will survive and you will be better parents for it!

Now go love on your spouse weather they are your best friend or not!

#Everyday2015

Let’s Up The National Average

09 Thursday Apr 2015

Posted by in #Everyday2015, Family, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

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I just spent the morning reading up on Talent Agencies. The Girl went to a recruiting agency that I think wants you to pay them to develop her. I have to call back at noon to find out if they want her or not, but they loved her pictures. My gut is telling me that if she really does want to explore show business we are going to have to do something else. If this company thinks my daughter is marketable, when it comes to this business they would get her a job, find a company that likes her look and get the commission off of that. If I pay them to ‘develop’ her they are already making money and what incentive do they have to actually get her a job, if they are already making money off of me paying for her ‘training’. Anyway…if there are any of my readers out there who know the business feel free to contact me with details of things I need to know. I will probably be sending out pictures and emails to agencies in the area to see how she can explore this since it sounds like she really wants to explore this, along with her dance.

As I sit here writing I hear a story on the news that perks me up. A stat: 37% of Grilled Cheese lovers have sex 6 times a month vs only 23% of non grilled cheese lovers (credit Q13 Fox News not sure what their source was, I could only pay so much attention and retain that much of the information). Apparently there is a link between relationships and Grilled Cheese. This got me thinking a couple of things. For one, who figures out this stat? (It’s like baseball they have broken down stats for everything down to batting averages when the pitcher takes a bathroom break this is sarcasm. I love baseball, this is not a dis). And two: is 6 times a month a lot? Does having sex 6 times a month make your relationship good? Because, I don’t think I like the idea that 6 times a month is a ‘good’ number for a months worth of sex!Frequency

If 6 times a month makes your relationship good I bet all my readers have amazing relationships. I guess that does bring up the average to more than once a week. Which sounds better than just 6 times a month. What is the national average anyway? …hold please need to tab over to do a search… That was not as easy as I thought it would be. I had to do math and get a bit creative combining some of the information that I found. With quick math averaging out the information I found from the Kinsey institute the national average is about 89 times per year (averaging the age groups 18-29 112 times/year 30-39 86 times/year and 40-49 times/year). Which is about 7 times per month so the grilled cheese stat is close to the national average with some obviously being higher and some couples being much lower and the number I looked at were not necessarily coupled individuals. If the national average is 7 and grilled cheese lovers have it 6 I would say grilled cheese loving does not necessarily correlate to “good relationships”….

Does it matter? I think, after yesterdays hump day challenge, lovers of whipped cream and chocolate probably have sex more than 7 times a month. Did you do the challenge. I did, and I was enjoying the sensation of the cold whip cream on my nipples almost as much or more than the sensation my husband licking and sucking if off of them. What was your favorite part? (I forgot to mention to be careful with sugary substances near the vaginal opening as sugar can increase yeast in the area so always be careful when using sugar during sex.)

How often is sex necessary for a good relationship? My husband would just simply say more or there is no cap on it. For me it is not about frequency but depth, and not depth in a physical way but in an emotional way. Connect with your love. Open eye sex when you look at each other and see in their sole as your bodies rub against and into each other. Also the moments when you are not having sex matters too. For now we, the hubs and I, are on the everyday plan and I kind of like it. I know the hubs likes it. Sex is a positive touch anything positive you should have more of it in your life! I think it has lead to less arguments and more sex. Not that we have sex to avoid arguments (although we have at times) but the thought a good sex can sometimes lead you to not want to anger your love so they won’t want to have sex later. It causes us to be more conscious of what the other is feeling and sometimes that means being less argumentative and more understanding and careful with their emotions. Leaving more room for that positive emotional and physical connection during sex.

Sex Love and Washing Clothes has been great for me this year. How is it doing for you? Are you on the everyday plan? For sex love and/or washing clothes? Do you do at least one of these things everyday or do you do all of it everyday? I try to do it all but there are days the clothes get forgotten and a small few days, 5 or less, where the sex has not happened due to fighting, tiredness or being TDTF and sometimes just life. But we are definitely well over the national average and our relationship still has it’s ups and downs but doing something proactively to be positive has helped us stay together and not fall into the really low low valleys that we were in last year and in years previous.

A new goal I have for this blog is to up the National Average of times couples have sex! Can we get to 10 times per month? Here’s to being part of upping the National Average.

have sex

#Everyday2015

Cleaning house until it gets done! AKA probably all day!

31 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by in Marriage is hard, Washing Clothes

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So I am taking a quick break…at least I thought a quick break to call on a medical bill that should have been paid but wasn’t. Well the stupid company had their shit out of sorts and were out of network and can’t figure out how to submit it properly after I have told them at least five times. Then they decide that customer service doesn’t exist and are rude to me all the while I am dealing with this on my quick break that turned into an hour on the phone dealing with a big company overtaking a smaller company that didn’t get their paperwork done and there was a lapse in there credentialing and now this is my fault and they are doing me a favor by “discounting” their services but I have to submit paper work proving they screw shit up! Yeah not a happy camper! What the fuck happened to customer service?Or businesses who actually took care of their business instead of just billing customers just in case they didn’t notice and decided to just write the check to make it go away?!Clean house all day

Yesterday I told the Hubs I could get the house cleaned in one day so, yeah I needed that hour that I lost and I don’t have time to spend on blogging about it I have to go finish cleaning! I am making good progress though! More later maybe!

Fresh Start, New Adventures, Enjoy Life

31 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by in Be Present, Don't judge me, Family, Love, Love Your Kids, Marriage, Marriage is work

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Happy Monday! Today was my first official day working at the office! I am so glad to be back I love that my “boss” is happy to have me back too. It is nice to be missed and be welcomed back. I had 3 massages today! It was a great day! I am so happy to be restarting this journey working at this Chiropractic office! I love it there! I feel like I am home.Monday frest start

There are always growing pains. Since I left this office they have implemented a new charting system. With macros and computer stuff! I need to write my own macros, I guess. I cannot decipher those of the other massage therapist’s. So I got the info to get into the system to watch video tutorials to write my own. I am hoping to maybe go in tomorrow and do that since I have no appointments on the books as of yet. I was a little scared and overwhelmed that I was going to mess something up today! I have done my job, as a massage therapist, for 16 years and every new location I am a little nervous, today was no different. I don’t know why they basically begged me to come back. I wasn’t nervous about my massage, I was nervous about the charting program. Which was not as hard as I thought but was much harder than it should be because there are these little macros and hot buttons that are set up by the other LMP. She put her notes on hot buttons and she and I must not chart the same way. I will learn how to write these new ones and get my system in and it will be easy peasy. I am not worried.

Today being Monday makes it a great day to start this new journey! I am so excited. On top of my office job, my friend who is a bartender is trying to get me to apply for the job for Friday night late shift bartender. I have always kind of wanted to be a bartender (well, since I started drinking and enjoying cocktails at about the age of 30) I think it would be fun. But also I think it may seem more fun than it actually is. I would sign up right away if the Hubs would promise to be there with me every Friday night! Maybe they could hire him as the security bouncer for Fridays….there is so much about that that seems awesome and so much that sounds so wrong! Bar-tending on a Friday night if busy I could make $200 or more in tips. Not to mention I would work with one of my super cute fun friends. Just think even if I made $100 in tips that would cover dance tuition for the month or the car payment for the car we are wanting to buy in the spring. It may burn us (or me) out though but there is a big part of me that thinks one night a week, Easy Peasy. Lot’s of things going on in my head could this be our financial answer for the car, dance, extra cash a fun adventure for Friday nights…. Maybe it is too good to be a good thing. You have to deal with drunk people, liquor license, checking IDs, small town issues in small bars, over serving…. and the list goes on….

Somethings to think about… I love being a massage therapist and I think I am good at it. I love being a mom. I don’t NEED a bar-tending job but I could have one night a week make an easy hundred bucks…. IDK sounds too good to be true, probably because I am not a bartender. I like to drink cocktails. I like to try new things and I think I would like creating new drinks too. I think it would be fun. The owner of said bar and I were talking one night about me trying to do a dance thing where I would teach/lead dance routines similarly to a Zumba type class. My idea would be to do a “group dance routine” or two at the top and bottom of each hour. I used to teach Zumba so it would be similar to that. I could do that in between slinging drinks. Ooh and to top it off the shift I would work would be 9-2 so the kids would basically be in bed already or we could drop them off at Grandma’s on the way to the bar. Hmmm maybe fun, for a while anyway! I would love to help my friends who owns the bar get some more consistent business in there on Friday nights also.

I have another friend who is slinging mascara and I am considering joining her team as well. I am already doing this Essential Oils Business with Young Living. I am planning to focus on it more to increase my “team” but I am not a good sales person and I don’t really know where to go. I am planning on doing some more training in the EO world and my team leader has published some recent what to do at each “level” of team membership/leadership. I have some new team members that are excited and I also have some great leads, it’s just I don’t know how to follow up without feeling like I am bugging them about Oils to “finish the deal” and actually sign them up to purchase their own oils. I love my oils I have had some amazing success with oils and have shared them with many people who have not “purchased” yet or who had another friend who they bought theirs from. Slinging drinks seems much easier than the work I need to put into this type of business. I am not a sales person. I am a sharer. I know there is a way to make this business work this way. Just need to follow through. If I do it right it will be a few years of work that will work for me for years to come…OMG I sound like an Amway person! Again Slinging drinks sounds easier!

So many irons in the fire gotta watch that but also everyone has to sacrifice for something. No one can have it all. If we want the fancy car, nice stuff at the house and designer clothes (that we buy at TJ Maxx) and to go on vacations that double as Dance Competititions and some that aren’t dance competitons and if we want to go to the Superbowl next time the Seahawks are there, we need to make some sacrifices. I would rather not make the Hubs take night calls he already works enough and no one wants to give up there activities and the kids are just getting more expensive as they get older! Boy was I wrong thinking that after the baby stage it would get cheaper. “Older kids won’t need carseats and strollers and stuff so it will be less expensive when the get older” …boy was that a myth I told myself!

So what your saying is I can’t have my cake and eat it too? Big major bummer! I will find a way! I will! I will! I will! We, the Hubs and I, are determined, we know what we want and we will get it. One way or another! We will do it together and we will make these decisions together, at least that is what I want to do! Make plans and make it work for both of us and the kids and enjoy this life right now! We don’t have to wait for retirement to have what we want, we just have to be creative! We can do it, together! I am looking forward to some fun times with the Hubs and I want to enjoy this life with our kids before they have their own and we go, wait what happened?! Planning we just need some planning.

little things in lifeTo the Hubs: First of all, baby, don’t get all crazy. I am not making plans here I am just venting out what is in my head! We will make these decisions together and we will enjoy this life now! I love you!

We only have one lifetime let’s enjoy every minute of it, and in the not so enjoyable minutes let’s focus on the big picture and focus on the goal of why we are putting up with the annoying life altering for the moment tasks. Stay focused on the prize! Don’t forget to watch the dance and enjoy each moment for whatever it is!

#Everyday2015

I Do Care, But Not Enough To Let It Change Me

27 Friday Mar 2015

Posted by in Be You, Connection, Don't judge me, Just Do It, Sex

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Happy Thursday! Do I still have readers out there? After yesterday’s blog I was worried I may have turned a lot of people off. The thing with putting yourself out there is that you really have to not care what people think of you when they don’t agree. Not take it personal if they don’t like what you have to say. The Hubs was talking about  a friend of his that he went to high school with yesterday. She apparently has been out of work for a while and is pretty good looking and she decided to send in pictures to some bikini coffee places to get a job there. The Hubs says “Wow, how cool is that for her to just put it out there that like that, BAM. Good for her for just being honest and not caring what people think of her…” then he paused and said “Well, it’s probably not much different from you and your blog. Especially today!” Why yes, I was thinking the same thing as he was talking. Good for you girlfriend, if you have a body for selling coffee in a bikini go get you some coffee girl!

The problem with not caring what people think about you is that you have to actually not care. The reason we blog is to have people reading it. If I don’t have anyone reading it, will that change anything? No. But if I am honest I do care what people think. I want them to respect me and my writing. I also would like them to me as well but I will settle for respect. They don’t have to agree with what I am saying or even like it. But if I am honest I do kind of care what people think. But I don’t care enough to make it change me!what people think

I like to be honest I want to encourage wives and husbands to work on the hard stuff in their marriage and have sex to increase that togetherness. For me sex has really helped my marriage. So many marriages are stale! Having sex only once a week, once a month or even sometimes less than that! The one thread that has held my relationship together when we were both just about checked out was that we had good sex. Even if you don’t have good sex yet, you have to start somewhere and bad sex is still better than no sex!

Sex is one thing we do that both of us are in the moment. We put aside the arguments, the disagreements and get into the moment. We feel our bodies we try to put aside expectations, sometimes it is hard even during sex but we try to, and do accomplish it with sex, most of the time. We are learning to do that more often in other arenas in life as well. Sex has been what taught us to do that. Subconsciously, it was not on purpose but that is what worked for us it might work for you. Since I started Sex Love and Washing Clothes and the Bare Necessities of having sex everyday our lives have been…in a word better, much better. Daily getting the positive connection that comes with sex, positive skin to skin touching, feeling good, the feel good hormones released in our brains when we orgasm all of that has value and we have been getting it everyday! What are you holding back for?

Here I am justifying yesterday’s post with my mantra of Sex Love and Washing Clothes! I don’t need to do that. My views and your views do not have to be the same. You can still respect me even if you think Anal Sex is evil.  Right?! I say yes and for my purposes, that is all that matters to me. So take this from me, go have sex everyday (or at least more than you do now). If your marriage is stale if you are less than pleased with sex give it up to your lover try my challenges and relax Sex everydayand enjoy those feel good chemicals that are released when you and your lover are together and touching and loving and orgasming! I want to help marriages all over and for me that starts by encouraging good sex! I am not a therapist, you may need one but first get naked with each other and touch each other and kiss and insert parts into each other and feel you body and enjoy it!

Keep Calm and Have Sex Everyday!

#Everyday2015