Happy Monday! I have had a lot on my brain today. I am feeling overwhelmed and want to get a handle on my life! I need to get into a weight loss program, I need to organize my house and plan menus and just get ahold of this stuff. Some days I feel so under control and “with it” but other days I feel so out of control and overwhelmed that I will never get a handle on it! I need to figure out how to make enough money to take pressure off of our budget but also take pressure off of my mom schedule! Some days I don’t know if this is even possible.

My plan so far is to look at my massage income and see if there is a way I can make it work for me to only do massage and/or adjust my bar schedule to interfere less with family life. I need to make about $2000 a month. I don’t know exactly where I am at with the bar income since I just put my tips in a safe to save for later for when we ac tally purchase a car (or when my current car needs work). I am at about $1000 (or just under for massage work lately). The tricky thing is I HATE CONFRONTATION. Asking for a raise or talking to the bar owners about changing my schedule is confrontation to me and I don’t know if I can handle it, but what choice do I have? Tomorrow I will go into the bar and talk to the scheduling owner about what I want and need my schedule to look like and let her know just where I am at with this job. Then I will work on a proposal to My Chiropractor that I work for to see if I can adjust my percentage or switch to being a sub contractor paying rent. I also am going to look into offering Couples Massage Classes and other types of classes to market and/or draw in supplemental income as well.

I have a lot going on and I am feeling overwhelmed and it is my job to take care of me and get what I want out of life. Right now I need to, together with my family figure out what will work for all of us! This is the hardest thing to do right now. I always feel bad making myself a priority when it comes to making someone else life harder, like my employers ect… But I have to make myself and my family a priority. I may need to make a decision that leaves my employers without me. But what is happening now is I am leaving my family with out me instead. I want my family to have me and I want to help financially as well. I have a lot to figure out. My family has a lot to figure out! The Hub’s and I need to sit and chat and we will but what is hard is to look at not only money and not only time with the family and our feelings of what we want. We have to look at the big picture and make sacrifices in every area and balance wants and needs. We ultimately need to be happy with the decision and right now I am not happy with where I am right now, I have happy moments but overall I am not happy. I miss my family and I don’t even have time to get a pedicure or better yet escape for a weekend away and use this extra money I am bringing in!

Tonight, I kind of have wasted the time worrying and procrastinating the work that needs done. Workout, meal planning, grocery list making….. none of it happened! Duck me I am so frustrated I know what I need to do but I don’t do it. Self sabotage at it’s finest! Fuck Fuck Fuck! Well, at least I got my writing done… wish I got paid for this… How do I do that?!

#Everyday2015