Tag Archives: Parenting is Hard

Kid Stress

24 Wednesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Connection, Live in the Moment, Love Your Kids, Parenting, Planning, Respect, Working Mom

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Today was a stressful day. I had a stressful mommy morning. The boy has been having issues getting going in the mornings. Today, he even got up when his alarm want off, two hours before we leave for school! He struggles with time management and he likes to doddle. I got home from the gym (I go at 5:30am before they are awake) only to find him watching TV when I got home, which is against the rules unless your ready for school you’re not allowed to watch TV. What is it about my son that makes it so he can’t stay on task without someone (me) checking up on him and reminding him we are checking up on him. He got up with his alarm had more than 2 hours then blamed me because I had to sign something for school (a behavior reflection sheet) for him. He did not think about it until the last minute. Then he comes out with his knee pads for wrestling in his hands and not in his back pack. I kind of lost my shit especially after I had been asking him is his backpack ready to go is everything else ready to go? He even had lied earlier when I first came home from the gym about if he had a shower. I was reminding him almost all morning the time we needed to leave and what still needed to be done. To top off the frustration when we got to the school and he got out of the car he didn’t give me the normal hug and kiss he usually does. He just stared me down. I had just yell/lectured at him for the whole drive (which is only about 2 minutes long). It was not a proud moment and I wanted get out of the car and grab him and force him to hug and kiss me and apologize but I just let him go. What do I do to teach him responsibility and respect. Here is my plan:Ok, so here’s my plan 1. I’m going to set a time to leave the house. If he is not ready he does not get a ride to school if he is late to school he won’t get a ride sports to practices after school. 2. In order to get in the car or to leave to go to school he must have a healthy lunch packed and checked by me that it is a balanced complete meal 3. and must take a shower otherwise he will not be considered ready to go 4. No Xbox or TV before school ever….and for the next 2 weeks at all until he is caught up at school (I got notice from his teacher he is behind in his reading) 5. He is being pulled from extra sports. (He will go to his school sport because of eligibility and he needs to run everyday) but Basketball and Baseball privileges are revoked until caught up at school and I get notice from his teacher that it is so. 5. I will not help with morning routine unless asked and if I have time. He needs to don’t all until he learns respect and appreciation 6. We will have a heart to heart to pair down what is really going on worth him and figure out what he wants and how he plans to accomplish all he needs to do 7. Nightly checks that his bedroom is kept organized and that his school bag is ready before he goes to bed at night. 8. Please, thank you, and proper manners including things like holding the door for others, and allowing others to go ahead in line, getting up for elders to give chairs etc will be practiced. This is my plan for now. I need to be more consistent. I feel guilty for part of this maybe I should have been more direct this morning and other mornings because this happens a lot. He is new to the whole Middle School thing so I should be understanding of the transition and realize puberty and hormones may be playing into this. However, I want to teach him to be a responsible, reliable adult. Someone who can stay on task and get themselves ready. He shouldn’t need me as his mom or anyone to help him. If he has help he needs to realize how big it is and be appreciative for that help. He’s learning and so am I! The Girl did all this on her own and it was easy for her. She helps keep me on time for things. I do also feel guilty because he is so much like me! The poor boy has no hope worth me being his mom, but I have learned to deal and he needs to as well! Stay strong Momma’s, we need to instill discipline and respect, reliability responsibility and kindness in kids these days and that is not always the feel good easy thing to do. Fight the good fight this one is important! #SLWC2018

This Growing up Thing is Hard on Me

05 Wednesday Jul 2017

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Dance, Dance Like No One is Watching, Do You, Live in the Moment, Parenting

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Well, it has been a while since I have written. I can’t even remember when…to my loyal readers apologies. Today I am writing from Nationals. The Girl is competing in a Nationals Dance Competition. She is in 5 group numbers and a solo. Have I said how much I love to watch her dance? If you have read my blog you have read that a few times! This year the Girl turned 13, she is starting to become her own person. Not that she hasn’t always been her own person but she is just starting to grow up. She definitely wants her own identity. It used to be cute that everyone loved her mom and loved her mom being around but now it’s just not. Not to her anyway. The older dancers are still super sweet to me and seem to understand my pain when I am shunned by my daughter but the Girl just wants to grow her wings. I need to get out of her way and let her make a name for her.

This dance year I have decided it is my job to support her. Many things I hear my Coach Husband say is that parents just need to get out of their kids way. I need to learn that lesson it has been my mom work this year. There is a dance instructor for Liz Imperio who teaches a class called Raising Successful Children that I started but got too busy to finish the webinar (which has been a theme in my life this year) and it’s focus was to guide us parents in how to get out of our children’s way. I love watching her grow, I love watching her dance! There is a part of me that is struggling letting go of that mommy role that needs to be there to protect and guide my child. She is growing up I have taught her to think for herself and stand up for what is right and to advocate for herself. She doesn’t need me to do that because I taught her to be strong in herself! I taught her to not define herself in what other people think of her. And she does not. She changes for no one. She is who she is, she likes what she likes and for the most part doesn’t care or waiver for anything. Not even for me! Sometimes I wish she would for me but I should be proud that she doesn’t. Sometimes she does waiver to fit in with her friends. I feel for her in those moments because I have spent my life doing that and that is not what I want for her! I want her to be her, even if it hurts my feelings.

How did I teach her to do that when I am not strong in myself? How can I be that strong human I am teaching her to be when I am not that strong human myself? I am proud that she is independent. I love who she is. Sometimes I wish there was less Diva but other times I am so proud of that diva because that Dive protects her when mean girls are mean. And that Diva protects the girl who is getting picked on in a group by my child being the one to stand up to the mean one in the place of the child who is getting picked on or feeling bad when that child is too weak. I am proud of that diva! I pray that when I stifle the diva for my feelings that I don’t stifle the good out of her diva! How was I able to teach her these things? I have no idea how, but I am proud she has learned them!

I am going through yet another identity crisis in parenting, and I don’t even know what it is. I am obviously still her mom and she needs me and I know deep down she wants me around, but she wants me to keep my distance and not over shadow who she is or what she does. I get it! I was there, I may still be there with my mom. When she needs me I will be there. I have seen this happen recently. She does talk to me like a friend sometimes and I to her but she also knows that she must do what she is told and what is expected of her. I don’t really believe in being your child’s best friend until they are adults anyway but sometimes she is mine. She is the only one who can’t leave me and would never think of it, I think… Anyway, I want her to continue to grow in success and keep that diva spunk that will take her far and I just have to get over myself!

Now I have to go watch her solo I am so excited to see her dance! I love watching her on stage and in her element. It is her happy place I am so glad she has dance for that, lord knows she needs a place of her own to just BE. I love her!

#Dance2017dance parent

Parenting Win and Losses

05 Thursday Nov 2015

Posted by in Love, Love Your Kids, Marriage is hard, Parenting

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Parenting win and loss just happened tonight. Let’s start with the win. We were watching the Thursday Night Football game and Stark, a Brown’s player laid a pretty hard hit on a Bengal’s player. One of those text book hits that makes you jump and say “Wow, nice hit!” then he got up and stood over the Bengal’s player and said something (taunting). The Girl says “Isn’t that taunting” just as I am starting to try to explain not all refs call everything, you hear the ref over the mic “Personal Foul” Wow, she was paying attention, way to call it, Girl! My husband and I looked at each other with that “Wow, that was cool. Yes, that’s our daughter watching football calling plays” then I responded with “I say that is a parenting win!” Especially after the conversation that started our evening.

GIFSec.com

The parenting loss that started our evening actually started with a call from the Boy’s teacher earlier today. It was about how The Boy got caught messing around in the bathroom with a group of boys as school was starting they were supposed to be getting ready for the day. Nothing major just 4th Grade boy stuff. The boys were told to fill out a reflection paper, take it home and have your parents sign it and then return it to the teacher so the teacher. Well, The Boy forgot to have us sign it. We went out on date night last night so some how the kids decided it was a good idea for the girl to sign it for me. I don’t really know what they were thinking. I do not think they thought the were being super malicious just trying to get it taken care of. I tried to explain to the kids that signing someone else’s name was a major deal. I also tried to explain it was lying and they know that is bad. I want my kids to learn to be responsible and take ownership of their mistakes and what The Boy wrote was not doing so.

In his reflection sheet, his 3 reasons for doing what he did (talking too long in the bathroom and not getting to class on time) was 1 They were talking 2. I played Madden yesterday and 3. I made an awesome catch in Madden yesterday. So he got caught up in the conversation because they were talking about Madden and he wanted to share with the other boys that he made an awesome catch…. Reasonable right? For a 4th grade boy maybe. But really, I want him to learn to be more responsible. To focus on going to bathroom and getting ready for school. He has to keep his room clean for the rest of the month and no video games allowed until the end of the month. If his room is not clean when he goes to bed at night that is an extra day of no videos. The Girl for forging my name has to keep the cars clean for the rest of the month and can’t do a Gymnastics Intensive this weekend. And both of them don’t get to go see the new James Bond movie “Spectra” in Imax this weekend.

I had a conversation with the Girl earlier today where she was very sorry and I could tell she now understands the gravity of what she did. She was just trying to be helpful and parenting but she missed the purpose of the signature was for me to know about what happened not just to get done. I was crying and so was she. I hate days like this. I wish I knew exactly how to handle this so they would learn what I want them to learn and not have to have those uncomfortable calls from the teacher. At least this teacher knows me well and I think he is a great fit for The Boy. He also had The Girl in 4th grade and had a talk with her about it too. So thankful for that teacher.

Today was filled with a few parenting wins and losses. One big win is that the Hubs and I handled it well together. No yelling or fighting between us and no blaming. We really are working on trying to get along better and work together. We have had our moments to blame the other for our kids bad behavior or get into fights about stupid stuff like this. When in reality our kids are normal kids and they do stupid things sometimes. That’s why we are here to teach them how to fix their stupid mistakes and not make them again. Hopefully it won’t get worse from here…Knock on Wood, Cross your fingers!

The Hubs and I are doing good. I am super happy we are getting better and less stressed and less argumentative about every little thing. We are becoming closer and happier in our lives and don’t feel the need to argue about things as much. We are on the same team and we will continue to work together at coming to solutions and correcting our kids not arguing over who is at fault for why they are how they are. Would you look at that? We are growing up too!

Discipline, Consequences and Consistency are key!

#Everyday2015

Keeping Kids Accountable is Hard Work!

31 Sunday May 2015

Posted by in Family, Love, Love Your Kids, Parenting, Raising Kids

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , ,

Raising kids is hard work. Keeping them accountable and following through so that they do what you tell them to is hard work! Not killing them they don’t do what they were told or do things they should know better not to do, deserves an award!

I have so many people tell me my kids are good kids. A while back a single friend with no kids said to me “What is wrong with your kids?” We had had a BBQ or party the night before and the kids were home as well I was wondering what had happened that I missed, but he followed up with “Last night at the party they were good. No meltdowns, they went to bed when you told them to and stayed there.  And we were loud. Now you just sent them out play and they went out to play!” I said “uh I don’t know it must be in their genes.” I took it as a compliment. My kids are pretty good kids, but like all kids they have their moments.

That was a few years ago, but my kids are still pretty good kids. They are learning ways to skate out of doing what they were told and learning ways to make it look like they did what they were told. As kids grow it is their job to figure out how to do this thing called life. And part of that is learning to survive and and learning to thrive. Part of that is sometimes how can I get what I want with as little work as possible? But it is our job as parents to teach them that life is not always about doing as little as possible to get what they want. It is about getting out of life what you put into it. If you do as little as possible when you don’t have a mom who wants you to have what is best, you won’t end up with the best of anything. One day they will figure out that they now have a really cool life because mom and dad work hard to provide that for them, but I don’t want them to learn that on the day they move out and end up bankrupt or homeless! I want them to see that they have to work for some of the cool stuff they have!

I get so frustrated doing everything and then when I ask for the dishes to be done I get “aw do I have to?” or they leave dishes on the drain board right behind the sink. Seriously do I have to say do the dishes behind the sink too?! I don’t think I should, and eventually I won’t (I hope) but until they start doing it I will have to say “those dishes are part of all the dishes”. Kids need to be taught certain things, then they need to be taught them again and againg and again. I have underestimated the amount of times I will have to teach and reteach and remind them how to do things and that to do it. My mom used to say to me “I shouldn’t have to ask” I hated that as a kid but I sometimes feel the same way and I have said it to. The Hubs and I both have to work on the teaching and reteaching and not exploding on them with “WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS AGAIN?!” But I don’t think we are alone in that either. We do try to have patience but there is a point when patience runs out and the explosion ensues…that’s another topic for another day today we are talking about the kids.

But the bottom line is, yes, you do have to ask them again. No, you have to tell them again. If you ask you imply they have a choice and sometimes in life you don’t get a choice. You don’t have a choice weather you pay the bills you kids shouldn’t have a choice if they ‘want’ to clean their room or wash the dishes or fold clothes (or what ever it is you are needing them to do). Kids need responsibility and accountability. When we get frstrated with our kids we really should be getting frustrated with us because what has happened is that we have slacked off on keeping them accountable. We have let it go for too long. We get busy in our own adult lives and jobs and stuff. Then we turn around and realize “hey I have kids they can help with this” then we ask (or tell) them to do something walk out of the room thinking they will do it and when we come back we expect it to be done and they are still watching the end of their favorite show. We have to be specific, we have to follow through, tell them to do it now, if they ask can I finish this show then decide but you don’t always have to do it the way the kids want to it to be done. It is okay to tell them no, do it now!

No going forward to do it yourself because it will get done faster…that just makes us more pissy and teaches them that if they don’t do it mom will anyway and that let’s them off the hook. Holding them accountable is hard! It is both mom and dad’s job! Holding myself accountable is hard enough as it is! Why can’t this be as easy as letting them cry it out when they were babies?! It just is not! So put on your big girl mommy pants and teach them to put their big kid pants on and do what they were told and/or asked to do! And don’t give in! Stay the course. No one will do it for them when you are not around so stop rewarding bad behavior by “doing it yourself because it is easier” or by bargaining “just one more minute?” NO! That is what teaches our kids to not be responsible and rely on us or in the future government assistance and I know you don’t want that for your kids!

Image result for children need to learn consequencesSo stop bailing out your kids. Don’t let them back talk or be lazy, hold them accountable. What sucks is you too have to be accountable too! No more letting it wait until later, be accountable now. Be reasonable folks! The house is not burning down the dishes if that is their chore, can wait until after baseball practice for them to do it but they better do it before they get to watch American Idol! Kids have a lot on their plate and those parents of those kids have even more on their plate. Start young gettting your kids to work around the house and be accountable and that will make it easier as they get older. Because remember, when they turn 16 and drive away on their own you want to know that they can follow directions and be responsible. They need to know there are consequences for bad behavior and in the real world it is not sitting on a carpet for 5 minutes, sometimes as they get older especially when they drive it can be life and death. Start young to avoid that!

Now go give your kids a hug and a kiss while they do the dishes 😉

#Everyday2015

I Don’t “Yell” Yell but if I Don’t Yell At All No One Listens

22 Friday May 2015

Posted by in Be Present, Family, Love, Raising Kids, Washing Clothes

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, ,

So today I started the day with almost setting my office on fire. Yes I mean my massage office and yes I mean fire. I was heating a heat pack made of buckwheat. The heat pack is probably about 10 years old and I had kind of haphazardly put them in there for today, so between the old heat pack and/or microwave I had a  red ember in the microwave. I am glad that I had started it went out to get my client and brought them back to the room. That is when I discovered the smokey smell and stopped the heat pack from /burning. Smoke smell filled my massage room and we rescheduled said massage. Good thing I came back when I did and good thing my client wasn’t on the table while a fire was started! (I burned my house down when I was 15 it was a grease fire though. Me and fire don’t mix but today the building was safe!)

This was the first thing that happened today! Woohoo!!! Great start to my day right? So then I came home to call a company, that lacks follow through and customer service, about a mistaken medical bill. I have been getting these bills since January so this is my monthly call to tell them they need to submit correctly and apply the right discounts since they screwed up and please call me back with a status update when it is done. So that I don’t get another bill about it next month! That only took and hour on hold and on the phone with a rude customer service rep who doesn’t follow through or do her job! The Customer service at this company is horrible!

Then when the kids came home today they instantly fought over the last little bit of homemade lemonade the girl and her friend made the other day. The Boy swept in a poured himself the rest before the girl could get her glass out. Seriously I am so frustrated with the culture of selfishness in this house. I have taught the kids to ask for what they want be direct and speak up for themselves. I am a people pleaser and am shy to speak my mind sometimes and I don’t want this selfishness for my kids but I don’t want the opposite doormat or shyness either. I will not put up with this selfish behavior any longer. So what the fuck am I going to do about it? I have no fucking idea!

Do I force them to do chores? Do I act the same way they are acting and only do things for myself like making just my dinner cleaning up just my mess? The other day I heard that since the mess around the house was not ‘their’ mess they were not going to clean it up. Really? Since when is dishes from dinner and dirty towels that needed washed and floors needing vacuumed just “my mess”? I take offense to that! But how do I teach them differently?

My thoughts are that I need to give them chores and teach them responsibility that doesn’t just involve themselves. They need specific, measurable chores that have deadlines so they see that all the work is not just mine, especially now that I am working again! Follow through and consistency is key for this. Follow through is where I struggle. Sometimes it is just easier to do it myself. If the Hubs hears me yelling at the kids (and by yelling I mean explaining loudly or some redirecting them I don’t ‘yell’ I would never ‘yell’ yell! [cough cough, throat clear] It frustrates him and he is trying to have my back which I do appreciate but I hate that they may feel ganged up on. So I hate to say anything because then they get yelled at from me for not doing what they are told and then from him for not listening to me. This must be normal though right? However, the do need to learn right and wrong and when to listen and follow directions. I guess maybe we need to be better examples or I just need to realize that discipline even just the yelling or redirecting sometimes hurts us parents as much or more like your mom always said right before you got the belt.

I don’t know sometimes it feels like I am so out of touch and have so missed the mark. And failed as a mom and a wife and a person in general but usually right around that time The Hubs or my kids do something amazing that reminds me that I am doing a good job. Today I got a text from a friend who reads my blog and thanked me for writing it and for saying things she cannot say and  it made me remember why at least one reason why I write this blog. It made my heart smile and boosted my confidence at least there is one person relating to what I am writing that is feeling like they are not alone in this thing called mom life. I can post about sex one day and then mom topics about childrearing the next! I love this blog! Have a great day everyone!

#Everyday2015

All Hail Plankton and Best Friend Time

11 Saturday Apr 2015

Posted by in #Everyday2015, Be Present, Connection, Family, Marriage

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , ,

all hail plankton

Marine Science Afloat is where we did our field trip. I highly recommend the trip!

Happy Saturday! I had so much fun and learned so much at the Girl’s field trip yesterday! I learned a lot about plankton! They got plankton samples and looked at them under a microscope. It is amazing how much life there is in just a small drop of water! I learned about a copepods and arrow worms, we also learned about phytoplankton and zooplankton. So much excitement around plankton! ALL HAIL PLANKTON! Also the one important word that they wanted the kids and us adults too, to learn was watershed. We live in the Puget Sound Watershed. Everything we do with water somehow ends up in the Puget Sound! So be mindful folks if you live near the water or not, everything that goes on the ground some how affects our environment and especially those of us that live in the Puget Sound area if you can see the water or not, be mindful of what you put in our water.

Today is Saturday. I made a ham scramble for the family to have a family breakfast around the dining table. We all sat and ate together then we all cleaned up together. The Hubs kept the cleaning energy going as he is currently cleaning out and organizing my utensil drawers in the kitchen. Since this kind of involves me sitting and saying yes I use that or no I don’t I decided to multitask my blog time! I actually enjoy these family moments. The girl is sitting on the counter with me and the boy is entertaining us while he tucks in his jersey and is just being goofy getting ready for his game in a couple of hours. The good part is for now there is no one is yelling we are what you would call “working together” I love these moments. The Hubs is a great organizer and I suck at it. We work well the way it is going right now.

Tonight we are going to a Keith Sweat concert. Keith Sweat is the artist who sings Twisted our ‘song’ the first song we dance to at a high school dance. Not our wedding song, that is From This Moment by Shania Twain. It was after a football game vs Mt Tohoma, of course the Wolves won! He was in a relationship so it was a dance, just as friends, we were best friends before anything romantic happened. It was high school we were kids and sometimes you just can’t control who you fall for especially at 17! We have had a bunch of ups and downs in the last 18+ years and some really low and obviously some really high moments. I am glad I met that super cute football player in Washington State History probably 6 months or so before our first dance. He was there to listen to me cry when I was stood up for the first time from a date and when my dad had a fire in the kitchen one day while I ws at school (a longer story about that exists not getting into it now) he was also there when my Grandpa and my Dad passed away. We are and have always been good friends. It is very cliché to say that you married your best friend these days but I think when we met and got romantic and got married it was not quite as common as it is today.Best Friend Sleep Over

I really did marry my best friend. In the midst of life and kids and work and bills we tend to forget that we even have a best friend let alone live with our best friend, but we do. I love my best friend. I am happy for the opportunity to be reminded of that night we had our first dance! That may very well be the most important dance of my whole life!

To everyone out there who may or may not be struggling in your relationship, remind yourself what got you together in the first place. Take moments to go back there every chance you get. As we get older we realize we don’t get those opportunities very often. Life really does get in the way but we need to peel away time to get those moments in and sadly for them, the kids may need to have a boring night at grammas in order for us to make that time… guess what, they will survive and you will be better parents for it!

Now go love on your spouse weather they are your best friend or not!

#Everyday2015

Allow Your Kids To Suffer

16 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by in Connection, Family, Kids, Love

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

I was in tears bawling this morning in a parent meeting with a dance pro about how to be a parent of a dancer and not stifle their dance passion, don’t critique them and make it not fun (this will apply to the boy sport’s as well). When she was a allow your kids to suffer2-year-old in a mom and me class and performed for the first time on stage I never expected to be here, the place where I am dedicating my whole life on a The Hubs’ Birthday weekend to her dance. She was so in love with the stage and the audience that first performance. She had done her little routine bowed and when the audience clapped and applauded she turned and looked at the audience and clapped with them! She was like “Yeah that was good!” No one told me I would be here! Where the fuck is the parent manual for this?!

In the parent meeting today the instructor talked about being the parent, not critiquing your child, hugging you child when they need to be hugged, making them take and extra class when they need. Her (the presenter’s) mom made her dance with the strictest teachers. If she had a rough class her mom made her take another class when the teacher said she didn’t  focus too well. This is relevant today because I sit here watching the Girl is having a rough day. She keeps looking at me to relive her of her task. She is not feeling good today. Every time I catch her doing well she slouches and gives me the “I can’t do this because I am sick” look. I am one who doesn’t accept the word I can’t from my kids. She has been getting sick as the weekend has progressed. Tight now it is hour 6 of Day 3 of convention that started at 10am on Friday for her (most of the time conventions start late afternoon so this is an extra-long). She was up all night last night coughing. I know she is struggling. I want her to work through it. Dance has always been easy for her. She has a natural talent and ability and is very good. She won First place overall at one competition this year, for goodness sake. At the last convention we were at the owner of the convention said to her “you have so much potential, just don’t get lazy in classes.” I want her to work through it. I know she is sick I still want her to work through it! I want to be a good mom and I don’t know what I should be doing right now. I don’t want to over push her, but I can’t lower my standards to appease her.

In this parent class this morning I was trying to figure out what I needed to do to get her to work when she needs to. She has to make that decision. But like the mom of the presenter of the parent meeting, I don’t have to let her out of it easy. She is here because she wants to dance. Dance is not always easy and I want her to not quit and always get better. I also need to accept her for who she is too! The presenter said she made her mom the bad guy because she made her work so hard but now she thanks her mom for being that way. Do I have to wait until The Girl is a presenter at a National Dance Convention Company for my efforts to pay off?

It is similar in sports with The Boy. He had a rough end of the Wrestling season and would lose his first match and decide he was going lose them all. I was so frustrated watching him do that too, the same way. Why can’t they get the ‘I will work harder and learn from this’ lesson. I feel like every time the Girl catches me watching her she makes sure I know how much pain she is dealing with. I know this is just a weekend. This is not how it is for her all the time. I love watching her dance she is good. I love her. I want her and the Boy to see their passion and work for it because they want to. Not because they are scared I will be mad at them or take away their activities. I really do mean well. I know the kids will find their passion. I know one day they will thank me for pushing them just enough to keep them going. But that is a very fine line!

On a side note The Boy wants to take Ballet! Our ballet teacher is so excited to hear that. I vow to work better at doing things for the kids being there to push them to follow through and work through the rough times and leave my ego behind when I, I mean, they don’t get the results I, I mean, they want. She is here to have fun! She may not be having fun so much because she doesn’t feel good but she is doing what she loves, I will express that I am proud of her for pushing through and give her that credit. I will try to highlight the good that she did it and maybe I will highlight how much she will have to do that as she gets to be an adult and it is worth learning how to tough through things as a child too. I want to be the parent who loves my kids enough to keep them going. Not in a way to spoil them to never have to work hard, but know how to keep going when it gets tough. It is my job to teach them to be successful humans, not to give them a life without pain or without hard work! I have shed tears here in the parent meeting when I realized I do a lot of what the famous presenter’s mom did to keep her going so it was a little affirmation I might be doing a good job, even though she wasn’t as happy with her mom as I would want my daughter to be happy with me. That is not what I always will feel I am getting from her so I need to just get over it, I am doing what I think is good and right, I don’t need her to know or acknowledge that. I am working hard at being a good mom, I will probably, like most moms never be told that by my kids until they are 35 like me. When they are in the same boat, I will be able to say “this is what I did with you and you turned out pretty good so you can try the same or do your own way.” One day I will accept myself and my kids for who we are. Until then I will struggle with figuring out do I push harder or do hug. Just never critique. I love my kids and love the people they are becoming. They have a lot of growing and molding to do I just don’t want to break them!

For the record I just looked up and she is up front (which if you have never been to a competition that is prime real-estate in the front row right in front of the stage). She is smiling and doing really well right now! And she is in tap class, which is not her favorite but I saw the instructor look at her and smile. That was good enough for me to affirm pushing her out there to just dance was the right decision!

#Everyday2015