We just finished gigantic very yummy amazing homemade ice cream sundaes. They were served up in these beautiful hand painted sundae bowls that are big enough to fit 3 scoops of ice cream and lots of toppings and still have room for more! The sundaes were great. They probably were 1000 calories each. As I have struggled with my weight issues my whole life I can’t help myself to think that I am teaching my daughter to continue to carry on my weight issues like a family tradition. I stop myself from correcting her or telling her she doesn’t “need to eat that” because I heard that all the time from my mom. I would ask to have a cookie (we never ate anything without asking) she would answer with something like “you don’t need that” or “do you want to look like me when you grow up?” Those words were engrained subconsciously in my brain. I feel it damaged me in a way. But, I don’t know how I can talk to her and tell her she is eating (sometimes) out of boredom or because of something other than the need to fuel her body.

I don’t want to damage her soft little soul or self esteem. I don’t want her to think or believe the way I did that I was fat in 7th grade. I don’t now think I was fat in 7th grade but when I was in 7th grade I thought I was. I would skip lunch or not sit down at a table to eat my lunch. I would by a bag of two cookies and eat just that instead of real food and balanced nutrition because I was on a “diet”. At one point in Junior high I was a vegetarian. I would not eat meat, but I would eat cookies, French fries, bread and the occasional McDonald’s hamburger. I have no idea why I thought meat was what was making me not “skinny” I was far from fat. Kids theses days are much bigger than I was I was a size 3 in 7th grade a 5 in 8th grade and then a 7 for most of the rest of my high school career. That is not fat in my 37 year old brain! But in my 12 year old brain I was fat.

I was not active. I did drill team but probably could not run a mile. I had no grasp at all on nutrition. I didn’t know what a protein, carb or fat even was or the significance of any of those things. My daughter knows to eat a protein and carb at every meal. She also knows to try to have more fruits and veggies at every meal. The Girl exercises regularly by default she is a dancer and dances 4 days a week for 3 hours on her light day! So that helps combat those extra calories, but I don’t want to be that mom that nags her daughter on weight. I want my daughter to love her curves that are developing and enjoy the womanly shape she is gaining.

Then there is the part of me that wants her to stay petite and skinny her whole life. I know kids grow and get thicker and then taller but I worry about her thinking the same way I did when I was young. How to I change that? How can I affect her to be healthy about her body image and not worry about her weight and her size. And then when she is confidently eating a gigantic bowl of ice cream I can’t help but think in my head “I don’t want her to get bigger like me” What the fuck is wrong with me???? This is body image problems at their worst!

Give her credit. Give her love and acceptance and teach her by modeling good habits! but I don’t have good eating habits, I don’t have good body image, I have self esteem problems I am always judging everything about myself and looking at the negative. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? Please someone help me figure this out before I damage my daughter and she carries on the family tradition of bad body image and being overweight and loving herself with food the way I have….

All I have ever wanted was to teach her to be better than me. I want her to love me and look up to me. How can I do that with out her hating me for it and with out her turning into me?????

#Rethink2016