Stress build up until you diffuse it or it boils over or explodes like a volcano. I have been stressed a lot lately and today it kind of exploded! This year was supposed to be about mastering the Stay At Home Mom Role and modeling and inspiring other stay at home moms! It turned into going back to work to help our the family financially as we decide to buy a new car.
I over did it with the job thing! I took on a job doing massage back at the Chiropractic Clinic I worked at before. Then a few weeks later I took on a job bartending since my massage work days were on slow days at the office. Then my massage job picked up and then slowed down and now picked up again. With school, kids activities, and Homemaker work I just can’t handle both jobs! I don’t know what to do. What’s going to happen when the massage job has a slow time? If I am busy and work a full massage schedule, there is absolutely no reason for me to need to work more. However, if my schedule slows then I would need to supplement my income. I really enjoy both jobs and have fun doing them both but I cannot be emotionally where I want to be for my family! I am stressed and overwhelmed and just not myself.
If I quit working at the bar will that change enough to make it so I can be the mom and wife I want to be? I do feel like I am getting in a routine with my massage schedule and am feeling good about where that puts us financially. I am also feeling deflated at the bar job and thinking it might not be for me. I do love my bar job but recently some changes that have happened has affected the amount of tips I make as well as my work environment. I am glad to not have to work weekends any longer, but I miss my family when they are all home. I work two nights a week Tuesday 6p-2am and Friday 4p-9pm. I miss being there for the dinner and sports and seeing my husband when he gets off work. I am thinking of putting in notice this week. I can work through the holidays and then beginning January only doing massage. Maybe I will stay on for just a late night Friday and/or a special event person occasionally.
I just don’t know what to do! Why can’t life be easy?! Maybe I need to find a working mom blogger who gives advice about this. I obviously am struggling being an inspiring working mom to other moms!
Best I can say today is go with your gut. Problem for me is I don’t ever know what really is my gut saying. So do what feels right. What is the most important thing to you! Let your life show that! If your kids are important but you are not doing what’s best for them then your priorities are out of order.
So for me my priority is my family, my husband, and self care. Currently working two jobs, that is not what my life is exemplifying! We have survived with just my husband’s income we could again if we needed to! But we are taking our kids on an epic vacation for Christmas and we did repairs to our car with out going into debt and we have been slowly picking away at the HELOC and Credit card bills. Soon we will have enough money to finally finish our bathroom and all of that while not stressing about paying all the bills. I am happy to have contributed financially to the family for that, but my stress level is boiling up to the top and I have got to get a handle on it.
I probably need to ask the Hubs and kinds for more help around the house but I also need to get organized and feel I can’t ask for help without having my shit in order! Which is untrue! You can ask those that live in your house and eat the food you prepare and wear the clothes you launder to help you, with all chores around the house! No reason to feel bad!!!!! Get the help you need and learn to manage your stress. Don’t over schedule yourself! Love yourself and give yourself grace!!!