I have pneumonia! It is hard to breath and I have been told I have to oush fluids but it feels so difficult to do so. I am exhausted just sitting here. My back hurts I have a headache probably from the fever. Every time I cough my throat hurts. I am going to make this short because it would be just more of me complaining. I feel like crap! I hope to go to sleep tonight and wake up without all of this! I have antibiotics to take and hopefully they help. I have a full day of massages tomorrow of people who see me twice a week! UGH!!!! So frustrating I have no where to move those appointments! Hopefully I will be able to reschedule and fill next week. I am considering taking the whole week off I don’t know how I’m going to feel?
For now I am going to lay down!
Ummm oops, I wrote this Saturday and apparently it did not ever get from saved drafts to published.
Happy Saturday friends! It is NFL Divisional Playoff weekend. I noticed as I opened my blog today that I had something like 394 posts. Wow! That’s right I went everyday in 2015 #Everyday2015 and then now I am doing everyday 2016 or #Everyday2016. I am sort of proud of that but really what does that mean? I hope it means there is a 394 days of trying to inspire people if nothing else at least showing that it is okay to be real. I would love to have these amazing wise posts everyday but sometimes I am just normal, Ruby. Even kind of blah! Mostly lately I have been busy Ruby so trying to squeeze in posting and writing witty and wise posts just doesn’t happen, and when they do they are laced with typos and mistakes. But I am okay with that. I love to write everyday. Sometimes I think maybe it would be more meaningful if I wrote less but if I wait until I have time it will not happen. I just prefer to keep going and one day, maybe one day I will get one of those posts that a ton of people with repost and retweet and share on Facebook, or maybe not. I will keep writing.
Today I am contemplating my big decision this week. My decision to go full time doing massage and quit the bartending gig. I love bartending I really do enjoy it and have fun meeting people. Yesterday I even gave away a big pull tab win to a friend! Yesterday, I got to work the late shift 9-close. It was nice to be able to go out to dinner with my family and take the girl to her friends sleep over and then go to work as the boys decided they were going to build Legos. The bar was busy and rambunctious it was
actually pretty fun. Annoying at times whent eh D.J. decided to let the crowd run the shoe instead of taking control himself but it was not horrible. The other bartender that I worked with is one of my friends. She is a little high stung and a lot of the other bartenders get intimidated by her. I do too but I know that the things she says when I am making mistakes will only make me a better bartender. And I know that she is not mad at me she is just direct. I hate it how a woman who is direct and outspoken is often times labeled a bitch. I wish I could be more direct more often. She just says what she thinks and most times says what everyone else wants to say but are too chicken to say it. Any way the work day was fun, and today being Saturday I got to sleep in so going to bed at 3am wasn’t as hard as it is on Tuesdays when I have to get up for school and work on Wednessdays.
Since I have given notice at the bar however my arms have been killing me. My Carpal Tunnel Syndrome has been acting up. I also had a lot of cancelations this week and my schedule started out kind of slim! I am worried I Fucked up and need that bartending gig. However I am thinking of other options that don’t involve me having to work late nights! I want to do massage bit even as I type my wrists are hurting and with every stroke I feel it more. I need to probably get more massage and maybe physical therapy or something but the crazy head Ruby part of me has diagnosed me with career ending injury! …I did say cray head! Anyway I just want to work, make enough money to keep our family comfortable and not stress about every extra dance fee or the need for new cleats. I love my work both jobs! I will miss bartending but I need to be with my family. I will not sacrifice my family for money. I will work through this and be creative and keep you readers posted with my ideas and options! To living life the fullest and making priorities and sacrifices at the right time and no regrets!
So I chatted with the boss the other day, I did get a bit of a raise and reassurance that my schedule will continue to be full and was told I am still his favorite! So with all the air cleared and knowing that I am a good therapist and worthy of being a leader of this Massage team, why do I still feel insecure when he posted a picture of the new LMP on Facebook announcing her arrival? I don’t understand where this insecurity is coming from! It is not weird though I am insecure about everything!
I am working on that! I try to fake myself through those insecure moments. I get them with the Hubs too! I have to remind myself that I am a good massage therapist, a good wife, a good bartender, and a good mom even on days when I know I really fucked up! You never should doubt yourself, ever! I need to say that to myself “I never should doubt myself” Always do your best. If you are always doing your best even if someone surpasses you you have no need to feel down about yourself! As they say, leave it all on the field, always!!!!
You don’t have to believe everything you think! Just remind yourself of the good stuff and keep yourself in check.