This Growing up Thing is Hard on Me

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Well, it has been a while since I have written. I can’t even remember when…to my loyal readers apologies. Today I am writing from Nationals. The Girl is competing in a Nationals Dance Competition. She is in 5 group numbers and a solo. Have I said how much I love to watch her dance? If you have read my blog you have read that a few times! This year the Girl turned 13, she is starting to become her own person. Not that she hasn’t always been her own person but she is just starting to grow up. She definitely wants her own identity. It used to be cute that everyone loved her mom and loved her mom being around but now it’s just not. Not to her anyway. The older dancers are still super sweet to me and seem to understand my pain when I am shunned by my daughter but the Girl just wants to grow her wings. I need to get out of her way and let her make a name for her.

This dance year I have decided it is my job to support her. Many things I hear my Coach Husband say is that parents just need to get out of their kids way. I need to learn that lesson it has been my mom work this year. There is a dance instructor for Liz Imperio who teaches a class called Raising Successful Children that I started but got too busy to finish the webinar (which has been a theme in my life this year) and it’s focus was to guide us parents in how to get out of our children’s way. I love watching her grow, I love watching her dance! There is a part of me that is struggling letting go of that mommy role that needs to be there to protect and guide my child. She is growing up I have taught her to think for herself and stand up for what is right and to advocate for herself. She doesn’t need me to do that because I taught her to be strong in herself! I taught her to not define herself in what other people think of her. And she does not. She changes for no one. She is who she is, she likes what she likes and for the most part doesn’t care or waiver for anything. Not even for me! Sometimes I wish she would for me but I should be proud that she doesn’t. Sometimes she does waiver to fit in with her friends. I feel for her in those moments because I have spent my life doing that and that is not what I want for her! I want her to be her, even if it hurts my feelings.

How did I teach her to do that when I am not strong in myself? How can I be that strong human I am teaching her to be when I am not that strong human myself? I am proud that she is independent. I love who she is. Sometimes I wish there was less Diva but other times I am so proud of that diva because that Dive protects her when mean girls are mean. And that Diva protects the girl who is getting picked on in a group by my child being the one to stand up to the mean one in the place of the child who is getting picked on or feeling bad when that child is too weak. I am proud of that diva! I pray that when I stifle the diva for my feelings that I don’t stifle the good out of her diva! How was I able to teach her these things? I have no idea how, but I am proud she has learned them!

I am going through yet another identity crisis in parenting, and I don’t even know what it is. I am obviously still her mom and she needs me and I know deep down she wants me around, but she wants me to keep my distance and not over shadow who she is or what she does. I get it! I was there, I may still be there with my mom. When she needs me I will be there. I have seen this happen recently. She does talk to me like a friend sometimes and I to her but she also knows that she must do what she is told and what is expected of her. I don’t really believe in being your child’s best friend until they are adults anyway but sometimes she is mine. She is the only one who can’t leave me and would never think of it, I think… Anyway, I want her to continue to grow in success and keep that diva spunk that will take her far and I just have to get over myself!

Now I have to go watch her solo I am so excited to see her dance! I love watching her on stage and in her element. It is her happy place I am so glad she has dance for that, lord knows she needs a place of her own to just BE. I love her!

#Dance2017dance parent

To drug or not to drug….

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This video (click to view link) hits home for me! So much shame in my life not as a child but as an adult, I was diagnosed as an adult with ADD! I  feel, I made it through as a child because I am a people pleaser so being a good student and approval from teachers when I did well is what drove me and made me succeed. Thank goodness I am pretty smart and Thank goodness I had great teachers and parents who gave me that approval!!

ADDSince being diagnosed, I have not found a medication that works for me. I kind of have something against taking medication. I don’t really know what, but I just don’t want to admit to myself and everyone else that I have to take medication to be normal! I also think I don’t want to admit there is a normal and that I’m not normal! I kind of hate that word “normal” it is what most “normal” people think is normal and if you have ADD, it is not “normal” for your brain to function as a “normal” person’s brain functions. Your brain does not decipher a hierarchy of things that are important or stay focused on the task at hand or manage time well. A person with ADD has to remind their mind what the task at hand is. We, ADD folks are great at living in the moment! I am a great forgiver! I forgive a lot of times when I probably shouldn’t. I think of something that would be a great idea and I jump on it! If I have time (or if I perceive I have time or if it is really important or interesting or something that I perceive as pressing) I get on it right away, I don’t want to forget about it. Forgetfulness is a big part of ADD. A lot of people see it as a kid who can’t sit still or walk, they always run….it is so much more than that! Do I want my brain to function like “normal”? Won’t that change me? As much as I “hate” myself and they way my brain works, I don’t want “me” to change. See my dilemma?…

I have self medicated with food and sometimes alcohol and thank goodness I have stayed away from illegal drugs, credit to the DARE program for that! But taking the stigma off of “drugs” proven to help ADHD’ers would definitely change my world of shame… So much shame in my life. My son is just like me, forgetful, figgidity, and impulsive….. Not driven as much by people pleasing but then again his dad and I are tough on him so he doesn’t get the praise as much as I did, and he is just like his dad, he is confident almost a little arrogant. He is more solid in what he likes and who he is. It’s not as important to him to impress people the way it was (and still is) to me. I worry about my son turning into me or worse than me. I have a husband who keeps me straight. He pays the bills, I would struggle remembering those things. Will my son be able to do those things that are important. Will my son remember to turn in his homework?… does he need medication? Do I? Will it help? How can I tell? I should get my shit together first before diagnosing or assuming anything about him. ADD is genetic as much as the color of your eyes, of course one of the kids has it but what to do???

So many questions all I know is that, this video hit home. Lot’s of things in my life right now are up in the air and there are a lot of questions in my not so distant future. Lot’s of decisions that can alter my life’s direction. ADD is a big deal to me, it is a big frustration in our lives. Actually our lives are complicated, every parents life is complicated, ADD makes it more difficult. Medication is not for everyone, acceptance is. I have neither for myself and here I am without a mom to drive me to a psychologist like the girl in the video I am an adult now trying to navigate and wanting so badly a mommy to tell me what the right direction is and take me there! I was not diagnosed as having ADD as a 6 year old but right now I feel like it has reduced me to a 6 year old, in that I don’t know what to do, and I can’t function but please don’t treat me like a child!!!

If this is a little disjointed, think of it as a taste of how an ADD brain works…very disjointed distracted and impulsive…..lacking direction sometimes…..wanting so badly to get noticed and get my point across and be understood but lacking the brain function and organization to do so…. and add to that, trying to do it in a short amount of time because of course I didn’t give myself enough time, it was an impulsive moment that I had something to say!

#ADDbrain

XXX-When in Doubt Grab the Dice!-XXX

I fucking miss making time everyday to blog, and write about how sex can save relationships. I miss writing Hump Day Challenges! It has been a tough week, can you fight depression with sex? The Hubs would tell you yes! So I’m going to go with that. Fuck yourself happy today! What, Ruby? How? Grab your sex drive and shake them up and roll!

Relax open up your Comfort Zone and play with your lover. No re-rolls shake your dice and do the deed! The Hubs and I did this last week playing with the dice, I don’t care if it says ,lick his belly button, lick it and make it sexy damn it! Stop judging yeah, it’s silly, but make it sexy! This is where you relax and enjoy each other!

Let the fun, the sex, the connection melt that stress and depression away! Even if it only lasts for a few minutes enjoy the whole time! When it’s over, keep that smile on your face because you have a partner that will Hump Day Challenge with you! Thay’s something to celebrate! That is something to be thankful for!

So go fuck and be happy!

#fuckhappy2017

Just BE There

supportSo, this is a very long post, that is a bit of a ramble on top of my current soap box. I am not a “writer” I am going to edit for typos but I want to keep everything in here I think for me it is important. If you make it through thank you, hopefully we will be able to impact some of the negativity in this world and help support our people.

We have a bit of an epidemic going on right now with Gen X-ers struggling, it’s not just Gen x-ers but Chris Cornell’s passing has heightened my awareness to the people of my generation. Strong successful people are committing suicide and deep in depression even when from the outside, it looks like everything is fine. It is sad. What is going on with us? Where is this coming from. Depression is sometimes disguised as perfectionism or OCD. In today’s world we have social media, cell phones and news 24/7. We have never had to learn to wait for things or information. Stereotypically, Men feel pressure to provide for their family be it by working overtime taking night calls or selling out shows. Women have the cover girls on magazines to look at and try to attain the looks of models who were probably airbrushed and the super mom who has a perfectly organized home and the perfect Pinterest gift for the teacher ono teacher appreciation day. We compare ourselves to all of this and more. We have an image of what our lives were supposed to look like that we fabricated when we were young. Maybe it’s the image we were modeled by our parents or what we wanted out parents to be. We made promises to ourselves that we would never ______________ or we would give our kids and our family better than what we had growing up.

 

Problem is that we set ourselves up for failure. With all the expectations, we made of ourselves coupled with the comparison of social media and that image in our head that was right or that we wanted in life when we grew up. We were told we could do anything. Generation X was the first generation was told we could have the world and many of us were given the world by our parents. Select sports started when we were kids and we have perfected it to be just the way we would have wanted it when we were growing up. Or is it? We are spending so much time working overtime to get that perfect car that we dreamed of as kids and complain we don’t have time for ourselves. We spend so much time giving our kids the perfect opportunities that we forget who we are doing this for. The money and time we spend on our kids to make them happy, we are hoping at some point to get that in return and we get sad when we don’t get as much as a thank you from Jr. Are we misplacing our energy?

I have coined a term (I am sure it wasn’t me but I use it all the time) “Mom Guilt” dad’s get it too but it’s when as parents you can’t be there for your kids every second of every day. We attempted attachment parenting and realized that it wasn’t for us so we beat ourselves up for it. Many of us got spanked as kids and we weren’t going to do that but we realize not setting boundaries for our kids drain on our lives wasn’t the answer either. There is a happy medium but we haven‘t found it. (Nothing against attachment parenting, I am not an expert, I am using this as an example of my life.) How do we give our kids better but not lose ourselves in the process? We feel bad even that we must ask this question, why don’t we just “know” and who is to blame?

 

My generation has spent a fair amount of time trying to blame people and circumstances for our situations as well. It’s the way we were brought up, it’s that we got spanked as kids or that we didn’t get spanked. Our parents were the first who started to go to schools and make excuses for us. Many of my friends grew up without accountability, we blame millennials for this but it started in my generation there was just no social media to prove it. We were the first to have cell phones as young adults, I got mine at 18, the hubs at 17. We have been able to be in constant contact with everyone for basically our whole adult life. We are the age of instant gratification. We are not afraid of working to get what we want but we want it now. Fuck waiting for it! But in that, we get frustrated, disappointed and sad that we put in so much work and get no pay off…or very little, of at least it feels like no or very little pay off. It is a source of depression. Reading this article as true as it feels even writing it is frustrating even possibly infuriating. Our generation is also famous for denial. If we don’t acknowledge a problem, there isn’t one. Especially now, there is a depression crisis. We all think it is so important to get it checked out but how many of us sit in our own depression trying to shake it off? So many of us have cried for those we have lost Kurt Cobain, Robin Williams and Chris Cornell but how many of us sit in our own depression thinking it is not that bad. I am guilty “I just need to shake this off” I tell myself, maybe that is the case. We want help for everyone who is depressed but we don’t want to have to acknowledge our own depression. We see it as a fault of something.

Why? Who the fuck knows! We are the first generation not afraid to talk about it, not afraid to acknowledge that there is a problem but we still let it go in our own lives. We think we will be thought less of if we have depression. But do you think less of anyone you know who has depression, who sees a counselor for it or takes medication? My guess is you answered “no” so why don’t you take care of you? We learned what depression was, we learned that it’s okay to talk about it, as long as it’s not you. We also didn’t learn one of the best ways to combat it (okay I am not trying to simplify treatment of depression please don’t think I am I am offering help to those who have the blues not a clinical depression) one very simple way to combat feeling blue about your life it is self-care! Take care of you. Stop trying to impress Facebook and take care of you! Exercise regularly your physical fitness affects your brain. It has been said exercise is the most underused medication for depression and/or other mental illnesses such as ADD, anxiety and even obesity (that’s a subject for another day)

The purpose of this article is to start a thought process for those people my age that are struggling. We may have a good career, a house a family who loves us, but due to circumstances (sometime beyond our control and sometimes within out control) we struggle to be okay. Things just aren’t as good as we want it. We aren’t as happy as we were that day on vacation or we don’t have any time for ourselves because we spend so much time on everyone else! It’s called life! LIFE is depressing sometimes and that is okay! Life is a pain in the ass sometimes. You have kids? You added stress and kids make things harder it’s okay to say out loud! As long as you acknowledge this is a passing event! It will not be horrible forever!

What you must do, is live in the good moments! Yes, getting up at 4 am to go to work then rushing home to get kids to practice and one to dance while you shove PB&Js down your throat because that is all there is time for tonight just to get home in time to help your ungrateful kids with homework and send them to bed and then catch the last 5 minutes of your favorite show before you are falling asleep on the couch before you can kiss you wife hello at the end of the day right before you go to bed, kind of sucks! But there is greatness in there too! You are providing activities for your kids making memories with them at the ball field or giving them the opportunity to make memories with friends, and so much more value is in these days! As much as they suck. Maybe you travel for work and miss you babies first steps which sucks too, but don’t miss their last steps, or their next steps. In life, we have to pick our battles but it’s important to also pick our victories! Victories happen every day you just have to look at them. Maybe your kid struggles at game time but in practice he hits homeruns, relish in those moments!

We create our own happiness! Let’s stop creating our sorrow by dwelling on what is wrong with our life or actually, we dwell on what is not perfect in our life! Most of us have it pretty good. Many of our icons we lost to the nasty disease of depression and suicide looked pretty successful too! Let’s not be a casualty of our generation or our image we had in our head that we thought was how things should be. Let’s talk about our own depression! Say it out loud someone will hear you and support you! There are hotlines, use them! Be a friend but don’t be afraid to ask for a friend when you need one! Reach out! Imagine what may have happened if those who we lost too soon were able to reach out!

I know there is much more to it than I am making it sound right now, but it started somewhere! Let’s make this world a place where we stop judging each other and more than that, we stop judging ourselves. Speak our truths, are you feeling lonely, say it! Are you feeling sad? Say it! Are you feeling like the world and everyone around you would be better off if you were dead? Say THAT too!!! If you are someone who hears someone saying these things, don’t judge them! Don’t try to fix them. Try to understand. Put your arm around them and say “that must be horrible to feel like that!” and then give them a hug. Don’t try to offer a solution, ask them if they know how you can help them. Offer them your time, your moral support, “I’m here for you man” goes a long way. “Do you want to talk?” or “Do you need a hug?” Just be there. Call help if you feel they need a professional. Make sure they know they are not alone and the world would absolutely not be better without them in it! We need our people. Maybe telling those people what they mean to you in your life. How they have inspired you. It may give them something to focus on that is positive. It may not, so don’t get upset if they don’t snap right out of it! Just be there! Just BE there!

 

#justbethere2017

We Have Fun Together

Never forget usHappy Mother’s Day to you all! Moms all around the country today woke up to kids and husbands making them breakfast or having special meals and events planned to help to make you feel special. Mom’s everywhere have grinned through the cold cereal their kids call breakfast in bed and the overdone toast and eggs from her husband. Yes, this is stereotypical but we all know it has happened. Then there is the mom who had to do all the planning, all the shopping maybe because she doesn’t want to eat bad food or because she has spent so much time taking care of her family and is so seemless in how she runs it that the family forgets that it takes her effort to make everything work. Some of us may be sad that the family didn’t do more and some that are overwhelmed and feeling embarrassed that they did so much. Regardless moms, we have so much to fill our hearts with happiness.

Some moms left after their less than gourmet breakfast and got home to the same mess that was there when we first left, even though we may spent all day dreaming of a house cleaner being at our house deep cleaning and preparing dinner for us but we opened the front door only to realize the kids and husband’s efforts ended at breakfast and now it’s time to clean up that mess so we can make dinner because our mom is on her way for dinner! Don’t be sad mama, you kids and husband don’t know what they didn’t do, you take such good care of them you are ninja like with your mom skills. They don’t stand a chance! Your family loves you, don’t sit and get frustrated look at them and be thankful for all that you have done to let them be them! You build them up so much they want to do special things for you but they in themselves know there is no way to compare to you and they don’t want you to eat their own shitty cooking either. Just know mama, you are a rock star and you are doing it right!

Maybe you did wake up and didn’t have to lift a finger. You have naturals for your family. They know what you do, they notice. Maybe because you have prepped them well leading up to Mother’s Day because you remember last year when they had no clue. Maybe your family just knows what you like because they are instinctive! Maybe you are a control freak and micromanage everything and along the way they have picked it up and learned what you want and like. Either way, also should know you are doing it right!

If you had to make your own breakfast or eat burnt toast but got the perfect gift. Appreciate that! For some people service is not their thing. Some moms want the perfect gift and they tell their family what it is. Some husbands only know how to speak in the language of gifts and always hit a homerun with presents. Some people are just intuitive at getting the perfecdt gift and some people at good at asking for the perfect gift regardless if this is you, mama, You are doing it right!

Mother’s Day failures of amazingly underwhelming gifts and breakfast fails and dinners that mom has to make herself are part of the reality of Mother’s Day! Moms hold the world together. Sometimes when we give mom’s the day off we have sacrifices just as a CEO may have some sacrifices when they are not in every negotiation in their business, as a mom, we can manage the sacrifice. Most families want mom to be happy so mom’s lets let our families take care of us however they think we need! Relax, we can fix the misplaced dishes and the poorly folded clothes from today and clean up the rest of the mess during the week. Let’s relax, let our family feel good about how well they took care of us today. Whatever it is today it’s probably more than yesterday so let’s appreciate our family for it! Positive reinforcement will breed them wanting to do it more even if we have to wait until Mother’s Day 2018. (Small note if you are a little disappointed you really should communicate with your family what you want from them, they do not know if you do not tell them. COMMUNICATE)

My family ranges through all of these types. I have learned I like things a certain way and I have learned that I am good at organizing adventures so I planned out today bought tickets made reservations and purchase the meat for the Traeger. We had dirty dishes in the sink this morning so I asked my kids to do the dishes, before we left for our fun adventure filled day. The kids got to redeem old gift certificates (from 3 Christmas’s ago) for iFly (indoor skydiving) it was a blast to watch them have so much fun. (I wish I bought the Hubs and I flights it looked fun!) Then we did a Ride the Duck tour in Seattle, then stopped at the Museum of Flight. It was fun hanging with the family for the day. We came home for an amazing roast smoked on the Traeger by the Hubs. I had to go get the roast yesterday due to the fact that the Hubs was busy with baseball, helping with science homework and normal stuff! As much as I would have loved to have everything done for me, today was a better day because of the effort I put into it, I am proud of that! They surprised me with Sundaes for dessert! All in all for me it was a successful Mother’s Day. It’s not always about how much work you don’t have to do or what gift they get you it’s about the quality of time and day you had. We had a high quality day partly because of the work I had to do setting it up. My family noticed it, and said thank you to me for it! I loved today! I love adventuring with my family we have fun together. We get so busy with life that we forget how good we are together! Family: I LOVE YOU! I LOVE US!

#Family2017

XXX-Doggie Style-XXX

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It is hard to fuck when sharing a room with your kids!! The Hubs had work meetings in Texas this week and it’s Spring Break, so the kids and I flew down with him to enjoy some sunshine and warm weather. We needed to escape the Gray PNW! So I’m laying here in bed thinking of a Hump Day Challenge while the kids are still sleeping. It’s kind of hard to even do that just to think about it. But I will try for those of you who have doors between you and your children!


The Hubs and I will probably end up taking a shower together to get our “alone time” and lock the door behind us! But I am really trying to add different types of Hump Day Changes here so this week is Doggie Style! 

She bends over on her hands and knees and he enters her from behind. There are plenty of options here! Men you can grab a hold of her hips and rub her ass as you fuck her. You will be able to look at and admire her sexy womanly shape her curves and waist and hips. Look at how sexy her shape is. If you have long arms play with her titties or reach around and play with her clit as well. 

If you two are adventurous you can even try anal from here. Just go slow make sure she is ready for it and use really good lube! This can be a really intense position so make sure you communicate and respect with each other.

Enjoy the ride tonight folks. Lock you door and do it! Hey, and you can even watch TV while your fucking! Gotta love doggie style!! Go get you some!

#Sex2017

XXX-Day after Hump Day Sexting

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Fuck!!! After Mondays post I wanted to write more. Well, here it is, Thursday, and I haven’t I even forgot a Hump Day Challenge!!! So here’s a quick list on a Challenge.

Since it is early and even if you are reading this later you can still do it starting tomorrow if you want. All day today text your lover sexy things. Make it a sexting day. The Hubs and I did this yesterday, it does get a little awkward when in the middle you have to ask real-life things, like t”he cable guy said _____ what should I do” right after a sexy picture and captioned it “what would you do with this?” But that also makes y I treating and fun and exciting.

Women, men love naked photos! It’s going to your husband so sneak your phone I to the bathroom and take a shot of you pussy and send it to him. He doesn’t care if there is. Toilet in the background! 

Men, women love smiling faces some like dick pics but not all of them. My advice is to know your woman. She may like getting a picture of your mini me but most women prefer your cute smile or a shirtless pose. Women love stories, tell me what your going to do to me tonight endulge in the details or foreplay and excitement. Like your going g to press me against the was kiss my neck and pull my hair while you caress my breast and play with my nipples!

I’m a romance sweep me off of my feet kind of girl, but the Hubs is more raunchy in what he like for Sexting excitement…Try to ba e balance and honor what your partner likes and play to that! I’m sure they will return the favor.

So go take naked pictures send sexy words and details about what you want to sexually do to your lover and then to ight when you go home actually do it!

Go get you some!

Happy day after Hump Day!

#Sexting2017

Live Stop Worrying

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worryingHello followers, let me start by saying. I am struggling.  Acutely today I have so much on my mind, so much that has happened, so much I want to accomplish and so much to write and share (because I haven’t written much lately)  and also some to keep private and not write about (we all know that is hard for me not to over share) and since I haven’t been blogging much this may be a little disjointed, I mean, more than normal. I was asked the other day to remove my filter…they obviously don’t read my blog or maybe they do because they know it’s possible for me to do so. But yes, in real life I have this filter. Call it a mask of sometime professionalism, sometimes shyness, just a filter that I don’t say everything I am afraid to be judged or I want to make sure I am being appropriate…I don’t really know why. So hear goes sans filter Ruby is going to spill and hopefully today organize my thoughts and life and get back on track where I want to be. And for you I hope you can be inspired by my thoughts either by realizing you are not as messed as me or by realizing you are not alone out there.

Why the fuck is it so hard to just live? I want to do so much but for some reason I am so tired. I get going and then my energy fizzles out. Today I wanted to get in a run, do some admin business stuff, some billing and returning phone calls, also wanted to clean and organize at the house catch up with laundry. This morning was a great breakfast. I was able to get the kids lunches made, then I made them breakfast. I made eggs, English muffin toast, strawberries and smoothies for the kids. The boy we struggle with eating and he ate his whole breakfast today. I was on a roll. Then they both got to school and I got home and had to do some computer stuff. Then it was almost 10:00 and I had to decide what to do…go for a run, or get ready and get to a business networking thing at 11:30 or do something else like clean or write in my blog…

Why the fuck can’t I just make the right choice for myself? Why don’t I do what I want to do to get me closer to where I want to be. I want to be a great mom that takes care of her family by cooking and cleaning and having a relaxed calm home environment. I also want to have a successful business and sometimes that means making sacrifices at home but I hate choosing which has to sacrifice. Balance is just not always an option!! But it has to be! We need balance to be healthy! Everyone does! Sometimes I feel like I am getting it and then the next day shit hits the fan and I am feeling fucked and not in a good way! I just want to figure life out why this fuck is it so hard?!

And why is it that when I feel like I have things under control the bottom drops out? So even when things are good, really things are pretty goo right now. Business is doing alright, life is good the Hubs and I are getting along and happy but this is how I felt in December when my life got turned upside down! I was getting in the groove of working the business, The Hubs and I were happy. I had some great (I thought) friends in my life all was well. Then the bottom dropped out. I am kind of waiting for that to happen right now. Life has really felt like it has slowed down. You know the way that commentators talk about the game slowing down for rookies in the NFL. Nothing changes they just get used to seeing the speed of the NFL vs College etc. Life has really felt like it’s slowed down and we are in the midst of competition and tournament season! What horrible thing is about to happen or has already happened that I am about to find out? Why the fuck do I have to think this way? Why can’t I relax and enjoy life? Why can’t I remove the filter? What am I afraid of?

PLAN: Here is my plan what I want anyway. I want to write more, exercise more, enjoy the moments I have with my family and have moments with myself and one on one time with the Hubs, and be successful in business so I can help my family do everything and have everything we want. Just that sentence brings tears to my eyes because it feels like so much and I am sad I have to say it out loud, how did I let myself get here away from these things? I should plan time for everything. Time for writing and exercising in my schedule and push myself to follow it. Get my house cleaned up and organized and then take time to keep it that way and having the business I may need to hire a housecleaner to help keep up on the house thing. I need a better plan and more than just giving myself grace I need to trust myself when I am feeling like things are slowing down. The game really is slowing down for me! I need to accept that. It’s time to pass the ball to my trusted teammates and manage this game in a way that will most benefit the team! I need to be MVP in my life so my team can win and winning is when we are all happy and healthy and enjoying life! That is balance!

What the fuck did I just say?! I really need to stay focused and push myself to get where I want to be and I need to pass the ball to those who can advance our life when needed. I need to stop worrying about the lineman who is going to hit me from the blindside and focus on the play and execute! I have a team to support me and need to use that. But it’s my job to manage this game I can and I will rock this. I need to allow myself to live and enjoy and celebrate the good times and stop worrying!

#Live2017

Women Are Artists of Balance

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I struggle sometimes with the happiness of each moment that is shrouded with sacrifice in another arena of life but that is what being a woman means to me: You can do anything you want, you can even do everything but you can’t do it all, at the same time, physics and laws of the universe like gravity limit you! That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t relish in your joy of work even when your missing you kids basketball game. And when you’ve blocked yourself out from work to catch a game trust that it will be there for you when you return. 

Surrounded yourself with good support be it a great friend or aunty who can take photos so you don’t miss a shot when you Aube to work. Also, have great employees or coworkers or referral partners that can hold down the fort so you can catch the kids basketball games and such! It is balance my friends and we as women are artists of balance! 

Let’s stop beating ourselves up because of gravity! We can balance the weight of the world on our shoulders, practice your son’s curve ball and nail the new dance hairstyle and have dinner on the table (even if it’s pizza on a paper plate) and still hold the eye of our husbands because fuck him like crazy when it’s time, because we are women who are artists of balance and we do it with a smile! 

Allow yourself to feel the same smile, give yourself grace. You put it on for everyone else because you are an artist, you are a woman! You know what matters, your love, your family, your work, your husband and your house matters, but everything has its time. It’s okay to pick and choose and give yourself grace. It’s okay to give your children a few chores and it’s okay to have dishes in the sink! Be you, love you! Always do your best you know what matters each moment that so focus on that everything else will have its time.

#Art2017

#WomensDay2017

40 Days to A Better Connection

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40-day-challengeSo this post was supposed to happen Wednessday! This previous Wedness was Ash Wednessday. Every year Catholics and some others of Christian faith participate in giving something up for Lent. Lent is the time that Jesus spent away praying before he was crucified. (I never “celebrated” Lent my family did not participate so this is all I gather from the outsiders point of view.) So now in the time of Facebook and social media I see posts every year of friends who are giving up social media or chocolate or French fries or some who vow to do something good for themselves. Every year for the last few years I have toyed with the idea to do “Lent” but have never followed through. So this year since I remembered it on a Wednessday I am making it a bit of a hump day challenge! Lent is 40 days Jesus spent 40 days and 40 night praying. It’s about 6 weeks until Easter. 6 weeks is a very biblical time frame if you haven’t figured it out there is more than science around why so many programs to better yourself are 6 weeks long.

So here goes let’s do Lent Sex Love and Washing Clothes style! We are going to break it down here:

Sex: Fuck as much as you can. Everyday if possible but realisticly most of us won’t. So, Do every Hump Day Challenge and have sex as much on the off days as you can! But EVERY DAY sext your lover! Especially if you can’t fuck! Send a dirty picture, maybe it’s your boobs maybe it’s a sexy story you tell or a full on play by play text/sext story! It can be a shot of your naked boobs, your naked pussy or a sexy shot of your cleavage. You go to the bathroom how many times a day? Take your phone at least once and grab an opportunity to take a naked or partially naked picture.

Love: Say “I love you” EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Kiss goodnight, go to bed at the same time, go on dates and/or write love notes! Love notes via text or hand written…BOTH! For some of you this is easy, if it’s not easy I bet you can remember a time when it was. Do you know what will make it easier again? PRACTICE!!! So get to showing love ladies and gents!!! This should be easy it just takes effort and time it really is not hard to say I love you or to write a love note! Take time and write a few when you have a little time and use them under your partners pillow or in their lunch box. When you don’t have time to write on paper…write a text telling them you favorite thing about them!!

Washing Clothes:  This is the tough one! Make a commitment to wash clothes everyday. If this is easy but you and the spouse fight about dishes then make a commitment to do the dishes. Remember when I started this I said “washing clothes” is a metaphor for all the house work and homemaking tasks that need done. If you really need to vacuum everyday do that but make it the same thing everyday! My kids do the dishes and The Hubs really wants the laundry to not get out of control and yes two years after starting Sex Love and Washing Clothes I still need to work on the actual washing of the clothes, so that is my task. I will be starting a load of laundry in the morning (FUCK I already forgot today) then in the afternoon transferring it to the dryer and in the evening the kids will be able to fold and then I will put my clothes away… Or some way or another I will wash clothes and get them put away. No more laundry piles regardless of clean or dirty until after Easter…

So there your have it for Lent you are doing Sex Love and Washing Clothes! …We are doing Sex Love and Washing Clothes! I need a boost in my relationship I think this will help. It is a focus on eachother what better way to reconnect than to Sex Love and Washing Clothes. Everyone in the relationship is working at bettering it! It a relationship focus not a me or you focus! Let’s do this and by Easter let’s check in and see how it helped!

Good luck Challengers here we go!

#Lent2017