26 Wednesday Jun 2019
Posted in Uncategorized
I want love
I want to show love
I want my kids to know love
I want to love myself that is my biggest struggle
How can I feel love from someone else of I can’t love myself?
This struggle is real for me it’s what I struggle with the most.
No words of wisdom today just venting about what I want and what I believe the word needs…the answer is LOVE
26 Wednesday Jun 2019
Posted in Uncategorized
It’s the Hubs’ birthday!!! We had steak and I bought a cheesecake! Yes, this Ruby, bought a cheesecake. I went to our fave restaurant in town and picked up a full cheesecake. I’m really struggling with this whole working mom thing especially with balance. I miss having time to bake and decorate a cake for the hubs on his birthday!
Today I met with two lovely ladies who are owners of a gum exoandi g in my neighborhood. They are looking for a massage therapist to partner with them and rent space in their new location. I think they are great people. I love the idea of their vibe. I love the idea of working with other health minded wellness focused people. I think working in their gym would be a good thing for my fitness and wellness. I have struggled with depression lately. Getting out if the house and working with people might be helpful. Can I balance work and home life without working from home. Could I do
02 Saturday Mar 2019
Tags
I titled today’s entry before I started to write. Normally I write and then pick a title. Today I have decided to start new, but it is an old beginning. I have had this beginning a lot. The I’m tired of fucking it up and want to get back on track. It has been a while since I have sat down to write. I have been busy doing what feels like spinning my wheels. I started blogging back in 2015 as a stay at home mom who was trying to encourage tried and weiry moms that it’s okay to “just be a mom” but shortly into 2015 I went back to work because well, our family needed the financial help and because I wanted to be more than “just a mom”. Sort of felt and still feels a little hypocritical. Old beginning because well, I have been here so many times before.
I had a mission with this blog to help moms and dads stay in their marriage. At the time the Hubs and I had great sex but a rocky relationship. There were many times we kept our relationship together with just great sex. There was a lot left to be desired in our lives. We had communication issues that we were working on, as many busy parents with busy children have. We were and still are today stretched very thin! Sex was the one thing we could do that we both enjoyed without having to have much discussion and when I decided to have sex everyday in 2015 the Hubs was thrilled at the thought of not having to wonder when the next time he was going to get it. For the most part 2015 worked really well. The first part of 2016 was pretty good to but towards the end of that year it was a struggle. I had decided to move into private practice with my massage career and spent a lot of time working on my business which caused a lot of strain between the Hubs and I. That year ended really badly. I try not to say things are bad but at that time things were bad. I had felt like a fraud like I had wrote this blog all of 2015 and most of 2016 oh how to keep things together and make my marriage work and my plan had failed. We were falling apart, it was almost the end of us. We decided to stay together, to work through our stuff and then another new old beginning.
Then 2017 went on rebuilding I decided to move my private practice home. The best of both worlds right? Well towards the end of 2017 another event happened that strained our relationship. Different but just as much of a strain and then that was almost the demise of us all of the struggles of 2016 came back in flashbacks and sorrow and just plain struggle. All the while we still maintained weekly date nights and tried to do the best we could with nightly sex and connecting but there were parts of both of us that were just unconnected, bitter and angry. We were also both remorseful for our roles in the fallout. We were sorry we were sad and missed each other like we had been on two separate continents! So decided to put it all behind us and onto another new but old beginning.
Then the start of 2018 we decided once again, we are here for the long haul. There is something to be said for two stubborn people being married and valuing their commitment made to each other! We have stayed our course through many very, oh so bumpy stretch of road the last few years. Maybe it’s maturity and maybe we are finally starting to “get” each other and fully commit to respect and love and cherish each other, it finally feels like we are moving on and getting over some of the same struggles we kept coming back to. Now, here in 2019 we can go weeks without fights. We even can have a spat and let it go with out dragging it on for hours or days and not resulting in the using the “D” word. We don’t have sex everyday but when we do it is good for both of us! I am considering a new #everyday challenge but I don’t want it to become a job again. In 2015 it was good, 2016 it was feeling more like a job and 2017 was just bad and 2018 the theme was “what happened to 2015?” But here in 2019 we are enjoying each other more, respecting each other more, loving each other more and having sex with each other more. Yes 2019 is still young and fresh and new but we are getting back to us! It has taken a while but we are doing well!
So that’s where the New Start, Old Beginning is, maybe it’s not such an old beginning, maybe this one is new it just gets old starting over again. Still the same: I am still working on my weight issues, still trying to decide what to do with my practice. Agonizing everyday if I am making the right parenting decisions and trying to convince the Hubs to get a dog and go house shopping or renovate ours. We have a lot to be happy about there is a lot going on here! As I sit back and look at things, I think why didn’t we just keep going with 2015? We got busy. Life gets crazy. Maybe we even got lazy or went on auto pilot. You can’t just sit back and let life take you where you want to go. Because unless you are driving the car it has a mind of it’s own and this girl wants to drive the direction I want to. The direction that will take my family in the right direction. For me, For the Hubs and for the kids. I am not a fan of this Old Beginning lets have a new beginning, start over on a new path!
One big thing I have struggled with is deciding what makes me tick. What do I want? I have spent so many years taking care of my family as a mom that I don’t even know what I want. I know I was insanely happy in the stroller days of my kids. Being able to load them in the stroller and go for a run. We would go pick up groceries in the stroller my house was not clean and my kids were very giddy and happy all the time. I can’t have those days back but I want that happiness back. Do I need to run more? Not worry about cleaning as much? I have started the Marie Kondu method but I just did my closets but now I’ve got to do my whole house.
So this year I want to find my passion. I love massage but it gives me stress billing and being a business owner, so can that really be my passion? I love to workout and exercise especially running and doing races but that doesn’t make me money to help with finances. I love and miss dancing but finances and time? I love to sing! I have spent more time singing karaoke and not missing the chance to sing than anything, how can I do that more? I miss writing here in my blog! I miss the words flowing really easily (can you tell?)
I told the boy yesterday that he had to decide to work hard when he is in a game. It is a conscious choice you have to make. Get up and grind and work hard but for me I struggle with that. So many different hats that I wear I struggle deciding where to put that effort. Not to mention I have ADD which does not help. This is my goal, this is my passion for this year, to find my passion and live it to the fullest! Doing it all while loving, taking care of and protecting my family. Balancing work life: growing a business, family life: getting everyone where they need to be when they need to be there, feeding them healthy meals and communicating all of that to the Hubs to get help from him and then not forgetting to cultivate our relationship in communication as well as sexualization. I want us to be happy these last few years before the kids leave us and give our kids a happy healthy place to live.
Is it doable? I believe so I will take you along on this journey this year and I will keep writing as this helps me process my thoughts and helps me stay positive. And gives me accountability! There may be things I have to let go of being in control of and getting my way but come with me this year on this journey and watch me win! One way or another!
Oh and by the way I turn 40 this year so there is a sense of urgency to show up and be me and know who “Me” is but not lose my family in the process. This will be no old beginning this is a fresh start to new beginnings, hard work and grind yes but love and laughter and passion to be found in this new beginning. In the process I will not let the hard work wear me down. I will not take the easy way out like I have in all the old beginnings. It’s hard, I won’t stop until I am where I want to be!
#ThisisRuby
02 Tuesday Oct 2018
Posted in Parenting, Planning, Schedule, Self Care, Volunteering
I miss having time! When my kids were young I had all the time in the world and rushed everything. Now they are teenagers the Girl is a Freshman, just had her first Homecoming the Boy is 12 in Middle School and is going from School baseball to football practice 3 days a week. The days we don’t have a schedule we are running around filling in the stuff we don’t have time for and still don’t have time to get groceries or cook real food.
The organizations my kids are involved in are all volunteer and it seems the spirit of volunteerism is gone. It seems I am the one who sees that and the one who will do what needs to be done. It’s frustrating to be the only one who care about the organization and then more than that the only one who will actually do the work that needs done. At the sacrifice of my family. I am working for the organization to succeed and thrive and while I am doing that my family struggles. Why? Because I refuse to do a bad job at the work that is done but I feel like the work that is getting done isn’t really the best and get judged by those around (who aren’t doing as much work) that it is disorganized and incomplete. I can’t do it all. Why doesn’t anyone want to help? Why am I the one who has to stay late every night finishing. Why am I the only one who cares? It is so frustrating. Why am I putting this much effort into something my son will only be involved in for one more year? What do I get out of it?
Nothing the answer is nothing. The others in the organization that are not focused on the big picture all they want to do it what is fun and here I am grinding out the hard stuff. I said I would never do this job. It’s too labor intensive it takes me away from my family. The Hubs helps but complains all the way and then we end up exhausted at the end of Saturday instead of celebrating a win and a great game for our son we colapse at 11pm once we finally get home! I am frustrated.
I miss time for me. I miss jumping up in the morning ready to go to the gym. Now I wake up thinking, I should wash the dishes and do laundry before I go. Then I secretly want he grocery store open at 5 am so I can do groceries then and have food in the house and not have to interrupt my schedule of work, volunteering, work and more volunteering. I have cleaning and organizing to do for volunteering job today that didn’t get done at 10:30 pm Saturday when we finished up. My plan was to put a plan in place and have helpers be able to do it without me there. But there is no one willing to do that work. My gut is about to quit and say obviously no one cares so why should I?
It’s about the kids but is it really? I am going to have to do some sole searching on this right now. With the lack of help from the others in the organization to do the tough stuff not just the sit behind a keyboard or text message thread making decisions of who get that kid or the other… All I want is to make sure the kids are safe with gear and supplies I don’t want to loose my family running the business for the club and that is about how I feel this is going to end. Why is the spirit of volunteerism dead? And why do people pick and choose what they want to do and leave the hard stuff to people like me who actually care about it and will do the work….
#feelingdefeated
24 Tuesday Jul 2018
Posted in #Everyday2015, Be Present, Be You, Connection, Live in the Moment, Reboot, Sex
It has been a while since I have written. There are many reasons, the obvious or easy answer is I have been busy. The real answer is I haven’t felt that I can be honest or real and that is tragic in this blog. I have not been what I would call happy. I have missed writing and I feel like getting away from writing has separated me from some of my feelings, honestly. It has bee hard in the Earl household lately. The Hubs and I have struggled. I believe we are getting back on the right track however. When I started this in 2015 I vowed to Sex Love and Washing Clothes everyday (#everyday2015). I was writing this blog to help teach women that being just a mom and wife was okay and to give purpose to myself, so I created Sex Love and Washing Clothes. It superficially helped my relationship back in 2015, gave the Hubs what he desired (more sex) and gave me purpose in my writing ans sharing my story with others like myself who needed to feel whole and were “just a mom.” Well, part way into that year I went back to work because I wanted to help our family afford a new car and help take pressure off the Hubs for the whole financial liability. So I went from being a stay at home mom to being a working mom and at one point I was working two jobs. To say the least the focus of my purpose got lost. It took a turn away from the original purpose and life got in the way…
I still did Sex Love and Washing Clothes everyday in 2015. In 2016 we kept it up pretty well and then I went into private practice and had many struggles to stay happy in our relationship. We spent 2017 trying to figure out how our family could survive with my being in private practice and decided I should work from home. So in 2018 I have been working my private practice from home and starting to feel settled and good together again. It has been rough. Many days I have thought about just giving up and writing a divorce blog. But we are stubborn and won’t give up that easily. Which brings me here today. Writing for me has been to justify my feelings and process my emotions. I just bought the book by Daniel Goleman called Emotional Intelligence. I am familiar with Emotional Intelligence and it is very important to understand that it comes from within.
In relationships understanding your emotions, where they come from and the fact that you are solely responsible for them is a valuable lesson. What you do with your emotions is on you. Being happy makes you more desirable and makes more people want to be with you. You have to own your happiness. Your partner can contribute to that happiness but they cannot provide that happiness, it’s a hard lesson sometimes to learn but once learned both people in a relationship can take their happiness to the next level. I am ready for the next level. Let’s do this and see what kind of sex comes out of it… I am ready to get back to writing about the crazy things in life and inspiring lovers to take it to the next level!
We are looking forward to changing our ways and living happy! Join us friends, it’s a choice come along with our journey!
#Change2018
12 Thursday Apr 2018
Posted in Be Present, Hump Day Challenge, Just Do It, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes
Tags
Hump Day, Hump Day Challenge, Porn, porn and poking, Relax, Sex
It’s late but we need a Hump Day Challenge. It’s tough because the Hubs is gone right now. I have struggled with Hump Day Challenges lately. Our lives have been busy and the relationship is tough when you feel overwhelmed and stressed and that makes sex tough. When I started this blog it was to capitalize on our great sex to ground our marriage in. But lately the great sex is not coming as easy, our kids are getting older, staying up later (our bedrooms are in a line) they are more interested in what we are doing and they are busy multiple sports competitions and involved in school projects etc. Makes a sex life tricky! So many excuses! So here we go Ruby it’s time to get help. I pulled out my drawer in my night stand and saw my superhotsex deck by Tracey Cox. It’s a deck of cards (flash card size) that have suggestions of sexual session topics. Very interesting and detailed! Use tools like this to spice up your sex life! Don’t be shy get open minded and let down those walls of judgement!
Today I drew randomly and pulled a “lust lessons and fantasies” card titled Porn Versus Plot. I have written a few Porn and Poking Hump Day Challenges so this is the direction we are going to go again. If you have your own pull those out and put them in the DVD or Blue Ray player or whatever device you use. Some people have a subscription to a magazine or website or others use free sites such as Worldsex.com. Pick one a motion picture version. Male fantasies tends to be more direct up close and getting it on very visual focused on the act of sex and the physicalness they usually don’t care what the people look like as long as they see dick and pussy or even up close girl on girl. Women on the other hand usually prefer at least a little bit of plot and romance and pretty people. They want to see a hot guy come up and be romantic watch him licking her pussy and other tantalizing pleasurable fore play actions, where as the men typically gravitate right to the sex.
My challenge to you is to grab your laptop or pull up your videos on the big screen if you prefer, and find your favorite scene. Scrolling through a website works well for this because you have the thumbnails to preview what your clicking on. Watch a few scenes feel free to click away if you land on one that you don’t like. (If your new to porn it will be when you both get warmed up and stop feeling weirded out by this exercise) Choose what you like. If the site you are on has a section for categories it may be easy to pick out one. Each of you pick your favorite category and possibly your favorite video. Note to the opposite partner the videos she/he chooses are what turns her/him on, so take notes on what you see and what you hear for future reference.
My suggestion is you both choose a video once you get enough of each others decide on one, maybe one of the same you chose or pick a new clip to watch and copy what you see or at least start to copy what you see. Maybe he starts going down on her and he goes down on you then you take off on your own sexcapade! The sexual energy you will feel from the movie and each other should be enough to take you through your whole sex session into a very fulfilling orgasm. You may not make it that far you might want to watch a few less warm up videos, use your judgement.
Remember to relax. If something comes up that makes you or your partner uncomfortable, turn it off because it’s not for you. Don’t ever pressure your partner to do or see things that make them uncomfortable! If you like it and your partner is cringing…still, turn it off! Talk about it later but tonight is for you and your partner to have fun and use the fantasy aspect of watching porn and figure out what you like. Maybe you will learn a new technique. Don’t be judgmental, if people in the movie are doing things you don’t like, don’t judge your partner for liking that, maybe they can teach you how to like it so be a little open minded but be honest with each other. Communication is important. Don’t get pissed at your man for getting turned on by two hot girls with one man. Just because he enjoys the fantasy on the screen does not me he is going to to act it out later, nor is she fellas! Trust is important porn can be used as a very good foreplay tool if you let it.
So go have some fun take your time and enjoy each other as you play voyeur and see what you like and play out some of those fantasies in real life!
Go fuck and be merry!
#HumpDayChallenge2018
10 Tuesday Apr 2018
Tags
Family Vacation!, give yourself grace, hangovers are normal, Marriage takes work!, Self Care, Take the time to take care of yourself
Today is Monday after our much needed and very relaxing vacation. Am I the only one who has a weird lull after vacation. I usually plan that Monday off to be able to regroup unpack, do laundry etc. during those days seem to be kind of depressing, the sad reality that you just don’t have that elated vacation feeling like you can do everything and fix all your problems just after one week off. You are met with the real life situation and now have to take action or you realize you thought it out and solved the problem but forgot your biggest road block is…reality. Or maybe you’re like me and decide you will be different. This time you will unpack right away keep the clutter gone and not let things pile up but then you realize you bring a pile with you back from vacation. And as much as the sun lured you into believing you were a changed woman who would relish at the opportunity to be proactive with laundry you come home to realize that it still doesn’t make your heart sing the way that sun on you cheeks and the warmth on your skin did. You realize you are still you…wait is that just me?
Then to top it off for me the Hubs left for a work trip today as well. I do want to admit that I know the reality that if I didn’t live with The Hubs I would either be on TLC’s Hoarders or My 600 Pound Life. The way I treat myself when he is gone is absolutely astounding and disgusting. I let myself eat crap, I let my kids eat crap. I count down the minutes until he leaves to have a donuts or eat a whole large pizza. Today after weighing in last night on my first day of my weight loss challenge I had a chocolate Easter Bunny for breakfast (I told this to my girlfriend and she laughed out loud at me because I said I ate a Easter Bunny for breakfast) She was probably confused because of my low carb diet she probably was laughing out of shear disgust that I may have eaten a real bunny like maybe roadkill cafe style or something. Then I fed the kids Taco Bell for dinner with a side of jelly beans and yes I had that too. I had a list of chores a mile long I got a couple started maybe one done but really it seems like I still have a list a mile and a half long.
I spent a lot of time on Facebook today. Am I bored? Do I need attention? Am I sad or lonely. Yes probably lonely the kids were at school the Hubs is away and I have spent the last week with two or more extra people in the same house with our family. It is quite a change. It’s like a crazy morning after or weird hangover. When the kids used to go to Grandma’s for the weekend when they were little they would come home with these crazy cranky attitudes. I always called it the Grandma Hangover. (One Grandma got pretty offended by that term) I seriously believe in this though and now I think I have the vacation hang over. Not puking from drinking although I had one of those the other day, it’s a weird crazy let down from Vacation!
How to combat this? Well two weeks ago in my therapist’s office I scheduled my next appointment for tomorrow. Thinking the Hubs will be gone it will be after vacation I might need time to process how it went how to proceed with the week (or it may have been her only opening for the next two weeks) but I feel like I kind of need it. When the Hubs is gone I get a lot of time to think. Which I don’t take often enough and that day after vacation I am always filled with thoughts so doing this all at the same time is different for me. One therapist told me one day to allow myself to be me give myself more of what I want and my response was “I don’t even know what I want” I am too busy being wife and mom and make them all happy I don’t think of me.
Dude, you would think I have some really messed up mental health state right? Schizophrenia or maybe BiPolar or even clinical or manic depression but no. I don’t, my message here is that I need a therapist to help me process, and I have no diagnosed condition. I know I a m not alone in this. If left alone I may create some horrible story about why I feel this way. What did my mother or father do to me in childhood that made me like this. What did the hubs say that made me so angry or what did he not say to make me so sad and lonely. That’s called blame and, folks the reality in my uneducated opinion is this is what real life is. You don’t have to be schizo or even clinically depressed or diagnosed with any psychosis to experience some mental health struggles. To get help or even need help with a counselor or a self help book or meditation trainer is not a sign of weakness or breaking down to the mental condition it is taking control and teaching yourself how to handle the mental condition associated with real life.
I am not saying there is no diagnosed psychosis or that a patient can just decide to snap out of it or fix it with out drugs or treatment, what I am suggesting is that this condition we call life sometimes does not need a diagnosis to need treatment. Get that treatment. Go to a counselor or talk to your pastor or a good friend. Don’t self medicate, and don’t beat yourself up internally with your words or worse by hurting yourself or anyone else for that matter! Find what works for you, if you don’t you may push away those you love by blaming them or by just being withdrawn. Go exercise what I didn’t do today. Eat right the brain needs fuel to process emotions in life. Take care of you. One step in self care is to take that vacation another is to get back to taking care of being healthy when you come back from vacation. Sometimes Self care involves mental health counselors, massage therapists to help with your pain or your stress or to just give you an hour of time away. It involves nutrition, exercise and brain work. Don’t be afraid to do it, figure out what it is that you need for your mental health and be your mental health advocate. Always do your best it is okay to take time to figure it out but figure it out, don’t give up!.
I don’t want this to turn political, which it kind of did for a minute we need to take care of our mental health because that is who is taking care of our families and kids. Whatever your role is, your kids need the best mom, dad, brother, sister, uncle, or grandparent that you can be your family deserves the best you! I tell mom’s all the time, don’t you want your family to have the healthiest mom they can have, don’t you think that mom will be better than the tired run down ill taken care of thing you are? Treat yourself the way you want your family to be treated! Take care of you, you owe it to them!
#Selfcare2018
05 Thursday Apr 2018
Posted in Uncategorized
Vacation gives you perspective of why you work so hard! You work hard to have the best life with those you love the most!
It’s day 6 of vacation for the Earl family! It has been so nice. Escaping reality is always good! The Hubs had been quite stressed befor we left! He needed to get away, we all did. Sometimes you get so burried with bills and work and time that you don’t have time to breathe and you can’t see the reasons why you do what you do. What’s the freaking point? When all I have to do is get up tomorrow morning and go to work then take care of what seems like an ungrateful family? To go to bed so tired and have “nothing” to show for the work I put in for the day. Sometimes adulting and life can get depressing. Especially if you don’t take time out and enjoy it. Sure, when you take that time off, you may end up with less money in the bank or a bigger credit card balance but how you feel matters more. Making memories with your family remembering that you like spending time with them. I promise you do!
My message is, yes life really sucks sometimes. The grind the lack of appreciation especially from your kids that you go through everyday! I promise, it’s worth it. You work to live and part of living costs the money that you make working but that’s why you work. Your bank account will not matter when sitting on your death bed or when you watch your daughter drive off to college.
Don’t miss the opportunity to enjoy the life you are making for your kids. This is how you appreciate your family, you spend time!
Be grateful, not every moment is promised! Be responsible, pay your bills, but don’t forget to budget time and money to enjoy your life that you are working so hard for!
I am so appreciative of the hubs who takes care of the adult things so I can dream and plan these forced times for him to take time to enjoy. Yes, sometimes I have to force him to take time out of being an adult! These moments we remind each other that we balance each other. That’s why we were attracted to each other in the first place. I love having the moments with my family!
#Springbreak2018
02 Monday Apr 2018
Posted in Uncategorized
Hello from vacation! I want to get back to blogging and maybe vacation is the best time to get back into it. Problem is, writing takes time! Good writi
ng takes more time and editing, even more. I want to write more. I also want to work out more and I want to spend more quality time with family. How do I get that balance in my life? Who the fuck knows! So many topics in my head that I want to write about, but not enough time.
Anyway, it is Monday of vacation, we have until Friday! So 4 more days here. We really needed a break from reality. Being at the in-laws house is a nice way to escape adulthood. Hopefully it will recharge us enough to accomplish some much needed relaxation and energy to rehab our lives, relationships and psyche in general. So far so good. It’s nice to be less on edge, we were getting to the point that everything was an emotional break down and it only took something small to open up a great big fight!
I am going back to vacay right now. I am hoping to gather as much good juju in my life and love and family. We really needed it! It’s time to be honest with ourselves and take time for ourselves and be grateful for what we have. I love my family and love my life and am happy to have the opportunity for all of us to enjoy each other!
#Vacation2018
14 Wednesday Mar 2018
Posted in Hump Day Challenge, Sex, XXX
Today is the perfect day to get back here to start Hump Day Challenges again. Maybe tomorrow I will post a life update so you all can know where I’ve been and what I am thinking. But today is National Steak and Blow Job Day. Which basically was a male joke gone viral but hey, this is Sex Love and Washing clothes and it’s Wednesday and my sexual creativity lately has been lacking so here we go! Apparently some guys are all bitter over spending money for Valentines Day a month ago so they created this cute ‘holiday’. Ok, I’m down, I’ll play!
Today’s Hump Day Challenge is a Blow Job or Cunnilingus for the ladies. There is no slang for Cunnilingus for the ladies when I hear Blow Job however I think of Cunnilingus as the a blow job too, it is a female version. However I don’t think of cunnilingus as as much of a job as Fellatio… anyway digression! Women can get Blow Jobs too!
Give your lover oral sex! For the sake of this hump day challenge Steak is optional but who wants to miss out on a reason to have steak? Lick, suck and slobber your way to your partners orgasm! Then lay back and allow him to return the favor! Some like raunchy loud and slurpy the louder the dirtier the better. Yet others like to be quiet and pretty but I don’t care just do it and enjoy it! Relax and have fun giving your lover pleasure. Remember this is not just to the Male aspect of Blow Jobs it is to both partners. I am already excited for this one! Go get you some!
#SteakandBJ2018
