It’s Up To You

24 Tuesday Jul 2018

Posted by in #Everyday2015, Be Present, Be You, Connection, Live in the Moment, Reboot, Sex

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Happiness is a choiceIt has been a while since I have written. There are many reasons, the obvious or easy answer is I have been busy. The real answer is I haven’t felt that I can be honest or real and that is tragic in this blog. I have not been what I would call happy. I have missed writing and I feel like getting away from writing has separated me from some of my feelings, honestly. It has bee hard in the Earl household lately. The Hubs and I have struggled. I believe we are getting back on the right track however. When I started this in 2015 I vowed to Sex Love and Washing Clothes everyday (#everyday2015). I was writing this blog to help teach women that being just a mom and wife was okay and to give purpose to myself, so I created Sex Love and Washing Clothes. It superficially helped my relationship back in 2015, gave the Hubs what he desired (more sex) and gave me purpose in my writing ans sharing my story with others like myself who needed to feel whole and were “just a mom.” Well, part way into that year I went back to work because I wanted to help our family afford a new car and help take pressure off the Hubs for the whole financial liability. So I went from being a stay at home mom to being a working mom and at one point I was working two jobs. To say the least the focus of my purpose got lost. It took a turn away from the original purpose and life got in the way…

I still did Sex Love and Washing Clothes everyday in 2015. In 2016 we kept it up pretty well and then I went into private practice and had many struggles to stay happy in our relationship. We spent 2017 trying to figure out how our family could survive with my being in private practice and decided I should work from home. So in 2018 I have been working my private practice from home and starting to feel settled and good together again. It has been rough. Many days I have thought about just giving up and writing a divorce blog. But we are stubborn and won’t give up that easily. Which brings me here today. Writing for me has been to justify my feelings and process my emotions. I just bought the book by Daniel Goleman called Emotional Intelligence. I am familiar with Emotional Intelligence and it is very important to understand that it comes from within.

In relationships understanding your emotions, where they come from and the fact that you are solely responsible for them is a valuable lesson. What you do with your emotions is on you. Being happy makes you more desirable and makes more people want to be with you. You have to own your happiness. Your partner can contribute to that happiness but they cannot provide that happiness, it’s a hard lesson sometimes to learn but once learned both people in a relationship can take their happiness to the next level. I am ready for the next level. Let’s do this and see what kind of sex comes out of it… I am ready to get back to writing about the crazy things in life and inspiring lovers to take it to the next level!

We are looking forward to changing our ways and living happy! Join us friends, it’s a choice come along with our journey!

#Change2018

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Porn vs Plot

12 Thursday Apr 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Hump Day Challenge, Just Do It, Sex, Sex Love and Washing Clothes

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couple watching porn

It’s late but we need a Hump Day Challenge. It’s tough because the Hubs is gone right now. I have struggled with Hump Day Challenges lately. Our lives have been busy and the relationship is tough when you feel overwhelmed and stressed and that makes sex tough. When I started this blog it was to capitalize on our great sex to ground our marriage in. But lately the great sex is not coming as easy, our kids are getting older, staying up later (our bedrooms are in a line) they are more interested in what we are doing and they are busy multiple sports competitions and involved in school projects etc. Makes a sex life tricky! So many excuses! So here we go Ruby it’s time to get help. I pulled out my drawer in my night stand and saw my superhotsex deck by Tracey Cox. It’s a deck of cards (flash card size) that have suggestions of sexual session topics. Very interesting and detailed! Use tools like this to spice up your sex life! Don’t be shy get open minded and let down those walls of judgement!

Today I drew randomly and pulled a “lust lessons and fantasies” card titled Porn Versus Plot. I have written a few Porn and Poking Hump Day Challenges so this is the direction we are going to go again. If you have your own pull those out and put them in the DVD or Blue Ray player or whatever device you use. Some people have a subscription to a magazine or website or others use free sites such as Worldsex.com. Pick one a motion picture version. Male fantasies tends to be more direct up close and getting it on very visual focused on the act of sex and the physicalness they usually don’t care what the people look like as long as they see dick and pussy or even up close girl on girl. Women on the other hand usually prefer at least a little bit of plot and romance and pretty people. They want to see a hot guy come up and be romantic watch him licking her pussy and other tantalizing pleasurable fore play actions, where as the men typically gravitate right to the sex.

My challenge to you is to grab your laptop or pull up your videos on the big screen if you prefer, and find your favorite scene. Scrolling through a website works well for this because you have the thumbnails to preview what your clicking on. Watch a few scenes feel free to click away if you land on one that you don’t like. (If your new to porn it will be when you both get warmed up and stop feeling weirded out by this exercise) Choose what you like. If the site you are on has a section for categories it may be easy to pick out one. Each of you pick your favorite category and possibly your favorite video. Note to the opposite partner the videos she/he chooses are what turns her/him on, so take notes on what you see and what you hear for future reference.

My suggestion is you both choose a video once you get enough of each others decide on one, maybe one of the same you chose or pick a new clip to watch and copy what you see or at least start to copy what you see. Maybe he starts going down on her and he goes down on you then you take off on your own sexcapade! The sexual energy you will feel from the movie and each other should be enough to take you through your whole sex session into a very fulfilling orgasm. You may not make it that far you might want to watch a few less warm up videos, use your judgement.

Remember to relax. If something comes up that makes you or your partner uncomfortable, turn it off because it’s not for you. Don’t ever pressure your partner to do or see things that make them uncomfortable! If you like it and your partner is cringing…still, turn it off! Talk about it later but tonight is for you and your partner to have fun and use the fantasy aspect of watching porn and figure out what you like. Maybe you will learn a new technique. Don’t be judgmental, if people in the movie are doing things you don’t like, don’t judge your partner for liking that, maybe they can teach you how to like it so be a little open minded but be honest with each other. Communication is important. Don’t get pissed at your man for getting turned on by two hot girls with one man. Just because he enjoys the fantasy on the screen does not me he is going to to act it out later, nor is she fellas! Trust is important porn can be used as a very good foreplay tool if you let it.

So go have some fun take your time and enjoy each other as you play voyeur and see what you like and play out some of those fantasies in real life!

Go fuck and be merry!

#HumpDayChallenge2018

Monday after Vacation

10 Tuesday Apr 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Relax, Self Care, Take the time to take care of yourself, Working Mom

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sometimes

Today is Monday after our much needed and very relaxing vacation. Am I the only one who has a weird lull after vacation. I usually plan that Monday off to be able to regroup unpack, do laundry etc. during those days seem to be kind of depressing, the sad reality that you just don’t have that elated vacation feeling like you can do everything and fix all your problems just after one week off. You are met with the real life situation and now have to take action or you realize you thought it out and solved the problem but forgot your biggest road block is…reality. Or maybe you’re like me and decide you will be different. This time you will unpack right away keep the clutter gone and not let things pile up but then you realize you bring a pile with you back from vacation. And as much as the sun lured you into believing you were a changed woman who would relish at the opportunity to be proactive with laundry you come home to realize that it still doesn’t make your heart sing the way that sun on you cheeks and the warmth on your skin did. You realize you are still you…wait is that just me?

Then to top it off for me the Hubs left for a work trip today as well. I do want to admit that I know the reality that if I didn’t live with The Hubs I would either be on TLC’s Hoarders or My 600 Pound Life. The way I treat myself when he is gone is absolutely astounding and disgusting. I let myself eat crap, I let my kids eat crap. I count down the minutes until he leaves to have a donuts or eat a whole large pizza. Today after weighing in last night on my first day of my weight loss challenge I had a chocolate Easter Bunny for breakfast (I told this to my girlfriend and she laughed out loud at me because I said I ate a Easter Bunny for breakfast) She was probably confused because of my low carb diet she probably was laughing out of shear disgust that I may have eaten a real bunny like maybe roadkill cafe style or something. Then I fed the kids Taco Bell for dinner with a side of jelly beans and yes I had that too. I had a list of chores a mile long I got a couple started maybe one done but really it seems like I still have a list a mile and a half long.

I spent a lot of time on Facebook today. Am I bored? Do I need attention? Am I sad or lonely. Yes probably lonely the kids were at school the Hubs is away and I have spent the last week with two or more extra people in the same house with our family. It is quite a change. It’s like a crazy morning after or weird hangover. When the kids used to go to Grandma’s for the weekend when they were little they would come home with these crazy cranky attitudes. I always called it the Grandma Hangover. (One Grandma got pretty offended by that term) I seriously believe in this though and now I think I have the vacation hang over. Not puking from drinking although I had one of those the other day, it’s a weird crazy let down from Vacation!

How to combat this? Well two weeks ago in my therapist’s office I scheduled my next appointment for tomorrow. Thinking the Hubs will be gone it will be after vacation I might need time to process how it went how to proceed with the week (or it may have been her only opening for the next two weeks) but I feel like I kind of need it. When the Hubs is gone I get a lot of time to think. Which I don’t take often enough and that day after vacation I am always filled with thoughts so doing this all at the same time is different for me. One therapist told me one day to allow myself to be me give myself more of what I want and my response was “I don’t even know what I want” I am too busy being wife and mom and make them all happy I don’t think of me.

Dude, you would think I have some really messed up mental health state right? Schizophrenia or maybe BiPolar or even clinical or manic depression but no. I don’t, my message here is that I need a therapist to help me process, and I have no diagnosed condition. I know I a m not alone in this. If left alone I may create some horrible story about why I feel this way. What did my mother or father do to me in childhood that made me like this. What did the hubs say that made me so angry or what did he not say to make me so sad and lonely. That’s called blame and, folks the reality in my uneducated opinion is this is what real life is. You don’t have to be schizo or even clinically depressed or diagnosed with any psychosis to experience some mental health struggles. To get help or even need help with a counselor or a self help book or meditation trainer is not a sign of weakness or breaking down to the mental condition it is taking control and teaching yourself how to handle the mental condition associated with real life.

I am not saying there is no diagnosed psychosis or that a patient can just decide to snap out of it or fix it with out drugs or treatment, what I am suggesting is that this condition we call life sometimes does not need a diagnosis to need treatment. Get that treatment. Go to a counselor or talk to your pastor or a good friend. Don’t self medicate, and don’t beat yourself up internally with your words or worse by hurting yourself or anyone else for that matter! Find what works for you, if you don’t you may push away those you love by blaming them or by just being withdrawn. Go exercise what I didn’t do today. Eat right the brain needs fuel to process emotions in life. Take care of you. One step in self care is to take that vacation another is to get back to taking care of being healthy when you come back from vacation. Sometimes Self care involves mental health counselors, massage therapists to help with your pain or your stress or to just give you an hour of time away. It involves nutrition, exercise and brain work. Don’t be afraid to do it, figure out what it is that you need for your mental health and be your mental health advocate. Always do your best it is okay to take time to figure it out but figure it out, don’t give up!.

I don’t want this to turn political, which it kind of did for a minute we need to take care of our mental health because that is who is taking care of our families and kids. Whatever your role is, your kids need the best mom, dad, brother, sister, uncle, or grandparent that you can be your family deserves the best you! I tell mom’s all the time, don’t you want your family to have the healthiest mom they can have, don’t you think that mom will be better than the tired run down ill taken care of thing you are? Treat yourself the way you want your family to be treated! Take care of you, you owe it to them!

#Selfcare2018

Take the time off!

05 Thursday Apr 2018

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Vacation gives you perspective of why you work so hard! You work hard to have the best life with those you love the most!

It’s day 6 of vacation for the Earl family! It has been so nice. Escaping reality is always good! The Hubs had been quite stressed befor we left! He needed to get away, we all did. Sometimes you get so burried with bills and work and time that you don’t have time to breathe and you can’t see the reasons why you do what you do. What’s the freaking point? When all I have to do is get up tomorrow morning and go to work then take care of what seems like an ungrateful family? To go to bed so tired and have “nothing” to show for the work I put in for the day. Sometimes adulting and life can get depressing. Especially if you don’t take time out and enjoy it. Sure, when you take that time off, you may end up with less money in the bank or a bigger credit card balance but how you feel matters more. Making memories with your family remembering that you like spending time with them. I promise you do!

My message is, yes life really sucks sometimes. The grind the lack of appreciation especially from your kids that you go through everyday! I promise, it’s worth it. You work to live and part of living costs the money that you make working but that’s why you work. Your bank account will not matter when sitting on your death bed or when you watch your daughter drive off to college.

Don’t miss the opportunity to enjoy the life you are making for your kids. This is how you appreciate your family, you spend time!

Be grateful, not every moment is promised! Be responsible, pay your bills, but don’t forget to budget time and money to enjoy your life that you are working so hard for!

I am so appreciative of the hubs who takes care of the adult things so I can dream and plan these forced times for him to take time to enjoy. Yes, sometimes I have to force him to take time out of being an adult! These moments we remind each other that we balance each other. That’s why we were attracted to each other in the first place. I love having the moments with my family!

#Springbreak2018

Much Needed Vacation Update

02 Monday Apr 2018

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Hello from vacation! I want to get back to blogging and maybe vacation is the best time to get back into it. Problem is, writing takes time! Good writivacationsng takes more time and editing, even more. I want to write more. I also want to work out more and I want to spend more quality time with family. How do I get that balance in my life? Who the fuck knows! So many topics in my head that I want to write about, but not enough time.

Anyway, it is Monday of vacation, we have until Friday! So 4 more days here. We really needed a break from reality. Being at the in-laws house is a nice way to escape adulthood. Hopefully it will recharge us enough to accomplish some much needed relaxation and energy to rehab our lives, relationships and psyche in general. So far so good. It’s nice to be less on edge, we were getting to the point that everything was an emotional break down and it only took something small to open up a great big fight!

I am going back to vacay right now. I am hoping to gather as much good juju in my life and love and family. We really needed it! It’s time to be honest with ourselves and take time for ourselves and be grateful for what we have. I love my family and love my life and am happy to have the opportunity for all of us to enjoy each other!

#Vacation2018

XXX-Steak and BJ Day!

14 Wednesday Mar 2018

Posted by in Hump Day Challenge, Sex, XXX

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steak and bj dayToday is the perfect day to get back here to start Hump Day Challenges again. Maybe tomorrow I will post a life update so you all can know where I’ve been and what I am thinking. But today is National Steak and Blow Job Day. Which basically was a male joke gone viral but hey, this is Sex Love and Washing clothes and it’s Wednesday and my sexual creativity lately has been lacking so here we go! Apparently some guys are all bitter over spending money for Valentines Day a month ago so they created this cute ‘holiday’. Ok, I’m down, I’ll play!

Today’s Hump Day Challenge is a Blow Job or Cunnilingus for the ladies. There is no slang for Cunnilingus for the ladies when I hear Blow Job however I think of Cunnilingus as the a blow job too, it is a female version. However I don’t think of cunnilingus as as much of a job as Fellatio… anyway digression! Women can get Blow Jobs too!

Give your lover oral sex! For the sake of this hump day challenge Steak is optional but who wants to miss out on a reason to have steak? Lick, suck and slobber your way to your partners orgasm! Then lay back and allow him to return the favor! Some like raunchy loud and slurpy the louder the dirtier the better. Yet others like to be quiet and pretty but I don’t care just do it and enjoy it! Relax and have fun giving your lover pleasure. Remember this is not just to the Male aspect of Blow Jobs it is to both partners. I am already excited for this one! Go get you some!

#SteakandBJ2018

Where’d You Go?

15 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by in Be Present, Be You, Don't judge me, Reboot

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I just received a question if I really decided to quit blogging. I have not. I have considered it. I miss blogging everyday and being free to write about anything I want. I still am free to write about anything but I have placed judgements on myself lately and that has made me censor myself. I don’t like that. I don’t want to censor myself. I love my writing to be open and honest and real. But lately I have censored myself and I hate that I need to relax and just fucking write my feelings, thoughts and encouragement.

To my readers who have been wanting to hear from me, apologies. I will be back. I want to be back better than ever! I am having self esteem issues. I am being super judgemental of my everything. My inner prude is coming out again with my conservative parenting. What happened to my “Fuck It” attitude?

Maybe now I just have too much to lose? Stop fucking judging yourself Ruby!

Maybe if I win the HGTV Dream house tomorrow and don’t need an income it will come back sooner. Maybe if I can learn how to make some money blogging or writing, then I can make it my second job and put in the energy I really should in order to have a successful blog!

Anyway that’s the update in my this here Ruby Earl! I am still here, I have not left you. Just needed some time to rethink and reset…

#SLWC2018

The Boy Sex Talk

08 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by in Uncategorized

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lets talk sexThe boy got a call home from school today. For talking loudly about blow jobs in class! Yes, my 12 year old was talking loudly in a group about blow jobs in class while he and everyone he was talking to we’re supposed to be working on their writing assessments… Which happens to be 80% of his grade! As a mom I am mortified! I am embarrassed! I am pissed that my son doesn’t even know how to hold this conversation in until lunch it keep it quiet! He has had problems with disrespect lately! He has always had a hard time knowing when things are appropriate but I would think by now he would have figured that out!

I have never talked sex with my son. The Hubs said he has been handling the birds and the bees talk… The teacher asked me to have a conversation with him so that he gets the information from a stable knowledgeable adult not another tween friend! OMG I am not ready for this! He was talking about blow jobs what the fuck am supposed to say to my 12 year old about blow jobs. My parents did not talk to me about sex at all. When I was the girls age I still didn’t know what a blow job was! They boy hasn’t even started puberty! I don’t know what the Hubs has said to him. So I am not sure what to do. Which is why I am writing now…to think it through.

My thought is I will have him read me the email that his teacher sent to me first. (The Hubs’ idea, he has great parenting instincts sometimes) That way he can’t skirt around the issue and then that would lead me down a path of honesty and “don’t lie to me” conversation and that will distract from the real issue. I will address the appropriateness of this conversation during class time and in public. I will address the volume of his voice and his cavalier attitude and flat out disrespect for the privacy of this subject.

Then I will open it up for questions that he may have. Then We will talk about sex what I think about sex and his age. How to respect women around the subject of sex. I was dumped by a boy that I would not have sex with when I was in 8th grade! I am too young to be a grandma and that will also come up in the conversation!

Lastly we will talk about respect in general. He is going to have to write me a paper about respect. What respect is. What respect means. What respect looks like. As a parent it is my goal to get my kids to respect me, authority figures, women, and rules. It is not my job to get him to like me. My goal is to teach him what respect is by showing him. He sees the Hubs and I argue a lot. We have made some mistakes in the way we are showing respect.

There are many ways to show respect. Respect your things by taking care of them. Respecting people by being nice, helping when help is needed without complaining etc… respect rules by following them. Respect women by not pushing your sexual self on them. Allowing women to have space and say in any sexual situation even if she changes her mind in the middle of it. Show respect by saying Thank you even when you are given something you didn’t want. Show respect by not talking back to someone. Using soft start ups when you bring up subjects that may be negative or complaints….

There is a lot to this tonight. I have just over an hour as he has a basket ball game tonight that I have to get him to. It needs to be address directly and respectfully. I want to go a little old school and say what my parents said “No sex until your married! DON’T GET AIDS!”  Actually that’s what the church said I added the don’t get AIDS part in my head, I really had not guidance when it came to sex and now sex is awkward to me. It’s getting more awkward now that I have kids I have to talk about sex to! I want to cry! This is too much! God must really think I am a bad ass because he only gives you what you can handle right??? I’m not ready for this. Then I am reminded where I ended up with the way I was brought up and the way the Hubs ended up the way he was brought up. Neither one of our parents talked to us about sex except to say don’t do it. We both have issues on the opposite end of the spectrum me sort of negative and prudish and the Hubs sort of Free for all freakish in his appetite and desires and expectations. We are working to get our sex drives and lives to match up, if only we could talk about sex easier it would be better. Hey maybe this will open up my closed off prudish part of me with the Hubs too….

And just like that I go to OMG I write a blog about Sex Love and Washing Clothes I have not been the best model of what a healthy sex life is not that he can read this my blog is protect 18 and over, I better check that and no one knows my real name….. I did not cause this but if there is misinformation that my son has about sex and what is okay and what is not it’s because I have not taken the time to parent him enough. It’s time to step it up Ruby! Be Bold, be honest, be loving and open and talk with your boy!

#SLWC2018

p.s. I am considering giving up this blog until they greaduate high school it’s starting to feel weird and I”m wondering if I should censor myself. What happens if they know their mom has a sometimes xrated blog. I know this is judging and it’s separate but…what if….

Feel Good

06 Tuesday Feb 2018

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Feel-Good-Do-Good

Happy Titties Tuesday! It is carpet cleaning day at my house! I am not even wearing a titties shirt today but every Tuesday is Titties Tuesday, right? It is for me especially when you are packing around these DDDs…..

Anyway, getting the carpets cleaned today has made me realize that there is a lot of random clutter than needs to be gone through in this house. The house is pretty well put together and organized but small pieces of clutter have piled up around the edges and what great opportunity to get it out of here before putting it back after the carpets are clean!

Today I have spent some time marketing. I did my first Facebook live video! I think I had two viewers which I am okay with since I am super new and not super comfortable with everything yet. It was good. I applied my new makeup told why I was doing this side business and plugged my massage business. I enjoyed the live video. I just talked like there was someone right there next to me watching me put on my make up! A little tutorial while I was doing it as well. It was fun. Next time will be better, I just have to decide how often to do that. The marketing world is moving to video, so it’s time to get comfortable in front of the camera. Now, I just have to figure out how to incorporate video more in my massage business as well.

What are you doing for Titties Tuesday? We are doing a family night movie tonight and then after the movie and bed time for the kids, The Hubs and I will have to make a Titties Tuesday event! Maybe we can go out to our favorite Brewery and grab their Special Brew with Chocolate pairing before they run out. This will be our first date night since Dry January and I have to say, I am looking forward to it. I am hoping for less drama and relaxation from the Hubs.

In general, I am trying to get comfortable with my current existence right now. Massage is super slow so I am trying embracing the homemaker side. (Like getting the carpets cleaned and decluttering.) I was going to bake today but decided to clean up the kitchen first, then realized I didn’t have time to before I have to go get the Girl at school. I have been trying to honor myself and giving myself space to feel my emotions and figure out what it is that I want to do with me. Do I want to be business woman me and run a Private Practice or do I want to run this house. The business needs more attention from me if I am going to do that. I am not good at being a home maker.

Maybe this side business deal is what will work, however I am not a good sales person! I promote women feeling better and self care not a make up product, or any product, same thing with Essential Oils. I love to introduce things to women that might help their lives be healthier or prettier or make them feel better but to close that sale…that’s not me. I just want to make women feel better, have more confidence, love themselves better and in turn love their families better!

That is why I started this blog! The Hubs is right, for me it’s all about Feels. Fortunately, I have a husband who has a job that affords e eh opportunity that I can do that, have a job where I focus on the feels and don’t have to focus on the money. But money would help how can I get a well paying job and worry about the feels and not the logistics of money, sales and recruiting clients?….I will continue doing what I am doing right now, because today for the first time in a long time it feels right today.

#SLWC2018

Marketing Monday

05 Monday Feb 2018

Posted by in Business, Do Your Thing, Mondays, Nothing Meaningful, Working Mom

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Today was a day of marketing! I am struggling in my business. Right now it is slow. I need more business. I don’t need a “full time” schedule but I need more than I am getting.

I am trying a new thing. I am offering a class that I have wanted to offer for a long time! It’s a couples massage class! Well, I have reserved the space and need to fill the room now so it’s time to get the marketing going and fill the class!

I also picked up another side business I am figuring out how to market that. Mostly because I want discounts in the products, I’m cheap!

It’s been a creative marketing Monday! So not too exciting here. I just need to figure out how to make money with this blog, get organized and write better, maybe I would be onto something! Anyway, it’s been a long day, hopefully you will get some content from me one of these days!

Enjoy Monday, go do your work, wash your clothes and have sex!

#SLWC2018